Chapter 36

36

ASHER

W hen I was a child I used to hate Christmas, and I never really knew why. It's only now that I'm older that I realize why I never found comfort in the magic of it, and it's because there wasn't any. My mom wasn't getting us matching pajamas and building gingerbread houses with us, and my father certainly wasn't hanging around and enjoying the festive fun. It was all parties and servants, businessmen and paid for women, and there wasn't much time for anything else. The older I got the more I understood that magic wasn't real, because if it was, then surely I wouldn't have been left in hell all alone, right?

I thought I would never know the true meaning of Christmas, that I would never enjoy celebrating something most people take for granted. Yet as I sit with my daughter snuggled in my lap, surrounded by the family I chose for myself, it definitely feels a little like magic.

We look like some kind of fucked up Brady Bunch, in a sea of matching pajamas and half-eaten gingerbread houses, but the sound of my daughter's laughter settles something deep inside my chest. It was never about magic, it was about this, a family with bar ely any shared blood between them, just living their life the best they can. We've all eaten too much, and Elle and Helen have taken far too many pictures of us all, but for once I truly feel content.

When it gets to almost seven, the group starts depleting a little, with the security guys heading off first. I know most of them don't have families of their own, but a few of them have girlfriends they will be spending the day with, and some of them will be heading back here tomorrow for dinner. The Deckers seemed to have had fun joining us, but are heading out to the back house that Elle had built on the property to continue their festivities together, taking Jace with them.

Marcus and Elle are curled up together, no doubt waiting for me to take Cassie up to bed so they can sneak all of her gifts under the tree, and I take the opportunity to do just that.

"I think it's bedtime," I call out, letting everyone fall into the ruse we planned earlier, so Cassie doesn't protest, as I rise to my feet.

"Oh yes, it's getting very late, we better head up so we are asleep in time for Santa's visit," Elle replies, her face looking more excited than Cassie's, like she thinks I didn't see the extra presents she has snuck into the basement in the last couple of weeks.

The rest of them start moving slowly, cleaning up, and pretending to get ready for bed, as I cut through the living room.

"Do you really think he's going to come?" Cassie asks, wiggling excitedly in my arms, and I can't help but smile, because she knows nothing but magic, and she always will. There is no fear or anxiety, she is just filled with so much light and love, that sometimes I wonder how something so good came from something so bad.

"Of course he's going to come, Angel ," I tell her as I lead us towards the stairs. "You're the very top of his list," I lie easily, making sure she always knows just how special she is.

When we reach her room, it looks like an elf threw up in it, as Elle went all out giving her her own little orange Christmas tree, with decorations and lights on every wall. She switched out her bedsheets to Christmas themed ones, and Jace and Linc seemed to have had a battle to see who could buy the most Christmas themed stuffies.

Knocking half of them to the floor, I pull back her duvet, and then deposit her on the mattress. "Do you think Santa will bring me everything I asked for?" She asks, grabbing the penguin I know Lincoln snuck in here and cuddling it tight.

"Oh, I have it on pretty good authority that he will," I reply dryly, knowing between Elle and I, and the rest of the Rebels, we have bought every single thing on her list and then some.

Are we spoiling her too much? Yes.

Do I care? No.

I tuck her in and she snuggles down deep into her quilt, nuzzling her head into her pillow before she asks, "What's Santa bringing you, Daddy?" Her question is so innocent and pure that it melts me.

"I already have everything I need, Angel," I reply truthfully, long used to not expecting anything for Christmas, and she frowns, but before she can respond, I push on, "Actually, there's something I want to talk about with you." Her excited but tired eyes focus on mine, waiting for me to continue, and I inhale a deep breath. "You know how Uncle Logan and Lincoln are boyfriends," I start carefully, not sure what the best way to approach this is, except with complete honesty.

"Yes, I know," she nods eagerly, giving me her full attention, and I know it's now or never.

"Well, if it's okay with you, they want me to be a part of their relationship too." I try to keep my explanation as simple as possible given her young age, but when her excitement quickly fades, I start to panic.

"Oh, I already know that," she sighs, sounding disappointed with the news.

"You already know what? What do you mean?" I push, searching for an answer, as she rolls onto her side and stares up at me.

"I heard Jacey asking River why they are so obsessed with you, and Mommy said it's because you're their missing piece," she rushes out through a yawn, surprising me slightly, before she adds, "And I've seen the way you watch them."

Her statement throws me a little, and I can't help but ask, "How do I watch them?"

She shrugs, yawning once more, as she mutters, "You look at them the way River looks at Mommy, and Grandpa looks at Grandma. Like they are your favorite."

I can't help but smile. She's so young and innocent, and I spend so much time protecting her, that I sometimes forget how perceptive kids can be. They are so small that you forget they can still see everything.

"You're my favorite," I whisper, leaning down to kiss her head, as sleep starts to claim her. "But they are a close second," I add quietly, admitting that to myself for the first time ever, and it's like a cage I didn't realize I was trapped in, breaks open at my words.

I've spent far too long living in the shadow of my last name and letting the darkness consume me, but my daughter is a beacon of light continuously guiding me, and it's with her blessing that I slowly retreat from her room and head back downstairs.

Once there I find all the mess of the gingerbread houses now gone, food and drinks cleared away, and Elle, Marcus, Arthur, Helen, and Lily all trying to coordinate the mass of gifts that Logan an d Zack are bringing up from the basement. Lincoln is on the sofa looking uncomfortable, and I'm sure it's because he isn't helping, and I head his way ready to help him out.

"Are you feeling better?" I ask loudly, and he looks up at me with a slight frown.

"What's wrong?" Elle asks instantly from where she is kneeled beside the tree organizing the wrapped gifts, yet before Lincoln can respond I quickly cut in.

"He got food poisoning the other day from some takeout we had, and he's still not feeling a hundred percent," I lie, ensuring it gives a reason for him to be appearing weak.

"Oh no, Sweetheart, are you okay? Is there anything I can do," Helen rushes out, filled with nothing but motherly concern.

"He's fine, mom, Ash and I made sure he rested up and had plenty of fluids, don't worry," Logan replies, and I see her eyebrows rise in question, but he doesn't elaborate any further.

I know both of them are probably not sure if and what I want to tell people, but honestly after everything, I just want to rip off the band aid. So with that in mind, I move toward Logan, and brush my hand across his shoulder.

"Can I help with anything?" I ask, and his eyes search mine with questions of his own, as he shakes his head softly with a shy smile.

"No, these were the last of them," he gestures to the gifts he just discarded on the floor, and I nod, before moving away to take a seat next to Lincoln.

There is a silence lingering in the air, as Logan moves to sit on the other side of him, and all of us focus on the huge pile of gifts. It isn't until the back door opens, and Jace slips in with more gifts in his hand, that all our eyes shift, and when he walks into the quiet room, he looks between us all before noticing the three of us sitting side by side.

His eyes flick across us, taking in our close proximity, before he rolls his eyes and grunts, "Told you they fucked." Then he drops the gifts to the floor, moving towards Lincoln and holding out a fist for him to bump. "Welcome to the orgy club, brother, it's about time," he adds with a smirk, and Logan curses, as Linc has no choice but to bump his fist.

"Jace, come on man, my parents are right there," Logan whines, blushing slightly, even though I have no doubt they have been witness to worse than this over the years.

"Let's not forget about me," Lily groans, looking uncomfortable, and unease runs through me, until Lincoln curls his pinky around mine.

I look down to where he has entwined them as Jace snorts a laugh, "Let's not get started on you, Viper," he snaps back, silencing her completely, as her eyes snap to Zack's, who only frowns. "Anyway, I just came to drop some more gifts, and now I'm going to give my girl one," he winks, moving back toward the door. "I'll see you all in the morning," he adds, throwing up a peace sign, as Elle shakes her head.

"See you in the morning, Pretty Boy," she calls after him, until he disappears, and then she moves her focus over to us. "We've pretty much got this covered, if you guys want to head upstairs," she says carefully, giving us an out, which I am about to refuse, but then Logan is jumping back to his feet.

"Yes we do," he huffs, turning towards us both, leaving us no choice but to rise to our feet with him.

Lincoln moves a little slow, and I can tell it's taking everything he has not to grunt in pain as he goes, and once we exit the room, my arm instantly snags around his waist, taking some of his weight. He smiles at me gratefully, which is how I know he really must be in pain, and Logan flanks his other side as we make our way upstairs.

It still feels a little weird for us all to be in a room alone together, given how fast everything has happened these last couple of we eks, yet it still somehow feels right. I help Lincoln over to his bed, as Logan closes the door behind us and plasters himself to it.

"Well, that was fun," he purrs sarcastically, with a shake of his head. "I'm sure they all think we are going to be fucking one another up here now," he smirks, and Lincoln grunts as I drop him to his mattress.

"I mean, I'm in a lot of pain, but I bet a threesome would make me feel better," he grits, eyes dancing like the devil, and Logan laughs.

"Behave you, you're supposed to be on bed rest," he tells him, as I take a seat at his desk and let my eyes fully study his room for once.

Unlike my room at the penthouse, it's a little more personal, though I have no doubt that's Elle's doing, not his. The sheets match the drapes, all the furniture clearly came in a set, and there are some framed pictures up on the shelf. A few of him with Marcus and Jace, a group shot from last Christmas that includes me, but it's the last frame that houses a shot of him, Elle, and Cassie together that snags my attention. From the moment he discovered my daughter he has accepted her without pause, always looking out for her, and treating her like his own.

"You can still ride my dick while I'm on bed rest," he snaps back to Logan, who rolls his eyes as he stalks towards the bed.

"Not with how hard you like to fuck," he claps back, and their easy back and forth is something I have silently enjoyed since they met. I see the way Logan brings Lincoln out of his shell, I recognize it because he did the same with me.

My eyes dance between them and that damn picture, before I find myself announcing, "I told Cassie about us." Both of them snap their heads to where I remain fixed in the chair, and the silence that my statement creates is deafening. I pick a spot in the corner of the room to focus on as I add, "I mean, it's not a big deal, apparently she already knew anyway, but yeah, just so you know, we don't have to hide anything." Every word out of my mouth makes me more and more uncomfortable, my throat itching for the burn of vodka. "Not that I'm saying there is an us, I mean you guys are an us, and I'm a me," I add in a ramble, wondering how people ever fucking do this bullshit. "Should I go so you two can talk?" I find myself asking, already standing to my feet and moving toward the door.

Logan is on me before I even make it halfway across the room, gripping my shirt and slamming his lips to mine, cutting off any protest I could have made.

Only once he has robbed me of air does he pull back and laugh, "You totally want to be our boyfriend, don't you, Asher Donovan."

His proximity and words send my head spinning as I stammer, "What? No, that's not, I mean…" I trail off nervously, and Logan only laughs harder.

"Oh you are so down bad for us, aren't you, my little psycho?" He grins, pulling my body into his, spinning us, and then walking me backwards toward the bed. "Just going around cutting out hearts and telling the most important person in your life about us. I mean damn, next thing we know you'll be on your knees holding a damn ring," he purrs, pushing me down onto the bed, and my eyes flash to where Lincoln is watching us closely.

"Is he always this annoying?" I ask him breathlessly, trying to calm the rapid beating of my heart.

"You've known him longer than I have, you should know the answer to that already," Lincoln muses, before dragging his stare up to Logan. "He does look good on his knees," he adds with a wicked glint in his eyes, no doubt remembering the moment as well as I d o, and Logan's eyes darken.

"Mmm I bet he does," Logan whispers, bringing up his thumb and brushing it across my lips. "Would a prince ever get on his knees for a king I wonder?" He steps even closer, towering over me now, and staring down at me with eyes full of lust, his challenge clear.

Lincoln is lying down to the side of us, and even though I'm not looking at him, I can still feel his burning and branding stare as it washes over us. It's what gives me the power to reach up and push Lo back slightly, before sliding off the side of the bed and dropping to my knees before him.

"Oh fucking hell," Lo groans at the sight, sliding his hand into my hair and stroking my cheek with his thumb. "Come on then, my little psycho, ruin me like you did when I first set eyes on you." His words send a thrill through me, and I make quick work of releasing his cock and getting it ready for me.

Then I suck him deep, until he is coming with my name across his lips, before I watch him suck Lincoln off, and then he turns his attention to me. He lets me fuck his mouth until my cum is spilling across his tongue, and he is leaning over to Lincoln so they can share it between them. Only then does he collapse onto the bed next to Lincoln, and then pats his hand beside him to indicate I should join them.

"Shall we watch Home Alone ?" He asks, grabbing the remote and turning on Lincoln's TV, only indicating even further how comfortable he is here.

" Home Alone ?" Lincoln laughs. "What are we, five?"

"Well, there aren't exactly grown up Christmas films," Lo snaps back, and I share a look with Lincoln, as we both reply at the same time, " Die Hard ."

Logan rolls his eyes as he mutters under his breath, "Insufferable psycho boyfriends," before he loads up Die Hard on the screen and hits play.

Then we spend the rest of the night curled up in Lincoln's bed watching a movie. We talk about good Christmas memories that we remember, which mostly come from Logan, then he forces us to smile for at least a hundred new pictures together. Apparently matching pajamas and becoming boyfriends is a very important date to remember, and though I might huff and complain during all of it, I can't help but smile at how happy and carefree he is, and I know Lincoln feels the same.

He eventually falls asleep, curled up in the middle of us both, and after I make sure Lincoln takes another round of painkillers, he drifts off too. Only once I am alone with my thoughts do I let myself truly breathe them in, watching them both sleep beside me, and knowing that no matter what happens, I will always remember this feeling of freedom.

The next morning is pure carnage, chaos, and magic. My daughter is the happiest I have ever seen her, and everyone dotes on both her and Riley's little sister Sofia, watching them open gift after gift, and both girls are almost drowning in presents and wrapping paper. The living room is pretty much overflowing, but for once everyone is happy and content.

Gifts are exchanged between almost everyone, and I don't think I have ever felt such peace. That only intensifies when Cassie gifts me with official adoption papers to become her father legally, none the wiser to what it is, and my eyes burn with emotion as Elle hugs me and whispers that it was time. Tears are shed by her and Helen, and if that wasn't bad enough, Lincoln then proceeds to gift me a large photo album, housing all the pictures I saw on the plane, followed by Logan gifting us both a long silver chain with a crown charm dangling from it, with the tag reading, ‘to my boyfriend'.

"Were you that sure of yourself?" I ask, pretending the whole room isn't watching us, and he smiles.

"No, but I've been sure of you since the day I met you, Asher Donovan."

All in all, it's the best Christmas I have ever had, and for once I look forward to ringing in a new year.