CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

L uke

Of course, I knew they were going to take me to Ashcove High. They normally visit Mr. Rights’ old schools in the hometown episode. Apparently, it’s adorable or something. I always used to the enjoy this session when I viewed it, but now I know better.

Unease moves through me as I stare at the long, 1960s-style high school.

It’s not pretty.

It never was.

But it’s especially not pretty now, with the sides yellowed from the harsh sea salt that topples from the Atlantic with far too much frequency. Forlorn windows sit in peeling frames.

I always hated high school. My days were about hockey, and the gruel of science and math and language arts classes seemed absurd.

I ran off to the gym during every free period, something maybe I shouldn’t have been allowed to do, but everyone loved the Hawthorne brothers. We got away with a lot.

I never thought I would enter this school again, and I’m surprised how it looks when the hallways are empty and my thoughts are not consumed with the homework I didn’t do and the quizzes I’ll have to take and the general way I’m sure I’ll be bored.

Cameras eye my every expression, and in a few days, when this airs, strangers will view my every expression too.

I try not to swallow hard.

It’s a high school. And it was way worse for others.

I want to look at Sebastian, conscious of him behind me. I can sense his tension, even when I’m not looking at him, though the unexpected appearance of the flashy, designer-wearing studio head probably is not a source of calm. Apparently, he was picking up Clark earlier. Isn’t that guy supposed to be in LA?

“This school is adorable,” Flora says, clapping her hands, and I smile.

“I don’t think adorable is the word I would use for it,” I say.

“It’s totally adorable,” she insists.

I turn to Willow. “What do you think, Willow?”

She frowns, sweeping her intelligent eyes around the entrance of the high school. “I think adorableness stops once kids hit double digits.”

“Absolutely.” I fist bump Willow.

She furrows her brow as she gazes at our hands. I wonder when the last time she’s fist bumped anyone has been, or if this is something she’s seen in medical drams in plot lines of unserious doctors.

I’m not sure unserious doctors exist even on television.

“This is great banter!” Ella beams. “Excellent job, Luke. Do more of that. I think you’re going to like the new segment we have. Take it away, Sebastian.”

Sebastian stands in front of a banner that says Ashcove High. I allow myself to look at him for the first time. Every strand of his hair is still perfect. There are circles under his eyes that aren’t normally there, and I want to wrap my arms around him and tell him he’s perfect.

I don’t, of course, and I pretend my heart doesn’t ache, that all of this is totally, absolutely great.

“We have a special surprise for you,” Sebastian says.

The women murmur obediently.

“You are all going to have a tour of the high school.”

The cameras move toward Flora and Willow.

“You can act excited,” Ella says.

“This is so cool!” Flora says immediately, clasping her hands together.

“Yes. It will be intriguing to see where Luke experienced his youth,” Willow says, and though clapping isn’t something she does, the tips of her lips do swerve upward.

“You have a very special tour guide,” Sebastian says, his voice clear and unstrained, even though my heart drops.

I’m sure I know who my very special tour guide is.

One of the crew members gestures around the corner, then Bryce strides toward us. He’s wearing a suit and tie, which is weird, but I guess that’s proper attire for important assistant principals.

He flashes his flashy smile. “Welcome to Ashcove High!”

The women applaud, not needing to be prompted by Ella this time. Bryce was always great with women.

“I’m Luke’s brother Bryce,” he says, and though there’s nothing special about his words at all, he’s totally relaxed, charisma oozing from him.

Even Clark nods approvingly out of view of the camera, as if contemplating whether an assistant principal would be a good future Mr. Right candidate and wondering why he picked the wooden pro athlete.

“You look awfully similar,” Flora says.

“Oh, yeah?” Clark’s eyes dance. “I think my hands are bigger.”

He holds them up, and both women giggle.

I frown. My hands are perfectly large, thank you very much. Smallness in any department is apparently not a Hawthorne trait. Except potentially smallness of brain, but there’s no way to measure that. Maybe a brain scan could tell.

I glance at Willow, wondering whether she might know about brain scans and brain sizes.

“Perfect!” Ella says. “Did you get that longing look Luke sent Willow? He’s clearly jealous of his brother’s conversation with Willow.”

Willow and Flora send me confused looks, and I try not to look at Sebastian. I want to tell everyone that’s wrong, that I’m not jealous of Bryce and Willow, that Willow, while awesome, does not occupy my thoughts.

But I’m not supposed to say those things, and it would probably be ungentlemanly if I did, so instead an awkward silence stretches before us.

Finally, Bryce grins. “Poor little bro. All the girls getting taken away from him.”

“Well, shall we begin?” Ella asks with the forced cheer of a kindergarten teacher in a room of sleepy five-year-olds.

We all nod, and Bryce begins the tour. We follow him around as he pontificates about the building and sometimes about me. Flora and Willow soon flank him, and I trudge behind.

“You know how some kids are nerdy?” Bryce says.

“Yes,” Flora says, while Willow’s cheeks turn a shade of red that cannot be explained by her favorite Sephora blush.

“Luke was like that,” Bryce continues. “Super obsessed with hockey. Like knew all the stats. The whole history. Every team. Every player.” He shakes his head dismissively. “But since he also played, he got away with it. I mean if he’d been that obsessed about magic games or something I would have for sure given him a hard time.”

“You don’t like magic games?” Willow asks.

“I would like magic games if...” Bryce hesitates, and Willow leans closer, as if she expects my coarse older brother to suddenly start talking about his preference for a certain type of game or larger issues with rules.

I know he’s not going to say that though.

He never does.

“If?” Willow prompts.

“If I was an idiot,” Bryce exclaims, his face breaking into a joyful grin.

It’s the sort of grin that makes you want to smile with him. To be happy for his happiness. And maybe I let him get away for things too long. Maybe too many people did that. Bryce is Mr. Charismatic, but he still puts people in categories like he always has.

Flora frowns, and she glances at me with a look of something that seems like understanding. I haven’t said anything, and I’m not sure why she would look at me in that manner.

I feel exposed, raw, and her eyes soften, and she gives me a sweet smile.

Bryce starts talking about the gym facilities, and my throat dries. I glance around, recognizing some of the classrooms, remembering days I’d prefer to leave forgotten.

Finally, we enter the gym, and Bryce holds the door open with a flourish. “Dank and dark and dreary. Welcome to my little brother’s favorite place.”

Willow gives a weak laugh, one Flora doesn’t bother to echo. Even Ella looks exhausted, more check-out clerk on Black Friday, than cheerful TV producer. Bryce’s rambling tour and monologue of embarrassing stories about me are exhausting.

Ella never asks Bryce to repeat a story, to make sure the crew catches every word.

We enter the gym. It hasn’t been updated since I was last here, and it is amazing I made it to the NHL. God, I came a long way.

I fling my gaze around the room and meet Sebastian’s eyes.

“I think we can ask Luke some questions in here,” Sebastian says.

“You mean, ask me questions here?” Bryce asks.

Sebastian stiffens. This is the first time Bryce has looked at Sebastian, and I hate it.

“Luke will do,” Sebastian says, and the crew sets up cameras in one corner of the room.

Bryce’s eyes narrow.

Shit.

“You look familiar.”

“I’ve hosted twelve seasons of different reality TV shows,” Sebastian says. “Or maybe you saw me on one of the Entertainment Channels? Interviewing celebrities on the red-carpet?”

Bryce’s face reddens, and he steps back.

Score One for Sebastian.

I grin, and my gaze falls on Sebastian. His eyes flare, and I beam back at him.

“There were lots of half-naked men in this gym too,” Bryce mutters.

“Excuse me?” Flora asks.

“Just saying, there’s a reason I didn’t go into professional hockey.”

“Because you might have seen a half-naked man?” Flora asks.

“Or a fully naked man.” Bryce shrugs. “Not my thing. I’m one of those real men, you know.”

“You already have the real dad bod,” Flora murmurs.

I stiffen, and my footsteps plod. Nothing about me is graceful, even as I fight to remain calm.

Bryce has insinuated those things to me before, whenever I’ve been in between girlfriends. Still, I didn’t think he would say that on camera.

“We’re not going to keep everything,” Ella says with a sigh, as if she can read my thoughts. “This is a Christmas show. All about happy families to make viewers feel cozy inside. Sebastian, go ahead and ask Luke some questions about being back here.”

Sebastian nods and he starts the interview process. He’s all professionalism, and I focus on the answers, pushing away Bryce from my mind, as I talk about the strangeness of being back where it all began.