Chapter 10

"You are saying nothing is stopping me from becoming pregnant?" Indie stared at the doctor, hands gripped on her purse. She had not heard from Royce in almost a week and felt her heart was breaking.

She spent nights alone, beating herself up for not accepting the invitation to go with him. And in between that, she was missing him like crazy. He had not called so she could have his number, and she wondered if that was deliberate.

Was he with someone? She wondered achingly. He was in Europe, where countries were filled with the most beautiful women in the world. He had told her he needed her at night, but what if he found someone to assuage his need for sex?

"None whatsoever." Dr. Meadows beamed at her, light blue eyes twinkling in a face creased with age and wisdom. Indie had heard about the woman from a customer who raved that the doctor had the magic touch.

"Honey, I tried for years to get pregnant, and other doctors told me it couldn"t happen. I went to Meadows for a month, and before I knew it, I was pregnant. I have three children now; it's like I keep popping them out," she told Indie with a laugh.

"I have hormonal problems." Indie did not dare hope after being disappointed for all these years.

"Irregular periods and the plague of the black women, fibroids." The woman nodded. "I have reviewed your history carefully and disagree with your previous doctor.

Yes, I can see why you would be discouraged from trying; it will be a rough road, but not impossible. I will provide some literature and vitamins to get you started and exercises you could do."

Her blue eyes were direct as she folded her hands on her desk. "I am also going to suggest something unorthodox," she said.

"I am willing to try anything," Indie told her breathlessly.

Dr. Meadows nodded with a smile. "That's precisely what I love to hear. I would like you to change your mindset."

"Pardon?" Indie expected to hear the woman explain some complicated method for getting started and was taken aback by the simple task.

Dr. Meadows laughed at her baffled expression. "I get that a lot. It sounds too simple even to contemplate. But as I have always told my patients, the mind is compelling; what we put in is what we get out of it. Start planning as if you are pregnant."

"You mean I should start making up the nursery and buying stuff for the nonexistent baby?"

"Precisely." The woman's eyes twinkled. "I know it sounds foolish-"

"Try utterly unreasonable."

"But, I have seen it work. Not just with me-"

"You?"

"Yes, my dear. When I was in my mid-thirties, I was told that it would be impossible for me to conceive. I had all sorts of maladies - two miscarriages before I turned thirty, a tilted uterus, irregular periods, and a bout of pneumonia, which led to one complication after another.

As doctors, my husband and I decided we would not take that. We wanted children, and we did not want to adopt. So, I changed my diet and started eating foods high in omega-3 fatty acids, such as salmon and kale. I started exercising, meditating, and planning for a baby that was not there. I was pregnant in three months."

Indie looked at her skeptically. "And you are attributing it to what you did?"

"I am. And I have seen it work in the women coming to me. I am assuming you are sexually active now?"

"Yes, I am." Indie nodded.

"Then you are already halfway there. Just follow the plan, and before long, you will return to tell me to confirm that you are pregnant."

*****

"Finally!" Michael took both her hands in his and squeezed lightly, brown eyes examining her face. "You agreed to have dinner with me. I am so excited."

"Why?" Indie settled into the padded chair at the booth he had chosen for them. "Because my presence is so riveting?"

"Absolutely." He grinned at her boyishly, and she smiled. "I have missed you."

"That's why you told Josh I have been ignoring you."

"I solicited his help because I was getting nowhere. Am I allowed to tell you how beautiful you look?" His eyes roamed over the black and white striped dress with the fitted bodice appreciatively.

"I will even say thanks," she told him as she reached for her glass of water. "What are we having?"

"I am thinking the filet mignon."

Her eyebrows lifted. "Very fancy."

"You deserve fancy," he told her warmly, making her uncomfortable. She liked him as a friend and hoped he had not changed his mind about being one. She was getting ready to have her baby and hoped she was pregnant.

She still had not heard a word from Royce but decided not to let it bother her. She was determined to change her mindset completely, starting immediately. Their drinks and toasted garlic bread with the necessary condiments were brought to their table while they awaited their orders.

"Why?"

"Why what?" Michael reached for his red wine glass when she asked the question.

"Why do I deserve fancy?"

"You are a beautiful woman, in case you don't know that by now."

Taking a sip of her delicious drink, she put it down before confronting the problem. "We are friends, right?"

"I would like to think so." He stared at her cautiously.

"And as friends, I am free to say whatever is on my mind."

"You are."

"That's it, Michael; the only thing I can ever offer you is friendship."

He took his time answering as he reached for a chunk of the garlic bread and butter. "And if I wanted more?"

She shook her head, heart sinking. "It's not going to happen," she told him sadly. "I thought you were still in love with your ex."

"I was thinking that it's time to move on."

"And I would be a perfect substitute. Because, let's face it, that's exactly what I would be. A substitute."

He gave her a bland look. "I think you would be much more than that."

She shook her head. "I doubt it. You are still not over her, and I am -" She moved her shoulders restlessly. "I am involved - sort of."

This time, his look was curious. "Sort of?"

A strangled laugh escaped her. "It's complicated."

"Where is this complication, and why are you not with him now?"

"He is out of town, and I am more into the relationship than he is if you could call it that."

A frown touched his forehead as he stared at her. "And you are satisfied with that?"

"God, no.' She shook her head. "But it's the way it has to be for now. He went through something awful and_" She took another swallow of her drink and tamped down the despair. "He has trust issues."

"You are in love with this man."

"Yes." She acknowledged readily. "It just happened."

"I had no idea you were seeing anyone."

"We have not been out on a date," she said, giving him a pleading look. "And this is just between us. Joshua does not know anything, and I would like to keep it that way for now."

"As your friend, I will say something that might offend you."

"What are friends for?" She joked weakly. "Go right ahead."

"You deserve more. It seems that this man, whoever he is-" He took a breath. "I am just going to say it. He might be just using you."

"That might be the case, but I am stuck." She sent him a smile tinged with sadness. "It would have been less complicated if I had fallen in love with you. It's funny; I planned that the next man I hooked up with would be someone simple, with a dramatic relationship.

We would go out on dates - I like the museum and the theater, and I love long walks when the weather is nice. After some time, we would become engaged and plan the wedding. But then, I guess we don't have a hold on how our lives will turn out, do we?"

"I used to think I did, but I learned differently," he said soberly.

"Now I have to sit and wait to see what will happen."

*****

His hands clenched into fists as he reluctantly stood up. The woman approaching him still looked like the girl he had fallen in love with. Her thick blonde hair was loose around her lovely face, and she was smiling.

Her smoky gray eyes lit up as she was directed to the private booth in the little Italian trattoria he had chosen to have the meeting. She had tracked him down and pleaded with him to meet her, and after thinking about it, he decided he wanted to hear what she had to say to him after six years.

"Royce." Her voice was soft and gentle, her expression serene.

"Marilyn." He nodded curtly.

"I have been here before, and I like the ambiance and the informal setting. You chose wisely."

"Now that you have approved the setting of this distasteful meeting, why don't we get to the why of it?" He suggested coldly.

"Would you mind if I ordered for us?" She asked, not rising to his tone or the insult.

"I am perfectly capable of ordering for myself. I happen to speak fluent Italian." As if to prove it, he beckoned the waiter over and ordered pasta shells with a creamy sauce. She ordered the same, and they waited until the man had drifted off.

"What do you want?"

"How is our daughter?"

His eyes kindled as he stared at the woman who had created havoc in his life. The lavender suit suited her coloring, and he realized, to his surprise, that she was not wearing much makeup or jewelry, for that matter.

"Why the hell do you care?"

"You have a right to be angry-"

"Angry?" He hissed. "Try hateful and contemptuous. You sold your daughter, so forgive me for not being in the best mood and engaging in small talk. What the hell do you want, Marilyn?"

"Forgiveness." She said simply.

At first, he was not sure he had heard her right. "Pardon?"

"That's exactly the word." She smiled at him gently. "I was young and stupid-"

"You were twenty-two, and the word I would use is greedy."

"You were so sophisticated. I was overwhelmed by you and the world you introduced me to." She continued as if he had not spoken. "I made a mistake and want to make up for it."

"That mistake cost me several million dollars," he reminded her. "What the hell kind of game are you playing now? Because if it's more money, I will remind you that you signed a binding contract. If you attempt to break it, my lawyers will rip you into shreds."

"I am aware." Her serene smile slipped a notch. She was about to say more when their meals were placed before them.

"I am not asking for more money."

"Good, because you will never get another cent out of me."

"You hate me."

"Lady, hate is too weak a word for what I feel where you are concerned," he told her grimly.

Taking a deep breath, Marilyn plunged on. "He told me that you would resist anything I say."

"Let me guess, your latest victim?"

"Antonio Accardi, my husband."

Royce's brows shot up in surprise. "You are married."

She smiled at him. "I am guessing that your contact here did not know. We were married in a private ceremony a month ago. I love him, and we are expecting our first child."

"I see." Royce felt the anger boiling inside him. "Is he rich?"

"He has money, yes. Not as much as you though."

"How disappointing for you!" He jeered. "Does he know you will try to sell him his child?"

She winced, the color leaving her face and making her look pale as a ghost. "I told him everything I did, and he accepted me for who I was." Her gray eyes were luminous as she stared at him.

"I was so selfish back then, Royce. All I could see was what I could get from you." She started to reach out to touch his hand, pulling back when he moved it out of her reach. "I look back on that time and feel so awful."

"So, let me guess, you want my forgiveness so you can live happily ever after."

"I want to get to know Madison."

He stared at her for a minute before laughing harshly. "Lady, you have some nerve. That is not going to happen. She does not have a mother."

"She has never asked after me?"

"Yes, but we told her the truth. That you were a greedy bitch who preferred money over her. And the strangest thing, one I could never figure out, was why. I had enough money to keep you in style; why settle for a few lousy million when you could have had so much more?"

"I did not want to be a mother." Tears trickled down her pale cheeks. Her meal was forgotten, and her hands were clenched into fists on the table. "I did not want to be a wife; I wanted to be free."

He shook his head. "I got that. I wanted to hear what you said, and I must admit that I am shocked. I was expecting you were after more money-"

"It's not about the money."

"Yes, you already said that. So, let me recap. You want my forgiveness, and you would like to see my daughter. Because when you signed that document and the money was sent to your bank account, you gave up all rights to her.

She does not want to see you; I would not allow it even if she did. Am I clear? You may go on your way and have that man thinking you are different hell, convince yourself that you are no longer the monster you were, but I don't give a rat's ass. Am I clear?"

With a listless nod, she reached for her wineglass and sipped.

*****

"Indie!" Madison raced into the store and straight around the back, where she had been told her friend was.

"Madison!" With a cry of delighted surprise, she opened her arms for the little girl to be enveloped. Pressing the dark head to her chest, she closed her eyes and inhaled the child's scent of strawberry and a faint hint of perfume.

"She insisted on coming straight here," Rachel said with a smile as she watched the two of them.

"And I brought you a present." Easing out of Indie's arms, she reached for the package her grandmother had in her hand. "It's a Minnie Mouse tote," she said excitedly as she pulled it out of the gift bag and handed it to Indie.

"It's black."

"Because your store says ‘everything black.' Do you like it?" She asked anxiously.

"I love it, darling. But you didn't have to."

"I wanted to bring back something for you." She looked around curiously. "Did you get anything new?"

"Darling, I am not sure Indie has time to spare-"

"I do." She smiled at Madison. "And I have lots of things to show you. I also want to know all about your trip. Go ahead and browse or have a seat, Rachel; I got this."

"I think I see something at the front that interests me." With a wave, she walked away.

"Now, sweetie, tell me everything." She instructed as she took the girl's hand in hers. It was a Saturday afternoon, and the place was packed with people browsing or purchasing items. Leading Madison to the back, she stopped in front of a shelf filled with various items.

"This is so beautiful." Picking up a wooden toy horse with a little girl mounted on its back, she stared at it for a minute. "I want a pony." She said wistfully. "Daddy has a farm in Texas, and we went there once. I was allowed to ride the entire time and was good at it."

"Perhaps you will go there again."

She nodded. She was putting the object back.

"Did you have fun?" Indie led her over to a padded sofa, away from the crowd.

"I had lots of fun and went on lots of rides." She turned to look around, and Indie felt the punch of yearning as she stared into the familiar blue-gray eyes. "I wished you had come with us."

"Perhaps next time. How is your Dad?"

"He is in Switzerland. He has a – cha-" Her brows knitted as she tried to call the word. "A cha-"

"Chalet?"

"Yes." Madison smiled at her. "He was staying there. He said his company bought several of them and were fixing it up for tourists."

"How is he doing?"

"He looks sad and tired. I asked him when he was coming home, and he said soon. I miss him."

"Of course you do." So do I. She added silently. The little girl launched into an excited monologue about her trip, telling Indie all she had seen and the people she met. Before she realized it, half an hour had gone by.

"Why don't you have Glenna stop by tomorrow so we can go to the park?" Indie suggested as they got ready to leave. "If it's all right with you." She added, looking at Rachel.

"Of course," Rachel told her with a warm smile. "Come along, darling; your Grams is starving."

"See you tomorrow, Indie," Madison said, hugging her.

After they left, Indie went to relieve Miriam from the cash register and tried to put him out of her mind.

*****

"Grandma, I like Indie."

Rachel looked up from the blueberry truffle the chef had made for dessert to see her granddaughter watching her.

"I think I already figured that one out, darling." She said teasingly.

"And she likes me too."

"She does."

"I wish Daddy liked her."

Putting down her dessert fork, she gave the little girl full attention.

"Why do you say that, darling?"

"If he did, he would marry her, and Indie would be my Mommy, and they would have a baby together."

"I see." Rachel hid her surprise with a smile. "And Indie is who you would want for a Mommy?"

Madison nodded, toying with her fork. "She is nice and always has time for me. Not like my real Mommy who did not love me."

"Madison-"

"No. I am not sad about it. I have seen a picture of her, and she does not look mean or anything like that, but I overheard you and Daddy saying that she took money and left me."

"Darling-"

"I am not a baby, grandma. I am not mad or anything." The little girl said firmly. "But I know that Indie would never leave me, and she would be a perfect mother." Her expression turned wistful. "I keep wishing that my Daddy would love her and want to marry her. Wouldn't that be the best thing ever? You like Indie, don't you?"

"I do. But darling, just because we wish for something does not mean it will happen."

"I am praying about it."

Rachel's eyebrows lifted. "You are?"

Madison nodded. "Every night when I go to bed, I ask God to grant me that one wish. That Daddy would fall in love with Indie, and we could be a family." A frown knitted her brow. "Do you think he cares that she is black?"

"Oh." Rachel took a deep breath. "It does not matter the color of our skin, darling. We are all equals in the sight of God."

"So it does not matter that her color is different?""Not in the least."

"I want Daddy to smile, and I think Indie could make him do that."