18. Chapter 18

18

I don't always think before I do something. If I did, I probably wouldn't have gotten in as much trouble as I did as a child, or as a teenager. Especially now, I know what I'm doing is a childish thing. Jace just wanted to know what happened to me before I went mute. But I'm not that same girl anymore. Just like I know Ryker is just a douchebag and doesn't care about anyone but himself. But that doesn't stop me from wanting them both. I loved everything Ryker did to me last night and I know that's dangerous. I want him to cut me, to mark me. But I also loved what Jace did. He just wanted to make me cum, he wanted to make me feel something besides being used.

Which is probably why I'm destroying Ryker's belongings. I don't want to feel these emotions crawling around inside me, and he seems to be the only one who can make them go away.

Ryker makes me not think while Jace allows my thoughts to be a safe space. It's wrong, but I crave it. I want everything that's wrong with me, but I want to own it. I want scars on my body, but I want them because I begged Ryker to put them there. I want him to lick the blood off my skin and force me to do things I normally wouldn't want to do .

Something is wrong with me. I know there is. Yet, that doesn't stop me from ripping apart all his drawers, dragging his boxers out, and cutting holes into them. And it doesn't stop me from pulling out one of his masks he has and shoving it into my pants.

It's wrong. I'm wet, horny and shoving his mask in between my legs like a dog in heat. But whatever, fuck him. He can't treat me like some whore and then act like I'm a bug beneath his feet. They might think I was spoiled, and in some way I was. But they don't know how difficult it was growing up with a father like Dimitri. How hard it was being overlooked because I was a daughter and not a son like he wanted. He wanted another Tobias, but instead, he got a girl. Most of his guards were creepy, but that came with being in the mafia family.

So fuck them for thinking I'm nothing but some girl that was spoiled.

I can feel the pressure building inside, the orgasm reaching its peak before I slump to the side letting out a silent scream. My cum leaks onto his mask. Pulling it out from between my legs, I glance down, smiling when I take notice of the rather large wet spot.

Fuck you, Ryker.

Shoving the mask back into the drawer, I grab the knife I was using to cut holes into his boxers. Standing up, I walk to the door, taking one final look around before smiling to myself and leaving. Serves him right for being an asshole.

"Blake?" Jace appears through the back room. I jump, slamming the door closed. Might as well scream I just did something. "What were you doing?" he asks, smirking.

Shaking my head, I move to the side, biting down on one of my nails. I'm acting as if I just got caught with my hand in the cookie jar. In a way, I suppose I did. If Jace takes one look into Ryker's room, he'll see a mess.

"Ryker isn't in here, so tell me, what were you doing?" Jace walks forward.

Don't go in there, I sign, even if he doesn't understand me. Jace stops for a moment, clearly confused, not that I don't blame him.

"I really need to learn some sign language." He sighs. I smile, nodding my head. It would be easier if he knew ASL, but it would also be nice if I would just speak. "But I'm assuming from the way you're trying to hide the door, you're either snooping around or you did something," he says, crossing his arms over his chest. I debate on telling him the truth, smirking before holding up two fingers.

"You know he's going to figure it out, right?" he asks. I shrug. I know he'll figure it out, probably sooner rather than later.

"Want to come sit outside? It's cold, but the sun is setting."

Smiling, I just about skip to him, sliding my arms around his waist. I don't know why I feel like hugging him, and I hope he doesn't question it. I hate showing emotions and if he brings it up, I'm going to get uncomfortable.

Thankfully, he doesn't. Instead, he wraps his arms around my shoulders, holding me against his hard chest. Both of us lets out a sigh, feeling at peace for what feels like the first time. Only with Jace have I felt like I could finally breathe without the pain.

"Come on, let's go talk outside." Jace kisses the top of my head. Nodding, I smile, following him out the door onto the front of the porch.

Sitting down on the swing, I tuck my feet under my legs, taking the whiteboard from Jace. Leaving it in my lap, Jace starts swinging us back and forth. I look out into the woods, watching the trees move back and forth in the wind. With the birds chirping, it's almost like a movie, a romance movie where a couple gets their happy ever ending.

They cut my toe off because I wouldn't do something they wanted. I write it down on the whiteboard, holding it upside down. I wasn't sure if I was ready to tell him what happened. No one knows what happened. But Jace, he's told me so much about his past, that it only feels right to do the same to him.

Holding my breath, I flip it over, refusing to even look over. I shouldn't be embarrassed, but I am.

"Blake," Jace says after a minute. I shake my head; I don't want his pity and I don't want—

"Blake Volkov!" Jace snaps, grabbing ahold of my chin and forcing me to look at him. "What did they do?" he growls out .

Tears well in my eyes, not prepared at all for the emotions that begin to rain down on me. I can't tell him how easy it was for them to break me. He'd never want me if he knew I was weak. That the only reason I'm alive is because I'm too weak to end it all.

Tossing the whiteboard back into my hands, I shakily write down the one thing they wanted from me and what Ryker has wanted me to do.

Scream.

Jace frowns at the board, glancing between me and what I wrote. "That's why you don't talk anymore?" he whispers.

I nod my head. They wanted one thing from me, and I refused to give it to them. I couldn't.

"Why? I mean why don't you talk now?" he asks.

I'm lost.

"You're right here, Sunshine. I won't let anything happen to you; you do know that, right?"

Looking out into the woods, the sun sets below the tree line. I'm not sure how to answer his question. I stopped speaking because they wanted to make me scream. They wanted more out of me than I was willing to give. Henry took my innocence; they chopped a part of me off. I'm scared I'm never going to be the same. But why haven't I spoken since I got out? Why can't I just answer them when they speak to me? I haven't tried to even use my voice since the last time I begged them to stop hurting me.

"I know it was a guard that hurt you, but Blake, I'm not him. I don't want to hurt you." Jace places his hand on my thigh, trying to ease the thoughts from pushing in. "This is going to end soon, and when it does, I'm not going anywhere. You've somehow forced your way into my brain. You're all I think about when I'm awake, who I dream about when I'm asleep. You're more th—"

"BLAKE!" Ryker yells from inside the cabin.

Jace stands immediately glancing down at me before it dawns on him that his friend must have gone into his room and found what I had done.

"I'm not sure I can save you from him, Blake. "

Rolling my eyes, I don't care. Ryker is all bark and no bite. Standing, I double-check my pocket, making sure the knife is still firmly in place. When I feel it against my hand, I walk around Jace, ignoring his calls after me.

The moment I step inside, Ryker is standing there, the mask that was once between my legs, soaked in my cum is now on his face. I can see his jaw working back and forth, his hands fisted at his side.

"What happened?" Jace asks, stepping in behind me.

" What happened? I'm going to kill her." Ryker stalks towards me.

Smiling, I hold the knife in my pocket, waiting for him to come closer. It doesn't take Jace long before he's in front of me. Protecting me.

"Ryker, you're not going to kill her. Just tell me what happened?"

"She cut holes in all my boxers, and put honey all over my floor and bed," he hisses. I hold my breath, waiting for him to say the last thing, and possibly the worst. "And my little pet decided to use my mask to get herself off."

I bite my bottom lip, feeling the tension rise. Jace turns his head, looking at me over his shoulder. This time I don't look away. I want to see his face; I want to know if he's hurt or if he even cares.

"Blake…did you cum on his mask?" Jace asks.

I nod. Of course I did, and now I'm realizing my mistake and how I acted like a brat.

"Now I'm going to punish you," Ryker hisses.

"I'm not sure I can protect you from that." Jace sighs. Slowly stepping away, I stand facing Ryker. He's a few feet away but just looking at his stupid masked face again makes me angry. He has no reason to be here, and I hate that I want him.

Ryker stands inches from me, narrowing his eyes.

Titling my head up, I don't show him fear. I've seen men who want to kill, but I don't see that in Ryker. I see the fight, the one that wants to punish me for acting like a toddler but also the way his pupils dilate. He can smell my cum. It's sitting directly against his mouth and nose, and that brings me more joy than I thought it would .

"Should've known you'd have no fight in you." He chuckles, making me see red. I yank my knife out, distracting him enough to punch him in the face. His head snaps to the side, knocking my knife from my hand. I'm not sure who's more surprised, Ryker, Jace, or myself. But I don't have time to think. I turn on my heel, running around him into the kitchen, my eyes glued to the knife block sitting in the corner.

I'm nearly there when Ryker's arms wrap around my waist, picking me up off the ground. I kick my feet, digging my nails into his arm. Even if his skin is covered, I still try everything I can to cause him pain. I'm no match for Ryker, when he's twice my size. Six-foot-five towers over my five-foot-four frame.

So, I kick and wiggle, moving my body, trying anything until he throws me down onto the couch. I briefly catch Jace from the corner of my eye, watching the entire thing. And the embarrassing part is, I'm turned on. I like Jace watching Ryker and me.

"Tell me, are you going to scream?" he growls, walking around the couch. I scramble backward, attempting to get to my feet before Ryker grabs my ankle pulling me down.

I reach forward, smacking him across the face. Ryker isn't fazed. His hand wraps around my throat, squeezing just enough that my head goes fuzzy, but I won't pass out, not yet.

"Touch me again and I swear I'll slit your throat right here and fuck your mouth while you bleed out so I'm the last thing you see before you die," Ryker growls in my face. My eyes fill with tears; I hate him. "You're nothing but a warm fucking cunt, a worthless and stupid girl." He tightens his grip around my throat, and I jerk and twist, trying to fight him off. Why hasn't Jace stopped him? I thought he cared, and now I'm realizing that was all a lie.

I feel black dots invading my vision, and I think Ryker is going to choke me until I pass out or he will kill me. Until he pushes up, releasing my throat. Tears stream down my face, my hand reaching for my neck. I know I have bruises.

"Hit me or touch my shit again, I'll do worse than just choke you," Ryker spits at me. "Watch her before I kill her," he says to Jace, disappearing into his room .

My body shakes while I'm unable to move. I know I shouldn't have done what I did, but I also didn't think Ryker would almost kill me because of it.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up." Jace reaches for me. Jerking away from him, I swipe my tears away. I shouldn't have cried in front of them, it's a weakness. But I won't make that mistake again.

Next time either of them tries to touch me, I'll stab them.