Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

MADDOX

P hysically, I was fine. Mentally, I wasn't great.

The logical part of me knew that getting hit in a game was inevitable. And an accident. One of those things. It's hockey after all. It'd happened to me before. And when six-foot guys weighing over two hundred pounds are barreling down the ice at full speed, it's expected. Not so much for goalies, but yeah, it happens.

Probably another reason why I gravitated toward the net.

But it wasn't just being hit. It was witnessing the fight that ensued. I had a visceral reaction to watching someone get punched. Immediate panic. Sickness, dread. Flashbacks. Horrible memories that never faded.

Brawls didn't happen often at this level, but fights weren't unheard of. And I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was.

"Can I sit down?"

Kayden's question snapped me back into the present, and I stepped aside, motioning for him to take a seat. My room was a standard one, with a twin bed, a desk and chair. That was pretty much it. Thankfully, Kayden took the chair, and I stretched out on my bed.

"You asked me about my tattoos," I started, crossing my arms, rubbing my hands over my shoulders, then gripping them as tight as I could.

Say it. I didn't know that I could. Not all of it.

"Some of them symbolize remembrance," I paused, swallowing past the lump in my throat. "My mom passed away seven years ago. The other tattoos represent vigilance. A reminder to never let my guard down. Not on the ice, not anywhere."

For once, Kayden sat still and didn't say anything. He leaned forward and stared at me.

"And that's all I'm gonna say."

"Why's your guard up? Who hurt you?" Kayden asked. "Wait, it was the fight that triggered your reaction?"

"I've already said enough. I don't want to talk about it," I snapped.

Kayden sighed. "I'm sorry. I just?—"

"Sorry doesn't change things," I bit out. But for once, I regretted my sharp mouth. What was I doing? This wasn't Kayden's fault. Not what happened and not my reaction on the ice. "But, thanks. I'm fine, okay? I panicked, but, it's over. I'm good."

Kayden sat back, and the chair creaked.

Then I remembered. "The game. What happened?"

I desperately needed a change in subject.

"Cougars one, Boston a big fat zero."

"And Sean?"

Kayden shrugged. "He did alright. But he's not nearly as good as you."

That made me feel better. It shouldn't, but it did.

"Well, you can see that I'm fine now," I announced as I stood up and headed for the door. "You should go."

"Why don't we hang out for a bit? Order food? Play video games?" Kayden offered.

I turned around and leaned back against the door.

Tell him to go. You don't need him. You don't need anyone.

"And maybe, with that beautiful mind of yours, you can help me track down whoever bought me that bracelet kit."

The goddamn bracelets. What was wrong with me? And beautiful mind ? Only Kayden.

"What about the party?" I asked.

"It doesn't start until ten. We've got a couple of hours."

"No."

Kayden's face fell, and he made to stand up. His head nearly hit the ceiling.

"I mean, no to the party. I think."

It wasn't like me to be indecisive. Kayden glanced at my bed and suddenly, I went from ice cold to burning hot. What the hell was wrong with me? He walked over and sat down on the end of the bed, and I swallowed hard at the sight.

"This okay?" he asked. "That chair's not my favorite. I'm afraid I'm gonna break it."

I barked out a laugh. Shit.

"Do that again," he demanded.

"What?"

"Smile. Laugh."

"Fuck, no. Bad enough it happened once," I replied, my face heating. I distracted myself by pulling out my phone. "What do you want to eat? And don't say food."

" Lots of food."

I gave Kayden my best finger. He smirked and patted the spot beside him. No fucking way was I getting on that bed right now. I was still struggling with getting the image of his naked body in the shower out of my head—with no luck. Now this?

"Wings? Fries?" I asked.

"Yes."

I placed the order, then plunked myself down on my chair. Reaching across my desk, I grabbed the gaming consoles and passed one to Kayden.

"How about a friendly wager?" Kayden asked.

"No."

"If I win, you come to the party with me. If I lose, you come to the party with me."

I bit my lower lip to keep that annoying fucking smile off my face. "You know that doesn't make sense, right?"

"Just trying to cheer up my hockey roomie."

"Well, don't. I don't need cheering up. I told you, I'm fine."

Kayden stared at me and shook his head. He didn't believe me. And what was scarier? He already knew me more than I was comfortable thinking about.

Kayden

Maddox appeared to be okay, but I knew he was still shaken up. There was a lot of fidgeting, which wasn't like him. He'd had a panic attack because of the fight. It triggered him and that could only mean one thing. Jesus Christ. The thought of anyone hurting Mad like that pissed me off. I was dying to ask more questions, but I backed away. A good defenseman always knows how to read the players and the play. And pushing right now was not going to help.

Maybe normal was what Maddox needed now, anyway.

Not surprisingly, he was as fiercely competitive playing video games as he was on the ice. He won, I pouted, then we ate a shitload of wings.

An hour later, I was lying on his bed, and he was sitting on the floor while we listened to music. All the while, my phone kept vibrating.

"Will you reply to whoever that is, already?" Maddox finally snapped.

"It's Ethan. And Finn. And Jace. They want us to get our asses over the party. Now."

"Have fun," Maddox replied.

"Come with me. You told them you'd go," I reminded him. "Have a drink, let the guys know you're okay, and get out of your head."

Maddox looked back at me. "One hour. That's it."

Yes.

I watched as Maddox stood up and walked over to his nightstand. He pulled out a bag of candy and threw it at me.

"Take a few edibles. You're welcome."

"Sweet. Where'd you get these?"

"Back home," he replied. "Pot's legal for anyone nineteen and over."

"Lucky you. We can't even drink here, technically."

Maddox nodded, ambled over to his closet, and came back holding a bottle of tequila.

"What else have you got in there? Oh, probably more cigarettes?" I made a face.

Maddox uncapped the bottle, and took a long swig. "Just for that, I'm not sharing my booze."

I popped two gummies in my mouth and chewed. "Don't leave me like that. I need liquid courage, too."

"Why?"

"Because a hot person might say hi to me and I don't want to freak out and act like the dork that I am," I chuckled.

"You're not a dork," Maddox replied. "You're annoyingly persistent."

"Thanks so much," I replied sarcastically.

Maddox walked up to me and handed over the bottle. I took a grateful sip.

"So, are you hoping to hook up tonight?" he muttered.

I choked on the tequila and coughed. Man, that hurt. "Um, I don't know."

"Ready to change your virgin status?"

"Shut up."

"Have another drink. Or two. I'm gonna use the head and then we'll go."

Maddox took the bag from me, popped three edibles in his mouth, and headed for the bathroom. My eyes caught on his ass and one particularly tempting rip in his jeans that sat right below his right cheek.

One good tug and…

Fuck . I swallowed another mouthful of liquor. But I needed more than pot and a few drinks to relax. I really did want to hookup.

Too bad the only person I wanted was Maddox.

As I lay on his bed, I thought about what he'd look like spread out naked. Under me, over me. A minute passed, maybe two. I was buzzed and so freaking horny. Unfortunately, getting high had unwanted slide effects. I mean, side effects. Shit, I was already fucking up my words.

What was I saying?

Oh yeah, side effects. I tended to get touchy-feely when I was drinking. Not that anyone wanted to get that way with me. But still, I wanted to hug everyone. That was weird, right?

Maddox stepped out of the bathroom, and I nearly dropped the bottle of tequila.

I didn't want to hug him. I wanted to strip him down and lick him, from his gorgeous head to his sexy bare feet.

He'd put on a button-down shirt, but I wasn't sure why. He'd undone nearly all the freaking buttons. I could see his smooth chest and part of the tattoos that hit his collarbone. Why was that so fucking sexy? And then I noticed his hair was in that cool, messy style again. I wanted to run my hands through it, tilt his head back, and stare into those dark blues of his.

When he caught me staring, his scowl deepened.

"What?" he snapped.

"You look hot."

Me, pot, and tequila, was a bad, bad idea.

"How many edibles did you eat?"

I stood up on shaky legs.

"Not enough. And I speak only the truth. You are undoubtedly…wow, I can say a big word, but I don't think I can spell it—" I paused and shook my head. "Uh, yeah, you're handsomely hot. That doesn't sound right. Handsome. Hot. Hot AF. You know what I mean."

Maddox said nothing. He took the bottle from my hand, capped the top, and placed it under his bed. And fuck, when he bent over, that rip in his jeans opened right up. I spotted the curve of his ass cheek and…wait. Was he commando? The thought of sliding that denim down to reveal his bare ass had my dick chubbing up, hard and heavy in my jeans.

"Let's go already," he grumbled as he pulled on motorcycle boots.

I turned around too fast, stumbling, and nearly slamming into the door.

Way to act chill, Kay.

After I grabbed my coat, I wrenched the door open, and headed out into the hallway. I needed distance. A lot of it.

Maddox joined me in the hallway, locked his door, and headed for the stairs. He'd thrown on his leather jacket and I was trying not to drool at the sight. I took my time following him. I wanted to enjoy the view of his ass in those jeans while I could. While no one else noticed.

Maddox stuffed his cigarette pack in his back pocket and all I could think of was, damn, lucky cigs .

Suddenly, he glanced over his shoulder, his gaze pinning me in place.

"You coming?" he asked.

Oh, yeah. As soon as I got back to my dorm tonight.

"Yeah." My voice cracked. "Yes. Coming. I'm coming with you. I mean, walking with you. Not coming, as in, you know?—"

Maddox shook his head and turned away. I could've sworn I heard the husky peal of laughter, but then I remembered who I was talking to. Still, I wanted to hear it. Not just that. I needed to.

I should've only had one edible instead of two. But it was too damn late.