Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

MADDOX

F uck this.

I wrapped what was left of my meal and shoved it in my bag, then headed out of the service center for another smoke. My nerves were ratcheting higher the closer we got to our destination.

You should've told Coach why you didn't want to share a room.

Yeah, no fucking way. Bad enough I had to send a confidential note to the school about my dorm arrangements. No way in hell I wanted the whole hockey team knowing my business. Not that I thought Coach Banning would narc or anything. But teams were the same, whether it was high school, college, or beyond. Secrets had a way of getting out. And I didn't want to risk anyone overhearing my reasons for wanting to be alone. The last thing I needed was pity.

I could do this. I'd had plenty of therapy for the past four years, so it wasn't like I hadn't dealt with my issues. But still, sharing the same room with anyone, especially someone I didn't know, made me edgy.

I lit up, taking a deep drag, letting the heat fill my lungs. Pot would be even better, but I didn't want to do that the night before a game. It made me fuzzy, and I needed to stay sharp. Speaking of that, would I even sleep tonight? I had emergency sleeping pills, but again, I didn't like the way they made me feel the next day. Groggy as fuck. And, I didn't like taking anything that might leave me vulnerable.

From everything I'd overheard so far, Kayden was a stand-up guy. Someone everyone liked and trusted. There were no worries. I'd be fine. I'd had to share a room with a guy from my last team in Toronto and I managed okay. It was only one night. Okay, more than that, a couple in the next few months. Nothing I couldn't handle.

"That's a filthy habit."

I turned around to find Axel standing behind me, leaning against the wall. The cocky forward had a smug grin on his face that I hated as much as Kayden's. Wait. No. Axel's was slightly less annoying.

"I didn't ask for your opinion," I snapped and took another drag.

"Look, I get that you wanna do your own thing. You're a goalie. Most of you are weird as shit. That's fine. Just don't piss everyone off. Especially the guys playing defense. Otherwise, it fucks with the team dynamic."

I shook my head. "Stick to scoring goals, not sports psychology."

Axel pushed off the wall and walked up to me. "This is my year. I'm getting that center spot. Nothing, and no one, is going to get in my way. You read me?"

"Why don't you save your ego for the ice, Lund?"

Suddenly, Jace stepped forward and gave Axel a dirty look.

"You're another one," Axel sneered. "Too much talk and not enough action."

"Really? Who scored more in their last season? Me or you?"

Axel gave him the middle finger and stalked off towards the bus.

"Ignore him. He's a douchebag," Jace muttered and then motioned at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Give me a freaking smoke, man."

I scoffed. "Get your own cigs."

"One."

I sighed, pulled the pack out of my bag along with the lighter, and threw it at him. After he pulled out a cig and lit it up, he threw the pack back to me.

"Happy?" I snarked. "And I don't give a shit what Axel has to say. Or you, for that matter. And I don't need anyone to come to my defense. Now leave me the fuck alone."

"What's going on here?"

Kayden's sudden, deep voice startled me, and I nearly dropped my bag.

"What does it look like?" I asked him as I rolled my eyes. "We're smoking."

"Jace?" Kayden asked him.

Jace took a drag, then threw his cigarette on the ground. "Axel was running his mouth, so I told him to get lost. No biggie."

Kayden stared at me, and, for once, he wasn't smiling. I was pretty sure he heard the whole damn conversation with Axel and Jace. His eyes looked worried. Tough shit. I wasn't any of his concern.

"If there's a problem with a teammate, you—" Kayden started.

"There's no problem," I spat out. So much for trying to relax. I'd need a whole fucking pack of cigs for that. Why couldn't everyone leave me alone? "Axel is a cocky shit who thinks the world, and the team, revolves around him. Same as most guys who play this game, myself included. We all have our own agendas. And I don't care what he says to me. It doesn't. Fucking. Matter."

Kayden's face flushed, but he stood there, silent. Unmoving.

"I'm heading back to the bus," Jace announced and walked off.

"What?" I asked Kayden. "If you have something to say, say it. If not, leave."

Kayden shook his head and wandered off after Jace. I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. If my scathing comments didn't put Kayden off for good, nothing would.

I took one last drag, dropped the cig, and ground it under my shoe. As I stalked off to the bus, all I could think about was how badly I wanted this day to be over with. I wanted to close my eyes and wake up on the ice, in my gear, in my net. Where I was supposed to be. Where I belonged. I was looking forward to the game tomorrow more than anything else.

But afterward? Fuck no. There was always a team dinner. More bonding bullshit that I had no patience for. Still, I had to eat, and Coach informed me that the team dinner was mandatory—no exceptions. Banning had a lot of fucking rules like that. It chafed, but I could deal.

Instead of my pods, I searched my bag for my headphones. With those on, no one would bother me. I slid them over my ears, blasted the music as loud as I could stand, then hopped on the bus. Axel, Jace, and Kayden were already seated. Kayden and Jace were talking. Axel had his ear pods in and his eyes closed.

Over the next ten minutes, the rest of the team piled back on board, and we were off again.

It was another four hours before we made it to Rochester. And it was late. So late that all we did was collect our hotel card keys and shuffle aimlessly to our rooms. Kayden didn't speak to me. Or me to him. Not that I'd notice. I kept my headphones on, so even if he tried to talk to me, I'd have no way of hearing him. He seemed to have finally gotten the message.

He used the bathroom first while I took my meds and stripped down to my briefs. I checked my phone, but there were no notifications. Not that I expected any. The only people I ever texted were my therapist and Daniel. I had a private profile on several social media accounts, but I never posted. I perused stuff about hockey. Goaltending, of course.

I walked over to the window and closed the drapes, then sauntered back and flopped down on my bed, staring up at the popcorn ceiling. Instead of music, I grabbed my phone and tapped on one of my favorite podcasts.

Obviously, I didn't hear Kayden walk into the room. But I saw his shadow on the ceiling, and I sure as hell felt the bed vibrate when he walked closer. The man did not step lightly. I glanced over and watched him bending over his bed, his Sutton U sweatpants clinging to his ass. For some reason, I was unable to tear my eyes away.

WTF was wrong with me?

Kayden slid under the covers and I nearly laughed out loud when I saw his feet hanging over the end of the bed. Hotel rooms, beds especially, were not made for six-five giants like him. I'd been staring too long, though, and he looked over, catching my gaze.

He mouthed words, but of course, I couldn't hear him. Yanking off my headphones, I sat up.

"What?" I snapped.

"What are you listening to?" he asked quietly.

"A podcast."

"About?"

I sighed. Might as well answer his questions, and then maybe he'd leave me alone for the rest of the night. "It's called Below the Depths. It's about oceanography."

Kayden lifted an arm up and scratched his head. "Sounds intense."

"It is. Humans are acting like idiots, polluting the very thing we need to survive."

"Truth. You wouldn't believe the amount of plastic we've had to clean up on the beaches at home. Is that why you have that fish tattoo on your arm?"

That was my limit for conversation for the day. I placed my right hand protectively over my left shoulder. I couldn't talk about my tattoos. Not with a stranger. Not with anyone.

"No," I replied, turned away, and put my headphones back on.

There was no way I was telling Kayden the meaning behind my tattoos. That was for me, and me alone.

Next thing I knew, he turned off his lamp, leaving me with the glare of my phone screen. Oddly enough, my earlier nerves calmed. Which was really fucking weird because I wasn't comfortable with strangers. And that's what Kayden was. I still didn't know anything about him. Except that he seemed extra sensitive to others around him. He was too big for every room he entered. And he lived near the ocean. Wherever that was.

An hour later, my eyes grew heavy. And with the sound of the waves in my ears, I slid into my dreams.