25. Chapter 25

25

B lake kisses me back as if she's been waiting from the moment she saw me. Not that I could blame her. I wanted to kiss her the moment she stepped out of the car. Though I wanted to taint her as well. Make her bleed while my tongue was down her throat. But I didn't think we would get to that point. I never thought anyone besides Jace would see me.

I moan into her mouth, her tongue dancing around with mine. I can't get enough of her.

Opening up to her was never part of the plan. I didn't even want to protect her, but four days in, and she wiggled her way inside my chest. The heart that stopped beating so long ago now beats for her. I was obsessed with the idea of hurting her before, but now I want to hurt her and then care for her. I no longer want to pass her off to Jace.

Blake tries to pull back, but the urge to touch her overpowers everything inside me. One of my hands grabs the back of her head, holding her against me. My other shifts to her back. Many of her scars are raised against my palm. My fingers dig into her skin. Blake runs her hands through my hair, climbing on top of me instead of just sitting between my legs. I'm not sure if she's aware of what she's doing, but Blake rocks her hips against mine. I would give anything to feel her cunt against my hardening cock. I hiss into her mouth, biting down on her bottom lip. Breaking through her skin, her blood drips into my mouth.

"Fuck," I groan, pulling back.

Blake slowly blinks her eyes open, arousal written all over her face.

"I would give anything to fuck you right now, pet, but you just had a panic attack." I can't believe my ears, or hell, even my mouth for that matter. I'm not sure when things shifted inside; I would like to think yesterday I would have fucked her even if she was panicking. But I can't say I would now.

Blake glances down, clearly seeing my cock pressed against my pants.

I'm s—

I grab her hands, stopping her from talking.

"I want you, fuck, do I want you, but I'm trying to be a better man," I whisper. Blake nods her head, but I can see she's clearly upset.

"Come on, let's go watch a movie." Grabbing the back of her thighs, I get to my feet. Blake links her legs behind my back and arms around my neck. Reaching over, I turn the shower off and step out of the tub. Dripping water all over the floor, I carry her through Jace's room and into the living room.

"Oh, shit," Jace curses. He sets his cup down on the counter, stepping towards us. "What happened?" His eyes bounce back and forth between us, clearly surprised to see that I no longer have my mask on.

"She was having a panic attack," I tell him. Blake shifts her head against my shoulder, looking over at him.

"Sunshine," he whispers, not stopping until he's right behind us. "Are you okay?"

Blake nods her head.

"What can I do?"

Glancing around the living room, I tilt my head towards the TV. "Let's watch a movie. Maybe some cinnamon rolls?"

Blake's head pops up, snapping her eyes at me, the brightest fucking smile I've ever seen plastered across her face.

"Let's get you dressed while Jace puts the cinnamon rolls in the oven. "

Jace nods, bending over and kissing the top of her head. Blake smiles, turning her head and pushing her lips out. Jace's eyes flicker to mine before doing as she wishes. I thought we had established neither of us cared about sharing her but looks like we were going to have to have a conversation.

Jace backs away, sending Blake one last look before heading back into the kitchen. Carrying her into my room, I set her down on my bed. Turning around quickly, I get to my dresser and pull out an old t-shirt. Taking a deep breath, I'm not usually the one to panic, but something about Blake is triggering.

Except I know it isn't Blake who is bringing all the memories back. It's me. I talked about them, I let Blake take off my mask. I've done everything to make it so no one sees my face, not even me. But the moment I heard a banging sound when I was listening through the door, I knew what was happening. I've seen it before and had my fair share of panic attacks. I knew she was going to have one before I was even done fucking her.

Blake finally let go of herself, and the moment she realized this, she freaked out.

Shaking my head, I turn towards Blake, my eyes sweeping over her body. Different types of scars cover her from head to toe. Bite marks on her neck. Whip and cut marks along her chest, arms, stomach, and legs. Not a clear patch of pale freckled skin shines through.

"Here, put this on." Handing her the shirt, I head for the door, leaving her behind. I don't stop until I'm in front of Jace.

Burning flesh fills my nostrils. I can hear their screams but they're too far away. The handcuffs bite into my skin every time I yank my hand back.

"Ryker," I hear Jace's voice, but I can't see him.

"Ryker!" Laia screams. "Help! Help me!"

"I'm here," I yell. I pull harder against the cuffs. The metal cuts into my skin, blood trickling down my wrist. I haven't heard Grams in a minute; I know that bastard did something to her.

"You're here, come on," Jace's voice filters through. Everything around me fades until there's nothing but darkness. "Come on, man, our girl's here. She's trying to talk to you, open those eyes. "

My head shakes. I know he's making sense. I knew it was going to happen. I knew it before I opened my mouth. But I didn't care, I wanted to make Blake feel better. She was scared, feeling defenseless, and it wasn't the girl I knew. My Blake loves to stab things when she gets mad.

My eyes slowly open, the bright light blinding me. Frowning, I feel the cool breeze against my face . Shit, my mask.

"Fuck," I growl. Turning around, I fist my hands to stop myself from doing something I would regret. Like punching a wall or reaching for Blake.

"Ryker! Wait!" Jace calls after me.

I ignore him, needing to get away. This isn't who I am. Blake is changing me, and I don't like it. I told her part of my past and suddenly, I'm drowning.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Jace bellows.

I spin around. "Did you tell her about your past?"

Jace frowns, glancing between Blake and me. "Yes." "And you didn't freak out?" I already know the answer to this. Jace got over his past when he killed his parents. There was bad blood between them from the time he was a child. I'm the reason my family is dead; it's my fault.

"No."

"Exactly, I can't even talk much about my past without freaking out."

I don't look at Blake. I know she's going to blame herself—it is her fault. She's the whole reason I'm triggered, why I keep having these nightmares again.

"You're both better off if I leave," I announce.

"That's bullshit and you know it."

"What if something triggers me when we're supposed to protect her. What if I get her hurt or fucking worse, killed? You would never forgive me. Fuck, I'd kill myself before you got the chance."

"Ryker, just sto—"

"No. I need to leave; I need to go. I can't be around her."

My hand reaches for my bedroom door and twisting the knob, I push it open. But I don't get one foot inside before something sharp hits my shoulder. Grunting, I slam my hand against the door frame. Swinging around, a fuming Blake marches towards me. I open my mouth to tell her to fuck off when she punches me in the face. My jaw aches and when I turn my head back towards her, I expect her to be crying or shocked by her actions. Only she's not. Instead, she's reaching behind me, yanking what hit my shoulder out. "Fuck!" I snap, my eyes widening when I see a knife in her hand, a bloody knife. My fucking blood.

"Did you just throw a fucking knife at me?" I ask, shocked and a little turned on. Fuck, that's a lie, my cock is so hard that it's begging to be released from my jeans now. Blake takes a shaky breath, nodding before glancing down at the knife and back up at me.

"Ryker," Jace warns. But it's too late. All I see is red. Grabbing the back of her head, I yank her forward. Shoving two fingers into her mouth, Blake grabs my wrist, standing on her tippy toes.

"You think just because I shared some of my past with you that I'll bend over and become some big softie for you?" I growl into her face. Blake narrows her eyes, dropping her hand from my wrist. "Fuck," I hiss. Glancing down, the knife she stabbed my shoulder with is now lodged into my side.

Removing my fingers, I shove her down. Blake bites down on her lip, clearly pissed off. Pulling the knife out, I stare at my blood coating the blade.

"Hands and knees," I order still fuming with rage.

She shakes her head, attempting to stand up. My foot hits her shoulder, kicking her back down. Blake's soft eyes pull into a frown, lips parted. I bend forward spitting on her face.

"When I tell you to fucking do something, fucking do it!" I yell at her.

Her eyes widen and for a second, a split moment I think I might have pushed her too far. But her fingers dig into the floor, and I see her biting down on her inner cheek.

You're an asshole, Blake signs.

I laugh, "Hands and knees, pet."

Blake glares at me, holding my gaze. Slowly, she rolls over onto her hands and knees, presenting her bare ass .

"Fuck," I mutter under my breath. Stepping forward, I suck one of my fingers into my mouth before placing it at her asshole. Blake tenses before slowly letting out a breath, allowing her body to relax before I push my finger inside her.

"Hmmm, good girl." Her ass jiggles as my palm lands on it with a hard slap. Giving no warning I shove two fingers into her ass.

Blake doesn't even flinch. That won't do for me. I'm going to teach her to hate me. I'll make it where she barely recognizes herself.

It's better than her wanting me.