Chapter 10

10

LINCOLN

A fter spending the night with Logan, I was forced to leave early to get back to Black Hallows, but I left him feeling lighter than I had in a while. His presence tends to do that, but his declaration for how he felt about me, even after finding out about my childhood, left me a little surprised. I mean, I'm not stupid, I knew we had a connection, I felt it from the moment we met, but I thought it was surface level, sexual attraction and nothing more. Yet the past few months all he has done is surprise me, and in agreeing to be with him, I have surprised myself even more. I never thought I would have a boyfriend, that I would follow in the same path as my brothers and allow someone to share my burdens, yet here we are.

Yet there is still a voice inside my head that taunts me, that wonders if he would still be so understanding if he knew how I truly spent my nights. It's not like he doesn't know I've killed people. He knows, he knows more than most, but he thinks it's a part of my past, not my present. A present that I can't let go of, not when so many crimes go unpunished, when so many people go unsaved. I don't kill men without reason, I'm not that much of a monster, but I am still a monster, and how could someone ever love a m onster?

That thought plagues my mind as the next couple of weeks pass in a total blur. Work has been extra busy as we all prepare to be out of the office for the wedding, so I have been working pretty much non-stop. I have been taking extra meetings daily, which means my extracurricular activities have had to take a little break. Mostly my time has been spent dealing with clients, annoying Asher, and fucking my boyfriend any chance I get.

Everyone is now aware of the fact that Logan is my boyfriend, not that any of them seemed to care, well except a certain someone in denial, but apart from that, they are all happy for us to do whatever we are doing. Logan and I have still pretty much only seen each other over the weekends, except for the impromptu trip I took to see him, but we have been speaking more and more on the phone and text every day, which has been surprisingly nice. I'm actually looking forward to getting away and being able to spend some more time with him.

I've never been on vacation before, it's not something my father ever cared about when I was a child, and my foster homes certainly weren't rushing to take us foster kids anywhere. So the fact I get to go away now, and do so with all my family is something I am really excited for, not that I would admit that to them. I know that apart from Jace they all grew up with a privilege that I could have never imagined, one so stark that I still struggle to get used to it now. Not that it's their fault, I don't begrudge them for growing up wealthy, but given my background I do still find it hard to feel deserving of being in their world.

It's Thursday now, the day Elle and Marcus are leaving with the rest of them for the wedding, and I've left the office early so I could come home and see everyone off. The house is a hustle of chaos when I walk through the door as everyone prepares to leave, people shouting back and forth, cases piled high in the lobby, and the best kid I have ever known twirling around in her peach d ress without a care in the world.

"Superman," Cassie yells out as soon as she sees me. "Look at my twirls," she adds, spinning herself on the spot once more.

"Wow, they are the best twirls I've ever seen," I tell her, and she squeals in excitement as she runs towards me, and I bend to catch her in my arms. "We are going on vacation today, are you excited?"

Her enthusiasm is infectious as I respond with a laugh, "I'm so excited, but I'm not actually traveling with you today."

She frowns at first, but then I watch as if a little light goes off in her head. "Oh yeah. You're coming out with daddy, aren't you?"

The man in question storms in from the living area as if she has just ran away from him, and looks less than delighted to find me here with her. "Yes, I'm coming out with daddy," I repeat, just to watch him squirm even more, as Cassie claps her hands.

"So cool, my daddy and Superman together," she giggles, as Asher storms towards us.

"Last bag check, Angel," Asher tells her, reaching his arms out to take her from me, and I pass her over without pause.

"Goodbye, Linc, see you on the beach," she smiles, and my smile back is even wider.

"See you on the beach, Princess," I tell her, as I watch the two of them walk away.

"You'll see me on the beach too," Logan purrs, and I turn to find him leaning on the doorframe with a bag in his hand. "You'll also see me by the pool, at the bar, and in your bed," he adds with a flirty wink, as I move toward him and take his bag from him.

"And when I see you in all those places, what will you be doing?" I ask him softly, dropping the bag to our feet and pushing him up against the wall.

"Taking your cock hopefully," he rep lies bluntly, at the same time Lily walks around the corner and groans.

"And apparently I'll be bleaching my ears out on vacation," she sarcastically drawls, as her twin laughs.

"Might want to do your eyes too given the plans I have," he adds, looking up at me with nothing but lust and mischief in his stare, that it makes me wish we had a little more time before he has to leave.

I clear my throat, stepping away from him, not wanting to make Lily uncomfortable as I mumble an apology to her, at the same time the rest of the people leaving start filtering into the lobby.

Arthur and Helen are first, followed by Zack, Marcus, Elle, and an annoyed looking Asher, who is still holding his daughter like he doesn't want to let her go. The sight hits me in the gut, because I know there was a time when he always had to say goodbye to her just to protect her, so how must it feel now to say goodbye again when she isn't in any danger? I watch them closely as he talks to her quietly, so quiet that I can't hear, but I can see her smile, the way her eyes shine as she looks at him. The perfect picture of what a father should be like, and it makes me happy to know she has it.

The security guys are the next to come through to the lobby, no doubt they have secured Elle's side of the house, and ensured all security measures are in place. We have gone over the protocol of leaving the house and all traveling separately multiple times this week, and I know it's on me and Ash to make sure everything is perfect before we leave on Monday.

They all make quick work of loading up the two town cars, waiting outside to take them to the private airport that Zack owns, and then all that's left to do is say goodbye. I get hugs and handshakes from the Roytons, a fist bump from Marcus, and a kiss that leaves me half-hard from Logan before they all climb into the cars. Then I turn to find Elle embracing Asher and promising hi m that she will protect their daughter with her life.

"You know I'll take care of anyone who tries to hurt her," she whispers just loud enough for me to hear, and the look of vulnerability in Asher's eyes as he hands Cass over to her affects me more than I care to admit.

Of course he hides his feelings with a soft smile as he replies, "I trust you, Hells Bells, there is nothing to worry about, I'll be fine."

Elle pulls him into one more hug, one that lingers longer than the last, and when they pull apart he drops a kiss to her head and then to Cassie's, ruffling her hair afterwards to break the tension. When she moves toward me I can feel his stare on us, but I keep my focus on the girls.

"Look after yourselves," I tell her with a smirk, knowing the only person more dangerous in this house than me, is her, and she laughs.

"I think you'll get in more trouble on the island than I will." Her smile is all knowing, but I don't question it, especially when she pulls me into a hug and whispers, "Look after him for me please." She knows I know who she means and wordlessly I nod in her embrace, and when she pulls back she smiles bright. "I'll see you in a few days, Superman."

I watch the two of them leave, feeling Ash's presence at my back as he joins me to watch them, and neither of us move until the cars are out of sight and our family is gone.

"You okay?" I ask softly, not really expecting a response if I am honest, which is why I'm surprised when he offers one.

"I know it's only three days, but it's going to be weird without them," he admits quietly, and I turn to look at him, seeing the fear as it clings to him entirely.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," I reply, which forces his eyes to mine in question. "When my mom used to leave for her work trips, I always had this fear that she would never come back, that I wou ld lose her," I laugh but it has no trace of humor, because we both know I feared the wrong thing.

"Sometimes I dream about when they had her, when they had both of them," Asher starts softly, and he doesn't have to say their names for me to know he is talking about his father and brother. "It's so real, like I'm back there in that moment of being held down and watching Elle suffer, or stumbling into the house and finding Zack bleeding out and Cassie gone. It's, it's, I don't know what it is," he trails off, probably only now realizing how much he has admitted, and his eyes flick back to the space we just watched them leave from.

"It's trauma," I say simply, moving my stare back to the same spot, but I feel him turn to me again. "It's engraved in our souls thanks to the sins of our fathers." I turn and lean on the doorframe to look at him, to watch him as he watches me. "People say trauma makes you strong, but I think that's bullshit. My trauma didn't make me strong, it made me helpless, it ruined me and stole from me until I had nothing left to give. Then still it took some more. It gave me endless nights of insomnia, it gave me a pressure on my chest that even now feels like it might never stop. That's not strength, it's weakness."

Asher takes every word and turns it over in his mind before he replies, "I would call you many things, Blackwell, but weak isn't one of them."

I almost laugh, because I would love a list of all the things he would call me, but instead I say, "Because I crawled out of the pits of my trauma and built myself up, remade myself into someone who could never be hurt like that again, not when I have even more to lose than I did before."

Ash scoffs at that in disgust, "Yet you risk it all every time you hunt down those men, what if they killed you first?"

"Worried about me, Dark Prince?" I ask, pushing up off the door and closing the space between us. "Because maybe you should come and watch exactly what I do to those men. How I make them scream and cry until they beg for mercy. A mercy I will never grant them, until their very existence has been obliterated." I watch in fascination as his pupils dilate, the pulse in his neck more noticeable than before, and it makes me smile. "Yeah, I think you'd enjoy watching me get covered in blood."

He opens his mouth to respond when another voice cuts into the silence. "Everything okay?" Jace asks, and I turn to find my playful brother flicking his stare between us with concern.

It's no secret the disdain my brother feels towards anyone with the last name Donovan, and it doesn't matter what Asher says or does, I don't think Jace will ever be able to see him in any other way.

When I look back to Ash, I can see the connection between us has now been severed and his mask firmly back in its place as he announces, "I'm going back to the office." He doesn't even wait for us to respond before he storms out towards the garage and I sigh in defeat.

"Did I interrupt something?" Jace asks, genuinely concerned, and I shake my head, taking in my brother looking fresh and clean as he always does lately.

We don't talk about the darkness that almost made him drown, of the guilt and regret I have for helping him with his addiction, or the pain I felt the night he tried to kill himself. No, we never talk about that. Instead I push those thoughts aside and watch him grow into the potential I always knew he had. The two months he spent in rehab truly saved him, and I missed him more than I could ever put into words. My smart and cocky brother who pulled me from the pits of hell when my own darkness was swallowing me, who has never asked me to repay the favor, but for him I would pay it tenfold.

"No, you didn't interrupt anything, brother," I say with a smile, and he nods even though I know he doesn't believe it.

"Okay, well I don't need to go to Riley's until it's time to pick her up from her dance class so, wanna play?" He asks, and I almost laugh, because it's been a while since we did something as simple as play video games, and it's been even longer since I've had a better offer from him.

"As long as you're prepared to get your ass beat," I tell him, shutting the front door and moving towards him as he scoffs.

"Please, the only ass you get to beat is your boyfriend's," he playfully scolds, and I bark a laugh as we make our way to the den.

We bicker back and forth for game after game and it reminds me of the many nights we spent together in the loft before our family grew. When it was just me, him, and Marcus against the world and we thought we knew everything, it makes me smile to see how much we've all grown. We keep playing, and when I beat him for the fifth time in a row, he throws his controller down with a curse.

"Fucking hell, Linc, I thought getting regular dick might have made you sloppy," he whines, and I shake my head.

"What can I say, I'm good at everything," I reply with a shrug, and his eyes zone in on mine even closer.

"You seem happy with Logan," he starts carefully, as if it's something that's been on his mind for a while.

"I am, we get on well," I say with a shrug, but it doesn't lessen the intensity of his stare as he watches me, and I causally move my gaze back to the TV.

"And what about him?" He asks, and I snap my eyes back to him, waiting for him to elaborate, even though we both know who he's talking about.

"Really? You can't even say his name now?" I ask, totally deflecting, but he doesn't back down, and I shrug again. "What about him? Asher isn't a concern in my relationship," I lie, yet jus t saying that out loud makes my stomach churn, but I keep my tone flat, and my gaze on his.

Jace laughs, "You know sometimes you forget how long we've been friends, how long I've known you, how many hours I spent following you around that shitty home we were in together until you eventually bit my head off." The reminder of where we started and where we are now should make me smile but it doesn't, not when I know he isn't done. "You were as quiet as you were moody, not caring about anything or anyone, and I watched you for months, just like I watch you now, which means I know when you're lying."

Staying silent saved me for years. Not talking is how I coped with all my trauma, but that method has never worked on my family. "It's complicated," I state simply, because it's the truth. "There is something there for me, and for Logan, but not for him ."

"Now who can't say his name?"

I would probably find his taunt funny if it weren't for his underlying pain, yet it doesn't stop me from asking, "Are you ever going to stop punishing Asher for being a Donovan? Nothing that happened is his fault."

"Don't you think I know that," he snaps, his hands flexing as if he still feels the need for something in them, as he battles against the demons I know will never truly leave him. "Do you think I like seeing the guilt in his eyes every time I look at him, knowing the only thing he is guilty of is trying to protect Elle and Cassie? That I know he knows I hate him for what his family did to Taylor, for what they did to Rachel," his voice breaks as he says his sister's name, and emotion burns at the back of my throat for him. "And I do hate him, brother, I hate him so much that it tears me up inside because when I look at him, I see them, and when I see them, I remember everything I lost. And I want nothing more than to go back to the dark hole I used to be in, finding anything and anyone to numb all the pain, but I can't, because despite what I lost, I gained so much more. I mean look at us Lincoln, look at where we came from and then look at this fucking house," he gestures wildly to our surroundings, and I know the same struggles inside of me are inside of him too. "We don't deserve this, but for some reason Elle King decided we were worth saving, and I will thank the gods for her every day, but that doesn't mean I have to thank him too."

His brutal honesty tears me apart, and all I can do is toss my controller down and turn to him. "I know what it's like for powerful men to take someone from you, I watched my father kill my mother in cold blood and it changed me forever," I admit more freely than I ever have before, and I don't miss the way his eyes widen at my admission. My childhood is never something I have talked about, not even with my brothers, they just knew my parents were gone and that I didn't want to talk about it. "My mother was like Rachel in a way, innocent, trusting, too good for this world and the devils that roam in it, and just like her she paid the price. And just like you I would never forgive the person responsible for her death, which is why I killed him after he killed her, but Asher isn't my father, Jace, and he isn't his father either."

I don't hang around for his response, too pent up to continue down the avenue our conversation is heading in, but when I reach the door he calls out to me. "I'll try and do better," he starts, standing up and moving toward me. "I'll try not to hate him, but for you, not for him."

His response isn't what I expected, in fact it's the opposite given the confession he just made. So I can't help but ask, "Why for me?"

My brother just smiles, a lightness in his eyes that wasn't there before he met Riley and Sofia, but is now present every day. "Because you don't see as much as I see when it comes to him, " he muses, his smile turning into a cocky smirk which is much more usual for him. "And because you need me not to hate him," he adds with a shrug. "Some of us are in denial and some of us are just waiting for things to get more interesting around here," he chuckles, slapping me on the back as he slips past me and out the door. "I've got to go pick Riles up and I'm staying with the Deckers tonight, so I guess I'll see you across the ocean in a few days, brother." He offers me a mock salute and then disappears out of sight as I stare after him dumbfounded, trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

I spend the next few hours working from home before cooking enough dinner for two, despite knowing that Asher won't come back here now that his daughter is gone. Then I head to the gym and work out while also tracking the plane that everyone is on as it travels across the ocean. Then I grab a shower and sit down at my desk in my room to do some more unofficial work.

The next man on my list is called David Bennett, a low-life thug and alcoholic who spent years fostering and abusing young girls without getting caught. One of the girls even died, but thanks to a brother that works for the police department, it was all covered up and her death was ruled an accident. He lives about two hours away and I need to ensure my plan for him is solid before I lure him in to meet his maker, which means I need to do some research.

I suit up, grab a small bag of tools I will need and then head out to start my hunt. The first rule of being a predator is that it needs to stalk its prey, and David Bennet is now mine. So, let the games begin.