Chapter Twelve

CHAPTER TWELVE

April 2018, Yama Parvat Base Camp, Nepal

Lowell stooped to unzip the door of his tent and waved Evelyn in. She brought in a burst of snow as she entered; he quickly zipped the door behind them to keep in the warmth. Seeing the crossword puzzle books spread out across the floor, the pile of dirty clothes, Evelyn felt as if she had stepped into his bed , not just his bedroom.

“Sorry about the mess,” he said, following her gaze. “I tried to get the comms tent to let me set up a corner for interviews, but they said there was no space. It’s not easy luring people back to my tent, you know?”

“I can imagine,” Evelyn replied, although now that she had settled on the floor, she was thankful to be out of the snow and in someone’s company. The interview would distract her from worrying about Sophie and the others searching for the Japanese team. She was surprised that James had gone, but then again, he lived by a strict code of ethics on the mountain. “Help others as you would want to be helped.” That ingrained attitude of selflessness must be why Sophie had offered to help search.

Lowell fumbled around for a moment, producing a notebook, a pen, and a small recording device from his backpack. He made eye contact with Evelyn, checking to see if she was ready, and she nodded. He clicked on the device and sat back.

“Alright. So, just to remind you, this interview is for an article in Summit magazine. Can you state your name and which team you’re climbing with?”

“Evelyn Wright. I’m climbing on the American team.”

“Thanks. So. I’ll start with the question I’ve been asking everyone. How does it feel to be on Yama Parvat?”

“Oh...” Evelyn let her gaze travel to the ceiling of the tent, watched it billow and fold in the wind. “Unexplainable, but that’s a cop-out.” Lowell smiled and waited for her to go on. “It feels like my entire mountaineering career has led to this moment. My whole life, even. Since I was young, I dreamed about the world’s tallest and most challenging mountains. My sister and I—” Evelyn caught herself, surprised at how quickly Sophie had come up. She took a breath and tried again. “We always used to talk about how we’d summit all the eight-thousand-meter mountains first and then all the most dangerous smaller mountains. I realize now how naive we were, but it was nice to dream. I remember us talking about Yama Parvat years ago, before we knew it would be possible.” She paused again, trying to recalibrate before memories of Sophie took over the interview. “Anyway. It feels like the culmination of a dream and a lot of hard work.”

Lowell waited a moment, to make sure she was finished. “I’ve talked to a lot of people about the sacrifices they’ve made to come here. You’re a lawyer, right? How do you navigate making time to climb with such a demanding job?”

Evelyn smiled and looked down at her hands. “I quit.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. That’s my tip. Don’t let anything stand in the way of your passion, even being a rational adult who plans for the future.” She grimaced, thinking of the conversation with Miles.

“You’re not alone. I’ve met plenty of other people who have left their jobs for their dreams. But a lawyer—there’s a lot of time and effort invested to get there.”

Evelyn shrugged. “I know. And I hope it’s something that I can return to. I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to climb Yama Parvat. Just to see it, even.” She paused. “When James Haverford invites you to join his team, you don’t say no.”

Lowell nodded. “I talked to James earlier today. He’s a cool guy. So humble. You’ve done expeditions together before, right?”

“Yes. On Denali and Everest. You’re right, he’s humble, for all that he’s accomplished. I’m thankful that he’s taken time to mentor me. I wouldn’t be sitting here right now without him. Obviously, because of the invitation, but also because of the training he gave me early on.”

Lowell wrote something down and clicked his pen. “The person you’ve shared the most summits with is your sister, Sophie Greene. She’s here at Yama Parvat, too, but you’re on separate teams. How does that feel?” He saw the look on her face and raised his eyebrows.

“I—I don’t know—” Evelyn fumbled for her words. “Can we stop for a minute?”

Lowell reached over and switched off the recorder. “Off the record?”

She blinked at him, confused.

“I meant, if you want to talk to me about it, you can. It’s not some big secret. People are used to seeing you together. I imagine it’s strange for you, that’s all.”

“I climbed Lhotse without her last year,” Evelyn said. She longed to get out of the cramped tent and back into the fresh air, no matter how cold. “We can move on. Back to the interview.”

“We’re done, actually,” Lowell said. “Those were my only questions for now.” He watched her for a moment, saw her glancing at the door. “Evelyn, you can go if you want to, but I just wanted to say again that I’m here if you want to talk. I think I might understand some of what you’re feeling.”

“You do?” The pull to retreat to her own tent was still there, but he had sparked her curiosity.

“You might know this. I had a good climbing partner, my best friend, Pablo Pedrero. We met in high school. He spent his childhood in Mexico and was just crazy about the mountains in Canada. I grew up in Calgary and was like, casually outdoorsy, but he was rabid about it. So, we tried some routes, and damn, he was good. I could hardly keep up. But he was never competitive. We just helped each other.” He paused, took a breath. “One summer in college we took off to the Yukon. We lived in a shack at a dog sledding operation and worked until we had enough money to attempt Mount Logan. I mean, we were just dumb kids. Cheap gear, not enough food, way too high of expectations. But we did it. We climbed Canada’s highest mountain.”

When he paused, she interjected. “You don’t have to tell me what happened. I know.” Hearing the name had refreshed her memory, the article she had read about Pablo, who had fallen to his death on Kangchenjunga three years ago. His body had never been recovered.

He nodded and looked relieved. “I thought I would never come back from that. It seems impossible, you know? To go from sharing every step, every damn cold night in your tent, every victory with someone to just having them disappear. I know your sister isn’t dead,” he added quickly. “But still. It must feel isolating.”

“It’s my own fault. Besides, we’re both here. That’s about as good of a resolution as we could have hoped for.” She didn’t know if she believed her own words. There was nothing good about being stuck at Base Camp, worrying about Sophie as she searched for the missing team, but unable to greet her when she returned. Not unable—but. She had dug her own grave the first time she had kissed Miles, and kept going, tunneling straight through the earth to emerge in some backward version of the world.

Lowell cleared his throat, reminding her of his presence. “It’s not my place to say. I admit I don’t know the details. But don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you to just make up and be friends again.”

Evelyn studied him for a minute, allowing silence to pass between them. She couldn’t tell if she liked him. He seemed honest and forthcoming, which was a breath of fresh air after Miles’s usual caginess. But Lowell had gotten something right—the trip felt isolating. So had last year on Lhotse, even with other friends there. Every night she crawled into a tent alone and curled up in a fetal position inside her sleeping bag to keep warm. Everyone did. But she wasn’t used to being everyone, because before there had been Sophie, and they lay side by side, shoulders touching, and talked until one of them fell asleep. Almost always Sophie fell asleep first, and Evelyn lay awake for another hour, letting the darkness wash over her as she thought about tomorrow, what time they would wake up and what they would eat and how far they would go. Evelyn wasn’t the spiritual one, that was all Sophie’s territory, but sometimes she believed that they were created to be two halves of a perfect whole, a team that worked in seamless unity. Maybe Sophie had it easy, maybe the universe dropped good things into her lap, but at least on a mountain Evelyn could tamp down her jealousy and appreciate what a perfect partnership they made. Some small part of that universe had shattered when Miles had stepped into Evelyn’s life. It was easier to blame him, but she knew the part that she had played.

“Storm’s picking up,” Lowell said, breaking the silence. Evelyn listened for a moment to the wind buffeting the tent. “I keep waiting for us to get called on part two of the rescue mission. The worrying is driving me insane.”

“Me too. I’d hate to be out in this weather. I keep thinking they’ll be back any minute, and then they’re just...still gone.” Evelyn shifted, her back protesting from how long she’d been sitting cross-legged. “I haven’t even checked the time.”

“A little after six,” he offered. “At least, last time I checked, which was when we started our interview. It must be closer to seven now.” He let out a long breath. “Anyway. You like crossword puzzles? I have some sudoku, but I’m terrible at it.”

Evelyn tilted her head, wondering if she’d misheard him. “Is this an interview question?”

Lowell smiled and shook his head. “No, this is still off the record. I figured you might not want to walk back to your tent in this weather. Of course, if you do, I won’t keep you. Mind if I...” He trailed off, gesturing past her, and she glanced over her shoulder to see a stack of puzzle books in the corner of the tent. He hadn’t been kidding.

Just a few minutes ago, Evelyn had been eager to leave, but now that they’d moved past talking about Sophie, she admitted to herself that she enjoyed Lowell’s company. She didn’t fear the slog across Base Camp to reach her tent, but as she pictured herself sitting alone for the rest of the evening, she knew worry would consume her. Here, at least, she had the presence of another person. She decided she would stay until the search team returned to Base Camp.

“I’m bad at it too. Sudoku. I wish I was better with numbers.”

“Well,” he said, handing her a crossword book, “if you’re not good with numbers, then you must be good with words, eh?”

Not necessarily , she thought, but accepted the book and a pen without complaint.

“I’m not the most exciting company,” he said, looking sheepish. “This is my routine every night. I do crossword puzzles until I go cross-eyed, and then I sleep.”

“That’s about as much excitement as I need,” Evelyn said, and she meant it. They settled into silence, accompanied only by the sound of the wind and the occasional scratch of a pen, or turning of a page. Neither of them asked each other for help with clues, but when Evelyn announced that her fingers were freezing, Lowell produced a few hand warmers and tossed them her way. She activated two and shoved one into each glove, appreciative of the instant heat that made its way over her palms and down to her fingertips. She was overwhelmed by the simplicity of the moment—the snow, the silence, the kind company of a relative stranger.

“Hear that?”

She blinked and realized that she had been staring at her gloved hands. She lifted her head and listened, heard voices, faint but growing closer.

Lowell opened the door and poked his head out. He withdrew a moment later. “It’s them. I can’t tell how many people. It’s dark, but I saw the headlamps.”

“Good. Should we go out?”

He shook his head. “I think the situation is handled. We’ll be called if there’s anything we can do.”

Evelyn nodded. “They made it back down. That’s what matters.”

They fell back into silence. It was easy for Evelyn to stay inside and let other people handle the team’s arrival. Rushing to help was more Sophie’s domain; Evelyn was content to keep her head down and focus on herself. Selfish, maybe, but one had to be when overexertion could prove fatal. Teamwork mattered to an extent, but at the end of the day, you had to be capable of saving yourself.

Evelyn wasn’t sure how much time passed before she looked over and saw that Lowell had fallen asleep. He lay on his stomach, arms folded, a crossword book in front of his face and a pen by his side. Glasses still on. She wondered if she should wake him, but she knew personally how hard it could be to find sleep on a mountain, especially in a storm. The blizzard outside did not make the walk to her tent appealing. She lowered to her stomach on the sleeping pad, stretching out her cramped legs, and turned to a new page in the book. She would leave after this puzzle, she told herself, and then realized she was too optimistic. After you run out of clues you know , she thought. But after only a few words her vision blurred and she lowered her head to rest in her hand, felt the warmth from her palm reach her cheek, and fell asleep.

When Evelyn woke up, the sun had risen. She was briefly disoriented by the blue tent instead of the familiar red of her own, but then she remembered the night before. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep and wondered if Lowell minded. He was still sleeping but had made his way inside the sleeping bag at some point and had taken off his glasses. She sat up and rubbed a sore muscle in her neck before unzipping the door slowly, trying not to wake Lowell. The light from outside briefly blinded her; she blinked furiously until her vision adjusted. The wind seemed to have retreated but there was snow everywhere, covering the rocky ground and most of the tents. A fresh foot of powder, maybe. The American team was supposed to stay at Base Camp all day, so it wouldn’t affect their plans. She wondered if they might even stay longer, since James had gone up to Camp One without acclimating.

She heard movement behind her and turned, almost bumping her face into Lowell’s as he sat up and peered over her shoulder at the blanket of snow. “Making a quick exit?”

“Sorry,” she replied, feeling herself flush. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

Lowell shrugged. “It’s fine. Could have used my sleeping pad, though.” He paused, considering the snow. “Lucky they fetched the Japanese team.”

“Yeah. I’m sure there’s more snow at higher altitude.” She paused, feeling the growl in her stomach. “Are you hungry?”

“Yes, but not enough to get out of this sleeping bag yet.”

“I think I need to eat. Like I said, I’m not the best at having an appetite.”

He nodded, eyes half-closed as he slipped back into his sleeping bag. “Enjoy. A winter wonderland.”

She smiled to herself as she left the tent. He was kind. Funny. She needed to spend less time around him.

She walked quickly across camp, hoping that no one saw her hurried exit. They would assume the worst, immediately. She didn’t really care what anyone thought except for her own team, didn’t want them to think that she was distracted or wasn’t taking the expedition seriously. She made it to her own tent and changed into new clothes, trying to shake the feeling that she’d done something wrong.

The mess tent was somewhat lively, more than half of the chairs taken. She grabbed an assortment of offerings from the back—dried fruit, Nepali breads, thin pancakes—and was about to sit down when she caught someone waving to her from the corner of her eye. She looked: Levi. Her heart sank for a moment—she had clearly seen him; she couldn’t ignore him now. But then another thought seized her. Had something happened to Sophie? She pushed her chair in and made her way to a seat across from him, noting Sophie’s absence. Instead, Penelope was by his side again.

“Good morning,” she said as she sat down.

“Sorry, I won’t keep you long. I wanted to let you know about Sophie.”

Her heart skipped a beat. “Is she okay?”

He raised a hand quickly, as if to deflect her concern. “She’s fine, she’s okay. Just really worn out. Could barely stand up this morning.”

“Oh.” That was the news? “Well, thanks for telling me. I’m glad she’s okay. That must have been exhausting. But worth it, to bring Yakumo’s team down.”

Levi blinked at her. “You haven’t heard?”

“What?” He was going to give her a heart attack, making vague statements like this.

“They couldn’t find the Japanese team. They weren’t at the Camp One location. They searched farther, but the team is missing. No sign of them anywhere.”

She set down her fork. “Oh my god. Really? Just...vanished?”

He nodded. “There’s a possibility, of course, that they could be somewhere else. But it seems unlikely. I mean, you saw how much snow we got down here. It could be worse farther up the mountain. Windier, at the very least.”

“I saw the headlamps last night. I thought... I just assumed they were successful. I didn’t get out to check.”

“I didn’t either,” Penelope interjected. “I was sound asleep. This morning, I woke up, and George told me, ‘Yakumo is gone.’ I couldn’t believe it.”

Evelyn felt a tap on her shoulder and glanced up as Phil and Danielle passed by, waving at her. She lifted a hand back, wondering if she was the only one out of the loop. “Will anyone go to look today, now that the storm is over?”

Levi shrugged. “Maybe. No talk of it yet. We,” he said, indicating himself and Penelope, “were supposed to go to Camp One today, but George and Sophie are in no shape for that. So, for now, we’re stuck.”

“Us too. I mean, we just arrived yesterday. Acclimatization and all that.” Levi gave her a funny look. She pushed her plate aside. “What?”

“It just occurred to me that you should probably talk to your team,” he said. His caginess bothered her and she raised her eyebrows, imploring him to continue. “It’s not my place to say anything,” he said, as if he hadn’t been the one to hint at something more. “James was injured yesterday. He’s in bad shape, according to Sophie.”

Evelyn sat back in her seat, her thoughts traveling at light speed. She shot a glance over at Phil and Danielle; they were seated near each other, eating and talking. She felt a flash of anger and wondered why no one had told her. Then she remembered where she’d spent the night. They’d probably looked for her and found her tent empty.

“Thanks for telling me.”

“Sorry I had to.”

His tone wasn’t smug, but she wondered what he thought—it would seem strange, to an outsider, that she hadn’t been privy to such important news. “Like I said. I didn’t leave my tent last night. It’s my fault.” She wanted to leave the conversation but couldn’t bring herself to stand, to walk over to Phil and Danielle and hear the details of James’s condition. If he was out of commission, their summit bid might be over before it started.

Levi cleared his throat, as if eager to change the subject. “There’s talk of a puja today if the Lama made it through the storm.”

“You’ll have to wake Sophie up for that. She loves the ceremonies.”

He nodded. “I know. I think she’s told me about all the ones you experienced together in the Himalayas.” He paused, gaze shifting to the door as George entered.

“I’m going to check in with him,” Penelope said, slipping out of her seat.

Levi made no move to stand up. “Do you need to go?” Evelyn asked him.

He shook his head. “I’ll wait for him to get settled. Honestly, and I don’t mean this in a self-pitying way, I think I’m the least important member of the team. They’re all better athletes than me. I think I just made a good impression on George in the Alps. He liked my personality, maybe, but George, Penelope, Sophie—they’re out of my league. Ruslan and Ivan, too. They’re total powerhouses. I don’t know how I’m going to keep up.”

She wasn’t sure how to respond to his confession. “Have you told George? If someone on my team was anxious about keeping up, I would want to know. It affects everyone.”

She was worried that she had sounded harsh, but he didn’t seem to be offended. “No, I haven’t. Right now, it’s all hypothetical concerns. I’ll see how I feel after Camp One.” He paused. “Honestly, I’m more nervous about telling Sophie. Not that she’ll judge me, but I could see her trying to get both of us to quit.”

Evelyn blinked. She wondered how much climbing he had done with Sophie, or if she was just a different person with him. Sophie didn’t quit climbing. Other things, sure—she hadn’t finished college, she often gave up on extracurriculars in high school, and she constantly got distracted midway through chores, leaving half a sink of dirty dishes for Evelyn to begrudgingly finish. But on a mountain, Sophie was all business, determined to finish at any cost. Even though they worked as an inseparable team, there had been times when Evelyn suspected that if she were to call out, Sophie would have pushed on, alone.

She decided to change the subject, uncomfortable with Levi revealing too much about his abilities to her, lest she become the only one who knew that he “couldn’t keep up” should something happen to him. It was a dark thought, but she wasn’t about to spill his concerns to George herself. “Do you think,” she said, before she really knew where the sentence was headed, “that Sophie would talk to me?”

He stared at her. “Like, today?”

She shrugged. “Sometime soon. Today or tomorrow, ideally.”

“I can suggest it to her,” he said. “But I don’t think she’s too happy about us talking.”

“You told her?”

“I mentioned that we had met. She reacted poorly. So...” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Maybe I shouldn’t say anything. Maybe you should approach her.”

“You’re probably right.” She paused, listening to the sounds of conversation around her, the clinking of forks. If she closed her eyes, she could pretend she was back home in a New York restaurant, seated across from Miles, not Levi, though the cold air and the dull drone of the space heaters were hard to ignore. “Things have been—difficult—lately, between me and Miles,” she blurted out, because there was no one else in the world to tell. She knew that Levi probably didn’t care; he was a world removed from her relationship with Miles and, therefore, Sophie’s relationship with Miles. But he was the closest thing she had to Sophie right now, and there were few consequences to sharing the information. Miles was back in New York, and if Levi told Sophie—what difference would it make?

Levi leaned forward in his chair, regarding her with trepidation. “I don’t know if you should tell Sophie that.”

“Why?”

“Because I think she’s finally come to terms with it. Well, that might be an exaggeration. She sees you as her sister who is dating her ex-husband. She’s wrapped her head around it. If you tell her it’s not working out, she’s going to see all that pain as having been for nothing.”

“I didn’t think of it that way.” She paused. “But we haven’t broken up. We had a fight before I left. He wasn’t exactly thrilled about me coming here. I haven’t had a chance to talk to him since we arrived.”

Levi raised his eyebrows. “Look, I’ve heard plenty of bad things about the guy. Maybe it’s better if we don’t get into the details. Just try to catch Sophie when you can. Maybe she’ll want to talk to you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I should probably check in with my team.”

She watched as he made his way to the end of the table closest to the door. She appreciated his candor but had hoped for a different answer—that Sophie was eager to talk to her, had been planning on starting a conversation. Evelyn knew that she couldn’t keep stalling. If James was seriously hurt and their team couldn’t attempt the summit, she might have to leave Yama Parvat in the next few days, and she didn’t know when she would have a chance to see Sophie again. She knew they wouldn’t end up celebrating Thanksgiving or Christmas together anytime soon. If they made it off the mountain without talking, the river of hurt rushing between them might become uncrossable.

Evelyn picked up her still-full plate and walked slowly down to where Phil and Danielle were seated, dreading the inevitable conversation. As she sat, Phil gazed at her, brow furrowed.

“What do you know?”

She hesitated. “That James was injured last night. That he’s in bad shape.”

Her teammates exchanged glances. “Good. We tried to tell you last night but your tent was empty.”

“I was taking a walk.”

“In a snowstorm?”

“I had a lot on my mind.”

Danielle nodded, accepting Evelyn’s excuse. “We saw him this morning. He was taken to the doctor pretty quickly last night. And he’s okay, nothing he won’t heal from. He has a concussion, a broken left arm, and some bad bruising. But he’ll be alright.”

Evelyn exhaled, though it wasn’t a sigh of relief. “Is he leaving the mountain?”

“Not yet,” Phil said, fiddling with his mug of instant coffee. “At least a week, to see how the concussion comes along. But knowing James, he’ll want to stick around until someone summits.”

“So we can keep climbing? The three of us, I mean?”

Danielle snorted, pushing a strand of black curls behind her ear. “I think James would have rather died in that crevasse than not see us make a summit attempt.”

“You’re right,” Evelyn conceded, though she was thankful for her teammate’s reassurance.

“You can probably see James if you want to,” Phil said. “He’s laid up in a cushy cot in the medical tent. Although,” he continued, shooting a glance at Danielle, “he told us he’d rather sleep in his tent.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. He probably hates all the doting.” Evelyn looked at her plate and realized she still hadn’t eaten anything. She took a few quick bites of the now-cold pancakes and wrapped the dried fruit in a napkin, tucking it in her pocket for later. She said goodbye to Phil and Danielle and minutes later found herself outside beneath a brilliant blue sky. A sharp wind blew through Base Camp, raising ghostly waves of snowflakes that stung Evelyn’s cheeks like a million tiny needles. She circled around the mess tent to the much smaller medical tent, knocking twice on the canvas door.

When no one answered, she stuck her head through the door, blinking in the sudden darkness. “Hello?”

“Come in,” said an unfamiliar voice. She stepped inside, securing the door behind her, appreciative of the well-heated tent after the bitter cold outside. The doctor was seated at his desk, filling out paperwork. A nurse sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the desk, reading a book. She looked up at Evelyn after a moment, appraising her.

“You’re here to see James,” she said, and stood up, tucking the book under her arm. “I’ll let him know.” She slipped behind what looked like a solid wall, though Evelyn realized it must hide a small room, some simulation of privacy for patients. A minute later, the nurse reappeared, nodding at Evelyn. “You can see him.”

Evelyn thanked her and ducked behind the canvas flap. James was seated upright on a cot, his left arm in a cast, his face partially bandaged. He saw her expression and grinned.

“It looks worse than it feels. Trust me.”

Evelyn found herself frozen for a moment, filled with uncertainty. “I’m sorry,” she managed to say, although it didn’t feel like enough.

“Me too. Pretty unlucky. I must have dealt out some bad karma at some point.” He gestured at a folding chair beside the cot. “Sit. Keep me company in my misery.”

She did as he said, angling the chair to face the cot as best she could in the cramped space. “I’m sorry I didn’t come with Phil and Danielle this morning. I didn’t know.”

“Yeah, I was surprised when they said they couldn’t find you. We don’t need more people going missing.”

“I was just taking a walk,” Evelyn said, her face hot, tired of lying. She had chosen the worst possible night to sleep in someone else’s tent. “I was worried about you. And Sophie. And everyone else climbing.”

“I get it. It’s hard to sit around and twiddle your thumbs when it feels like you could be helping. That’s why I went. Which was a stupid decision, in retrospect. I should have known better.”

“What happened?”

“You don’t know?” He paused, turning his gaze to the ceiling for a moment, as if he didn’t want to repeat it again. “I was too close to the edge of a crevasse. It caved in.” He shrugged his right shoulder and looked at Evelyn again. “A combination of bad choices and bad luck. I just didn’t want to stop looking for Yakumo yet. It seemed like everyone else had given up. He’s an old friend of mine.”

“We’ll find him,” she said, though she knew the words were empty of real promise. “Phil and Danielle said you’re staying around for a bit?”

James smiled. “Yeah. Can’t get rid of me this easily. I’ll stay until someone summits if I can. Hopefully the three of you. I’ve run logistics from Base Camp on Everest before; I’d be happy to do it again here. If I don’t step on any toes.” He paused, considering her for a moment. “You’d make a good leader, Evelyn. Phil and Danielle told me they’d be happy to defer to your judgment. Unprompted. I promise I didn’t force them to say that.”

Evelyn tried to laugh but only managed a weak smile. She thought of her disastrous attempt at being a guide several years ago. “That’s a big task. Can we not just be a democratic trio?”

“You can, for a long time if you’re lucky. But eventually there will come a moment when you all disagree and someone has to make the decision, even when there’s no good option. That’s a leader. Bring some of that no-nonsense lawyer energy to the fold.”

Evelyn grimaced. “James, I climb to get away from the lawyer energy.”

He laughed. “Fair enough. Look, I’ll be around for advice if you need it, but I’m not going to micromanage.”

“Okay, then I need advice. What should we do today?”

“I’m disappointed in you,” he said, shaking his head, though there was a small smile on his lips. “Wait until tomorrow. That fresh snow might cause some avalanches. If the three of you are feeling really good, you can wander around a little but don’t do anything that could be described as climbing.” He yawned, as if exhaustion had caught up to him. “I will be doing something that could be described as sleeping.”

Evelyn stood up, folded the metal chair, and placed it back against the wall. “Thanks, James. I’ll see you around. Let me know if I can bring you anything.”

“Nurse Devna’s got that covered, but thanks. I’m sure I’ll be back in my own tent in a few days, anyway.”

Evelyn waved goodbye and slipped out of the makeshift room, nodding to the nurse and doctor as she left the medical tent. The sharp sting of Himalayan cold struck her again as she stepped outside. She looked at Base Camp, which was mostly still, save for the colorful tents shaking in the wind.

She checked her watch. It had been about twenty minutes since she left her teammates at the mess tent. When she ducked back inside, they were still at the table, talking over their empty plates. Their attention landed on her when she sat down across from them.

“How is he?” Danielle asked.

“Probably the same as when you saw him this morning. He’s fine, I’d say. Handling it well.”

“He’s James. He’d handle anything well,” Phil said.

“He encouraged us to wander around a bit. Are either of you up for it?”

They both nodded. “It would be good to get some blood flowing,” Danielle said.

Fifteen minutes later, they met outside the mess tent, dressed for a light hike in the ten-degree temperature. Evelyn spent the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon exploring the area with her teammates. They stayed off the glacier, for the most part, not wanting to bother with crampons. The rocky area around and below Base Camp provided plenty of opportunities for a workout, especially with the snow, although most of it had melted after the sun rose. Evelyn slipped more than once on a slick rock and shed layers as the air temperature rose, filling her backpack with excess clothes. They watched porters pass on the naturally formed road below, carrying heavy loads of goods to somewhere deeper in the mountains. Overhead, the massive peaks of the Annapurna range reached to meet the sky. Evelyn had to remind herself to focus on the ground below; her neck hurt after mere minutes of gazing at the mountains, envisioning routes up all of them. Perhaps she wouldn’t go home after Yama Parvat. She could stay here forever, become a creature of the Himalayas, as elusive and legendary as the snow leopard. It was better to imagine than returning to New York.

She was the first to see the commotion when they reached camp. Phil and Danielle were deep in conversation but noticed when she stopped and pointed.

“What?” Phil asked.

“Is that—look, is that Yakumo’s team?” She didn’t believe it even as she said it, but close to the mess tent stood a cluster of bodies in navy down suits, which only the Japanese team wore. Someone in the group was talking animatedly, waving their hands. Several other people milled about, some pacing, some staring in what Evelyn assumed was also disbelief at the reappearance of the Japanese team. She had her answer moments later as they got closer. Yakumo was the one speaking, with a vigor as if describing a yeti encounter. But as they drew even closer, she realized he spoke in anger, not excitement.

“He looks upset,” she said to her teammates in a low voice. She slowed down, approaching the crowd carefully, to avoid bumping into Sophie. She didn’t see her sister, but spotted Lowell, and sidled up beside him. He noticed her and leaned closer, speaking without turning his head from the action before them.

“Hey. Yakumo is so pissed off.”

“Why? What happened?” When she saw his look of confusion, she continued. “I’ve been hiking for a few hours.”

He nodded. “Well, Yakumo’s team just showed up like thirty minutes ago. Sauntered into camp like they were never missing. Everyone freaked out and asked where they were, why they didn’t come down when the storm started. He said they found a better spot for Camp One, sort of wrapped around behind some rocks, off the planned route, more protected from exposure. And now he’s livid that the other teams tried to look. Thinks we need to trust each other more. Look out for our own teams and that’s it.” Lowell shrugged. “I don’t know if anyone else agrees.”

Evelyn’s gaze drifted from Yakumo back to the crowd. Her heart skipped a beat when she noticed Sophie standing almost diagonal from her. Sophie was looking at her, not her face, exactly, because they didn’t make eye contact, but vaguely around her. She could feel the heat of her sister’s gaze. A second passed and Sophie stepped closer to Levi, who stood beside her, and said something to him. He put his arm around her, and she leaned into his embrace. Evelyn tried to imagine what she felt—perhaps she was also angry, for the wasted search effort and Yakumo’s thanklessness, or perhaps she was simply relieved. Sophie had never been one to hold a grudge, not until Evelyn had tested the very limits of her forgiveness.

Yakumo’s voice rose, cutting through the crowd. She redirected her attention to him. He seemed to be speaking mostly to Wojciech and George. “I’m glad we agree. We’re all experienced mountaineers and it is a waste of time and energy to look for a team of competent, safe climbers. Thank you. This discussion is finished.” He turned and said something in Japanese to his team, who followed him away from the crowd. Wojciech threw up his hands and faced George, their conversation too quiet to hear, although she suspected they were not , in fact, in agreement with Yakumo.

Beside her, Lowell exhaled. “Wow, I can’t wait to interview Yakumo. This is turning into a circus. Have you eaten?”

She shook her head, aware that it was past lunchtime but not hungry. “I’ll go with you.”

“Thanks. I slept in, you know, just got up a little while ago.”

She walked with him to the mess tent, past Sophie and Levi, wondering if she should say something. But even a simple hello still felt impossible.

Once they were inside and seated with plates of food, she glanced at Lowell across the table. “So. You’ve heard about James by now?”

Lowell nodded. “I talked to him this morning. He’s in good spirits.”

“I know. Very Zen about the whole thing.” She took a bite of rice and swallowed. “He wants me to lead the team now.”

“Really? That’s great, Evelyn.”

She exhaled and leaned back in her seat. “I don’t know. Phil has way more experience than me. And it’s only two other people. Not much of a team to lead.”

Lowell regarded her for a moment. “He knows that Phil has more experience. He sees this as a good opportunity for you.”

“He said that?”

“No, but that’s the logical conclusion. He’s not throwing you to the wolves. You have two supportive teammates and you’ll probably be on the same schedule as us. Andrew will help you if you need it. Which you won’t, because you’re capable of doing this alone.”

“Thanks for the pep talk,” she replied, letting his words sink in. “I know it’s only been a day since we arrived, but it feels like a month. I can’t wait to get out of Base Camp.”

“I hear you. If we get stuck with more weather, you and I can sneak out in the middle of the night and climb this thing alpine style.”

“And everyone else can entertain themselves by carrying our frozen bodies down from the ridge.” She took a sip of water to hide her smile. For now, they were stuck in the shadow of the mountain. But it was fun to dream.

Later that afternoon, as the sun slipped beyond the peaks, casting the mountains in a rich pink alpenglow, the Lama arrived at Base Camp. The guides had spent the last couple of hours preparing for the puja and readying the Chorten, a rectangular stone structure with a hole in the center for a flagpole. Evelyn had witnessed some of the activity before retreating to her tent, tired and weak from that morning’s excursion. Her body was in the throes of adjusting to the altitude, which manifested in nausea and a pounding headache. She had managed to eat a small amount of food at lunch, but it wasn’t enough.

She and Lowell had gone their separate ways after lunch. She wasn’t sure that she would spend another night with him, although every time footsteps passed her tent, she half hoped they would pause and it would turn out to be him, extending an invitation for another night of company. But when boots did pause outside her tent, followed by a gentle knock, it wasn’t Lowell standing outside, but Phil.

“The puja is starting soon. Grab your sharps.”

“Really? It’s almost dark.”

He shrugged. “The guides say there’s no time to waste. They’re not happy that we’ve already been climbing.”

“ We haven’t,” Evelyn said with emphasis, grabbing her ice axe and crampons before exiting the tent. “Besides, this is for their benefit.”

Phil fell into step beside her. “I like the puja. I’ll take any blessing I can get.”

“I like it too,” she said, “but in a ‘this is a cool observation of another culture’ way. I don’t think it actually does anything.”

He shook his head. “This mountain is literally named after the god of death. Maybe he doesn’t live on this mountain, but with that name I’m not willing to risk it.”

Evelyn stayed quiet, surprised at her own negativity. She had always been a skeptic, embracing atheism in adulthood, but she tried not to stray into the territory of disrespect. Sophie had softened her nihilistic tendencies because she believed in all things spiritual and otherworldly. Without Sophie’s constant sense of wonder, Evelyn had slipped back into her cynical nature.

Most of the climbers had already gathered around the Chorten; Evelyn and Phil were among the stragglers trickling in. They deposited their sharps in a pile beside the structure and found Danielle. Chairs from the mess tent had been set up a few feet away; they sat as the last few people arrived. One of the guides lit a small juniper fire, the smoke drifting up to meet the growing darkness. The Lama stepped out from one of the supply tents, walking slowly to the Chorten as a hush fell over the camp. He wore a thick robe of deep maroon and carried a handbell and a small drum, which he placed on the table beside the rice and tsampa.

After placing the items, he sat cross-legged on the mat and began chanting in a deep voice, his head slightly bowed as he read from a Tibetan prayer book. Thirty slow minutes passed, the cold air seeping into Evelyn’s skin as she sat still, head tilted back, soaking in the rich navy color of the sky. The chanting stopped abruptly as a few guides emerged from the mess tent, carrying teacups that they distributed throughout the seated climbers. It took a few trips, but eventually Evelyn received a cup of milk tea from Mingma, one of the American team guides, and sipped it quickly, thankful for something sweet.

A few minutes passed in silence before the Lama resumed the ceremony. He rang the bell with his left hand and began to toss rice in the air with his right. The lack of wind caused the grains to fall directly back onto his shoulders. At the pujas on her past climbs, the crowds seemed happiest on the windy days, as if the gods were responding by waving the flags and carrying the prayers of the assembled to the mountain peaks. But that was only their own desperation to receive any sign that the climb might be a success. The collective attitude now felt more reverent than festive. The Lama fell silent, allowing the stillness of the night to wash over the gathered.

Mingma instructed the group to stand as the Lama resumed his chanting. The guides passed between the rows of chairs, giving each person a handful of rice. Evelyn cupped the grains in her left hand, waiting until the chanting grew in intensity and everyone threw their rice into the air, three times, in the direction of the flagpole. Evelyn felt the rice rain back down over her shoulders, pushed away from the flagpole—and the mountain—by a soft breeze. As clear a “no” as she had ever heard.

The Lama put away the sutra and symbolic items. This was the least spirited puja Evelyn had ever attended. Usually, there was a more frenzied, joyful energy in the air, a collective swelling of emotion that marked the significance of the journey about to be undertaken. Under the cover of darkness, the magic slipped away. The Lama chanted again for a few minutes, his voice alone filling the crisp night. He made his way to the mat and the team members were ushered toward him, one by one, kneeling before the Lama to receive his blessing.

Evelyn tried to muster an aura of thankfulness as he tied a golden cord around her neck, placing a khata scarf over top. She sensed a robotic rhythm to the Lama’s movements. She thought back to what Sophie had taught her about the purpose of the ceremony: to dispel obstacles that prevented people from attaining their worldly and spiritual aspirations. Because the ceremonies were based on karmic merit, there was no such thing as a failure. The thought comforted her. She could read into the stoic mountain all she wanted, but at the end of the day, it was just rock and ice, incapable of deciding fate. She scanned the crowd until she found Lowell and approached him. He had received the blessing before her and looked otherworldly standing in the moonlight, the cream-colored scarf glowing around his neck.

“Feeling blessed?” he asked as she stepped closer.

“Not particularly.” She pivoted to watch the rest of the ceremony. “No one seems thrilled to be here.”

“We should have waited until the morning. I don’t know why they insisted on rushing through tonight. It feels so...somber.”

“I think it’s because we’ve already been on the move.”

“Yeah, well. First ascent. No one wants to sit around for a puja when a title like that is at stake.”

She nodded. They watched in silence for several minutes, the slow shuffling of bodies back and forth on the mat. When the last climber had received the blessing, the Lama stood, gathered his things into a duffel bag, and walked down the hill into Base Camp, to a small shelter that had been staked near the mess tent. Mingma and the other guides began to pack away the remaining items and roll up the mats, although they left the flagpole in the Chorten. Still, no wind blew to move the prayer flags overhead.

“I’m going to talk to a couple of the guides,” Lowell said, breaking the silence. “See what they think about the state of the climb. But I’d like to get a quote from you, too, if you have time later.”

“From me? About what?”

“James’s injury, what it means for your team. How you feel about taking over as expedition leader.”

“Oh.” Evelyn stared down at her hands for a moment, her black gloves stark against the white snow. “I’m not sure I’ll have anything interesting to say about it.”

“That’s okay. I have no idea what my angle will be for this article yet. I’m just gathering as many interviews as I can. Come by in an hour?”

Evelyn nodded and Lowell waved her off. She walked back to her tent, taking a moment inside the quiet bubble to breathe. She wanted to leave Base Camp so desperately it scared her. She couldn’t survive another day wandering aimlessly and avoiding Sophie. As she lay back on her sleeping pad, she made a small resolution. She would find her teammates tomorrow, and make a case for climbing, as if her life depended on it. She was starting to suspect that it might.