29. Chapter 29

29

B lake wanders into Jace's room, and the moment the door closes, I'm stumbling into my bathroom. My breath comes in ragged and rushed. I can't breathe.

How could I have hurt her?

I told myself when Jace gave me the okay that I could do this, even if she hated me for it. I could handle her hating me, as long as we got what we needed out of her. I thought I could do it. But it took a minute of her refusing to do anything, so that I couldn't go with my plan to hurt her like I did the others.

Whipping her was one thing; she liked it. Cutting her was pushing her limits, but I saw the way she got turned on from it. I felt it around my fucking cock.

She was as fucked up as I was, and that idea hit me like a freight train.

You can't torture those who've already been tortured.

Her words run around in my head. It made sense she was tortured, the scars on her body told me that. But who? The pieces of what Jace told me, that there were twelve left. Who are they?

"Did you get what you needed?" Jace asks, peeking in through the bathroom door .

Shrugging, I lean against the counter.

"I'm not sure I know what that means." Jace steps through, leaning against the wall.

"I couldn't do it," I whisper.

Jace frowns, glancing into my room before looking back at me. "She…Ryker, she has new marks on her skin. Cuts and whip marks, I'm confused."

Giving him my best, "no shit," look, I shake my head. "Not like the others."

"What happened? You look…" Jace trails off. I know what he's talking about; part of my black heart beats for her. And causing her pain now hurts me and I never thought I would feel that way towards someone. I'm thirty-six; finding a girl was never in my mindset.

Not until her.

"You can't torture those who've already been tortured," I repeat the words out loud.

"What?"

"That's what she said to me after I…I fucked her, and that's what she said after." Shaking my head, I look up at the ceiling.

"She'll get there, eventually. We'll just have to work on trust building, I guess." Jace straightens up. "I'm going to go to bed. I don't want her to think we've disappeared."

I nod my head and Jace glances at the door and back at me.

"Maybe you should join us," Jace mutters, walking out the door before I can say anything.

I shake my head. I won't. I can't sleep next to her knowing that the feelings inside me are developing. I can't drag her into my own mess.

Stripping off my clothes, I step into the ice-cold shower. My scarred skin aches as the water runs over me. Embracing the pain, I shower, trying to wash her scent off me. Blake clings to my senses worse than a fucking dog. Scrubbing my skin, I finish my shower, wrapping the towel around my waist.

Leaving the bathroom, I pull on a pair of boxers, eyeing my empty bed. I'm moving towards the bedroom door before I can process what I'm doing. Walking across the living room and entering Jace's room .

Closing it behind me, I tiptoe over to the side of the bed, climbing in behind Blake. Who sure enough, has her arm wrapped around Jace's wide waist.

I hear Jace chuckle into the dark as I move my arm around Blake's waist, my hand brushing against Jace's naked side.

"Shut up," I mutter. Burying my nose into Blake's hair, I inhale her vanilla and a hint of sweat scent. Blake shoves her foot between my legs, telling me she was no longer mad at me. Or I hoped that's what she was saying.

It wasn't long before I drifted off to sleep.

My uterus woke me up, cramps twisting my insides, and I clench my jaw as another one passes through me. I hate being a female for this reason. My periods were never normal and one month it was worse while the next would be like a walk in the park.

I shiver under the blankets. Stretching my arm out I still feel Jace in front of me. And scooting back some, I feel Ryker against my back. I'm stuck, but the feeling of my stomach turning has me up and stumbling over Jace to the bathroom.

"Fuck!" One of them curses. Slamming the door, I throw myself over the toilet, emptying the contents in my stomach. Tears gather in my eyes and my throat burns. I don't have the energy to look over when the door opens.

"Shit," Jace mutters at the same time Ryker mutters, "Fuck. "

I hear them moving around, but bile rises in my throat that I can't hold back. My forehead rests against the seat. I know it's disgusting, but I don't have the energy to pick my head up or hold it for that matter.

"Come on, Sunshine," Jace says beside me. I'm not sure what he's talking about until he's pulling my hair back, throwing it into a bun. Holding my cheeks, Jace uses a warm washcloth to wipe my mouth.

I jump when I feel something brush across my inner knee.

"It's just me," Ryker whispers softly.

I nod, closing my eyes. My heart breaks, emotionally being hit as they care for me. I'm a mess but I still have two giant hitmen cleaning me with their soft touches.

"We need to get her in the shower," Ryker says to Jace.

"Yeah, let's get her teeth brushed before we do."

Barely holding my head up, Jace scoops me up. Blinking my eyes open, Jace sets me down on the counter. I watch Ryker start the shower, setting something on the floor inside before turning towards us. Jace squeezes toothpaste onto a toothbrush. Lifting my hand I try to take it from him, but drop it when Jace cups my cheeks.

"Let me do this, pretty girl," Jace puts the brush into my mouth, slowly brushing my teeth. I feel like a child, but I can't help that I love it. Jace brushes my teeth while Ryker gets the shower ready for me. Steam fills the bathroom, and the scent of vanilla caramel cupcakes fill the air. I smile around the toothpaste at his choice of shower steamers.

Bending over, I spit into the sink, drinking the water from Jace's cup. Swishing it around in my mouth, I bend over again, spitting it into the sink.

"Let's get you cleaned," Ryker says behind Jace. My eyes drop to Ryker standing there naked. Jace moves out of the way as Ryker lifts me off the counter. Stepping into the shower, I slide down his body, easing back under the water.

"I'm sorry," Ryker whispers. I almost miss hearing him under the pressure in my head and the shower echoing in the stall.

My eyes snap open, frowning up at Ryker. I barely glance at Jace when he enters the shower, eyes bouncing between Ryker and me .

For what? I ask.

"I—I never should have done what I did." Ryker shifts on his feet.

I'm okay.

Ryker doesn't look convinced but doesn't say anything. Stepping under the second shower head, he reaches over for my wrist, dragging me into him. None of us speak as Jace and Ryker take turns washing my entire body, being careful of the cuts around my chest. After Ryker washes my hair, Jace conditions it. While I didn't think I would ever find myself wanting two men, it surprises me that they're sharing. Or the fact they don't mind. Have they shared before? It doesn't feel like they have. Sure, it's not awkward being between them, I just don't get the feeling they've done it before.

After they've both washed themselves, in record time, they take turns helping to dry me off. We stand in the middle of Jace's room.

I'm going to need supplies, I sign, unable to look at them.

"Of course, and we can stock up on cinnamon rolls too." Jace wiggles his eyebrows at me.

"I'll check the weather. I know I saw a storm coming in soon."

Ryker helps me into a clean pair of panties while Jace gets dressed. I smile when I take notice of some toilet paper sitting inside. At least it'll get me to the store.

"Toss me a shirt," Ryker calls out.

I shake my head.

"What, why not?" Jace snaps.

I need a bra, I sign, rolling my eyes.

"Bra," Ryker answers Jace before he can ask. Jace nods, searching around his dresser. After a second, he tosses over a sports bra. Ryker helps put the bra and shirt on.

"We should probably get you some clothes too," Jace announces. I nod, agreeing with him. While Luna's clothes are nice, they don't feel like me, and I also hate the jealousy spiking in my veins when I remember that it's her clothes I'm wearing .

"Leg." Ryker taps my ankle. Dropping my head, I swallow, using my hand on his head to balance. Stepping into my pants, Ryker helps pull them up, kissing me on the forehead. "Let's go spend Jacey's money." Ryker chuckles, grabbing my hand and pulling me behind him. Stopping in my tracks, I hold out my other hand for Jace. His eyes drop to my hand before he smiles brightly at me, slipping his calloused hand into mine.

Maybe I could tell them.

Maybe soon.

Jace pulls into the general store parking lot, shutting the car off. I hold my breath, swinging my legs off Ryker's lap in the backseat. He insisted on holding my legs and massaging my calves the entire hour-long drive. Not that I minded. My cramps are making my body ache, and another wave of nausea rolls over me.

"Are you okay?" Jace shifts in the front seat.

Just feeling nauseous.

"Feeling nauseous," Ryker repeats for Jace. "Let's get some snacks while we get what we need."

I smile, reaching for the door handle.

"Don't you dare," both Ryker and Jace say. Glancing over my shoulder at them, I shake my head. I wait inside while they both get out and open my door. Jace grabs my hand, helping me out. With Ryker on one side and Jace on the other, I felt protected, strong, and confident .

While Jace grabs the cart, we walk around the store, everyone's eyes on us. I try not to pay any mind to them, but I can feel myself wanting to panic. The last time I was in public, we were attacked.

I mindlessly hold Ryker's hand, following behind Jace in each aisle. Both of them fill the cart with more snacks than they probably need.

"Hey, what kind of snacks do you like?" Jace asks startling me. I whip around, my heart pounding against my chest. My vision blurs, fingers beginning to grow numb.

Hatred doesn't even begin to explain the feeling inside when Dad walks in the door, a guard behind him. A guard I've never met before.

"Hey, sweetheart." Dad smiles when he sees I'm awake.

I keep my mouth shut, not that I've said anything for the past two weeks. Not since the cartel took Gabriel and me. Turning my head towards the window, my finger fiddles with the blanket, needing anything to distract myself. The last time I freaked out in front of him, Dad made the doctors put me to sleep. I don't want to go back there. Every time I close my eyes, all I see is them.

"Sam, this is Blake." Dad walks to the window in my line of sight. Biting my lip, I clench the covers in my fist. "Blake, this is Sam."

I nod my head in acknowledgment, hoping it would be enough for him. But of course, dear old Dad doesn't care; when he wants your attention, he demands it.

"Blake, are you listening to me?" he asks, snapping his stupid fingers at me.

Rolling my eyes, I turn towards him, glaring.

"Sam is going to be your new guard. He'll be posted outside your hospital room." He nods towards the other man. I refuse to acknowledge him. I don't need Sam nor do I want him to be my new guard. I don't want any of them. The cartel should have killed me.

"She'll warm up to you, she… Henry, her last guar—" Grabbing the water from the hospital table, I throw it at Dad, hissing when the stitches along my side pull.

But I don't care. I can't stand to hear his name. I hate them, hate all of them. How can Dad just act as if one of his men didn't kidnap me and torture me ?

"Blake Salem Elizabeth Anderson Volkov," Dad growls. I meet his glare. While I have my mother's caring nature, I also have my father's attitude problem. "Sam is your new gua—" Grabbing the pen off the table, I chuck it at his face. Dad steps forward; I'm prepared for him to hit me when the door opens, and Mom and Aunt Salem walk in.

"Love?" Mom mumbles, eyeing both of us. "What's wrong?"

"Your fucking daughter," Dad answers.

"Dimitri," Mom gasps at the same time Aunt Salem growls, "Watch your mouth."

It's the one thing I love about Aunt Salem; she doesn't stand for his shit. No matter who he is, she doesn't care. I once wanted to be like her: strong and independent. Only now I'm weak, a fragile mistake.

"Outside now," Mom snaps. Dad hangs his head, muttering something to Sam who leaves. The door shuts behind them, leaving Salem standing in the middle of the hospital room.

"Well, that went well." Aunt Salem sighs.

I nod my head, leaning back, feeling tired again.

"We should get some snacks…" Aunt Salem smiles over at me, reminding me why she's my favorite.

"Blake!" someone yells, pulling me out of my memories. I blink up at who's talking to me–Jace and Ryker.

"Take a deep breath," Jace whispers as Ryker swipes his thumb across my jaw. I feel something wet on my cheek. I hadn't even realized I was crying. I try to suck air into my lungs, only it gets caught. My finger twitches; I need to hurt something. I can feel the itching in my skin and the burning in my lungs.

"She needs to scream," Ryker's voice sounded muffled to my ears.

"She doesn't fucking talk, she's not going to scream," Jace growls under his breath.

"You're right." Ryker cups my cheeks. "But she does like stabbing things."

My brows furrow, my eyes snapping up to his. Before we left this morning, he put his mask back on, leaving only his eyes. No darkness lays in his eyes, only pureness.

"She can't just stab you in the middle of the grocery store," Jace stresses.

"She can, and she will if that's what she needs," Ryker hisses back.

I shake my head; even if I need something to stop the tingles rushing through my body and the memories from taking over again, I can't just stab something in the middle of the grocery store, at least not Ryker.

"Blake." Ryker cups my cheek, pulling my attention to him. "Bite my hand."

I try to shake my head again. I don't want to hurt him, which is odd because he tied me up less than twelve hours ago.

"I'm not asking, I'm telling. Bite my fucking hand." Ryker shoves the meaty part of his hand into my mouth before I can protest. I don't bite down, glaring over at Jace. I swear, if someone walks around the aisle and sees us, they'll call the cops. Which is the last thing any of us needs.

"I won't tell you again, bite my fucking hand or I swear to G—" I don't let him finish. Biting down, Ryker's eyes flare and his other hand flexes before he keeps it fisted at his side. Blood drips into my mouth, and worst of all, I loved it. I bite down harder before ripping my mouth away, smiling when I see the clear bruising and outline of my teeth on his hand.

"Good girl," Ryker whispers, bending down to kiss my forehead. Butterflies swarm in my stomach. Ryker backs away, shoving his hand back into his gloves. Looking over at Jace, he looks worried before I smile. Stepping over, I wrap my arms around his waist, hugging him tight against me.

"Feel better?" he asks, wrapping his arms around me. Tilting my head up, I nod, smiling wide. "Good, let's get you some clothes and head home."

Letting out a sigh, I walk beside Jace, holding his hand on the cart while holding Ryker's gloved one in the other.

I'm safe and protected, and the feeling hits me out of nowhere. I might have thought that I could trust them and that they would protect me. I like the idea. But now, I know. I know the truth, and while I love it, I can't help but wonder if I'm worth it. I'm ruined.