Chapter Three

Carmen

"Don't you think this is dangerous?" My friend Daisy stares at me from across the room. She's by far the most innocent, most adorable friend I've ever had. She's a little older than me, but she's far less interested in the filthy things that I am.

"Dangerous how?"

"Well, I mean, you're like into Ruin, right?"

I spin back toward her and fluff my hair. "What?"

"You talk about him all the time, you two are always sneaking off together, and when you're around him, you act… different."

"Different?"

"Yeah, like you slap his shoulder, and you giggle. Basically, you act like a schoolgirl. Did you forget he's old? You know that, right?"

I roll my eyes. I've only told one person I'm into Ruin. That's my brother's wife, Faith. I think maybe subconsciously I was hoping she'd tell Outlaw so I wouldn't have to, and then my feelings would finally be out in the open. Unfortunately, she hasn't and now I'm left doing my own dirty work. I should be thankful for her solid friendship, but instead I'm disappointed to still be carrying this secret I'm too chicken to say myself.

"Yeah, I mean… you've seen the dude, right? Doesn't every girl go through their bad boy era? That's what this is. He's a bad boy… and this is an era. It'll pass." Part of me believes that. Every other part knows I'm a terrible liar.

"Right, so you're not desperate for him to take off your clothes tonight and tuck you into one of those little rooms for playtime?"

I pinch my lips together and stare at Daisy. That might be the dirtiest thing she's ever said. "What?"

"Oh my God! You are! You've thought about it." Her face contorts as she speaks.

"Okay… can we stop pretending this is news. Thinking about it and doing it are two different things."

"No… thinking about it is the first step to doing it. That's how this works." She pops a lollipop into her mouth and sits on the edge of my bed. "You know that can't happen, right?"

"Yes. You don't have to tell me." Conventional wisdom knows this is a bad idea. Daisy doesn't have to remind me of that, but I've thought about Ruin so many times over the past few years that part of me hopes this is the straw that breaks the camel's back. If there's even the smallest chance that he wants me, there's no way he'll be able to resist tonight.

Ugh… my panties are wet just thinking about all the bad things he could do to me.

"The lie detector says that's a lie," Daisy jokes. "You don't think he likes you too, do you?"

"I mean, he did tell me I was pretty last night. He's never said that before."

She leans in. "How'd he say it?"

"In passing. I don't even remember now. It was… sweet."

"Your brother is going to lose it."

"Ruin is pretty tough. He could fight Outlaw, but hopefully it won't come to that."

Daisy laughs. "You've matched them in a fight? Did you do the breakdown like they do on the Syfy Channel?" She changes her tone to sound like a fight announcer as she says, "Gorilla vs. Shark! Who would win the epic battle?"

I bite back laughter. "Sort of… but then I get stuck on how much it would hurt Outlaw and I quit thinking about it. He's taken care of me my whole life and I've asked him to go above and beyond more times than I can count. I feel like I'm letting him down, but I can't stop fantasizing about Ruin."

"You should, though. Like I said, thoughts lead to action." She stands from the bed and pulls the tootsie pop from her dark red lips before leaning in for a hug. "I've gotta go. My dad needs me back by four to help move cows from the pasture. Call me when you're done with all this. I need every single detail. Happy birthday!"

I hug my friend, then she hurries down the stairs and out the door, stopping to scrub my puppy Jack between the ears before she leaves.

I know I should take her advice. Staying hung up on Ruin is wrecking every chance I have at a normal life. Take tonight for instance. I should be out with my friends. I should be getting drunk and seeing who I drag home from the bar. Instead, I'm begging a man nearly twice my age to chaperone a trip in the hopes that the thought of me with another man brings out the caveman in him.

Someone help me.

Wait, I think someone just tried.

I blow out a breath and sit on the edge of my bed, trying not to think about Ruin's giant frame, or his deep voice, or his tattoos, or his biceps, or the way he sounded telling me I'm pretty.

None of it works. The thoughts sit there, attacking my conscience like a line of cannons belting off shots one at a time and every single one of them lands directly on my clit.

I lay back and tug up my dress, pushing the little white panties I bought for the occasion to the side. Call me crazy, but it's moments like these that remind me that every woman should have her vibrator available for easy access. I like to tuck mine behind this framed drawing I did… that some might say looks a lot like Ruin's tattoos.

I land it on my clit and close my eyes. It's probably best I don't go into the night super horny. It'll help my decision making.

Cannons continue to fire. Ruin on his bike, boom. Ruin lifting me into his arms at the lake, boom. Ruin sitting on the rocks and watching me swim, boom. Ruin listening to me ramble about everything that pops into my head, boom. Ruin with his rough hands in my hair, boom.

Ruin with his beard between my legs. Ruin, bending me over. Ruin fucking me hard.

I push the vibrator against my clit, rubbing circles over and over as I moan out. I shouldn't say his name while I do this, but it's got to the point lately that it's the only thing that gets me off.

Grinding my hips up against the buzzing machine, I pinch my nipple between my fingers and whine out for him.

My eyes are closed and all I'm imagining are his big fingers pushing through my hair, landing against my throat while his cock pulses deep inside of me.

The warmth of his breath in my ear. His deep voice ordering me to come. God, I bet that man is demanding.

I swallow hard and drag in a staggered breath, squeezing my eyes closed as an orgasm rips through me and soaks the sheets.

Sorry, soldier. We never stood a chance against firepower like that.

God, that felt good. My heart is racing, while my eyes remain closed. As though it's been waiting for me to finish, my phone buzzes beside me, jolting me from my lingering ecstasy.

I let out a sigh and roll toward the noise. It's the camera on my front door. Ruin's early.

I toss my vibrator in the drawer, pull my dress down, fluff my hair back into place, and sop up the mess I've made between my legs with a towel from my shower earlier that's still laying on the floor.

I'm pretty sure this is what tragic looks like. I really need to get it together.

Downstairs, my puppy Jack is barking at the door as Ruin stands on the other side of it.

I'd wanted a dramatic entrance. He'd pull up, I'd be looking unfrazzled and super-hot, but instead, I'm sweating a little now, my hair is matted, and I'm sure my cheeks are flushed because I can feel the heat radiating off them in my eyes.

I open the door and avoid eye contact. I thought there'd be more time between masturbating to the thought of him and seeing him again. "Hey," I say as my voice cracks.

"It's the birthday girl." He holds a huge bouquet of wildflowers that I'm sure he picked. Yellow balsamroot, purple fireweed, orange paintbrush, and pink beeplant. I know these flowers because I've seen them as we ride up to our secret spot. His gaze drags down from my face to my toes and up again. "You look way too nice. Maybe I was wrong to say yes to the dress."

I smile. "You're hilarious. Are these for me?"

He hands the bouquet toward me. "Happy birthday, Peach." He's wearing jeans, a black button down, and his cut. Don't ask me why the folks at the sex club need to know his affiliations, but wearing it over a button down is sexy as hell.

"Thanks. You look pretty great, too."

"I tried." He grins. "I figure the buttons mean fancy."

I laugh. "They do. Buttons are always fancy. I mean, can you think of one fancy thing that doesn't have buttons?"

He looks me up and down again. "I don't see any buttons on you."

I blush.

Are we flirting?

No. We can't be flirting.

I spin around, showing him the buttons on the back of the dress. "See, I have buttons!"

"Proved me wrong." He grins. "Buttons for the win. You nervous about all the adventuring you're about to do?"

"Not really. I mean… a little, I guess. But… it's gonna be fun." I pull down a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet. "How'd your bounty go today?"

He nods. "Smooth as silk. Easiest ten grand I've ever made."

"What did he do?"

"Stole some cars up in the Springs. Went down without a fight. Well, that and I surprised him. I brought a gun to a knife fight… so gun wins." He lifts the whiskey bottle, examining its contents. "I can see this bottle has been opened before tonight. You wouldn't be trying to slip me something, would you?"

I shake my head with a smile. "You caught me. The plan was to drug my protector for the evening. Little did you know, you were the one needing saving this whole time."

"I knew something wasn't right about you, girl."

"We might as well get started on this kidnapping. Drink up." I sway my hips playfully and slide him a shot.

He shrugs and shoots it with a grin. "Whatever you say, Peach." As the glass leaves his lips, his face turns more serious. "That whiskey might be a little strong for you. What about your meds? Have you looked up if it messes with your seizures and—"

"I'm fine." I shoot back a shot. "I don't want to think about all that tonight. I just want to have fun."

"We can." He pulls out his phone. "I'm just going to make sure you should be drinking first."

I huff out a sigh and take his phone from his hands. "My seizures come on out of the blue. I don't have epilepsy and I don't have any other defined, underlying cause. I take the low dose daily pill and then I don't have issues. You're worrying too much. I'm fine."

"You were in the hospital a few weeks ago. I don't want you going back again, especially not on my watch." I love this part of Ruin. He genuinely wants to see me safe.

"I can drink in moderation. I'll be fine. I promise." I shoot another shot and stick out my tongue. "See, no problems. What about you? Are you nervous about tonight?"

"Nah, I'm looking forward to watching this mess unravel," he says with a grin. I lean down, grabbing a vase from under the sink and tuck the flowers inside, dragging in the soft scent as I ignore the rude comment he's just made.

"Thanks again. These are gorgeous."

"There's a huge bloom going on right now… as you can see." He laughs. "I, ugh, I grabbed you something else. I hope it's not weird." He pulls a small box from his pocket. "I know you said the other day you liked mine, and I thought… well, here ya go. Open it."

Ruin typically buys me gifts for my birthday, so that doesn't alarm me, but the way he rings his hand around the back of his neck when he hands me the box does. He's nervous.

Why is he nervous?

I smile and take the small black box from his hand. He's had the store wrap it in black paper. It's way too neatly done to have been wrapped by him. I've seen his wrapping skills. He tries, but he's not this good at it.

"Oh," I squeal. "What did you get me?" I break into the paper with my thumb and reveal a small box with a necklace inside. My heart stills and my gaze draws up to his. "It's your skull."

"Yeah." He nods, looks away, then back again. "I wanted you to have it so you'd know you always had someone in your corner."

I don't know what to say so I tip up onto my toes and wrap myself against his chest, drawing in the warmth from his giant frame. Ruin doesn't do things like this for everyone. Anyone, really. Ruin is a loner. He has been since his family died. The MC is all he has, and they're not the gift exchanging type.

"Is it weird? I know you said you liked it and I thought… it would be a nice gesture, but now I'm thinking it was weird."

I take the pendant from the box and set it around my neck before going back toward him with the clasps in each hand. "No, it's not weird. I love it so much. Thank you."

His big fingers move my hair, skating ever so gently against my skin. He grips the chain and fumbles with the clasp.

"Fucking hell. This thing is small." The chain slips out of his hand, and his fingers slide against my shoulder and onto my chest, chasing it.

Chills run over my frame, and by the time he finally gets it clasped, I'm a soaking mess again.

Swallowing hard, I turn around, staring up at him. "How do I look?"

"Bad ass." He lingers on the word then turns away quickly. "I'm gonna take a piss and then we should go."

I nod and swallow down the lump in my throat that's currently threatening my will to live. If I didn't know any better, I'd think Ruin has a thing for me too.