Epilogue

LINCOLN

ONE YEAR LATER

We stare down at the beautiful black marble headstone with our fingers locked together. Today marks a year since Logan passed away, and not a day has gone by that we don't feel his absence like a fucking void between us all. No one in our family has been the same since he died, his absent light a constant reminder of what we lost, yet still we push forward as best we can.

Arthur and Helen are building a wing in his honor at the hospital where he dreamed to work, and Zack donated millions to charities for children who lost their parents. None of it made them feel any better, but I know they are just trying to adjust to living this life without him. Lily hasn't been the same since his death, cutting contact with most of us and retreating into herself. Her parents, Zack, and Max, try their best to keep her afloat, but it seems she is happy to remain drowning for now, unwilling to let them save her.

Elle and Ash set up another foundation, this one in his name, funded by them and the Kings, and she and Marcus just celebrated their one year anniversary. Cassie still talks about him all the time, and she and Ash often come here together to leave him flowers when she is feeling low. It's hard and awful, but keeping his memory alive is all we have now, and we let her feel her grief alongside us, so she knows it's okay to feel sad sometimes.

"I can't believe it's been a year," Ash mutters, his eyes somber and glossy, as he stares down at the curved stone. He unconsciously flexes his shoulder, no doubt remembering how they both suffered, and even after all this time, it still makes a rage burn inside of me.

"I wish I could say it gets better with time," I scoff with a laugh, trying to hide my own emotion, and his hand squeezes mine.

"I miss him," he breathes softly. "I miss him so fucking much it hurts." His words wreak havoc with my insides, because it doesn't matter that we have each other, we still wish we had him too.

"I know, baby, me too." I brush my thumb across the back of his hand, as a breeze sweeps through us, and light starts to peek from behind the clouds.

Grief is like the sun. Sometimes, it lights up your day like a burning hot ray, and other times, it leaves you dark, cold, and alone. Yet it's always there. Today, I let the light dance over me, embracing it like a warm hug, and remembering the boy with a sunshine smile, who made my world a little brighter. He might not be here anymore, but I still feel his light every single day.

"We should go, we don't want to be late," Ash finally sighs, stepping forward and dropping the fresh rose atop the stone, brushing his fingers across Logan's engraved name, like he is imprinting it on his soul.

I follow suit, leaving Logan my own flower, and tapping the top of his grave with my fingers, as I whisper, "Thank you."

It's the same two words I say every ti me I come here, because without him, I wouldn't know what being loved felt like, what being in love felt like, and he gave me both, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Asher drives us to the house, and I'm not surprised to find the driveway busy with familiar cars as we pull up. Elle decided that today, and every year going forward on this date, that we wouldn't wallow or drown in our grief, but celebrate the life and love Logan had. I think she just needed something to keep herself busy and distracted, but we all agreed it was a great idea.

When we reach the oversized dining room, I find we are pretty much the last to arrive, everyone already seated and chatting away, but when Elle spots us, she jumps from her seat and rounds the table.

"You're late," she scolds, flicking her loving, angry stare between us both, and Ash looks over his shoulder at me, rolling his eyes.

"It's five minutes, Hells Bells," he playfully scolds, tugging her in for a hug, before pulling back and rubbing his hand gently across her swollen stomach. "I hope this one isn't going to be as bossy as her mom and big sister, because if so we are all screwed," he laughs, making the fiery mom-to-be smirk widely.

"She's going to be a bossy little badass, whom I will teach to stab cocky assholes like you," she snaps back, cradling her very pregnant stomach.

She is still a month out from her due date, but we are still all excited to meet the newest little King princess, who has already been spoiled rotten by all of her overprotective uncles.

And speaking of King princesses…

Cassie comes running into the room heading straight for us, and doesn't stop until she is right in front of her dad, stomping her little foot. "Daddy, Cash keeps stealing my stuffies and cutting off their heads," she whines, holding up a decapitated teddy bear, and the little boy in question follows her into the room, hi s eyes sparkling in delight.

After Logan died, Jace took his recovery more seriously than ever, throwing himself into the gym he and Marcus own, and helping as many kids as he can, which is how he came across Cash. The five year old was being raised by his brother, but when he was killed in a hit and run, he was going to be placed in the system. Jace came straight to us for help, and with a few meetings, lots of letters of recommendations, and a couple of under the table money exchanges, Jace was granted his fostering license.

Cash has been living here at the house with him for a couple of months now, and let's just say, the two of them are like peas in a pod.

"Conrad," Asher yells across the room, getting my brother's attention. "How many times do I have to tell you, to keep that little heathen away from my girl."

Elle and I share a smirk, more than used to this argument between them these days, as she bends down to console Cassie about the bear, and Jace just smirks at the Dark Prince by my side.

"I told you, he likes her, and his therapist said it's good for him to mingle with other kids his age," he shrugs, as Riley hides a smile at his side.

The two of them have gone from strong to stronger, her being a constant rock at his side, and him supporting her dream of dance. Jace and I even scouted a location in town for him to buy her a dance studio, to propose with on Valentine's Day next month. And when I asked why not a diamond, he looked at me and laughed, saying she doesn't need a diamond, she needs a dance school.

Though Jace is the one who fostered Cash, Riley has been right there with him, and doesn't shy away from the hard times like most people would. "Cash," she calls, gesturing him over to the m, and I know she is going to, once again, give him a gentle scolding about damaging other people's property.

"Yeah, he will be setting her teddies on fire next if you have anything to do with it," Asher snaps back, making Cash spin back toward us with a grin.

"Fire?" He exclaims excitedly, but then Riley scolds his name again. "I mean, sorry, Cassie," he murmurs, not sounding sorry in the slightest, and I can't help but smirk, as Elle demands us all to take a seat.

Cash fights his way to be seated next to Cassie, and Ash mutters something that sounds something close to making him disappear, and I can't help but lean in and grin. "You know that kid is totally going to be your son-in-law one day, right?" I ask, and his head snaps toward me in outrage.

"Over my dead body," he grits, glaring at the five year old boy like he can make him disappear, but I focus back on everyone else with a shake of my head.

The rest of our family take a seat around the table. Cash next to Cassie, Marcus next to Elle, Riley next to Jace, Arthur next to Helen, and Zack next to her. When I flick my eyes next to the empty space beside Zack, I frown.

"No Lily?" I ask, and Helen's eyes turn watery at the mention of her daughter, as Arthur shakes his head.

"I tried to get her to come, but she refused," Zack cuts in softly, looking pained by his sister's grief. "I left Max to keep an eye on her."

It's the same response we've had any time we have all gathered together, and just like all those other times, the guilt threatens to swallow me whole. I am the reason Logan is dead, and killing Vivian didn't change that. I know it and Lily knows it, which is why she probably can't bear to be around us. Asher and I will always be a constant reminder of her brother, and I don't blame her for keeping her distance.

I feel Ash's hand on my thigh under the table, squeezing it gently, knowing I will be internally punishing myself, and I let his touch ground me. Both of us have been seeing a therapist, to help us deal with the grief of losing Logan, and we both know that we just have to take it day by day. I knew today would be hard, harder than all the others, but we are still here, and we still have the rest of our family to live for.

Elle quickly moves to start serving dinner, but Marcus scolds her, making her sit down, as he does it for her, bringing out the ridiculous amount of food from the kitchen, so we can all dig in. We eat, catch up, and then share stories about Logan, and with every one, I get to know him and miss him even more than I already did. Yet it's the perfect day.

By the time Ash and I head up to our room we are both exhausted, and when we slip into our room, I can't help but let my eyes stray to the picture above our bed. It's one of the ones Logan took of the three of us on Christmas Eve, snuggled up in our pajamas in this very room. Every time I look at it, it's like a punch to the gut at what we could have had, yet still it brings a smile to my face at the memory.

Asher moves to grab those very pajamas out of where we keep them in the bottom drawer, having decided on our own little ritual for Logan's anniversary, and we both make quick work of getting changed into them. Then we climb into bed, and he snuggles into my side, as I turn on the TV. It doesn't take me long to find the film we are looking for, and soon enough we are settling back into the cushions to remember him in a way I know he would love.

Home Alone starts to play on the screen, and the two of us laugh and cry our way through it, wishing Logan was here between us.

Then we strip each other out of our clot hes, and I fuck him slowly, basking in our love and pain, until we are both falling apart. We might have lost our light, but at least we have each other's company in the dark.

THE END.