Chapter 18

18

ASHER

M y heartbeat is almost deafening inside of my ears, blocking out everything except their words, their commands, their taunts, them . They are looking at me waiting, wanting, pleading, and fuck if have I ever wanted to give in to anything more. This isn't like anything I have ever felt before, there is no dread weighing down on my shoulders, no bile rising up my throat, no other thoughts meant to distract myself to get something done, there is only them.

For the first time in my life, my cock is hard while I feel nothing but lust. There is no disgust or regret, no guilt or shame, just the pure desperate need for some kind of release, so deep that it almost makes me sick. It's so foreign and unfamiliar that I can barely stand it, can barely take a breath, and as if my body understands quicker than I do, my hands slowly move under his command.

They both watch in utter fascination as my shaking fingers undo the zipper of my pants, releasing a little of the mounting pressure in my groin. Lincoln licks his lips, and my eyes track his tongue as it drags along his bottom lip, and all it does is spur me on. I reach inside my boxers and grip myself, the relief from that one touch alone is instantaneous, yet it's overshadowed by fear and co nfusion. I know they see it, because Lincoln clears his throat, the sound so carnal that my cock flinches between my fist.

"Tell me, Dark Prince," he starts roughly, that fucking name making me weep, and I have to grit my teeth to stop myself from snarling at him, as he slowly fucks a whimpering Logan. "What turns you on? What do you think about when you stroke your cock?"

"I don't," I snap instantly, my fingers flexing around the base of my length, and his slow thrusts falter slightly.

"You don't, what?" He asks, but I know he already knows the answer, the prick just wants to hear me say it.

"I don't touch myself," I confirm, current predicament not included of course, and I know from their shocked faces that they don't understand.

But how do I explain it?

How do you tell someone that every single time you have felt pleasure, it was never your own? That someone else took it from you, that you took it from them and felt absolutely nothing in the process. I'm not stupid, I know that's not normal, that my introduction to sex is fucking sickening, and it's just one more thing my father took from me, but what's worse is that I never took it back. I didn't want pleasure, not when so many others suffered pain and torture.

Yet here I sit, cock hard and in hand, and somehow ready for whatever he demands of it.

Lincoln looks back to Logan, but finds his focus solely on where my hand is still hidden inside of my pants, and his rapt attention does something to me, it always has. I've spent years batting off his interest in me, as if it meant nothing, but in truth, every crumb of attention he has fed me has been stored away inside of me like my life depends on it. It only got worse when Lincoln came along. Now, I have been battling them both, throwing off th eir words, yet stealing every spar for myself. I always knew things would be destined to fall apart if they carried on, but I've never been one to care much about destiny.

"Okay," Lincoln begins, slowly resuming his thrusts. "Pull your pants down and free yourself," he commands, leaning forward on one hand until he is hovering over Logan. "Come on, Ash, show us that cock you know we are desperate for."

His words send a strange feeling down my spine, as my cock hardens even more, and I take a deep breath, before I slowly shift my hips and push my pants down until I can free my cock.

"Oh fuck," Logan gasps, his eyes wide with nothing but appreciation, as he throws back his head. "Of course his cock is fucking beautiful and perfect," he groans, and Lincoln snaps his hips a little rougher, turning it into a moan.

Lincoln's gaze doesn't change, not even a little bit, but there is a tightness to his jaw, as his eyes drag over the sight of my hand wrapped around my length.

"Copy me," he demands, reaching out and gripping Logan's cock in his hand and swirling his thumb around the pre cum at the tip, before dragging it down his length.

Logan's moan is sinful as Lincoln fucks him with his cock and hand, yet they both watch with rapt attention as I do the same, stroking myself in the exact manner Lincoln just demonstrated. "Fuck," I gasp out loud without realizing it, the feeling of pleasure burning through me, and I want more.

My eyes lock on Lincoln's fist as it strokes Logan up and down, and before I know it I am copying him, my hand mirroring his every move until I am panting, and ready to pass out from the sheer thrill of the feel of it. Yet it isn't that sending me crazy with need, it's them.

"Look at him, baby, look how fucking good he strokes his cock for us," Lincoln praises, snapping his hips a little harder, and suddenly I am imagining being where he is. Imagining fucking Logan, imagining sinking my cock deep inside of him instead of Lincoln, and my hand jerks myself a little faster.

"Fuck, Lincoln, you fuck me so fucking good," Logan gasps, leaning up on one of his elbows, and using his other arm to hang onto Lincoln's neck. It must feel good because Lincoln curses, picking up the pace even more and fucking him harder. "More, baby, please," he begs, and fuck I want to hear him say that to me, like so many women have before, except this time it actually sounds like something I want to give.

"Like this?" Lincoln asks, slamming his cock inside of him again and again, making Logan dig his fingers into the skin at his nape, and I wonder what it would feel like. If I could make him lose his cool like that, if he would beg and plead me for what Lincoln is giving him.

"Yes, fuck yes," Logan screams, not caring that any of the staff could hear him, no, the only thing he cares about right now is Lincoln fucking him.

I mean fuck, it's the only thing I care about right now, too.

My hand jacks my cock like it never has before, twisting, turning, and curling around my length that is now slick with my pre cum, and I swear I feel like I might pass out from the rush of pleasure flooding to my groin. My mind blacks out anything that isn't them, as Lincoln pounds into Logan like he is going for some sort of record. It's hard, fast, punishing, and completely and utterly mind-blowing.

"Fuck you feel so good, Lo," Lincoln groans, pulling Logan closer and slamming their lips together, and for the first time in years I think about kissing someone. I think about what it would be like claiming someone else's lips as my own.

When they pull apart, both their heads snap in my direction, like they can't keep their eyes off me, and the lust and need in their stares almost has me bolting from the room. Yet something deep inside of me keeps me rooted in place, my hand on my cock not falte ring for a second.

"That's it, Dark Prince, stroke it nice and hard for us," Lincoln commands, and for once being told what to do doesn't feel like a death sentence. In fact, it feels like the opposite. It feels like I can truly breathe for the first time in years, and I am gasping down on the air supply.

"Fuck I want to taste him, Linc, looking how fucking perfect he looks getting himself off," Logan moans, staring at me with dark and wild eyes in a way I have never seen before. "Fuck, Ash, you have no idea how fucking long I have wanted to see you like this," he tells me, except I do know.

I still remember the night we met like it was yesterday. The hollowness I felt in my chest at finding out my brother didn't just rape my best friend, but he got her pregnant too, and in all that darkness there was one small beacon of light. Him.

"I think you've made it obvious a time or two," I find myself gritting out, trying and failing to keep my desire for him in check, and his pleasured smirk only grows.

"Fuck, baby, listen to him, listen to how fucking hot and aroused he sounds," he whines to Lincoln, his chest slick with sweat as it rocks back and forth from the force of his thrusts. "Why don't you come over here and shut me up with your cock, my little psycho?" He taunts, and I don't think I have ever had an invitation quite so enticing, but my legs don't move, they can't.

I'm stuck here in this limbo, desperate to go to them, but something is still holding me back, and bile rises in my throat at how fucking broken I am.

"Ash," Lincoln purrs, making my eyes snap to his, and I know he sees it, and I don't know if I should be mad or grateful. "Just keep copying me, baby, keep fucking your fist nice and hard for me," he pleads, moving his own hand even faster on Logan, who starts panting and moaning, but the only thing I can focus on is that on e little word.

Baby.

"I'm gonna come," Logan groans, releasing Linc's neck and flopping back down onto the table, tipping his head back as the pleasure starts to take control.

My own release races up my spine, commanding every nerve in my body until I am chasing the same high, my hips fucking up into my hand, until I feel my own orgasm barreling towards me.

"That's it, come for me, both of you, show me exactly how much you like me owning you," Lincoln directs, his voice strained, as he no doubt holds off on his own pleasure, but I am already gone.

"Oh fuck," I gasp, as my release takes over and ropes of cum shoot out of the end of my cock, covering my fist and groin.

"Fuck me," Logan yells, watching my orgasm like it's the best thing he has ever seen, as his own racks his body, covering his chest and Lincoln's fist like a work of fucking art, as Linc continues to rut into him.

"Yes, fuck, yes," Lincoln grunts, snapping his hips again and again, as he dips down and begins to lap up Logan's cum with his tongue, shoving his now free, cum-covered fingers into Logan's mouth so he can lick them clean.

My eyes take in every inch of them, and I see the moment that Lincoln loses himself to the high, the slight stumble in his thrusts, the tightening in his shoulders, and then he is coming with a roar of pleasure. Rocking into Logan's ass until he has milked everything from it, and only then does he collapse on top of him, kissing him in a messy battle of tongues and teeth.

The two of them are like gods at war with one another, and all I can do is watch them in awe, but then they pull apart and look at me. They look at me like they are still waiting for something, and I realize they still want more from me, but don't they know I have nothing left to give.

Before they can pull apart even further and stop me, I am jumping up, ignoring my cum-covered hand and tucking away my cock like nothing happened.

"Ash, wait," Logan begs, his tone completely changed already, as he sits up, pushing Lincoln back, but I can't wait, my feet are already halfway to the door.

"It's okay, baby, just let him go," Lincoln whispers, those last four words hurting more than they should, as I stumble through the doors and away from them.

And just like every other time in my life, I leave a path of nothing but pain and regret. Only this time, the only thing I regret is not being whole enough for them to keep me.