Chapter Twenty-Four

Although he wanted to ignore Harley’s plight and go home after visiting Rory and Mattie, CJ couldn’t. Besides, any excuse to remove himself from Dad’s scrutiny was welcomed. CJ suspected Dad knew something happened to Mom’s car.

Now that CJ had the full truth and knew Torie fucked up the Vette and not Jaleena, he couldn’t confess. He might let something about Torie slip. It made him feel like shit that he had to hide her presence from his father.

And it made him feel lower than fucking dirt every time he saw his mother and remembered Diesel’s words. It had been such a dirty move to get CJ’s cooperation. He wished Diesel had kept that fucking thought to himself. Because, now, he didn’t know if the close relationship he had with Mom was irreparably broken.

If Mom wasn’t.

Torie had wrought so much havoc, CJ sometimes felt like killing her. Immediately, shame and regret overtook him, and he crushed the idea.

Earlier, he’d been in his room minding his business when Axel came and told him about Wallace, Mattie, and Uncle Johnnie. CJ texted Rory and told him they needed to talk. As he was heading out, Dad caught up to him in the entrance hall and told him about the conversation he’d had with Aunt Kendall.

Finally, CJ understood her texts the other night when she said she’d gotten into another fight. He’d told Dad it didn’t matter. But it did.

“I’ll take care of it, Dad,” he’d swore, not sure what that meant anymore. Once, he would’ve gone and comforted Harley and spent time with her to cheer her up.

Once, he would’ve known spending time with her would cheer her up.

“Heard from Ember?” Dad had asked before CJ could leave.

Yeah, he had. She wouldn’t stop texting him and asking when she could see him again. At her house, this time. She wanted to show him the Viking settlement she’d created out of colored wooden craft sticks.

“Diesel can have her,” he’d grumbled, then winced. She didn’t deserve his brush off.

It hadn’t surprised him when he’d told Diesel about Ember sucking his cock and Diesel came back with, “isn’t she excellent at it?”

As CJ told Torie, Diesel fucked almost every girl he’d met. They fell all over themselves to have him.

Diesel was a fucking sex addict.

CJ doubted that played into Dad’s reasons for not wanting Diesel and Rebel together. However, it wouldn’t help. For now, CJ wouldn’t worry. If Dad’s warnings didn’t stop Rebel, they sure the fuck would stop Diesel. Besides, Diesel didn’t go for little girls. But when Rebel turned eighteen?

Yeah, that might make a difference.

During his walk to Rory’s, CJ had gone back and forth about his next move. Harley was spiraling. He should’ve felt vindicated after her shitty treatment of him, but he didn’t. He was worried about her. But he also wanted to see if she’d finally tell the truth about Nardo.

In the end, that decided him. Now that he knew what was going on, he wouldn’t rest until he saw her.

CJ realized he hadn’t seen Uncle Mort since the day Eric and Billy were killed, Lolly and Pop a day or so before that. Grant came to the hospital during Jo’s surgery, but CJ figured it was more to implement the boneheaded plan they’d concocted to prevent Rebel from dating. Grant hadn’t been himself, though.

How good of an idea it was to visit Harley, especially since Ryan was probably home, CJ wasn’t sure, but he ignored his reservations and rang the bell.

A moment later, Uncle Val opened the door, puffed his cigarette and released a plume of smoke, then smiled. He stepped aside and allowed CJ to enter. “Wondered how long it would be before you showed up, boy.”

“I didn’t know she was here until a little while ago,” CJ admitted. “No one told me anything.”

“Everybody’s fucking pissed with her.”

Sighing, CJ shifted his weight. “I suppose they are. Has Uncle Mort visited her?”

Uncle Val shut the door. “Nope. She tried to fight Bailey and Roxanne.”

Raising her hands to her mother and grandmother was another level. She had balls. And luck. She’d survived going toe-to-toe with Lolly.

CJ rubbed the back of his neck. Video game music blasted from the den.

“You left your house at nine o’clock in the evening to see about her?” Uncle Val started down the central breezeway, not waiting for CJ to answer. “Hopefully, that cheers her up.”

Following his uncle, CJ pretended hearing about Harley’s problems didn’t upset him, but it did. As bratty as she’d become, he didn’t want her hurt or harmed.

As they passed the den, CJ glimpsed Ryan on the sofa, playing Call of Duty. CJ was not inclined to talk to the dickhead, so he continued following Uncle Val to the kitchen. Harley stood at the sink, her back to him, dressed in a tight pink onesie that outlined her curves and her cute little ass. She was washing dishes and didn’t notice his entrance.

Before he spoke to Harley, Aunt Zoann walked in from the mud room that doubled as their laundry room. She was carrying a stack of towels.

“Hey, baby,” she said, smiling, and pausing in front of him so he could lean down and kiss her cheek.

“Hi, Auntie,” CJ said, his greeting capturing Harley’s attention.

She glanced over her shoulder, the side of her face swollen and bruised.

He squinted. “Oh, goddamn.”

Turning off the water, Harley whirled to him, tears rushing to her eyes. “I’m hideous,” she wailed.

Speechless, CJ stared at her bruises, discolored lips, black eyes, and swollen face.

“Thank you for coming,” she said, sniffling. As tears slid down her cheeks, she swiped them away. “We can talk.”

Aunt Zoann sat the towels on the round breakfast table and shook her head. “You aren’t done with your chores, Harley. If CJ can wait, you can talk to him tonight. If not, then you’ll have to save it for some other time.”

“But…but…” Her gaze roamed from CJ to Uncle Val and then to Aunt Zoann. “Please, Aunt Zoann. I promise I won’t be long and I’ll come back and finish them.”

“No,” Aunt Zoann said, which didn’t surprise CJ.

She had rules. If they weren’t followed, there were consequences.

“My curfew is at eleven,” Harley complained. “I still have to sweep and mop and call Ryan to put out the trash.”

“You’re right.” Aunt Zoann looked at CJ. “You might as well go back home. Harley won’t have time—”

“What? No!” Harley said, bursting into heart-wrenching sobs.

He was still angry with her about so many things. However, he couldn’t just stand idly by and not offer her some form of comfort. He walked to her and drew her into his arms, hugging her closely. As much as he tried to overcome his dream of one day being with her, just having her near him calmed something inside of him.

Still holding Harley and moving her with him, he turned to face his aunt and uncle. “I wasn’t at home. I was visiting Mattie and Rory.”

Harley gripped his jacket, clinging to him for dear life.

“It’s okay, Harley.” He threaded his hand through her hair and allowed her braids to cascade through his fingers. “Everything will be fine.”

Leaning back, she swiped at her cheeks and sniffled, reminding him of all the times she’d followed him, climbed on something, and fallen. He’d comforted her then, too.

“You don’t hate me?”

“No one hates you,” he said.

Her lower lip trembled. “Everyone hates me!”

“Finish your pity party after you do your chores,” Aunt Zoann said sharply. “If you don’t, I’ll take your phone and your electronics.”

Harley stumbled back and drew herself up, still the sweet girl he remembered for that moment, until she allowed anger to seep in. She opened her mouth.

“I fucking dare you,” Aunt Zoann said. “You will respect me and my rules or you will leave.”

“I have nowhere to go!”

Aunt Zoann fisted her hands on her hips. “Whose fucking fault is that?”

“I should’ve known you couldn’t fucking stay away,” Ryan grumbled as he stalked into the kitchen and glared at CJ.

“Fuck off,” he scoffed. “I didn’t come to see you, so get the fuck out of my face.”

“You came to see her.” Ryan flung a thumb toward Harley. “Leaving your nice, warm palace to brave the cold forest to come to my house. Where you can’t order me around.”

“You’re such a fucking jackass,” CJ snapped.

“Enough!” Aunt Zoann commanded, effectively shutting up him and Ryan.

Uncle Val went to the refrigerator and grabbed four beers. After opening them, he handed one to CJ, Devon, and Ryan, and kept the last for himself.

CJ guzzled half the beer, appreciating the coldness sliding down his throat. Afterwards, he walked to the sink, grabbed the scrubbing pan, and went to work on a pot, hoping Aunt Zoann didn’t stop him.

Harley padded next to him, opened the dishwater, pulled out a rack and began emptying it.

CJ rinsed the first pot he’d scrubbed, then started on the accompanying lid. It took him another ten minutes to wash three more pots and lids, a fry pan, and a cake pan that had seen better days. By the time he finished, Devon had gone to his room, Uncle Val and Ryan had disappeared, and Harley and Aunt Zoann were sitting at the table.

“Want some tea?” he asked. Whenever he helped Mom and Reb, they liked tea after they cleaned the kitchen.

“I would love—”

Aunt Zoann cleared her throat, and Harley snapped her mouth shut. She looked on the verge of tears again.

“I’ll leave you two alone.” Aunt Zoann got to her feet. “Just let me know when you leave, so Val can lock up.”

CJ nodded.

She started to turn. “One other thing: the next time you do Harley’s chores, I will kick your ass.”

“Could you truly beat someone with this face?” he asked, indicating himself.

He winked at her, and she burst into laughter. “Most definitely,” she said, still chuckling. “You were adorable when you were a child, but you can no longer charm me with chubby cheeks and cuteness overload.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said easily.

She flipped him off. “You’re going to be ten times worse than your father with the ladies.”

“Is that a bad thing?” he asked, ignoring Harley’s gasp. “He’s a legend.”

Spinning on her heel and heading out of the kitchen, she tossed over her shoulder, “in his own head.”

“What better place to be, Auntie?” he called.

A dramatic groan met his question.

The moment they were alone, he looked at Harley. She’d begun to cry again. She was truly devastated and broken.

He smiled gently at her. “Hey, bae.”

“Hey,” she said softly.

They fell silent, awkwardness rising between them and filling him with sadness and regret. He indicated her face.

“What happened?”

“Bailey Banks and Roxanne Harrington.”

Doubtful. At least not without provocation. “What did you do?”

“Fuck you.”

They were right back at each other’s throats. CJ didn’t have time for her bullshit. He’d felt sorry for Harley after witnessing Aunt Zoann’s unyielding attitude, but fuck, he understood.

Shoving the chair back, he got to his feet. “Don’t fucking text me again, Harley.”

She jumped to her feet and rushed to him, grabbing his wrist. “No, please! I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Don’t leave me. Please. I miss you so much.” She started to cry again, real, true Harley tears that touched him to the depths of his soul.

He faced her again. Her eyes were glistening, but her jasmine scent wafted to him, bringing their last kiss to mind. His gaze dropped to her mouth. Her lips were so bruised and swollen, he wondered if she felt pain.

“Have you taken Jaleena out yet?”

“No.” Bending, CJ nuzzled her neck. He licked the pulse point at the base of her throat, wanting to kiss her. Wanting so much more with her. He settled his hands on her hips, a moment away from sneaking her to his house—his room—and giving in to his need for her. The resentment toward her simmering beneath the surface fell away. If a pregnancy test really had been involved in the fight, it had been negative. “Why?”

She placed her arms around his neck. “Don’t go out with her. Please, CJ. Or, if you do, let me come with you.”

Her demand cooled him like nothing else could, except her screaming anger. He wouldn’t even tell her the date had already happened. “I’m not taking you with me on a fucking date with another girl. If I wanted you with me, I’d ask you out.”

Stumbling back to her seat, she sat folded her arms on the table and face planted, sobbing bitterly.

CJ drew in a breath, so torn about Harley, but they needed a new starting point. As long as she behaved, perhaps they could slowly rebuild their friendship. Yet Harley took two steps forward and ten backwards. Something set her off and all hell broke loose.

He sat in the chair, leaned over and took her hand in his. “Talk to me, Harley, but tell me the truth and start from the beginning. Why the fuck did you fight your mother and grandmother?”

Hearing the sternness in CJ’s voice concerned Harley. She didn’t know what he knew. That was one reason she hadn’t texted him. She hadn’t known what to say. Being put out of her house humiliated her.

“Talk to me, Harley.”

The sound of his voice filled her with warmth and familiarity. It seemed as if it had been forever since they’d spent time together. In reality, it had been less than a month when she’d gone to CJ’s room at Uncle Christopher’s fiftieth birthday party.

“What do you want to know?” she hedged.

He narrowed his eyes at her. They were green, like emeralds, ringed by lashes longer than hers. His hair was thick, ink-dark, and silky. He must be six feet now. The places his lips brushed earlier still sizzled.

She felt ugly, awkward, and meaningless next to his beauty. But she had what she wanted—his full attention on her.

“I’m counting to ten,” he told her. “If you don’t fucking talk to me, I’m leaving.”

Her lips trembled and tears rushed to her eyes.

“Stop,” he ordered. “All you do is cry or bitch or argue. Get control of yourself. You’re turning everyone against you. If you want to live your life alone, continue on the same path you’ve been on.”

Anger flashed through her, and she opened her mouth, but he lifted a brow and whatever she’d been about to say flew out of her head.

“You’ve turned against me, too!” she wailed.

“You turned me against you,” he countered, his voice neither harsh nor triumphant. They were just him.

Real tears pooled in her eyes. He was slipping away from her before her very eyes. She needed to pull him back to her side as soon as possible.

“Ryan wanted to feel my hair,” she said, swiping at her tears, waiting for him to explode in a jealous fit.

Then she’d know he found her beautiful. Boys only fought for pretty girls.

Although CJ remained calm, he studied her. “Your hair?”

She nodded, wiped more tears from her cheeks. “He was so mean and insulting to me.”

“I’m sure you can handle it,” he said dryly.

“Wh-what?”

“You’re fucking playing me.”

“I am not! Ryan was—”

“Ryan is an asshole. I don’t doubt he’s been fucking with you, but you left a swath of victims in your fucking wake. You don’t need me to defend you.”

“That isn’t true! Please, I love you. Please.”

CJ heaved in a breath. “Stop, Harley. Love isn’t about manipulation. Love is love. It’s hard and it’s not always pretty. I’ve watched my parents. Barring Torie, my mom forgave all Dad’s schemes. Because she loved him and she trusted him. Did he piss her off? Rarely was it serious, but they worked at their marriage. Their love was a commitment to themselves, to their kids, and to the entire family.”

“Daddy said a relationship takes work. I laughed at him. I-I…to me love means never saying sorry and never…” She shook her head. “If you love someone, it comes naturally. There should be no work involved.”

“You’re looking at it entirely wrong, sweetheart. If you’re not willing to put in the time to nurture love, you shouldn’t even try to begin with.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, so very sexy Harley’s pulse pounded. “When I offered you the ring, asked you to be my girl, I didn’t expect you to suddenly grow up and become someone you weren’t ready to be. I wanted to be at your side for every milestone to cheer you on and stick my chest out, knowing you belonged to me.”

Confusion muddled her thoughts, which stirred her anger. She didn’t like to feel stupid or ugly. “I’d belong to you, and you’d belong to Molly, Jaleena, me, and everyone.”

Shaking his head, he sat up. “You just don’t fucking get it, do you?”

“I’m trying, CJ!”

“No, you’re too busy resenting the different places we’re at. Instead of embracing who we are. You’re a smart girl. It isn’t rocket science to figure out that I belonged to you at one time. Wherever you were is where I was or wanted to be. This isn’t a battle of the fucking sexes, Harley. When my dad says Mom belongs to him, he doesn’t have to add he belongs to her. It’s a given.”

She focused on the words, at one time. “You don’t want to belong to me anymore?”

“No.”

A sob escaped her and she covered her mouth.

“I’ve been here over an hour and you have yet to tell me why the fuck you raised your hands to Aunt Bailey and Lolly. You’re rehashing shit we’ve already settled so you won’t take responsibility for all the chaos you’ve created.”

“You hate me!”

“I don’t hate you. I don’t like you very much. I miss the Harley you were.”

“What about all the garbage about allowing me to grow up?” she flared.

“It wasn’t garbage. You have an unerring audacity to try to twist my words to suit you, forgetting that I have fucking feelings, too. I waited for you as I promised. You didn’t believe me. But waiting for you didn’t mean putting my fucking life on hold. What the fuck is wrong with you? You’ve lost your fucking mind and turned into the most selfish cunt I’ve ever fucking met.”

She sobbed harder.

“Jesus fucking Christ, shut up already!” He jumped to his feet. “You fucked Nardo and you’re in here playing the victim. You seriously believe me telling you I’d give you room to grow up means I’d sit the fuck around and put up with your fucking viciousness.” He loomed over her, bending and thrusting his face into hers. “Let me find a fucking mirror and see what type of fucking dickhead I see staring back, Harley. You broke my fucking confidence. You cheated. You raised your fucking hands to me. You were a bitch to Molly. You fucked up your parents’ marriage. You raised your hands to your mother and grandmother. It’s all fucking you.”

“CJ, fella, why don’t you get on home?” Uncle Val interrupted. In his bare feet, he wore a pair of pajamas, a frown of concern on his face as he glanced between CJ and Harley.

“You’re right, Uncle Val.” CJ straightened and backed away. He swept Harley with a look, hatred gleaming in his eyes.

In the years she’d known him, she’d never seen such revulsion from him toward her.

He started to turn.

“No, please! Please, please, please, CJ,” she begged. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I thought we settled…I told you I didn’t sleep with Nardo.”

“You’re a fucking liar,” he snarled, his eyes black with fury. “I don’t believe you. Nothing you have to say.”

“But—”

“Shut up. I came here because I was so fucking worried about you. I came here expecting…never mind. I’m a lying motherfucker. I rang the doorbell wondering if I was making a mistake. But we just go round and round. It’s what you do. The most. All the fucking time just to hide what the fuck you’ve really done.”

“You do hate me.”

“I sure the fuck don’t like you.”

“I know you’re beautiful and I’m not,” she sobbed, “so you want…Nardo said I was gorgeous—”

“That fuckhead wanted to fuck you, Harley. Can you not get that through your fucking head? He wanted to fuck you and you wanted to fuck me. He wanted it literally. You wanted it figuratively, so don’t fucking cry now. You got what the fuck you want.”

“No, I swear! I swear! I swear. God, please! Please!” she sobbed, almost hysterical.

Aunt Zoann came running in followed by Ryan and Devon. But Harley didn’t care. CJ was turning his back on her, leaving. She stumbled after him, grabbing his wrist and falling to her knees, begging him not to abandon her and swearing she was a virgin. She barely understood the words falling from her mouth.

“Harley, baby, let him go,” Aunt Zoann said, dropping next to her and wrestling her hand away from CJ’s wrist. “You both need to cool off.”

She fell into Aunt Zoann’s arms, sobbing bitterly, missing Mommie, and Lolly, and Daddy. And her brothers. But most of all missing CJ.

“He doesn’t believe me, Aunt Zoann,” she cried. “I…I…Molly is so pretty and—”

“I fucking told you Molly was Ryan’s girlfriend. I didn’t have sex with her.”

“But you were her science partner.”

“Did I teach that motherfucking class? No. Mr. Billson did. He assigned us. As for your beauty, I’m so fucking tired of telling you how gorgeous you are. No, fuck, scratch that. I could tell you every day all day how gorgeous you are, if you believed me. Just one more fucking thing you don’t believe me about.”

“I-I have acne and…and…and…” Shame filled her. “I’ll never measure up to Mommie, Rebel, Mattie, or Molly.”

“Harley, no one can give you confidence,” CJ told her. “No matter what I say, if you don’t look in a fucking mirror and see beauty, it’s meaningless.”

“I just want to measure up for you because I want you to give me the ring and I want to be your girlfriend.”

“You have a fine fucking way of showing it. You’re not getting the fucking ring, Harley.” He glared at her. “Can I fucking go now?”

She thought for a moment. Considered his anger and hostility. “You know about the pregnancy test, don’t you?”

He gave her a dark look.

“I’m so sorry.”

“No, you aren’t. You’re sorry you couldn’t fucking virgin trap me, since the baby trapping failed. How fucking dare you and Aunt Bailey wanting to pin that motherfucker’s baby on me!”

“It wasn’t meant as an insult.”

“I take it as a great fucking insult. You fucking know me, Harley. All you had to do was come to me, honestly, and I wouldn’t have given a fuck if you carried that miserable motherfucker’s baby. When you realized you weren’t fucking pregnant, you got pissed with Aunt Bailey for not going with your fucked-up plan. Thank you. Thank you very much for considering how the fuck I might feel.”

“I’m so sorry. I just didn’t want to lose you, CJ.”

“You couldn’t have wanted to keep me. Not trying to fuck over my fucking life with your fucking games.”

“Forgive me, please. Please don’t hate me.”

“Hate you?” He laughed bitterly. “I fucking hate Ryan. I hate Uncle Johnnie. Hate is just one step on the other side of love. Or family ties. Or rivalry. You? I don’t hate. I don’t love. I feel absolutely nothing for you. Congratulations, if you thought to play me, you fucked over yourself in the process.”

He swept her with one last cold look and stormed away.

Walking into his house, CJ appreciated the warmth that greeted him as he stepped into the foyer. The five-minute walk home calmed his temper and left him empty. He hadn’t expected the depth of his anger and betrayal toward Harley.

Earlier, when Dad told him about the situation, CJ had just talked to Axel about what had happened between Wally and Mattie. What Harley and Aunt Bailey had planned had the potential to ruin his fucking life, which had shocked him. Not only that, he was almost fucking certain it would’ve created a chasm between his family and Harley’s. One that could’ve easily turned deadly.

Uncle Mort believing CJ took Harley’s virginity would’ve been a betrayal after the heart-to-heart they’d had last year. And putting it out there that CJ made her pregnant? He would’ve been marked for death.

That was how wars started.

CJ scrubbed a hand over his face, pretending he wasn’t fucking crushed at how much Harley and Aunt Bailey wanted to use him. Of how little they actually thought about him.

Harley was stupidly misguided and unnecessarily insecure. Aunt Bailey was an adult, though. She shouldn’t have resorted to those tactics. As a matter of fact, she should’ve come to Uncle Mort, CJ, Mom, and Dad herself and told them what was going on. His parents might not have liked it. Even Uncle Mort would’ve voiced his protest, but they all would’ve agreed that Nardo was a fuckhead who couldn’t be tied to Harley for years because she’d been a fucking idiot.

CJ covered his face, regretting ever stopping to see her. He should’ve listened to his instincts and come home. Now, the ugly truth had revealed itself—to him and to her.

He’d never ever look at her the same way. Or trust her. Or love her. Or anything.

Growling, he kicked the wall.

The overhead light glimmered to life and CJ turned.

“Your ma ain’t gonna be too happy at the boot mark on her wall, boy.” Dad stood in the archway, shirtless and barefoot, but still in his jeans. “Val called me.”

He didn’t understand his father’s tone. Didn’t know what Dad expected from him. An apology for losing his shit in his aunt and uncle’s house? Screaming at Harley because he was sick of her bullshit and she’d lost her fucking mind so she was trying to drive him out of his?

“Come with me, son.” Without waiting for CJ’s response, Dad turned, aware that CJ would follow his orders.

Exhausted, angry, and confused, CJ walked behind his dad, bypassing the staircase and heading to the archway that would bring them close to the den and the man cave, which was Dad’s destination.

He walked behind the bar, grabbed a bottle of tequila and two glasses, and nodded to a stool. “Sit.”

Once CJ complied, Dad filled the glasses, then slid one to CJ and returned the bottle to its space on the bar. He grabbed his ring of keys that indicated this was where Dad had been when CJ arrived and unlocked a cabinet. He pulled out a bin with a bag of Aunt Mary, rolling paper in several sizes, a grinder, a scale, scoop, small plastic bags that were empty, and a tamping rod.

“Know how to roll?”

“I know what everything is, but I’ve never rolled a cigarette.”

Dad smiled. “I was eleven when Big Joe showed me.”

“That…wow…that was young.”

“I felt real old, CJ.” Dad tasted his tequila, then lit a cigarette. “Sometimes, it felt like ain’t nobody wanted me. Just your grandpa. Fred…my sisters’ old man…was always nice to me. ‘Til he left or got fucked up. One day I feel one way about why he was suddenly gone and the next day I feel another way. Been that way since I was twelve.” He smoked for a minute, studying CJ. “Ma did what she could.” Cigarette between his index and middle finger, he scrubbed his jaw. “At least I wanna believe that.”

Silent, CJ sipped his tequila, wishing for his own cigarette. Before he went to his room, he’d have to ask his father to give him a pack from the cabinet.

“I saw fuckin’ before I started fuckin’.”

CJ didn’t know what to say. He thought of Ember. She’d been texting him, but he hadn’t responded.

“Big Joe got one of the club girls to fuck me when I was fifteen.” Dad jammed his cigarette in the corner of his mouth, took the smallest pack of rolling paper and handed one to CJ before getting a king sized one for himself. He picked up the bag of marijuana and put his cigarette in the ashtray. “By the time I moved to the club at sixteen, Big Joe had me moving small quantities of Aunt Mary.”

CJ stared at his father, his brain too overwhelmed to understand the message.

Dad held the bag out to CJ. “Measure out three quarters of a gram. Take the smallest bag and pack it, then measure out a gram and a half and do the same.”

Hesitating a moment, CJ cleared his throat and took the bag. “H-how much is this?”

“Measure it and tell me,” Dad said with a shrug, then sipped his tequila while CJ did as told. “What’s the scale say?”

“Two point twenty-five—” CJ rechecked the number— “Two point twenty-six pounds.”

“Decriminalization and legalization fucking with the bottom line,” Dad grumbled, “but the sales bring in a good profit for the club.”

CJ looked at the bag atop the scale. “How much would this bring in?”

“I paid five grand for it.”

“H-how? I-I mean it’s your merchandise.”

“It’s the club merchandise, son. Can’t arbitrarily take shit. Less profit for the club, and by extension, the brothers.”

“Does that mean if I want a joint I have to pay?”

“If a motherfucker at the club offered you one and they not in your circle, yeah. My advice is if that’s the fuckin’ case, say fuck no. Some brothers lace their shit.”

“Did you ever try anything other than Aunt Mary?”

“When I prospected, I had to be awake two or three days at a time sometimes. Tried coke. Big Joe was madder than a motherfucker. He beat the fuck outta me. Laid my ass up for a fuckin’ month.”

“Wasn’t…wasn’t…Big…Granddad…a drug…?”

“A stone cold fuckin’ addict,” Dad said quietly. “I wanted him fuckin’ gone. Dead. Away. As much as I wanted him clean and better. He fuckin’ crushed me. Ain’t never loved and hated a motherfucker the way I did him.”

CJ glanced away, thinking of Harley, finally understanding.

“We have lessons to learn, CJ. Hard, painful ones that make you think you losin’ your fuckin’ mind. That make you hate the fuckin’ world cuz of another motherfucker. Big Joe taught me about business. About weed. How to protect myself. But mostly he taught me how to be a father and how to love. He ain’t had to take me under his wing. He coulda kept his distance. Turned his back.”

Once again, CJ lost his father’s point.

“When I was in the hospital after motherfuckin’ Snake shot me and I told your ma I wanted a kid, I ain’t had no fuckin’ concept of bein’ a dad. I ain’t thought about the kid’s future. I fuckin’ thought about leavin’ a piece of me behind when I bit it. But your ma wanted me and she wanted babies and your ma had a lot of love in her cuz Big Joe had a lotta love for her. If Kiera or another girl had my kid, I still wouldna had what I got now. A home and a family. I wouldna had sons that had more of a childhood than me. Wasn’t a normal one, but it was better than mine. I wouldna had a beautiful girl who could walk a runway or piledrive a motherfucker. I woulda had a son I’m so fuckin’ proud of who goin’ through real teenage shit. Is it easy? No. I’m so fuckin’ pissed with Bailey, I don’t know if I ever wanna talk to her again. Is it easy, watchin’ you in so much fuckin pain cuz Harley not mature enough to realize what a good guy you are? Fuck no. It’s breakin’ my fuckin’ heart, CJ. But you don’t know about kilos and rolling paper and drug transactions cuz you never had to know.”

“It still hurts, Dad. I loved Harley so much.” He thought of Molly and the kiss he’d shared and bowed his head. “Or, maybe, I didn’t. Maybe Harley’s right and I cheated on her. I kissed Molly and Jaleena.”

“You can’t cheat on a motherfucker you not together with,” Dad growled. “Harley turned you down. You ain’t had no fuckin’ allegiance to her.”

“I thought you liked Harley.”

“I love Harley like she was mine. If a motherfucker hurt her, I’d be the first to fuck them up if Mort unavailable. But she ain’t mine. You are. Val told me that Nardo opened his fuckin’ mouth about what he did with Harley.”

“Yeah, Dad.”

Dad emptied his glass. “Stretch or Johnnie have copies of the student files. I’m gonna see when Nardo’s eighteenth birthday is.”

“Two or three years away. His father’s over eighteen,” CJ said darkly, draining his glass. “He should be fucked up for wasting cum and making his son.”

Dad snickered, poured more tequila for them, then touched his glass to CJ’s. “Fuckin’ cheers to that.” He drank. “Ain’t fuckin’ up his old man ‘til we get him. It’ll be a 2-for-1. Don’t wanna tip that fuckhead off anyfuckinway. If we ice his old man, he might go underground.”

“You’re right,” CJ said, sincerely disappointed.

“Val said Harley was off the fuckin’ chain.”

“She was more than that. She’s gone fuckin’ insane.”

“I talked to Mort. Him and Bailey been talkin’. She didn’t tell him about the pregnancy test at first and what she planned, but when she did… He said he been sleepin’ on the sofa. I told him that I was mad at Bailey too, but she was runnin’ scared and was just tryna look out for her baby girl.”

“Aww, man.”

“Yeah, boy. Shit all fucked-up.”

Speaking of fucked up shit. “Dad, we have a situation.”

“I’m listenin’.”

“It’s about Mattie,” CJ said, and dove into what needed doing.