28. Dia

TWENTY-EIGHT

"I feellike I haven't seen you in forever," Mads says, sitting back on the theater room couch. We're both in lounge clothes, just finished our BFF Makeover Movie Night skincare routine, and are settling in with our snacks. Bella is in New York because her brother, who's making quite a splash on an Italian soap opera, is back in the states to shoot a movie, so the guys decided to go out for a couple of drinks while Mav was being forced to come up for air. And since it's been a minute since we've done this, here we are. "How's life?"

I think for a moment, because it's been a whirlwind lately and I honestly haven't had a moment to step back and process it all. Mads and I usually tell each other every detail about our days, and it's not that I'm purposely keeping anything from her. I've just been so wrapped up in Dalton that I haven't done much of anything else. We just went through this when she moved in with Blaze, but it's a little weird that the shoe is now on my foot.

"Crazy. Confusing. Amazing," I say. Desperation melts over my features and she gives a sympathetic smile because she knows how hard this has become for me. She's known me since we were kids and she's seen me go through giving my heart away, only to have it broken over and over. She knows how I feel about relationships and marriage. That I'm absolutely closed off to promising forever to anyone. I'm too scared of failing as a wife. Scared of not being enough.

"You're falling for him, aren't you?" she asks.

"Yes." I cringe. "Fuck him so hard for being perfect. This is all his fault." I lay back, throwing an arm over my eyes in exasperation. "What the hell am I going to do?" I cry.

She laughs because she's an evil shrew who clearly isn't concerned about my current situation. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe don't be such a dumb bitch and realize that Dalton Davis is head-over-heels in love with you. The last thing he wants to do is hurt you."

"First of all, he doesn't love me. He cares about me. Just like everyone else that has come and gone from my life did at first." She gives me a look, and I already know what she's going to say, so I respond before she does. "I'm not saying his feelings and intentions aren't sincere. But what happens when I've given him my heart, and five years down the road, he decides that I'm not what he wants? Where would that leave me?" I ask. "It's taken me so long to be okay with being on my own. I can't do it again."

She reaches over, grabbing my hand and squeezing. "I'll support whatever you choose. You know that. But please allow yourself to have some happiness, Dia. If anyone deserves it, it's you."

I squeeze back. "I am. I have you. I've been dancing with Bella. And I've been letting Dalton show me what I'm worth. Even though we won't be married, I know he'll always be in my life." Tears fill my eyes at the thought of how much I've changed in the short time that I've been in Boston. Even though the way I ended up here wasn't exactly ideal, it was the best decision I've ever made. Chicago was holding me back from growing as a person. It was filled with ill-willed people and memories of my past. Everything good is here in Boston and I really feel like I'm finally home.

"How has the job search been going?" Mads asks.

Ugh. The job search. Now that I'm broke, I've been sending out applications and resumes left and right. I wanted to try to get away from serving in gentleman's clubs, so I've been trying for positions at restaurants in the city. Even with all the ‘Help Wanted' signs I've seen, I've gotten zero calls.

"I don't know," I shake my head. "I've put in at least thirty applications. I'm starting to think my old boss is bad-mouthing me when they call to confirm my previous employment. Nobody wants to hire someone who was fired for not showing up," I say with a shrug.

She furrows her brows in confusion. "They fired you? Why?"

Oh, fuck.I forgot that I had kept that from her.

I look into my lap, knowing that I can't lie. But she's definitely going to blame herself. "I requested Super Bowl weekend off, but they told me at the last minute that I needed to be there. That if I didn't show up, I'd be fired. I chose what was most important to me." I chance a look at her and, yep, there's the guilt.

"You chose me," she whispers. "And you lost your job and apartment for it."

"Hey," I say firmly. "It's not your fault. I made the decision on my own. And if I hadn't, I'd still be stuck there all alone." I smile, trying my best to reassure her. I really do mean everything I said.

"I'm glad you're here," she says. "And you know that if you can't find anything right away, you can always stay here. Blaze won't mind."

I nod, appreciating her offer, but I really hope it doesn't come to that. Even though I know I'm welcome, I felt like an interloper while I was here before. And there's no doubt there will be a period after the divorce that I'll be missing Dalton. The last thing I'll want is to watch Blaze and Mads living their life, loving each other so openly. Or worse, making them feel like they have to hide their affection from me so my feelings don't get hurt. They deserve their own space where they can show their love as loudly as they want and tie each other to whichever household items will hold their weight. I don't want to stop them from that.

I've always figured it out on my own. I know I'll do it here in my new home.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there," I say, mainly just to stop this conversation from going any further.

"Okay," she shrugs, grabbing the remote. "We have two choices. There's the new Hemsworth rom-com that came out last week, or we can go old school with Little Giants."

We both look at each other and smile. "Little Giants," we say in unison.

As she flips through the streaming app, finding our favorite childhood movie, the door inches open and Blaze pops his head in. "Can we crash your movie night? Or is it a ‘no boys allowed' thing?"

"Come on in," she says, giddy all of a sudden. I love how happy she is. And I also kind of love the butterflies in my stomach when I realize that he isn't alone.

Dalton shoves Blaze out of the way, making a beeline straight for me. "I missed you," he says, laying down on the massive couch and pulling me with him. "Next time those assholes ask me to go out, I'm telling them my wife said no."

"I'm right here," Blaze says, picking Mads up and setting her on his lap. "And we all know Dia pushed you out the door because it's the only way she can get some peace and quiet."

Dalton scoffs. "Yeah, right. She loves when I'm home. I am very useful. And she's gotten pretty good at shutting me up, huh baby?" He kisses my cheek.

"Mhmm," I hum in agreement, snuggling into him.

"Little Giants?" Blaze groans, looking at the movie that's queued up in front of us. "Again? Didn't you guys get your fill of Junior Floyd when you were kids? Do you still have to watch this every weekend?"

"Please," I say, fake disgust evident in my tone. "Mads was all googly-eyed over the golden-boy quarterback. But I knew what was up. Spike might've been an asshole, but he could lift a refrigerator."

Dalton gasps. "That what you're into, Wifey? Big muscles? Because guess what?" he says, rolling me on top of him and lifting me up and down like he's bench-pressing. "I can do this all day."

"Put me down, you meathead!" I laugh, trying to slap at his chest. He lowers me, kissing my lips before settling me back on his side with his arm wrapped around me.

We watch the movie, the four of us lounging next to one another. Dalton makes it a point to scoff loudly every time my childhood crush makes an appearance, mumbling about how he's way stronger than the twelve-year-old actor on the screen. I know I've said I'm sticking to the original plan when our time is up; that I'm going to do everything I can to protect my heart…but I can't say that nights like this don't make me a little curious about how it could be if I didn't.