4. ‘Kitty’

FOUR

‘KITTY'

RUBY

It took everything I had to reply to Malachi, or as I like to call him, Lachi. I've been a real idiot and chicken in regards to him, and with the bunch of them coming up here, I can't just hide from him for however long he's going to be visiting Presley.

I took Wildcat's advice and set up an appointment with her man, Malcolm. He's our new doctor on staff, not only for the ranch but also for the Blue Sky Sanctuary. Dr. Cora is now working more on a part-time basis since she brought her mom out to the ranch. Not sure of all that is happening, but I think her mom has Alzheimer's. That has got to be hard to handle, even with her being a doctor. I can't even imagine. Think her siblings are going to make their way out here eventually too.

So, here I am, waiting for Dr. Malcolm to finish up with his last patient. I'm a bit nervous, as I don't really like doctors since my automobile accident when I was a teenager. They all treated me badly, like I did something wrong. Well, I guess technically I did, you know, driving underage. Though my mom died because she was too stubborn to put her seat belt on.

The door opening and Heartbreaker walking out catches my attention. When she sees me, she smiles and walks toward me.

"Hey, Kitty, you sick?"

"No, need to speak to Dr. Malcolm about something. I mean, I want to talk to him about my anxiety and depression. How about you, sick?"

"Nope, funny you say anxiety, I'm here for the results of some tests. Girl, should have talked a while ago. Crap, maybe something in the water out at the ranch, as I also have anxiety. I think mine is from always worrying I'm going to fall off the wagon, so to speak, and get hooked on drugs again. I am trying hard. Between the meetings in person and online and going to therapy, it all seems to be helping. I've even managed to get on Shadow's good side. Well, most of the time anyway."

Heartbreaker raises her hand that is deformed due to our enforcer torturing her a few years ago, when she had fallen back into drugs and didn't help Tink find Squirt sooner. Shadow actually wanted to torture and kill her, but Tink said no. Can't believe Heartbreaker is still trying to get Shadow's blessings.

"Hey, I can see the wheels in that head of yours spinning but, Kitty, I deserved what she did and even more. I broke the club's trust and that was wrong on so many levels. That's why I'm working so hard to gain it back. Now, gotta run, as I'm helping the cook tonight because she's gotta cut out early. She's going to show me what I'll need to do. See you later, little sister."

She gives me a quick hug and walks out. I sit back down and wait. When a nurse comes out calling my name, I get back up and follow her to room number four. She tells me to take a seat by the small desk and Dr. Mal will be in shortly. I'm surprised she didn't give me a gown to change into. I don't know, maybe they don't do that anymore, can't remember the last time I visited a doctor.

"Hey, Kitty. How are you doing? Frankie told me you might be coming in. What can I do for you today?"

I'm fiddling with my hands and not looking him in the eye. Dr. Mal takes a seat in the low chair with wheels, which he pushes so he can get closer to me. He puts his hands on top of mine and squeezes.

"Okay, let's calm down. I need you to take a few deep breaths and slowly let them out. Come on, you can do it. Good, now close your eyes and tell me why you're here."

"Like I told Wildcat, I have bad anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. Not sure why, but noticed lately my attention span is all over the place, and I can't get a full night's sleep. During the day I'm sluggish and sometimes even feel dizzy or just out of sorts."

I slowly open my eyes to see his kaleidoscope-colored eyes watching me. I start to squirm in my seat.

"Kitty, what's bothering you right now?"

"I don't know, Doc, just being here. Oh shit, nothing against you, just not a fan of doctors."

He then starts asking me questions about my health, if I take any supplements, vitamins, or herbs. Do I smoke, drink, or do drugs. By the time his twenty—no, forty questions—are over I feel drained. He then instructs me to sit on the table so he can take my blood pressure, listen to my heart, and check my pulse. Dr. Mal takes my temperature, looks in my eyes, mouth, nose, and ears. He feels my neck. Then he looks directly in my eyes.

"Frankie told me about your car accident. Do you mind if I examine your head, Kitty?"

I shake my head so his long fingers start rubbing and going over my head. I can feel him going over each ridge and scar. When he's done, he asks if I get regular headaches, and tell him sometimes but not all the time. He then asks if I have allergies, seasonal or to anything I know of. Again, I shake my head.

He sits back down and writes some notes on his tablet. Then he leans back, looking at me.

"All right, we need a plan. With anxiety and depression I can put you on medicine, but I don't want to immediately start going down that path. I want you to schedule weekly sessions with the psychologist at the sanctuary. From the little you shared; I believe you might have some PTSD that has never been dealt with. Between the accident, your mom dying, and moving from home to home, that's probably also when the anxiety started and festered. Without processing everything that happened, I'm sure it's just gotten worse and worse. Now, Frankie shared you have no confidence in yourself. I'm sure the therapist will suggest this but I want you to buy some kind of notebook and start journaling every day. No, hang on a minute. You don't have to write a book; it can be a sentence or a word to describe your day. You need an avenue to let stuff out, Kitty. Holding it in isn't helping you. I know there isn't a specific test to diagnose ADHD or even ADD, but for the next week keep a record of when you can't seem to finish something you started, or when you can't sleep, feel anxious, or even if you can't remember stuff. Anything that to you stands out. Frankie said you are one of her best workers, how do you stay focused at work?"

"Well, I keep a running list on my phone of what my duties are and what needs to be done during open hours and when we close. When I finish a task, I check it off."

Dr. Mal writes something on his tablet then looks back at me.

"How's your sleeping? Do you get at least six hours a night?"

I kind of smile but shake my head.

"No, more like four or five. I read a lot when I can't sleep. And listen to music."

"Do you have a blue screen for your reader or tablet, Kitty?"

"I don't know, what is that? And sometimes I read paperbacks too."

"When's the last time you had your eyes examined?"

"Never."

His eyes bulge out at me.

"Let's get that taken care of too. That can be some of the problem with having headaches. Are you getting them regularly?"

"Actually, I do get them pretty regular, though I thought they were tension ones."

We talk a bit longer, then he tells me to pick up some melatonin to help me sleep. Also to shut down my electronics at least an hour before bed. Try doing something that relaxes me besides reading, like taking a walk or long bath before I go to bed. He wants to see me in two weeks with all my journaling and results from my eye exam. I thank him and walk out to the main office to schedule my appointment. When I go to leave, Tink and Noodles are walking in. My prez jerks when she sees me.

"Kitty, you sick? Everything okay?"

Usually, I'd smile and say yes but after talking to Wildcat, I realize I need to be more truthful and open.

"No, Tink, not sick, just trying to get some help for my nerves and lack of sleeping. Wildcat wanted me to see Dr. Mal. How about you, everything okay?"

She glances up at Noodles, who is watching her closely, a very serious look on his face.

"Well, I need to get a blood test. Dr. Mal said he could do it here instead of at the ranch. You know the busybodies there watch everything, especially Zoey. She can be a pain in my ass. Hey, don't tell her I said that, Kitty, please."

"No worries, Prez, I won't say a word. See you back at the ranch later. Got to get to the bar and grill for my shift."

With that I give her a quick hug and Noodles and I bump knuckles. Then I head to my bike so I can get my butt to work.

This has been a day from hell. After seeing Dr. Malcolm, I went to the Wooden Spirits and we were jam-packed and I don't know why, it's the middle of the damn week. Then our newest prospect, Addie, showed up and she really tried my patience today—had an opinion for everything. Wanted to know who put the process together of wiping down the tables with a bar rag with cleaner on it. It was wrong and we should use a new towel for each table. When I told her the cleaner was a mixture of Dawn dishwashing soap and bleach, she didn't care. My God, if we change the towel every time, we'd have to buy hundreds of bar towels. Then she proceeded to tell me I didn't know how to clean properly. That is when Wildcat pulled Addie to the side and very directly explained to her that I am her boss and she will stop trying to dominate me. The kid looked between Wildcat then me and asked if we were together. Wildcat burst out laughing as I heard the growl from behind me.

Not even having to turn, I knew it was Shadow and Addie just made an enemy, especially, when our enforcer bellowed, "Prospect, get your smart-ass out the back door now. I'll be out there in a minute and don't even think of giving me lip 'cause if you do, I might be tempted to cut your wicked tongue out. Got me?"

Addie lost all the color in her face and I saw her hands start to shake. Then I looked up, seeing Wildcat was watching the young prospect quickly walk down the kitchen to the back door, then she stepped out. Once Addie was gone, Wildcat turned on Shadow.

"What the ever-lovin' shit is your problem, Shadow? That kid just about shit her pants, for Christ's sake. We don't continue the abuse to our survivors, we help everyone and raise them up. I had it under control."

"Yeah, I could see that, Wildcat. Especially when she got up your ass, asking if you and Kitty were a couple. Not that there would be anything wrong if that was true, but the problem I had with her comment is the sass in her voice. She was pushing to see how far she could get and, I know for a fact, Kitty wasn't going to push back because our little sister here is too nice. As for you, Wildcat, not sure, though since Malcolm got here, you're getting a little soft."

That's when I hear Wildcat let out a snarl.

"Shadow, you want some of this? Come on, mouth, let's go a few rounds. You might be good with a knife or in your wet room, but I know for certain that your ass would be mine in a hand-to-hand fight."

As they move toward each other, it hits me suddenly, either I do something to stop them or they are going to rip each other apart in the kitchen. I softly tell them to cool it, but neither even looks at me, so I try again a bit louder. Nothing. So, I take a breath and let it rip.

"Damn it, will you two quit marking your territory, for Christ's sake? If Tink was here, she'd give you both some shit for the way you're acting in front of prospects. Now, Shadow, go talk to Addie. Try to be nice, don't scare her to death. Wildcat, might want to check the floor. I'll finish up cleaning and get to the dinner dishes next. What? You both better close your mouths before a bug flies in."

Shadow glares while Wildcat starts laughing. When she shoulders Shadow, our enforcer finally cracks a smile. Then she looks my way and shocks the crap out of me.

"Well, damn, Kitty, when did you let your claws out? I'm really proud of you, kiddo, though be careful how much you try to boss me around. This one might not mind, but I do. I'll go take care of that one now."

Knowing I'm going to be pushing her buttons, I still clear my throat.

"Hey, Shadow. Since you've been bossing me around since I got started with the club, just remember, I have a lot of bossing around in me to get rid of."

With that I turn and walk out of the kitchen smiling hugely, while Wildcat laughs hysterically. I can only imagine Shadow's face, even with that wicked tattoo. Finally, I got the last word on our enforcer. Hopefully, there aren't going to be paybacks from her.