2. ‘Kitty’

TWO

‘KITTY'

RUBY

This is a day from hell that does not seem to end. Between Squirt starting my day off with the news of Malachi maybe showing up in Timber-Ghost, and then the Wooden Spirits being busy as hell; I can't keep up with the busing and cleaning of the bar and grill. And that's with three other full-timers and two part-time high schoolers. As soon as a table is empty we are on it immediately because there are people waiting to be seated.

I'm waiting in the kitchen for our cook to fix me a plate of food. I'm beyond starving but am not one to complain or be demanding. When Wildcat personally brings me a plate steaming with food, I grin at her while rubbing my belly. She snickers, looking me up and down.

"Damn, Kitty, how the hell do you eat like this and stay so tiny? Just ain't fair."

I literally laugh out loud. Wildcat is tiny in height and weight, like she has anything to worry about.

"So, kid, want to talk about the long face you walked into work with today? No, no one told me anything or broke your confidence, shit, you show every emotion all over your face. Don't ever play cards. Now, come on, share with momma bear. I'm always here and have your back, you should know that by now."

I look at my club sister, who hasn't looked this happy and at peace since the day I first met her. I'm guessing her man, Malcolm, being a permanent fixture in her life and Timber-Ghost has given her a new outlook on life. Wildcat has become so much more comfortable in her own skin, which I love, because it tells me she's finally letting the past go and moving forward.

In a way, I'm so thankful for how busy we are, I think while I take a bite of the bison stew, which is one of our cook's best. The meat is beyond tender, and the veggies are fresh from the ranch's garden. Back to my thoughts, with all that has gone on since I stepped into work, I've had no time to worry or stress about what might happen if Presley's friends, including Malachi, show up here. I know Squirt has everyone's interest in the next MMM signing, which lands next year on March 15. Our prez, VP, and enforcer want to go this time to find out who the hell the author D.M. Earl is. Shadow is still pissed she missed her last year. Everyone, especially Raven, is beyond frustrated that they can't find anything out about her. And she keeps releasing books about her fictional Devil's Handmaidens MC. Which even I have to say are way too close to the real club up here in Montana we are all in.

With my thoughts going in all directions, before I know it, I've finished my entire bowl of bison stew, and the two biscuits Wildcat included with my meal. One of the best things about working here is all meals are free and included in your pay. As I get up to rinse my plate off and put it by the sink, so I can wash the stack, Wildcat comes back with a huge piece of huckleberry pie with ice cream on top, which is my favorite.

"Thought you could use something sweet to help you through the rest of your shift, Kitty. From the look on your face, seems like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders."

I look around to see if anyone is close by, then give Wildcat a look.

"Hey, would you have ever reached out to Malcolm if he hadn't tagged along with your parents?"

"Honestly, sister, I don't know. He'd been on my mind a lot, especially after Raven's wedding. Not sure if I would have taken that chance and opened myself up to that kind of unknown. The thought of the pain I'd be in if he pushed me away again, not sure I would have been able to handle it. Why, Kitty? Hey, you do know that whatever you tell me stays with me. Well, unless it's something that could hurt you or the club."

Before I can stop it, I feel my eyes get wet but fight the tears falling down my face. Wildcat sees my struggle and never says a word about it. That's why this sister is one of my favorites in the club. She never pushes or acts superior, which makes me feel welcome. I keep my eyes on her, even when she sits across from me at the two-seater in the kitchen that's just for employees to grab a bite to eat. She just sits there looking around, never asking or demanding me to talk to her. That's why I finally open up.

"Wildcat, I have a situation and don't know what to do. I'm sure you remember the Texas signing and the clusterfuck that went along with it, right? Well, Squirt wasn't the only one who ‘found a man,' so to speak. Presley had a bunch of his boys with him and one of them, I don't know why, but I was drawn to him. We talked and got some coffee. Then we went to grab a bite to eat, then y'all showed up and my attention was—of course—on the club and what was happening with Celee. Before he left though, he asked for my digits, so I gave them to him. Didn't expect to ever hear from him again. Then before we got back home, he was texting me regularly. Nothing serious, just how his day was, and he wanted to know about mine. He makes me feel like someone cares and that in itself makes me feel safe. Never has he disrespected me or talked down to me either. I actually haven't experienced any of my normal anxiety or paranoia talking or being with him."

Wildcat tilts her head at me.

"Being with him? Kitty, are you seeing this young man? Oh, what's his name anyway?"

I lean back, trying to figure out if I want any of my club sisters to know about Malachi. Though I could use Wildcat's wisdom and experience.

"This stays between us at this point, Wildcat, please. His name is Malachi. He seems really sweet, and yeah, I've met up with him a few times in Billings. So, guess you could say we are, what do they say… casually dating. And no, we weren't hooking up or meeting for a quick roll in the hay, as they say. That's totally not me."

"Why all the secrecy, sister? I mean, Kitty, you're an adult and though still a prospect, you're a part of the Devil's Handmaidens club. With that comes all the respect that you've earned and just saying, little sister, the respect level is huge in regards to you. I've never seen someone so young have such a stellar work ethic. That's why when Tink was talking about making you a manager of the waitstaff, I was all for it. You're doing a great job, but you have to have more than work in your life. If this Malachi makes you happy, then there's nothing wrong with it, little sister. Life is way too short, as we all know. I wouldn't have thought less of you if you were hooking up with him because there wouldn't be anything wrong with that. What's holding you back, Kitty?"

My head drops and I grab my ponytail, giving it a yank, before I rip the band off so I can run my fingers across my scalp. I can feel the indentations and scars, but thank God my hair covers them. I've never spoken about this with anyone since coming out to Montana from Indiana. I was driving around, unsure of my next move, so I stopped for a bite to eat. While I was eating, realized my cash flow was extremely low so took the job of cleaning at the Wooden Spirits Bar and Grill. That's how I met the Devil's Handmaidens. By the time Tink and Glory approached me to prospect, I was ready. After seeing how they interacted and had each other's backs, I wanted in. I love what my club does but I haven't been honest, and that's totally wrong. So, guess I'm going to try to open up a bit.

"Wildcat, before I start, I wasn't abused or beaten. Nothing like that. My dad disappeared when I was a kid, and my mom never let me forget he left because of me. She hated me and never hid it. I've always had high anxiety as far back as I can remember. Maybe could even have ADHD or ADD, though I've never been tested because I didn't have medical insurance. That's why I live such a structured life. Between this job and cleaning the Devils on Wheels Trucking location our club owns, along with the two times a month I do a deep clean at the Handmaidens Fitness and Holistic Center/Gym, it helps me function normally. Anyway, one night when I was about twelve or thirteen, the phone rang in our double wide. It was the bartender of the bar down the road, telling me Mom was plastered and getting ready to leave with some men. She had gone with a friend, so her car was outside. I drove down to the bar and after a physical altercation, which I only won because she was drunk as a damn skunk, I headed home. Only problem was, those guys also wanted to go home…. with us. So, when I noticed them behind us, I passed the trailer park and went onto the next main road. When I was approaching that busy intersection, instead of watching the roads around me, I was looking in the rearview mirror, so I never saw the trucker blow through the red light. I'm lucky to be alive. Here, feel this. My head not only hit the steering wheel, but also the driver's window before the air bag blew up in my face. My skull was fractured in multiple places. Though I can't complain because my mom got thrown from the car because she refused to put her seat belt on and then got run over in the road by a car trying not to hit our vehicle. She was in a coma for about three weeks before she died. At first, they didn't think I'd make it, but eventually I got better physically. However, mentally I was a mess. They admitted me into a psych ward and I was there for just about a month or so. Then when I was able to, they moved me into the system and then finally to a foster home. They were okay to me, but it was very apparent they only wanted me there for the monthly check from the government. Wildcat, honestly, I have no confidence in myself and I never know when anything is going to set off my anxiety, or worse, have a panic attack. I can handle emergency situations but it's everyday life that fucks with me. I've been so lucky that nothing has happened during our missions or really in front of any of our club sisters. I don't know what I'd do if someone in the club made fun of me, or worse, wanted me out because I'm not emotionally strong or stable enough."

Wildcat stands and slowly walks toward me. When she's next to me, she pulls me up and into her arms. I can't remember the last time I let anyone put their arms around me, well, besides Squirt and Malachi. It feels good, which makes me think why the hell am I so introverted, especially within my club with my sisters? I know deep in my heart I can trust my club sisters with my life, not sure why I've kept myself emotionally apart for the most part.

"Kitty, I'm sorry that life hasn't been the best for you, kiddo. No, my turn, so no, just wait and listen to me for a minute or two. You've come a long way, sister, on your own. Don't discard your accomplishments, and there are many. Yeah, your part of the club but you got that promotion on your own merit, along with the raises you've seen the last six months or so. You've worked very hard and deserve that and so much more. So, let's break it down. As far as the ‘anxiety' you're talking about, that's something you can't hide from the club or our sisters. The reason is because, think about it, Kitty, for a quick minute. If we are in a situation and something spooks you into a sudden panic attack, besides yourself, whoever is with you will be at risk. And that might put both of you in danger and some serious trouble. Now, I've never had any issues with you during a mission, so what you said just might be true. You can handle intense situations, just not everyday life. So, I recommend you try to let the sisters know what's going on with you. Not all of your business because, as you know, these biotches are nosy and gossip worse than a bunch of newspaper reporters or old women at a beauty parlor on a Saturday morning. Just as much as you are comfortable sharing."

That has me giggling because Wildcat is so spot-on. Nothing gets by a few of the sisters like Shadow, Squirt, and Duchess to name a few, though they all handle what they hear and certain situations very differently.

"I'll try, Wildcat. Never thought about having anxiety or a panic attack on a mission, since I always seem to be in control in those types of situations. That would totally suck, and I'd hate myself if something went wrong or someone got hurt because I didn't speak up and let everyone know."

"Yeah, it would. Maybe talk to Dr. Cora or my Malty, see if there is anything they can steer you toward. Not just medicine, who knows, maybe some of that stuff Taz is now teaching at the gym… no, not just a gym but much more. Shit, what the hell did they change the name to?"

Smiling because I know our club wasn't too happy with the name Rebel and Taz came up with, but hey, since Raven was looking for some help, these were the two who stepped up.

"Wildcat, it's called the Handmaidens Fitness and Holistic Center."

My sister rolls her eyes before laughing out loud.

"Yeah, sounds about right. A bunch of badass, one-percent female bikers with a business named that. What the hell? Anyway, be kind to yourself, Kitty. Shit, now I sound like Taz. Damn it, she's rubbing off on all of us. Next, I'll be handing out rocks and shit. I gotta reach out to see how her and lil' Mickie are doing. Hope our sister isn't smudging the little princess every day, for Christ's sake."

That has me giggling again as I picture Taz lighting up her sage then smudging her and Enforcer's house. Personally, I'm glad Mickie came when she did because that house was so sad with the loss of their pit bull, Tuna. Even though I know how much they still miss their fur baby, they have Mickie to keep their minds and hearts busy. As I always say, when something bad happens, it's usually followed by something good.

Looking down at my watch, I realize my lunch is way over. I clean up my mess, then walk over to the dishwashing station and get busy cleaning up the stacks of dishes and serving pans before our evening rush. I know two of the part-time high school kids are on tonight, as is Addie, our newest prospect. She's supposed to shadow me both here and at the Devils on Wheels building too. All I can do is see if she's able to keep up. I mean, it's cleaning but she was in bad shape when we found her at that dump when the club broke up another trafficking circuit not too long ago. She's carrying a lot, I can see it, and seems to also have a huge chip on her shoulder, so hopefully this type of job works out for her. You kind of work on your own, mostly.

I concentrate on what I'm doing and decide, for once, I'm going to try and go with the flow of whatever is happening in my life, which includes Malachi coming out for a visit. I at least owe him an explanation if not more.