CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

L uke

“He’s the most wooden Mr. Right ever...” Jason’s voice drifts toward me as I enter the locker room.

“Shit,” Troy says, noticing me.

“You talking about me, Jason?” I ask.

“I have a massage to get to.” Jason brushes past me.

The door shuts behind him. I look at Troy, look at Finn, look at Noah, look at Dmitri. “What did he mean?”

“It’s not important,” Finn says quickly. “Want to spot me?”

“And take away Noah’s favorite gym activity?” I grin. “No way. I’m Mr. Right, not Mr. Monster.”

“Hey. I don’t just like spotting Finn!” Noah exclaims.

“Yeah, but you really like it,” I say.

“It’s like a porno in here when you do that,” Troy says.

“Well, not the kind of porn you watch,” Noah says.

Troy turns away, and for a moment, my eyebrows furrow.

“No one actually watches porn,” I say.

Everyone stares at me.

“No one?” Dmitri asks, eyebrow raised, lip smirked.

“Yeah. They just say people watch it to sell subscriptions or whatever.”

The guys exchange bemused glances.

“Are you saying you don’t watch porn, Luke?” Finn asks, his eyebrows narrowing. “Like not ever?”

“Yeah?” For some reason, the conversation is making my heart pound faster than it should. “I mean, it’s a conspiracy, right?”

“Well...” Finn scrunches his lips together. “Not entirely.”

“It’s like a billion-dollar business, dude,” Noah says, wrapping his arm around Finn’s waist. They stare at each other way more lovingly than they should, considering what they’re talking about.

“I mean, that’s why they tell people it’s popular, but who actually wants to see that?”

“Lots of people,” Dmitri says. “Countries full of people. Half the planet.”

“Hey, girls watch it too,” Finn says. “I’ve slept with many a girl who...”

Noah stomps on his foot, and Finn’s face pales.

“Sorry, babe!” Finn says. “I didn’t mean that, My Sweet Puck!”

“Why do they call each other that?” Dmitri asks.

“Because they’re in lurve...” Troy chuckles.

Dmitri rolls his eyes. “Ugh.”

“It will happen to you one day.”

“Ha! I am Russian. I resist silliness! I am serious man.”

“You mean you’ll be seriously in love?” Finn teases.

“Nonsense.” Dmitri points at me. “But how are you Mr. Right? I am more handsome and I am not wooden!”

Troy and Noah exchange bashful glances.

“I would have loved to have seen you as Mr. Right,” I say. “You would have been amazing.”

“I know.” Dmitri gives a modest shrug, but his chest is totally more puffed out than it was. “I can give you tips.”

“Luke doesn’t need tips,” Troy says, but everyone knows his words are more grounded in loyalty than truth.

“Of course, he needs tips.” Dmitri holds up his phone. “Have you not read what people are saying about him?”

“They’re talking about me?” I shake my head.

I was obsessed with Seeking Mr. Right before I joined. I would watch it all the time. I’m not actually surprised people are talking about me.

“What are they saying?” My chest tightens when I ask, but God, I’ve faced off scarier things than comments.

It doesn’t matter what people say.

I know it doesn’t matter.

But my lungs spurt breath in short bursts anyway.

“You are wooden Mr. Right. Nutcracker Mr. Right. Fitting for Christmas, do not you think?”

“Um...”

“They could call you worse things,” Dmitri says, nodding with such genuineness I absolutely believe him. “But I can teach you. You are bad flirt. Never good. Not like Dmitri.”

Finn shuts his eyes. “Do you have to speak about yourself in the third person, Dmitri?”

“Fine. But I still have no problem with women.”

“Luke doesn’t have a problem with women,” Noah says.

“He has huge problem! They speak to him for five minutes, then hook up with rookies. That’s why he is on the show, no? He can’t find love.”

Noah looks slightly ill. I wonder if he’ll ever tell Dmitri that he and Troy signed me up.

“But the women need to think you are interested in them. Instead, the trending hashtag with the show is “SELUKE.” He frowns. “What does that mean?”

“Wait! Seriously?” Troy lunges for Dmitri’s phone, but Dmitri lifts it high. “You have own phone.”

“Fine.” Troy scrambles on his phone, then his jaw drops, before he hastily rearranges his face into his customary jovial expression. “#SELUKE is a huge deal. You’re trending, dude.” He smirks. “Well, not just you.”

“I don’t get it,” I say. “What does SELUKE mean?”

“You get it,” Troy says, smiling at me.

“You’re being shipped,” Noah says.

“I don’t get it,” Finn says.

Noah whispers in Finn’s ear.

“Oh.” Finn’s eyes round. “If you ever want to talk, I’m here for you, dude.”

“What does SELUKE mean?” Dmitri asks.

“Check the fan art,” Noah says.

“They’re posted in a lot of the comments.”

Dmitri frowns, then laughs. “You are terrible at this dating show. They think you have more chemistry with the host.” He shrugs. “Don’t worry, I understand.”

“You do?” Noah furrows his brow together.

“You have more chemistry with this Sebastian because he is guy.”

“That’s awfully big of you, Dmitri,” Noah says. “I didn’t realize you were so open-minded.”

Dmitri nods. “I have many excellent qualities. Good in tights, right?”

I blink, but for some reason, Noah is nodding.

“Dmitri is a Renaissance man,” Noah explains.

“Luke is used to hanging out with guys. I am guy. Finn is guy. Noah is guy. Troy is guy.” He shrugs. “But women are great too. Pretty. Soft. Smell good too.” He has a far-off expression to his face, as if contemplating all the great qualities about women.

Troy snorts. “At least someone here is straight.”

“And you,” I say.

“Um, yeah.” Troy grabs some weights and stacks them back on the rack. “I should, um, see if I can get a massage.”

“And you too, right?” Finn asks, staring at me strangely.

“What?”

Noah elbows him, and Finn looks ashamed.

Weird.

“What are your tips on dating?” I ask Dmitri.

“Ah. I have so much amazing advice.” He sighs. “Make the woman feel special. Look at them, not host.”

“Not bad advice,” Finn admits.

“Is excellent advice,” Dmitri says sternly. “Is advice from me.”

“Compliment their hair,” Dmitri adds.

“Not terrible,” Noah says.

“I don’t need you picking up tips,” Finn growls.”

“I compliment your hair all the time, Babe,” Noah says. “Nice golden-brown locks. Silky.”

“You can touch it if you like,” Finn says, and Noah purrs.

Dmitri nods sagely. “See? My advice is excellent.”

“Maybe Luke prefers speaking to the host,” Noah says.

“And it’s fine if you do,” Finn says quickly. “Completely fine.”

“That is why your advice is terrible. Don’t listen to these gay men,” Dmitri says, then exits the room.

“Bisexual!” Finn calls out. He sighs, then gives me a soft smile. “Anytime you want to talk.”

I furrow my brow. “We’re talking now.”

“Yeah, but...”

Noah steps on Finn’s foot, then they enter some sort of tickle competition. I stay on my bench, frowning.

People think I have more chemistry with Sebastian?

“I know him better, that’s all,” I say.

Noah and Finn halt their tickling and stare at me.

“And he slept in my arms,” I say. “Probably some biochemical reaction happened.”

“He slept in your arms?” Finn sputters.

“The electricity was out at the hotel. I wasn’t going to let him shiver!”

“Would you have told Coach or Dmitri to sleep in your arms?” Finn asks.

“Of course not!” I rise.

I wait for Finn or Noah to laugh again, but instead their gazes turn sympathetic, and somehow that’s worse.

The show is joining me in Montreal tomorrow, and uncertainty fills me.