Chapter 14

Karen stuffsa tortilla chip in her mouth while Kayla takes a bite of her burrito. I sip on my strawberry smoothie, happy to be out to dinner with both of my friends.

I haven't done anything since the incident with Mason a few days ago. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him and what he plans to do to me.

The things he could say about me to everyone would humiliate not only me, but my father and our family. But I just don't know what else to do. If I don't lose my virginity, I'll have to lose it to him, and I won't allow that man to touch me.

Shivers erupt across my skin, like tiny spiders scurrying up my flesh.

Luckily, I haven't heard from Mason since that day. I also haven't spoken to Devlin at all since then. Of course, he still follows me, but he refuses to have a conversation of any kind. It's as though he's ignoring me.

But what else is new? I should be used to it by now. It's like whenever we get just a little closer, he pulls even further away. Those moments at the diner, the way he fed me… I can't seem to forget them. Those memories keep me warm at night when I'm at my loneliest.

"I seriously cannot believe Mason told you he's gonna take you to the doctor to check your virginity. Eww." Karen's face twists, her features warping with disgust.

I've filled both Kayla and Karen in about what happened that day. I wasn't going to. I knew Kayla would worry and Karen would tell me how I needed to lose my virginity, and I didn't want to hear it. Not then.

But now that I've had time to process it all, I think she'd be right. I just wish there was someone I could lose it to. Someone I actually had feelings for. Like Devlin…

"I swear, he's so lucky he didn't say that in front of me," she continues, dipping another chip in some guacamole. "I would have punched him in the face."

"Would've paid to see that happen." Kayla laughs before her eyes grow tense. "He hasn't hurt you, right? Because if he has, you have to tell me."

Something in her gaze turns darker, and I almost feel a chill in the air.

"No." I shake my head. "He hasn't."

Not yet… Not in the way I know he plans to.

"At least Devlin broke his finger." Karen grins at Kayla. "There is a God, after all."

We all laugh, though none of this is funny. After what Devlin did, Mason's going to be even angrier, and he's going to take it out on me.

Mason is not the right one for me. In fact, he's not the right one for anybody. The sight of him makes me want to vomit.

"I can't do this." I throw my face into my hands.

"It's why I've told you losing your virginity is the best way to get out of this engagement."

I look up at her, my heart beating so fast at the thought of spending my life with a man who will never love me. It hurts so much I can barely breathe.

I can just see it now. Unhappy. Crying. Afraid.

Why is this happening to me? I'm not a bad person.

I close my eyes, and all I see is Devlin. The way he protected me from Mason, the way he always protects me. I'm always safe with him. That's what I want in a husband. Why can't my father see that?

"You don't need to lose your virginity if you don't want to," Kayla adds. "You're in control of your body and your future."

I nod, while Karen's face falls.

"Look, I know I don't always give the best advice and you probably think I'm ridiculous and super slutty?—"

"I don't think that." I take her hand in mine. "I think you're brave and amazing and I wish I was more like you all the time."

"Aww, that's so sweet." She pouts. "But let me finish, okay?" Her expression grows sincere. "You're one of the best people I know, and I want you to be happy because you deserve that. It's why I think you have to lose your virginity, because that is how you'll be rid of that horrible guy. I know losing your virginity at the club probably sounds like an insane idea, but I don't know what other option you have."

That's because it is insane. I can't do that. How can I?

But how can you marry Mason?

Her eyes fill with the same sadness that's currently ripping through my chest.

"Devlin seriously won't help you?" Kayla asks. "Have you tried begging?" Her brows pinch with a melancholy smile.

"I've tried everything I can think of."

"Damn hardheaded idiot."

"That's why I think you have to do this at the club." Karen's attention zaps between us. "It's like the perfect place. If you don't do it there, then you have to do it with someone else, and that would be way harder. But at least there, you'll have a mask on and no one will know it's you."

Except the owner…

"Do you know who runs the club?" I ask, and her eyes immediately pop.

"Why…"

"I—I think I met him that night." I shift uncomfortably. "And I think he knew me."

"Wait, what?!"

I don't wanna tell her that he definitely knew who I was. I don't think I'm ready to fully admit it to myself either.

"Wait, he talked to you?" Her mouth pops, and she looks horrified.

"Yes, why?" I quirk a brow.

"Oh, God!" she whispers, resting her forearms on the table as she leans closer. "Okay, don't freak out, but I heard from Adam that the owners of the club are Russian Mafia."

"What?!" I shriek, practically jumping out of my seat.

A few curious eyes go to me and I give them an apologetic smile, trying to temper the strain of my quickened heartbeats.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?! I would have never gone!"

"Okay, guys, that's dangerous." Kayla leans back, concern fitting her features.

But I know she would never break my confidence and tell anyone about any of this. I trust her with my whole heart.

"That's exactly why I didn't tell you," Karen adds. "Who cares who owns the club? Not like we're doing anything that could get us killed."

"Oh my God…"

I can't believe this. The Russian Mafia…

Then again, I am the daughter of an Irish mobster. And now it makes sense why the owner knew who I was.

There's no way I can go back there now. And the fact that I was even thinking about it is insane.

I shouldn't want to go back there. But a part of me was kind of excited to go again. Maybe see that man in the mask one more time, the one who didn't talk back. It's strange, but I felt so drawn to him. Maybe I was just in a trance from the illusion of being in that environment. It's like when you step inside that place, you leave a little of yourself behind.

Maybe if I keep going back, I'll get used to it and will be brave enough to actually lose my virginity there. I've already done more than I ever thought I would.

Okay, maybe that was stupid. I think Karen is rubbing off on me too much. I'm obviously not thinking with a straight head.

But my thoughts instantly rewind back to that man. The way he felt. That tall, strong build. The way he lifted up my dress and took what he wanted. But he was gentle too.

I thought of Devlin the entire time, wanting to scream out his name, but I was afraid someone would hear. I squeeze my thighs together, imagining it was actually Devlin doing that to me.

"Oh, no." Karen narrows her eyes. "I can see the wheels turning in your head already. You"re gonna say you don"t wanna go back to the club, aren't you?"

"She shouldn't. Neither should you." Kayla gives her a stern look that she briskly ignores.

"We'll be fine!" She waves a hand in the air.

"I can't go back there."

"Oh, come on, Eriu. If you really admit it, you want to go back."

I do. I want to see that man again. The one who touched me, but never spoke a word—except once when I thought I heard him.

That voice…

It sounded so familiar, which of course is nuts.

But is some stranger really worth putting myself in danger? The Russians could use me against my family.

"There's danger everywhere," Karen adds as though taking a ride in my mind. "This is about having fun! And it looks like your days of fun may be numbered."

"Are you planning on going back to the club soon?"

"I am. This weekend."

Oh, God. That's soon.

Kayla shakes her head and folds her arms across her chest.

"Adam told me about the text that"s going to be sent out the day before the event," Karen adds. "Please tell me you're gonna come with me. I hate going alone."

"I don't know…"

"Just one more time. If you really hate it or if you feel unsafe, we don't have to go back."

"Promise?"

Am I really doing this?

Of course, the right decision would be not to go. But here I am thinking about it anyway.

Kayla grabs my hand, and our eyes lock. Worry weaves through her features.

"Please be careful. I don't want you to ever get hurt the way I—" But her words die in her throat and her jaw sets tight.

She's scared I'll fall prey to the same evil she once experienced.

I grab her forearm. "I know you're worried about me, and I appreciate that."

"There are too many evil men in the world, girls. Don't be reckless."

She forces her back straighter and picks up her drink, swallowing a few big sips.

My eyes bounce to the corner of the restaurant, where Devlin sits watching me, and every hair on my body stands up.

It only takes a single look to feel this pull between us. This energy we create drowns the air from my lungs, penetrating my pores until all I feel and know is this man I crave more than I've ever craved anything in my life.

"Would you stop looking at him?" Karen tsks. "I don't think that's going to help you get out of your upcoming marriage."

My gaze jumps to her. Blowing an exacerbated exhale, I think about the club and everything else and my head spins from these overwhelming thoughts.

I need to get out of here. I need to think.

"I'll consider it." I raise a finger to call over our waitress, who arrives immediately.

"Anything else I can do for you girls?"

"Just the check, please." I reach into my handbag to retrieve my wallet.

"Oh, that's already been taken care of," she informs us.

My brow furrows. "What? By whom?"

"That gentleman."

She points to Devlin, who nods once, and she scurries off, leaving me dumbfounded.

Why would he pay? He doesn't typically. Why now? What does it mean? Is he just being nice?

I can't stop these thoughts from flying.

Karen laughs as I rise to my feet, unable to stop looking at him.

She leans into my ear as she gets out of her chair. "Well, well, maybe someone is finally starting to show his feelings."

Is that what this is? Devlin is a puzzle that isn't easy to solve.

He throws some money on the table and gets off his chair. His face is tight as he stalks over. I swallow the bundle of nerves climbing up my throat, my body heating up the nearer he gets.

"Are you ready to go?" He reaches a hand for my elbow.

That simple touch has me gasping for air.

"Mm-hmm, all done."

He allows us to go first, and I register his body heat behind me. The closer he gets, the harder it becomes to breathe.

His hand is suddenly across my right hip. I try not to collapse to the ground from the weight of his touch, from the way my nipples bead and my thighs quiver. I love it when he touches me, even while everything in me wishes that nothing about this was innocent.

But Devlin has always been a hard shell to crack, and I'm not sure anything I do will be enough to break him.