CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

F inn

We leave the car. Our footsteps crunch over the gravel parking lot, reminding me that normally we're talking and not listening to, well, gravel crunch.

"One year isn't that long," Noah says.

I close my eyes. "I know."

"It will fly by," he says. "I promise."

I give a jerky nod.

I wish Noah didn't feel the need to remind me all the time that this is for one year. He seems to think that will make me feel better, and it doesn't.

But maybe he needs to remember it. Maybe he needs to feel free.

I take out my phone and text my dad's lawyer.

Me: Any updates?

Then I tuck the phone back into my pocket.

Noah narrows his gaze. "Who were you texting?"

Because I don't want to make him any promises I can't keep, I just say, "no one."

His eyes remain narrow. I mean, the guy isn't an idiot. No one goes around texting "no one." But never mind that.

Violin music wafts from the manor house, and I take Noah's hand.

He gives me a startled look.

"There might be photographers," I explain.

"Right. I forgot. "

I squeeze his hand, then he squeezes my hand back, and when I see Luke and Dmitri taking pictures outside, I don't have to work too hard to keep a smile on my face when we greet them.

Seats swathed with luxury fabric are lined up in the grand hall, and Noah and I sit on the groom's side. Usually, we're with the team. Now, most of the guests are in couples. Even Troy and Axel have dates.

Vinnie, Stella and Evan slide into the seats beside us, and I pretend I'm totally at ease. I mean, obviously I'm totally at ease. Noah is beside me, and life is great.

But I don't fail to notice that Vinnie's gaze turns suspicious. His eyebrows narrow, and he scowls even more than normal. The man is grumpy. Well, not when it comes to Evan and his daughter.

"I know you!" Stella exclaims, crawling over Vinnie.

"Hmm..." I frown. "I don't think I've ever seen you before. I mean, I know Evan had a daughter, but she always wears a hockey jersey."

"It's me!" Stella giggles, and Vinnie shoots a nervous look at the floor, and rearranges her on his knee. Belly laughs don't normally send children flying, but I wouldn't be surprised if Stella is the exception. That girl is happiness itself.

Clearly Vinnie has only been a great addition to the family.

Vinnie raises an eyebrow at me. "Are you sure you're Finn? The Finn I know is always in pads and a hockey jersey, and carries a big stick so..." He shrugs his shoulders helplessly.

"Did you just make a joke?" My eyes boggle, and he gives me an annoyed grunt when my smile widens.

"Besides, I always carry a big stick," I say.

Vinnie scowls and moves Stella to Evan's lap.

"Sorry," I say.

Evan takes Stella's hand and leads her outside.

"I know how to be appropriate," I pout.

Vinnie snorts. "No way. But, um, Stella is going to be a flower girl."

"That sounds adorable."

Then Vinnie's lips slide up into a large, dad-like smile that I never saw on him a year ago. "It totally will be."

"I'm happy for you," I say, and Vinnie grunts in response, even though I'm sure even Vinnie, with his always questionable sociable skills, knows that the appropriate response is to say he's happy for me too.

Which means he's not happy for me.

I pretend that doesn't suck.

The room continues to fill with people. Coach is here with his wife and son Oskar. When Dmitri and Luke return from outside, it's impossible to not see the way Oskar's cheeks pinken when Dmitri passes, or the longing look that Oskar sends him when Dmitri sits down.

"I think someone has a crush," I say conversationally.

"Maybe."

"Oskar is out," I say.

Vinnie sends air flying from between his teeth. "Fine. He has a crush. Old news." Vinnie slides his grumpy gaze to me. "But you know who I never saw have any indication of having any interest in a man?"

My organs slither together. I shouldn't have tried to make conversation with Vinnie. I know better. I do.

"I have a feeling you're going to tell me."

He rolls his eyes. "I'm not going to waste the energy. But seriously, what are you doing? I've known you for three years. It's been hottie this, hottie that..."

I slide further into the seat, conscious of Noah stiffening beside me. I put my hand in his. I don't know why Noah is nervous. Vinnie is attacking me. But maybe he doesn't want the ruse to be exposed. I mean, that makes sense.

Even though the kisses and blowjobs and handjobs didn't feel super ruse-like. I mean I don't know how most people work their tongue. But whatever. There's probably an acting term for what we're doing.

And Noah enjoys our bedroom activities, and that's the important thing.

"For the record, I wouldn't have tried to talk to you about girls if I'd known you were gay," I say. "I was trying to be friendly. I mean you have that whole tall, dark, and handsome thing going." I wave a hand over Vinnie's muscular figure. "And you were always sneaking off. We all thought you were banging chicks galore."

"Did you just call my boyfriend handsome?" Evan leans over.

I jump. "I didn't see you return."

"Obviously. You know I'm not a weakling."

I nod. "Yeah, you're our captain."

He laughs.

I squirm. "I'm not going to cheat on Noah. Vinnie is safe. "

"You're not going to do anything with Noah," Vinnie mutters. "Because you're both pretending. I don't know why, but I'm sure."

"Vinnie...Remember I didn't identify as gay before we got together."

"But there was all the gay porn you used to watch."

"Cotton!" I jump up. "I need cotton!"

Evan's face has turned an unusual puce shade. "Not cool, Vinnie."

"Yeah, I don't need to think about my captain like that."

"You guys are so immature," Vinnie mutters in a long-suffering manner.

"You're the one who brought up special videos at a wedding!" I shriek.

More people look at me. Shit. Way to make us all look immature.

"Special videos of hockey clips," I say quickly. "So we can review our plays. You're not supposed to bring up work at a wedding function. It's a no, no."

The other guests narrow their gazes. I'm not sure they're buying it.

"I didn't mean any other sorts of special videos," I try to lie. "I mean that would be super bad. Obvs."

Noah and Vinnie both elbow me.

Fortunately, the music begins. Isaiah waits for his fiancée to stroll down the aisle so they can begin the rest of their lives together.

Stella bounces down the aisle, flinging rose petals. It's possible that she's showcasing her athletic ability a tad too much, because some of the petals land on the guests' laps .

It is all adorable.

But when Isaiah's jaw drops, I know he's not only smiling at Stella. I crane my neck and find Jasmine at the entrance. She looks stunning. Her white dress shines against her dark skin, and her smile is wide and joyful.

All of her family is here. All of her friends.

A knot forms in my stomach.

God, I never should have proposed to Noah. I shouldn't have taken this day from him.

I proposed to him in a room in Vegas when we'd had too many drinks from the minibar. I couldn't have made it more unromantic.

Jasmine continues down the aisle, beaming at the man who loves her. Isaiah might be out for the season, but he is gone for Jasmine. Hockey is no longer his life...she is.

Noah squeezes my hand, maybe sensing the rapidity of my heartbeat, because he's amazing, but guilt continues to smash into me, like an opposing player has slammed me against the boards.