15. Vale

Chapter 15

Vale

D espite the stares, I was in heaven.

Tearing into the roast boar with my teeth, I practically danced in my chair as the savory flavor exploded on my tongue. It was tender and juicy and unlike anything I'd ever tasted. I couldn't recall the last time I'd had fresh meat—if ever—and the experience was nearly as good as the orgasms Kian and Xavier had given me. My table manners may be atrocious, and I could make myself sick later from the sheer gluttony, but I would take focusing on the food over the matter I was purposefully ignoring any day.

Swallowing, I let out a quiet moan of pleasure before reaching for the candied carrots with a spicy honey sauce. I'd already sampled it, and the dish was absolutely divine. There were leafy greens and thick rolls, creamy sauces and roasted duck, fruits and pies and cheeses. Kian and Xavier had pointed out all the dishes, the sprawling feast meant just for me.

I wanted to try everything, and if I happened to burst at the seams, then so be it. The starving girl in me worried that so much abundance would go to waste, but I'd been assured that whatever I didn't finish, they would.

That said, both Kian and Xavier's gazes had the potential to sear a pit in my cheek, and Idris was wearing a hole in the plush rug in front of the wide windows of his solar — whatever the hell that was —and I did not care one bit. The only bit of pause I had was the redheaded woman sitting across from me, cleaning her nails with an impossibly sharp dagger.

Well, that and the dragon in my head, splitting my skull with his complaints about using too much magic.

"Do you think you're the first Luxa to burn out before you could even attempt to free us from the curse? How could you be so reckless? I thought you were smarter than this."

This refrain had been going on for about thirty minutes, and so far, I'd successfully ignored the dragon, the men, and the woman in my midst as I ate my fill. Okay, so it was tough to ignore Freya, but I was doing my best. The vampire had been introduced while I'd still been bloody, and while she hadn't lunged for my throat, I hadn't lowered my guard.

As soon as the blood left my nose, everyone acted like I was an inch away from death. Kian—of all people—treated me like I was spun glass, ready to break at any second. Xavier seemed to be analyzing me, eyeing me like I might explode at any second, and Idris…

Whatever magic he had, it was vast and volatile, reacting to his emotions in a way which had the entire castle shaking on its foundations. He only calmed slightly when Freya entered the throne room, a single look from her shining blue eyes quelling the worst of the earthquakes.

Those eyes were steadily trained on her manicure, not sparing me even the slightest hint of attention, and honestly, I preferred it that way. When they were trained on me, it was worse than the dragon vibrating my skull.

How was I supposed to know I could burn out? Yesterday, I'd fought an entire conclave of mages and mostly won. Today I could barely pull off a stupid light show without bleeding and nearly passing out. Not only did it not make sense, but it made me think I was getting weaker, not stronger.

Was I worried about how the magic had affected me in the throne room? Absolutely. If I were to voice that, though, everyone would lose their minds. Again. It was bad enough that Kian and Xavier were hovering around me like bees, waiting for me to faint or something.

I'd messed up. In trying to prove a point to an asshole, I'd overdone it. I had to remember that a day ago, I was near death on a mountaintop. I wasn't completely healed from that yet, nor was I free of the magic-stealing ore that was probably still poisoning me at that very moment. I needed to remember that I'd been suppressing my magic for so long that letting it off its leash was not the best idea I could have had.

Before I could sample the gooseberry tart, I lost what was left of my patience. "Could you stop staring at me like I'm going to fall out of this chair at any second?" I growled, slicing the fork into the fruit tart and taking a bite. The soft pillowy texture of the cream, mixed with the tangy bite of the fruit, exploded on my tongue and my eyes rolled back into my head.

If this was how they ate all the time, it was no wonder they were so tall and broad.

"I don't know, are you going to fall out of the chair?" Kian growled, crossing his arms over his chest. "You were bleeding just from using magic, Vale."

As he'd said. Twenty damn times already. But at least he was treating me less like spun glass and more like he did yesterday. I'd take Asshole Kian over the worried one.

"Don't forget the fainting," Xavier grumbled, sitting back in his seat, his frown carved into his forehead.

This time I did not fight off the urge to roll my eyes. "I did no such thing, but even if I had, why is that such a fucking surprise to you? Of course I almost fainted. Do you think the guild kept us fed and happy while we mined Lumentium for them?"

I shoved the tart away, so irritated, so scrutinized, so fed up, it was tough to keep a hold of the waning power beneath my skin. "Do you think they gave a shit about us at all? They didn't care if we died so long as the quotas were met. I have been starving for years, mining day in and day out with barely any food or water just trying to survive. Suppressing my magic, hiding in plain sight, stealing when I could. My. Whole. Life."

And that didn't even count the times I'd taken punishment for Nyrah or dealing with becoming her only parent while mourning my own, or trying to keep not only me, but her alive, too.

The silence in the room was so loud, it grated against my skin.

"Of course my nose got bloody. Of course I nearly lost hold of my power. In case it was unclear to you, unless it's shoving it down so far no one can see it, I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to magic."

Out of spite, I snatched the tart back and stuffed another bite in my mouth, trying not to remind the room at large that I'd almost died yesterday. And today. And likely would tomorrow because that was just my luck.

My gaze strayed to Idris, who had stopped his pacing to really look at me. His scrutiny was worse than Kian and Xavier combined because his stricken expression told me just how fucked he thought we all were.

His confidence in me was super uplifting.

And he'd thought I was some prize to be won. He had no idea when he'd crowed my praises what he was getting into, now, did he?

"I'm sorry, my Queen. I forget you are nothing like the witches that came before you."

No, I wasn't, but I was tired of hearing it all the damn time. I was just a girl who'd grown up too fast in a world she knew nothing about. I was out of my depth, and if I didn't get myself together, Nyrah would end up paying the price.

If she hasn't already.

That insidious thought punched a hole in my chest as the doubt and fear crawled in to make a home there. While I'd been filling my belly with food, she was out there somewhere. And I hadn't so much as told anyone other than Kian and Xavier about her because I didn't know if I could trust them. If they wanted to hold something over me, it would be all too easy to use her as a bargaining chip.

And still, I worried every single second I was apart from her that she was starving or cold or…

Fuck.

Tears burned in my eyes, and I fought off the urge to run—fast and far so no one would see just how scared I was. Just how much I didn't know. I'd understood that it was important for the council to see me as formidable, but I'd been reckless. I knew that. I just didn't know how to fix it.

"So that is why you're doing this. You have a family," Rune's said, his tone so much softer now. "A child. You do not want money or power. You want safety for your sister."

Then a thread of warmth filled my middle that had nothing to do with the food. My breaths came easier, my joints hurt less, my aches—even the ones I'd forgotten about—melted away.

"A gift, my Queen, but only temporary. Do not get used to it."

But it wasn't just the lack of pain that had changed. The light was brighter, sharper, the sounds louder, the scents…

And still, with whatever help Rune had given me, I felt their eyes pinning me to the chair. That power I'd been holding down? Well, now that it had been freed, it wanted to leak from my very pores all the time, and Rune's gift didn't help that problem at all.

I stood, backing away from the table as the meal turned to lead in my belly. How could I break a stupid curse if I couldn't even handle a single meal without losing my hold on my magic?

Xavier captured my fingers, threading them with his. "I'll teach you how to use it, so it doesn't blow back on you. But tomorrow."

He brought my hand to his lips, and instantly, my thundering heart calmed. "Freya will show you around. Maybe then you can get some rest. We can start on the hard stuff later."

That's when I understood Xavier was giving me an out—letting me get out of this room before I lost my cool any more than I already had.

"I thought I told you to stick with the dragons," Rune warned, his voice vibrating through my skull.

But I needed to get out of this room, so I ignored him in favor of walking out the large double doors.

Freya easily caught up with me, appearing at my side in an instant. One second, I was by myself in the cavernous stone hallway, with its wide curved windows and delicate artifacts carefully spaced between the columns, and the next, her leather-clad body seemed to appear out of thin air.

I fought off the urge to jump. I had a feeling it would bring her far too much satisfaction. Luckily, her trusty dagger was nowhere in sight.

"Do you have any idea where you're going?" she asked, her bored tone telling me far more than I wanted to know.

She didn't want to be my shadow any more than I wanted her to be. So happy I could ruin someone else's day. I was on a roll.

"Absolutely not, but that room was stifling, and I needed an exit. I'd be happy to take any direction you have, though."

Freya stopped dead in her tracks. "I keep forgetting you are nothing like the snooty women who came before you."

"You mean the dead women?"

Freya gave me a blasé shrug. "We all die, Vale. It's just a matter of when and how. The witches who came before you came from auspicious means, vying for status or money or power. Which is likely why they never made it past the dragon under the castle."

"That's what Idris said. He said that Rune would have eaten me."

"Or burned you alive. It's really a toss-up if he's hungry or not whether he'll gobble you whole."

"If you are looking to inspire confidence in my current abilities, you are doing a shit job of it. Yes, I am aware I am very different from the incredibly cultured women who have come before me. And while I'm still alive and they're obviously dead, speaking ill of them just seems tactless. I've seen enough people die under the mountain to say that very rarely do we deserve the death we get."

"Are you going to be one of those pious, death-god-following witches?"

I thought about what kind of piety my night with Kian and Xavier qualified for. According to the guild, allowing magic-wielders to "defile me" was akin to giving the gods the middle finger. The joke was on them, I hated the gods more than they likely hated me.

"I curse Orrus on a daily basis, so I doubt it."

Freya snorted, her hand landing on the hilt of the sword at her hip. It had an ornate handle inlaid with gold and carved with runes in a language I didn't know. It was as long as her legs, and considering she was nearly a foot taller than me, that said a lot. She could take out whole armies with that sword and probably not blink an eye.

"I think I'm going to like you. How do you feel about books, little witch?"

I hadn't spent too much time with them under the mountain. The guild wasn't as fond of teaching people, as they were far more interested in how much Lumentium they could mine. The only book I'd ever read involved my inherent doom, but Freya had piqued my interest.

"Books are nice. I haven't been around them much, but I do know how to read. My mother made sure I learned."

A frown pulled at her brow before she shook herself. "Right. Come with me. I'll show you more books than you can shake a stick at. Maybe one of the maesters will let you take a few of them."

Eyes wide at the prospect of reading something that didn't involve me ending the world, I readily followed her. The trip to the library had been a hike across the castle, but as soon as she opened the giant double doors, I was in love. Rows upon rows of books filled the cavernous room, the stained-glass ceiling letting in dappled light, casting the floor in its multicolored hues.

Books were lovingly placed on shelves that seemed to be stacked to the ceiling with little catwalks in front of each of them, all equipped with rolling ladders to get to the highest of shelves. I wouldn't be climbing any ladder, and those catwalks made me want to puke, but there were so many to choose from, I could have my feet planted on the firm ground and never run out of books to read.

I almost wished Kian or Xavier were with me just so I could hold one of their hands, pulling them from book to book and shelf to shelf. A quiet, sinister part of me also might have wished for Idris to be with me, too. I couldn't say I hated him exactly. The dashing, demanding man in my dream, the one who had encouraged me on the mountaintop, the one who'd had sworn revenge on my behalf, was harder to see in the light of day.

I wondered if the reality would ever live up to the dream and which one was the real him. I also wondered if I'd ever find out.

Much to the chagrin of the ancient maesters, I spent hours in the library, the calming environment easing my nerves. It only took a single eyebrow raise from Freya for the stingy one at the front desk to let me borrow one of the smaller tomes.

I'd picked it up at Freya's recommendation and fell in love with the writing. The story—as far as I understood it—was about an ancient pair of brothers in love with the same woman. Their love and jealousy spawned a war, and I really wanted to know how it ended.

By the time the sun fell in the sky, Freya had shown me around the castle a bit and directed me to what she called "my quarters." By that, she meant a section of several gigantic rooms in a tucked away wing.

The ornately carved wooden doors led into a wide antechamber lit by warm magic lanterns that flickered and danced. The first space off the corridor was a lushly furnished receiving room with plush chairs and couches clad in fabric that seemed too nice to sit on. On the wall behind the largest couch was a painting of a dragon mid-flight, its blood-red wings flared wide.

Freya then pointed out a private dining room, the table already laid out with more food than I'd had in a year under the mountain. But the table was only set for one. I tried to ignore the faint ache in my chest at the thought of eating alone—of existing in this space alone. While Freya had endured my company all day, I could tell she'd rather be anywhere but showing me around.

The next space was a dressing room filled with wardrobes, bursting with exquisite gowns and leathers alike, jeweled hair combs and necklaces. Seeing all of it laid out, shining in the magical lanterns had me wondering if these items had been chosen for me, or if they had belonged to every poor witch coming to break the curse.

And how ungrateful was I for wanting to know the answer to that question?

The nicest thing I'd ever worn was the dress I was in. A day ago, I was in filthy, bloody rags shivering in the snow in bare feet. I should be kissing Idris' boots for providing for me, and yet, I was horrified.

Were these rooms where every Luxa went if they survived the first trial? Was I surrounded by their failure, their greed, their avarice?

I tried to keep my thoughts off my face, but Freya could see through my mask, answering my thoughts as if she could hear them.

"No, every Luxa does not sleep here," she said, her sardonic chiding easing my nerves. "This space used to be for the dowager queen before Idris took the throne."

My fingers twisted together behind my back, a nervous habit I couldn't seem to break. "I didn't say anything."

Freya snorted. "Your lips might not have, but your face did. Granted, you're better at keeping your thoughts to yourself than most people, but your scent of revulsion did you no favors. Couple that with the grip you've got on your fingers, and that stoney expression you've got makes a hell of a lot more sense."

Swallowing hard, my lips pursed in chagrin. "I don't want to be ungrateful. It's just…"

"You don't want to wear a dead woman's clothes? I don't blame you. But don't worry. Idris made sure this room was stocked with all the latest fashions. The staff picked half the shops in town bare preparing for you."

"Oh," I whispered, wide-eyed, staring at the jeweled gowns and silks, each individual piece selected just for me. "That's… very kind."

Was it wrong that just the thought of someone doing all this for me made me want to vomit?

"Come on. Let me finish showing you around."

By the time she was done, she'd shown me the bedchamber, the bathing room, and a balcony solarium that overlooked the dark castle grounds. The sun had long since set, and the too-quick winter darkness had enveloped the world. All too soon, I was alone in the too-big space, wondering what to do with myself.

As much as I appreciated the opulence, a part of me missed Kian and Xavier. But more? I wished Nyrah was here to see all of this. There hadn't been a night I'd slept alone in my life, not a meal I'd eaten without someone with me. Nyrah had been my shadow for six years, but before then, it had been my whole family.

I used the book as a distraction and ate the still-warm food, filling my belly. Then I peeled out of the heavy dress and took a bath in the giant porcelain tub that dominated the bathing chamber. When I had nothing to keep me busy, the hurt set in, burning an aching hole in my chest. I gave up and went to bed, the silky bedlinens incredibly soft and oh, so grating at the same time.

Swallowing my tears, I curled under the covers, hiding in the darkness as I tried not to break down. I was safe and warm in a plush bed, and yet, I was the saddest I'd been since my parents passed.

"You're never really alone, my Queen," Rune murmured in my head, his soft rumble of a voice a comfort I didn't think I'd need but appreciated all the same. "But I understand. It has been lonely here with no one to talk to."

Startled, I tossed back the covers, sitting up as if I could look him in his golden eyes when he was floors below me.

"You've been alone all this time?" I thought, wondering if he could hear me. Then again, he could likely hear everything rolling around my head, the snoop.

"I'm not a snoop. You are simply bound to me. Just like I am bound to Idris. I can't tell you how long I've been alone. Centuries with no one to talk to, no one to listen, forced to watch the other half of my soul find witch after witch with no business being in the castle."

Bound to him? What the hell did that mean? "But can't you talk to Idris? He's the other half of your soul, right?"

Rune let out a huff that could have been a dragon snort for all I knew. The derision, however, was noted.

"Other than forcing a few dreams here and there to tell him how stupid he is? No. The curse severed us. Splintering our bond. He knows part of the equation to fix it involves a Luxa, but the rest is a mystery to him. You, my Queen, are one part—the only Luxa to hear me."

It hurt my heart to think of his loneliness, of his silenced voice, of his isolation from everyone and everything, stuck under a castle with no one.

"Then talk to me, Rune. Say whatever you want to. It will help me fall asleep. I've never slept by myself before."

So, Rune talked, telling me about the history of this kingdom and of tales of Idris when he was a boy when their souls were still together. He talked until my eyelids grew heavy and I settled into the pillows, drawing the blankets up to my nose as his soothing voice lulled me to sleep.

It wasn't until the searing heat of a blade sliced into my shoulder, did I remember Rune's warning.

The castle wasn't safe.

And I was about to find out exactly why.