15. Chapter 15

15

I stare up at the ceiling counting back from a hundred, and then two. I've done that for the past thirty minutes while Jace cleaned the kitchen up from dinner and then showered. I don't think he knows what to say to me. I'm not even sure what to say to myself. I let him touch me. I could've stabbed him sooner; he didn't realize I had the scissors. But I didn't. Why? I let that vile man, Ryker, touch me. I did more than that, I nearly came when his fingers were inside me. I never thought I would have that. I thought Henry broke something inside me, but with Jace, I just grinded against him and it was enough.

But something about Ryker, even if he wore a mask. I was scared, but I was also turned on. And he knew that. He somehow knew that I was wet even with his hands gloved. Something is wrong with me, seriously wrong with me. I shouldn't find Ryker attractive, and I shouldn't be turned on by what he did to me. It's wrong.

"What's got you thinking so hard over there?" Jace asks stepping out of the bathroom.

Peering down the bed at him, my breath hitches, caught in my throat when he steps out in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. Will I ever get used to this hunk of a man?

I'm hit with guilt. It's obvious Jace and Ryker know each other. Maybe they're friends. And here I am, wanting Jace but also wanting Ryker. It may be different. Jace is sweet and caring, granted having killed a few people in front of me. But Ryker is all danger. He takes, no matter what, he doesn't care what stands in his way. I know his type; I've seen it before.

My brain is confused. I sign, knowing he has no idea what I'm saying.

Jace sighs. Crossing the room he crawls into bed beside me.

"I should've told you about Ryker. I'm sorry," he says, pulling the covers over his body.

Turning over, I face him, and pressing my lips together, I nod. He's right, Jace should've told me about Ryker. He should've told me that his friend was also crazy and fucked in the head.

"I… did something happen? I didn't get to ask you when you came running out."

I don't know what to say. Yes, something did happen. But Jace already said he would have killed a friend for me. Does that mean he would also kill Ryker? I find myself unsure about that.

I nod my head, placing my hand over his chest. I don't know how to tell him it's okay, because what Ryker did was surely not okay. But I could have stabbed him sooner, and I could have put more force behind it when I did. The scissors barely touched him. If they ever did.

"I'm going to kill him," Jace growls.

I shake my head, patting his chest, hoping it would relay that I didn't want him to do anything. Jace places his hand over mine, intertwining our fingers.

"Ryker…he's a different, let's go with breed. He doesn't always think, he has a past…" Jace frowns up at the ceiling. It's clear Jace cares deeply for Ryker. He never once tried to explain his relationship with Luna. But Ryker is a different story. "Just for now, let me handle him, and don't be alone with him." Jace leans forward, pressing his lips against my forehead. My eyes drift closed, feeling the anxiety ease off as he wraps an arm around me.

"You're safe, Sunshine, I'm here," Jace whispers against my head. I doubt I'm that safe, not with Ryker across the house. But in a way, I don't mind that much.

The next morning, Ryker is nowhere to be found. Jace searched the house, only to come up empty. While Jace doesn't seem worried about it, I, on the other hand, kept glancing around, nervous he was going to pop up saying boo in my ear.

"I'll have Ryker head to town at some point today to get you sweets."

My head snaps up to him, a smile stretching my lips.

Cinnamon rolls? I sign.

"Of course, I'll have to make sure we keep those in stock. Not entirely sure how when winter hits, maybe homemade?" Jace shrugs, placing a heaping amount of pancakes on a plate before sliding them over to me. "Here, eat up."

Not needing him to tell me twice, I dig right in, shoving pancakes into my mouth. One thing I don't care about is how I look eating. I like food, and nothing can stand in the way of me and food.

"If you're up for it today, I can take you to the lake." Jace turns towards the sink.

"Aw, does the little pet want to be alone with you?" Ryker whispers into my ear. I flinch, and my fork clatters onto the plate sinking into the syrup .

"Ryker, back off," Jace hisses turning the water off.

"Aw, but why would I do that when our little pet scares so easily?"

I'm not a pet, asshole, I sign, rolling my eyes.

"Have any more of those pancakes?" Ryker asks, walking around the kitchen island where I sit. Jace glances down at my plate and then at his friend. "She's eating all the pancakes?"

Jace nods his head, smirking.

"And you call me the asshole," Ryker pouts, opening the cabinet. Wait. It suddenly dawns on me what he just said.

I wave my head at Jace grabbing his attention, and pointing toward Ryker, Jace nudges him. I squirm when Ryker turns towards me, his mask firmly in place, his eyes being the only thing I can see. I realize Jace and Ryker are staring at me, waiting.

You know ASL, I sign. That's the only explanation of how he knew what I said.

"I know some," he mumbles.

My eyes shift to Jace, wondering if he knew that his friend could talk to me, but he looks just as surprised as I do.

Your friend had no idea you knew sign language.

Ryker's eyes peek over, before going back to the cabinet.

"You know ASL?" Jace asks, folding his arms over his chest.

Ryker shrugs as if it's no big deal. But I can see the hurt flash over his face. I don't like that, and I find myself wanting to protect him.

Jace shakes his head. "Let's go to the lake." Storming from the kitchen, he slams the door shut. My head swings to Ryker, and before I know better, I'm up and out of my chair.

You're an asshole, I sign angrily.

He stands up, his form towering over me. Past me might have been scared, but watching Jace become hurt because he had no idea that this fucker knew ASL, it hurts me. It's an odd feeling, one I'm not too sure about. But for now, I'm just rolling with him .

"I am," he agrees, stepping forward. "But that's not what you really want to say, now is it, my pet."

I'm not your pet. I'm nothing to you. But you hurt your friend and that makes you more than just an asshole. You're a fucking dick and I hope you—

Ryker grabs ahold of my hands, stopping me from speaking. His eyes trail down my face, landing on my lips. I suck in an inaudible breath, holding it in my lungs.

I don't want him to kiss me. I think.

"You've got a lot to say for a girl who refuses to speak," he says, his voice dark and angry. He leans in closer, forcing me to either stay where I was or to back up. As upset as I was on behalf of Jace, that fight is slowly easing out of me. "Don't be scared, I won't hurt you. I mean I want to, but you could always scream for little Jacey. I'm sure he'll come running to save you."

He's taunting me; he's finding what makes me tick. I hate him for it. I barely know the guy and I already hate him. He has problems worse than me. So as much as I want to punch him, or shove something sharp into his eye, I don't. Tilting my head up, I refuse to back down. I won't show him I'm nervous.

His hand snaps around my neck, gentle but enough that he's telling me that he's in charge.

"One of these days pet, you'll scream for me, and when you do…" His thumb swipes across my bottom lip. I slam my eyes shut, not wanting to feel the tingles starting to course through my body. "You're going to beg me to cut you."

My eyes fly open, and as if nothing happened, Ryker backs off, stepping away and slipping into his room. My brain flips at his words…

"Beg me," Henry grunts into my ear. "Fucking beg me like the worthless bitch you are." His cock slams into me, and my back burns as they pour some sort of liquid over me. I can't breathe, let alone say anything. But I also haven't spoken—they took that away from me.

"Sh—shit," Henry moans, pouring himself inside me. Tears leak down my face. You'd think I would be crying from the pain, but I'm not. Henry continues to cum inside me every time he rapes me.

Henry moves himself off me, allowing someone else. Only I know they won't rape. No, after Henry finishes, it's always Igor. He's the one who likes to burn me and cut my calves.

I don't have time to prepare myself before he drags his blade down my left calf. My body shakes, and the restraints jerk against my skin, digging into my ankles and wrists, causing them to bleed.

I'm going to die.

I slide down the counter until my ass hits the floor. Bringing my knees to my chest, I suck in a breath, trying to get air into my lungs. I've done this on my own, been doing it for the past three years. But this is different. Ryker was the one who caused the panic in the first place. But I don't find myself upset with him. No, I'm upset with Jace for leaving me, especially after he said don't be alone with Ryker.

Jace leads me along the dirt trail path around the woods, and if I didn't know better, I would think he's leading me somewhere to kill me. I keep my ears trained, listening to everything around us. It's peaceful, almost like a movie, the birds chirping, the winds whistling around us. It's almost enough to make me feel calm and not on edge. The knots in my stomach deflate and the hood protecting me is lost as I let the wind touch my skin .

The further we get into the woods, the more I slowly become comfortable. Being out in the open would have scared me, but with Jace with me, I don't feel scared anymore. I feel this calmness, this peaceful state wash over me.

After a while of walking behind him, I see the lake Jace mentioned in the clearing. It's empty, nothing but the warmth of the sun beating down.

"You should smile more often," Jace breaks into my thoughts.

Stopping in my tracks, I glance up at him, surprised to see him smiling. After Ryker hurt his feelings, he didn't utter a word except that we were leaving and to give Ryker a list of stuff he needed from the store.

"I'm not upset that he knows ASL," Jace finally says.

My brows pull together to a deep frown.

"I'm upset that he can talk to you…I want to, I want to be able to talk to you." He sighs. That makes sense, but doesn't he realize he does talk to me? He knows how I feel, doesn't he? "Stop frowning so hard, it'll get stuck."

Rolling my eyes, I'm not entirely sure what to say. I understand now why he would be upset if Luna could talk to him, and I couldn't. Not in the way I wanted to, at least. I would be angry as well.

Stepping closer, I place my hand over his chest, trying to tell him that Ryker doesn't mean anything to me. I don't care about Ryker. He's a dick and could rot in hell for all I care.

"I should also apologize. I left you alone when I told you specifically not to."

Nodding my head, I agree. He told me not to be alone with Ryker, and yet not even twelve hours later he left me alone in the kitchen. Then I had a panic attack, but Jace doesn't need to know that. He'll just blame himself, and I don't want that.

Jace steps back, reaches around to his backpack and pulls out the whiteboard, handing it over with a marker. I take it immediately, uncapping the marker.

I don't want to talk to him, I write shoving it back towards Jace. The more I think about him not understanding that even if we can't talk like Ryker and me, I can still talk to him. I would rather write on the whiteboard than deal with Ryker.

"What did you say to him? "

Smiling, I take the board back and write, That I wasn't a pet and then I called him an asshole.

Jace chuckles. "He definitely is an asshole."

Nodding my head, I think, Ryker is definitely an ass, and I should've stabbed him harder.

"Come on, let's go put our feet in the water." Jace reaches for my hand. Smiling back my panic, I place my hand with his, letting him lead me down the hill. Watching my step, I try my best not to fall when the trail ends and now, I'm walking in the grass. It would be my luck I would fall and end up rolling down into the lake.

Helping me to a boulder, I take a seat, making enough room for Jace to sit down next to me. Sitting back, I stretch my legs out. For the first time, I'm not ashamed of the scars on my neck and I find myself wanting to take my sweatshirt off, even if he would see the scars.

"It's warm, you should take your sweatshirt off," Jace says as if reading my mind.

Taking a deep breath, I sit up, pulling it off. I don't look at him. Instead, I take my time folding the clothing. Doing anything possible to not look over and see the pity or disgust in his eyes.

"You plan on folding that the entire time we're here?"

Peering up, I hold my breath, waiting for him to tell me how much I disgust him. I'm used to it, after being taken. Dad's guards always looked at me like they needed to walk on eggshells around me.

"You know your scars don't define you, right?" Jace looks away, peering over the lake. "When I was fourteen, my mother was so high and drunk that one night she tried to have sex with me because she thought I was my father."

My head snaps to his, confusion seeping in. I knew his mother was a piece of shit when he told me about him ending up in the hospital that one time. But from the sounds of it, there's a lot more.

"She didn't get that far before I finally stopped her, and when I did, she got embarrassed about what she was just about to do and hit me with a bottle. My father came home and found me bleeding and her screaming about me trying to touch her. He took her side like he always did and that was the first time he hit me."

Tears form in my eyes. I hate that he went through that. I might hate my father because of what he does for a living, because he and Tobias were the reason I was taken. But I'm a spoiled brat; my childhood was decent.

"You don't need to cry for me, Sunshine," Jace whispers, brushing a tear that fell down my cheek. "They don't deserve your tears. I don't deserve your tears."

I'm immediately shaking my head. Doesn't he realize he deserves the world? Jace has shown me it doesn't matter the length of time you know someone. It's not always about the time, it's the broken ones that can connect.

"I know Ryker is a lot, but his past is his and I don't want to betray that. I've known him for fifteen years, and while he pushes many limits, he's… somewhat harmless," Jace tries to defend him.

I give him a silent snort. Harmless, sure.

Jace gives me a side eye, before scooting back, opening, and closing his mouth before finally growling out, "Blake."

Pushing my lips out, I pretend to zip my mouth shut.

"He touched you, didn't he?" The way he growls each word out, it's not a question. I can't look at him, and even worse I can't tell him I, somewhat, microscopically , like Ryker touching me.

"Blake, look at me," Jace orders. I shake my head. I can feel his possessiveness fuming off his body. "I'll kill him."

I twist my head towards him so fast I get a cramp in my neck. Jace's eyes narrow, his left eye twitching, and his lips grow thin.

The moment Jace moves to stand, I grab ahold of his bicep, stopping him. I don't understand why I don't want him to go kill, or at least throw a few good punches, at Ryker's stupid masked face. But the idea of getting in between a friendship that has lasted as long as they have, I can't. I won't.

I shake my head again, digging my nails into his skin.

"Blake, he touched you. You don't deserve that, and you can't even fucking speak— "

I shove him off the boulder, his body landing with a thud. Grabbing the knife from my pocket, I move down, straddling him before he even realizes what I'm doing.

"What are y—" Cutting him off, I hold the knife to his throat. I hope he understands what I'm trying to tell him without having to use my hands or the stupid whiteboard.

"Blake, what are you doing?" Jace whispers. Even if he tries to hide it, I feel his cock harden under my butt. Rolling my eyes, I poke the tip of the blade into his skin, wondering if he would stop me or let me cut him. Ryker might want to cut into me, to make me bleed, but little does he know, I've grown to like the pain. I want to feel someone cutting into my skin, licking my blood, and have their way with me. It might be wrong, it might not make sense, not with what happened.

"I won't let him hurt you," he mumbles, not fearing that the knife I'm holding is against his jugular. "I won't let anyone hurt you."

I nod my head, pressing the tip harder against his skin. Jace hisses when the knife nicks him. I feel the wetness between my legs, that's new. I knew I didn't mind pain when I would cut myself and become horny, but now sitting on top of Jace, feeling his hard cock against my backside.

I want him.

And somewhere inside the darker part of me, I want Ryker too.