CHAPTER SIXTEEN

E van

Vinnie is in my room. My heart swells and hammers. Whatever he’s here to say is taking him a while to get out. I already know that I’m going to be replaying each word he says over and over in my mind once he leaves.

I want to throw him out, to tell him not to bother my heart anymore, but that would be not seeing him when I could. That would still be more painful.

Vinnie is stammering something about relationships and thinking, and his eyes plead, like a certain type of anime.

I focus on my breathing, on acting nonchalant, even though it’s way too late to feign indifference.

Because the last time it was night and we were speaking, we were in each other’s arms. The last time we were in the presence of a bed, we were on it.

That time was much better than this.

“So, what do you think?” Vinnie asks finally.

“Um...” I blink. I try to act intelligent, but that never worked in school. “I lost you.”

“You don’t have to lose me,” he says, his voice more tender, his eyes soft like they were in my house.

Okay. I really don’t know what’s going on.

Because if he just wanted to come to my hotel room to say we should still be cool for the sake of the team and our careers, well, he could be gone already.

But the other possibility, that he is truly here, in my hotel room, telling me that he wants to go back to this weekend and have us be all the things I hoped in my dreams that we could be... Well, that’s probably not what he’s saying. So, I’m not going to hope.

Those were all the things I was imagining that we would be after I saw how well he fit into my life. How well he fit with Stella, how well he fit into my house, how well he fit into my arms.

Though, to be honest, that was more about me fitting into his arms. I didn’t think I wanted a dream man to hold me at night, but I guess there was a lot about myself I pushed away, focusing on hockey exercises and childcare manuals, and making sure Stella grows up to be everything she wants to be.

“Evan?” Vinnie asks finally, his voice rough and raw. “Do you think we can get back to where we were this weekend?”

My eyes widen. Because that certainly implies that he wants...more.

His smile turns sad. “Never mind. It’s okay, Evan.”

He turns, and something about the downward slope of his shoulders, the heaviness of his pace, makes me realize...

“You said relationship,” I blurt.

He turns around. “I did.”

“Did you mean—” I swallow hard, as if to force away the fears swirling in my body.

“I meant relationship,” he says, his voice slow. He doesn’t lose eye contact with me, and I fall into his dark pools. His eyes are warmth and reassurance.

His cheeks pinken, and God, I never realized how adorable that color is on him. “The, um, romantic kind.”

“With me,” I clarify, blinking.

His lips—the ones I know for a fact are sultry and succulent—quirk into a grin. “With you.”

“You want to date me?” I ask.

“Uh-huh.”

My mind spins. “We could do that. I mean, maybe there are some private places...” I knit my forehead.

Hockey fans are everywhere. But they are especially everywhere in Boston. Usually, that’s one of the things I love about Boston.

“I don’t want to be private,” he says.

His eyes soften again, and I realize my mouth is hanging open.

I close it.

“You don’t?” I breathe.

“Not unless you want to,” he says. “I want what you want.”

I stare at him, unsure I’m following. This is important, and I don’t want my heart to take over from my ears.

Because when I was in his arms, I also thought he was offering...everything, and in the morning, he vanished, like he was slipping away from a bad motel.

“And we are a bit past dating,” he says. “Don’t you think?”

“I—”

Vinnie takes my hands in his. My gaze flickers down to them. His hands are large and rough and tanner than someone’s hands should be who spends most of the year in wintry New England.

Warmth surges through me.

“I’m in love with you, Evan,” Vinnie says, his voice rough.

My pulse jumps. “You are?”

“Absolutely.” He narrows the distance between us, and my nostrils flare, taking in his familiar scent. “I’m utterly and completely in love with you. I have been for a long time.”

“But when the photos showed up on social media...” I stop. The words are too painful.

“I left,” he says. “And that was wrong. I thought if I got out of there as soon as possible, then the photographers wouldn’t really think there was a story. And maybe I was jealous. Valentina is literally ranked as one of the most beautiful people in the world in some magazines.”

“You’ve made some pretty high rankings yourself.”

“I wasn’t supposed to fall for my captain. It’s a rule. And I don’t like breaking rules.”

“I don’t think they literally put that in the rule book.”

“Only because they don’t think people would do it.”

“Well, I fell for one of my D-men,” I say.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You better be talking about me.”

“I absolutely am.”

The space between us becomes narrower and narrower, until we’re breathing in the same air.

His lips are so close, his cheek brushes against me, and my breath catches as I brush against his stubble.

Vinnie isn’t who I expected falling for, but that doesn’t make my feelings for him any less powerful.

I want to kiss him. I want to delve my lips against his mouth. I want my tongue to brush against his. I want his fingers to go everywhere on me.

But there are still a few things to clarify.

“So, you want to be my boyfriend?”

I watch him carefully, ready for any stiffening, any sign that this is not actually what he says, that I’m jumping ahead again.

“I’ve never been someone’s boyfriend before,” he admits instead.

“Never?” Shock turns to sadness. “But you’re thirty.”

“Are you calling me old, McAllister?”

I give a startled laugh. “I wouldn’t dare. But didn’t you want a boyfriend?”

“I wanted you.”

“Vinnie...”

“I just never met someone whom I wanted to have more with. Well, maybe I could have imagined it with some people. But the risk never seemed worth it.”

“I’m sorry,” I say softly.

“Things are different than they were when we started.”

“I know.” His smile turns blissful, and maybe he’s also staring into a happy future for the two of us. “Besides, I turned my sexual frustration into becoming a great hockey player.” He leans his forehead against mine. He brushes his nose against mine. His fingers rest against mine. “What I want is you.”

“Despite all the complications?”

“If you’ll have me.” He steps away. “And I understand if you don’t. If you just want last weekend to be last weekend.”

“I don’t,” I say quickly.

“No?” His eyes have that sparkle again. Maybe he’s feeling what I’m feeling, that bubble up of hope through his body, just like the emotion has filled up mine.

All the aches and pains and worries and doubts have been filled with happiness. And maybe, just maybe, that happiness will stretch out and soar up and fill us forever.

For as long as we both shall live.

The words enter my head, and I smile. Maybe we’ll get there someday.

The fact that he wants to be with me, even though I’m nothing what people expect for him, means something huge. He knows what he’s getting into.

“You wouldn’t mind if the team knows?”

“I wouldn’t mind if the world knows.”

“You mean that?” My voice trembles. Maybe I’m wrong about this. Maybe this is actually a dream. Maybe I’ll wake up, and I’ll be back in my bedroom, surrounded by torn up tissues and sadness.

“I love you, Evan,” he says softly. “I love you so much.”

“I had no idea.”

“That was sort of the point,” he says. “Guess I’m good at pretending too. Sorry.”

I elbow him, and he yelps out a laugh, and suddenly, we’re on the bed. We’re side by side, and he pulls me toward him, but I’m no longer worried that he doesn’t want to be here.

I let myself be drawn into his arms, and when I flick my gaze up to him his head draws closer and closer. And then we’re kissing.

His lips are on mine, just like they’re supposed to be. Just how they always should have been, even though I had no idea.

He pulls back. “I should ask you the same question. Would you mind if people knew?”

I wonder if I’ll feel my blood pressure rise and rise until I wish Vinnie away.

But the idea is absurd.

“I was pretty sad when you stopped coming around,” I say instead.

He hesitates a moment. “How about I promise to still stop by even if you say no to a relationship?”

“You would do that?”

“I mean, Stella is pretty cool.”

I elbow him, even though my heart is swelling. Because, let’s face it, that’s just what I want to hear about my kid.

I giggle against him, conscious of the way his hard muscles move up and down, as his baritone voice joins me.

“I didn’t think you were well, anything but straight,” I admit. “I didn’t let my mind think about you in that way. Well, not excessively.”

“Not excessively?

“Don’t tell me your fancy Seaport condo doesn’t have mirrors.”

He gives a startled laugh, and I use that time to roll on top of him.

“I like your shoulders,” I say.

He quirks up his brow. “That’s where you’re going to start?”

“I mean, they are pretty wide.”

“All the better to defend you,” he says, dropping his voice into a seductive tone.

I laugh again. Because Vinnie and I were first friends. And we’re going to be friends again. And we’re going to be so much more.

“Maybe you should just kiss me.”

“Well, I gotta listen to my captain.”

And then his lips are on mine.