Chapter Six

Still gripping her cousin’s hand, Matilda Donovan stumbled into Aunt Meggie’s kitchen. Her aunt stood over the vegetable sink, washing lettuce with her back to them.

“Momma?” Rebel called, her voice still trembly and shocked. Tired.

They’d been awake most of the night, fretting about what might happen today. Mattie had never seen Uncle Christopher so coldly furious unless it concerned Aunt Meggie.

But Uncle Christopher hadn’t been angry with her. Not like Daddy would’ve been. He’d been angry with the two bikers.

After returning home yesterday evening, Mattie and Rebel holed up in her suite. At dinner, Aunt Meggie tried to draw them out, suggesting they have a girls’ night in Rebel’s room. Uncle Christopher intervened and said Mattie and Reb already had plans.

They hadn’t gainsaid him and spent most of the night vacillating between tears and fear. This morning, when Uncle Christopher knocked on the door and ordered them up, they’d dressed in silence. Mattie couldn’t bother to dig out a new outfit, so she’d put on her jeans decorated with crocheted flowers and the same yellow sweater as yesterday. Seeing Mattie’s clothes, Rebel sighed and grabbed her flower embroidered jeans. They’d brushed their hair and their teeth, grabbed their socks and boots, and headed downstairs to a breakfast of toast, cereal, banana, and juice. All mundane and routine.

Except it really hadn’t been. It was the beginning of the rest of their lives that was forever changed.

Mattie covered her mouth with her free hand to hold back a sob.

Biting her lip and swallowing, but refusing to shed more tears, Rebel squeezed Mattie’s hand and cleared her throat. “Momma?” she said hoarsely, louder this time.

Aunt Meggie turned. She glanced from Rebel to Mattie. Turning off the faucet, she grabbed a dish towel to dry her hands and rushed to where they stood just inside the doorway.

The moment she stopped in front of them, Mattie saw her aunt had been crying. For a selfish second, she wished that whatever crisis her aunt faced hadn’t happened until after. Mattie wanted a hug of reassurance, or something that her father wouldn’t give her because he was him and her mother probably wouldn’t give her either. Or couldn’t give Mattie. Momma…Maman…needed emotional support herself.

“What’s wrong?” Aunt Meggie asked, frowning. She was hoarse, as if she’d cried buckets, and her eyes were red and watery.

Releasing Mattie’s hand, Rebel stiffened, no longer filled with fear and disbelief at seeing two men lose their lives. She had such a hair-trigger temper.

“What’s wrong with you, Momma?” she asked, the question almost a demand.

The freedom and autonomy Aunt Meggie and Uncle Christopher allowed their kids never ceased to amaze Mattie. They saw their children as individual beings, whose opinions mattered. Sure, the Triplets were out-of-control, and Uncle Christopher disciplined his children. But they also spent time with them. They listened to them and loved them and laughed with them. As much as Mattie adored her mother, there was still a wall Momma kept around herself.

Mattie was figuring out it was because of Daddy and was a defense mechanism, but it also shielded her from being a mom rather than a mother. Just as a dad and a father had vast differences, the same could be said for a mom and a mother.

Moms and dads fostered confidence and stability in their children. Mothers and fathers bred formality and indifference.

Of course, Mattie could be wrong. It was just her opinion, borne from her own painful experiences.

“Momma, why have you been crying?” Rebel asked, a little uncertain now. “What’s happened?”

Swiping away escaping tears, Aunt Meggie swallowed. “Nothing, love. I’m fine.” She nodded over her shoulder, cleared her throat, and plastered a smile on her face. “I’ve been cutting onions. What’s wrong with…” Her voice trailing off, she focused on Mattie again. Without further explanation, she hugged her.

Aunt Meggie’s warmth and cherry blossom scent enveloped Mattie. No scent of onions wafted from her.

Bending and resting her head on her aunt’s shoulders, Mattie sucked back a miserable sob, though the tail end escaped, anyway. She returned her aunt’s hug. They stayed in their embrace for a few moments before Aunt Meggie grabbed Mattie’s upper arms, pushed back, and met her gaze.

“What’s happened, love?”

Mattie didn’t know where to begin. How to unpack everything and land at Uncle Christopher killing Billy and Eric. But, mostly, she didn’t know how to confess her drug use and sexual activity. She was so afraid her aunt would view her differently. Unworthy.

Aunt Meggie released Mattie and stepped back, glancing from Rebel to Mattie and back again. “One of you talk to me now. What’s going on? Where’s Christopher?”

“Daddy’s fine,” Rebel blurted.

“What’s going on?” Aunt Meggie asked for the thousandth time.

Rebel looked at her boot-clad feet. “Daddy is taking a shower at the club,” she mumbled. “Changing his clothes.”

Slowly, Aunt Meggie nodded. “I see.” Heaving in a breath and threading her fingers through her hair, she arranged part of it over her shoulder. “How are you two involved with, er, whatever justice was served?”

Tears filled Mattie’s eyes and the trembling that began in her lips filtered through her entire body. But Aunt Meggie focused on Rebel, awaiting an answer.

“Because of Billy and Eric, Momma. Two club members—”

“Two jackasses,” Aunt Meggie declared. “I know who they are. They sometimes patrol the parking lot, wearing bandanas.”

Rebel twisted her hands. “I’d…Diesel…if my virginity was gone, I thought he’d want me.” Her tears started again, and she swiped at her cheeks. “I-I…Daddy would really kill him. I-I…” She sniffled. “I love Diesel. I know you think I’m a freak and…Oh, Momma,” she said on a sob. “I never thought Daddy would really kill anyone.”

Aunt Meggie forced a smile. “Your father is just full of surprises.”

Sniffling again, Rebel snapped her brows together, pausing mid wipe of her cheeks. “What…?”

“How are you involved, Mattie?” Aunt Meggie asked, rolling up her shirt sleeves.

Tears continued slipping down Mattie’s cheeks. She couldn’t stop crying. “It’s a long story, Aunt Meggie.”

She led them to the other side of the kitchen, where that huge dining table sat in an alcove. If the Caldwells ate there instead of in the dining room, enough chairs remained for all of them, though dozens more were stored in a hall closet for the family get-togethers.

Aunt Meggie took her usual seat, which always placed her on the right of Uncle Christopher. Usually, Lolly sat at the other end because she and Uncle Christopher were the heads of the family. Now, Aunt Meggie indicated the two seats directly across from her, on the other side of the table.

“Start from the beginning,” she ordered.

Mattie omitted many of the gory details of her interactions with Billy and Eric, but she made it very clear they were her drug suppliers and that her virginity was a thing of the past.

“I didn’t mean to get them killed, Aunt Meggie.” Shame burned into Mattie. Next to her, Rebel flinched. “Neither me nor Reb.” She bowed her head, unable to bear her aunt’s disappointment.

“Matilda, look at me,” Aunt Meggie coaxed, her words kind instead of accusatory.

Her heart banging against her chest, Mattie raised her gaze, and she felt dizzy at the sight of Aunt Meggie’s anger.

“Eric and Billy got exactly what they deserved, so don’t mourn them. They were predators. Do you understand me?” she said fiercely. “They preyed on you. Two grown men. They deserved exactly what Christopher administered.”

“I know I’m very young and I shouldn’t think about sex. And—”

Aunt Meggie extended her arms across the table, but it was too wide for their hands to meet. “I don’t disagree with you, love. You are very young. But Farrah, my childhood best friend, also lost her virginity at twelve.” She smiled. “I will never judge you. Whether I agree is also beside the point. You’re already sexually active.” Sighing, she leaned back and rubbed her brow. “The key is making sure you’re protected from pregnancy and STDs. Getting you into rehab for substance abuse.”

“I-I only smoke weed,” Mattie admitted. “All my life, Daddy has smoked weed, and no one thinks he’s addicted.”

Aunt Meggie nodded, then looked at Rebel. “And you, love?”

“The same, Momma. I drink beer and stuff. And smoke cigarettes, too.”

Staring at Rebel, Aunt Meggie steepled her fingers. “Once you lost your virginity to these men—”

“I was only going to be with Eric.”

Aunt Meggie scowled. “Once you lost your virginity to Eric, how did you expect that to change your relationship with Diesel?”

“I thought he’d finally want me, Momma,” she whispered, sounding so heartbroken. “I intended to make him love me. Once I turned eighteen, I told myself I wouldn’t care what you or Daddy said. I never thought—”

“I will never give my approval for you to date Diesel, love,” Aunt Meggie interrupted. There was no censure in her voice. Only patience and understanding. “I see him as your brother.” She drew in another breath. Shifted. Leaned forward and rested her forearms on the table. “In the scheme of things, there are worse things that can happen.”

Rebel gasped, and her body seemed to loosen and unwind. Even the energy wafting from her lightened. “Oh Momma,” she breathed, awed. “Does that mean—”

“No,” Aunt Meggie declared, bursting Rebel’s bubble.

Immediately, she tensed up again. Mattie would’ve grabbed her hand, but she was still afraid that Aunt Meggie would turn on her. On both of them.

This wasn’t a confession about who threw the first handful of flour or broke a stiletto on a designer shoe. This was a situation where Daddy would consider Mattie unworthy. He might even spank her. At the very least, he would rail about how deep his disappointment in her behavior went.

“I don’t want you and Diesel together, Rebel, but I’ll never turn my back on you. Neither will your father. What he will do is eliminate the problem. It is not a warning. It is not a promise. It is not hyperbole. It’s a fact. Christopher will kill anyone, but especially a club member if they touch you. Not only is Diesel a club member, but he is legally your brother because we adopted him. Christopher will torture and kill him if he has an affair with you, even after you’re eighteen. Do you understand me, Reb? You and Diesel can never be together. He will die.”

“But I love him, Momma.”

“Darling…” Aunt Meggie said. “You are so very, very young.”

She nodded to Mattie, always including her, for which Mattie was grateful.

“Both of you. Please don’t take that as a dismissal of your feelings. When I was younger, I always swore that I’d be a different mom to my children than Momma was to me. She had so many issues. The woman I saw as abused and afraid could herself be very abusive and neglectful. Frankly, if I could tell my younger self anything, it might be to tell her father the truth and stop protecting a woman who didn’t deserve it. On the other hand, I wouldn’t have met Christopher. I wouldn’t have you and Jo and your brothers.” She smiled at Mattie. “I wouldn’t be the aunt to a beautiful niece with the most gorgeous red hair and her mother’s elegance and wit. The choices we make, even when we’re so very young, can have lasting consequences. Dire ones that can change the trajectory of your life forever.”

Mattie’s chin trembled.

“No, love. Don’t. My father told me no one can make me feel lesser unless I allow them to. And it’s the truth, Matilda. Do not allow Billy or Eric or Johnnie to blame you for the actions of adults. You have absolutely no blame for this. None. Zero. But I know it will weigh on you, so if you need a shoulder to cry on…” She pointed to one of hers. “It’s always available to you, sweetheart.” She looked at Rebel. “You’re so like your daddy, love. Billy and Eric’s deaths don’t matter to you. They got what they deserved. What is devastating to you is Diesel’s possible death. No matter what you said and how you’ve acted, you were still intending to chase him when you turned eighteen.”

“Yes, Momma,” Rebel said quietly. “I love him. Besides, CJ has scared away all the boys at school. Shop was my friend. Now, he barely wants to look at me. You and Daddy don’t want me with Diesel or Bishop. CJ and Diesel don’t want me with anyone. I’ll never go on a date or anything.”

“My only issue with Bishop is your age,” Aunt Meggie said. “I’ll talk to Christopher, CJ, and Diesel, and tell them to back off. But stop referring to Bishop as Shop. That doesn’t help matters. He’s a good guy, who I trust not to overstep his bounds with you. But you must stop flirting. Testing your womanly wiles is a normal part of growing up. However, when your father is who he is, it becomes dangerous.” She got to her feet and held out her arms.

Sliding her chair back and standing, Mattie rushed to her aunt. At the feel of Aunt Meggie’s arms, Mattie gave into more sobs, reveling in the comforting words. Her aunt did the same with Rebel before pulling them both into a group hug and promising everything would work out.

“In the next couple of weeks, we will all sit down and discuss birth control,” Aunt Meggie announced when they dropped their arms from around each other.

“I’ll be so embarrassed in front of Daddy,” Rebel started.

As would Mattie with her father. Not to mention afraid.

“I meant Kendall and the three of us. No men allowed.”

“Can you convince Uncle Christopher not to tell my father?” Mattie asked in a small voice.

“No, love. Johnnie must know. Eric and Billy were club members,” she said grimly. “But we won’t solve this in one afternoon. For now, let’s focus on getting through today and Jo’s surgery tomorrow. You two have been through enough in one morning. Let’s go to the club. We can cook for the members, then socialize while I figure out logistics of how best to implement the plans for all that’s taken place in the last hour or two.” Sadness crossed her face, and she looked on the verge of tears again. “The boys are in the basement. Run and tell them we’re leaving while I get my shoes.”