10. Princess Erralee

ten

Something at the castle was off and getting harder to ignore. This morning I had assumed the castle was quiet because of Father's meetings with King Aswell. Now I realized the stillness was because of Weston's absence. It was unusual for a midweek day. He hadn't told me he was going to be gone, so he must have gotten sick.

In an odd way his absence was perfect timing because it gave me the freedom to do what I wanted—even more than when I'm on his watch. As I led Reeves through the hall, I did my best to hide my attraction to him. It was silly, really. I was getting engaged tonight. I certainly didn't need to feel as if my heart could beat out of my chest just being near him. I blamed it on the basket of roses. It was bittersweet, though, because it's not like anything could happen between us. I had been honest about my situation, and we were from two completely different worlds.

"Okay." I motioned to the guest suite where Father's butler was waiting. "Davis is here, and he's the best. Just do what he says, and I'll meet you downstairs." I continued to my room where Margarette was just stepping out.

"I laid out your gown in your dressing room," she simply stated as if something was unusual about tonight. Usually, she stayed and waited for me to dress and assist with my hair. Not tonight.

"Thank you." I glanced at my bed, finding the red satin dress I had gotten last Christmas. Never in a million years would I select that one for tonight. It was too formal, not to mention more of a ball gown. With this war raging on forever, I didn't feel as if I could celebrate anything. Not even my engagement tonight. I'd feel best in black. "Is there a reason you need to leave?" I called over my shoulder, hoping to catch her before she went downstairs. The red dress told me she understood tonight was special. Why wouldn't she help me with my hair?

She stopped on her heel, and took a couple of steps back, speaking quietly, "I had my hours cut. I volunteered time tonight because this dinner is important. I got everything set out for you." She tugged on her lips, pulling them into an obviously forced smile. "Perhaps Ruenella can assist you." She motioned down the hall toward Ruenella's suite. "Why don't I check with her before I leave?"

"Sure." I hesitated in the hall, watching her leave then I eyed my red dress from the doorway. My world was splitting in two. Everywhere around me people were asked to make sacrifices. I didn't doubt Margarette's hours were cut to save money, which was not fair. She has worked here since I was a baby. Reeves even lost his hand for this stupid war. Here I am scowling at a red dress. Was it really that much to sacrifice for what I'd gain? My friends and family could go back to a normal life. Where'd they feel safe again. I don't even remember the last time I could breathe normally without this stupid lump in my throat. Everything was changing so fast.

I sighed, not heavily. It was quiet. Serene. Maybe I was finally getting used to this idea? I went inside and dutifully got ready. When a knock sounded on my door, I hoped it was Margarette to inspect me. Instead, Ruenella plowed through the door with a ginormous smile.

"You!" she called in a teasing tone. "You did not just bring a date to dinner. Father is going to lose himself."

"He's not my date," I assured her, trying my best to sound bored with this as I fluffed my hair. "He's the neighbor who gave me a ride home. Father already knows because he's the one who invited him. Not me."

Ruenella's smile pulled so wide she squealed. "Are you blind?" she gushed. "He is so good looking. You are sure to make King Aswell jealous."

I tugged the brush through my hair, cringing through the tangles. "I'm not trying to make anyone jealous. Again, Father invited him, and I honestly didn't think that much about it. Remember, I'm getting engaged tonight."

"You should have thought about it. Things are getting interesting. Father is downstairs asking Reeves war strategies questions."

"Wait!" I turned to her, my jaw almost hitting the floor. "Reeves is already downstairs with Father?"

"Yeah, that's where I saw him—"

"Oh boy," I murmured. They didn't need to be kept separate. I had only assumed I would be in the room when they talked. Father put on a strong front, but his mental health was much too fragile to risk any direct questions about the war. Reeves was a vet, but I didn't know his opinion about that stuff, and I'd assumed since he lost a hand and all, it might not be the most favorable. I set my brush down on my vanity. My hand hovered over my tube of lipstick. Mother always insisted I looked better with the finishing touch of lipstick. Not the red one, that made me look cheap. Her words, not mine. It was totally messed up, and as if all my nerves were bundling over with everything I'd been through this week, my fingers trembled above the tube of lipstick, refusing to touch it.

It had somehow become a symbol of everything they forced me to change. I'd never be perfect enough for my family.

I checked over my shoulder. Ruenella was already headed toward the door with her back toward me. With one swift motion, I bumped the tube, and it rolled forward over the edge of the vanity, getting lost between the wall and the piece of furniture. Then I spun on my heel, heading for Father's study. "I'd better get down there before things get out of hand."

I scurried down the hall, slipping my shoes on as I went since I wasn't allowed to be barefoot when we had guests. It was another one of the dumb royal etiquette rules. It seemed petty, but it was my least favorite rule. I can understand not chewing with your mouth open, or waiting your turn to speak, but having to hear high heels when you're in your own home is absurd.

I slowed as best as I could, trying to quiet the click of my heels on the marble floor. Father, King Aswell, and Reeves were all seated in a circle on the leather chairs in Father's study like they were part of some boy's club. Thankfully, they didn't hear me approach, and I listened from the door unashamedly, trying to go unnoticed.

"It's not just about the air support," I overheard Reeves say, his entire demeanor and appearance altered. Davis had dressed him in a navy suit, the perfect color to saturate the spark in his eyes. He was all the way across the room, but I could tell his eyes were blue from here. I tried ignoring the pitter patter in my chest that should not happen. "All your air support is doing is dropping bombs. You need more ground troops and more medics, he continued. "I laid out in the field for two days waiting for rescue. I would not have lost my comrade if you'd had your men supported."

My hand flew to my chest. I did not think Reeves would do this! He's laying into Father, expecting him to take accountability. Father does not take accountability! Not in public anyway. This was only going to add more stress to him. He knows he is failing. He certainly did not need guilt laid on him now. I loudly cleared my throat, announcing my position, and waited for their eyes to shift. They all stood, instantly silencing.

"I see you didn't waste time getting to know each other." I slid one foot in front of the other into the room, trying to sound casual. My eyes paced the room as I wasn't sure where I should stand. King Aswell and I were getting engaged, but it did not feel natural to stand by him. I was most comfortable near Reeves, but that would have been inappropriate. As much as I despised Father, I stopped nearest him.

"Why, yes," Father's voice was loud, as if he was proclaiming pride, but he couldn't hide the tremble from me, revealing the tension. "I will always remember Reeves for his brave service. Now he"s our neighbor. I'm very humbled to have him for dinner."

My gaze bounced to King Aswell, expecting to see a confused, or perhaps worried expression. He was stoic. He appeared to be the kind of man who had bold confidence and didn't get jealous. Not that he had anything to be jealous about . . .

Reeves pinned on a crooked smile as he beamed back at me. I bet it was a surreal moment for him. Father tried hard to be mostly approachable with the townspeople to keep his rating. Still, he didn't make it a habit to dine with them. Not at the castle anyway. Of course, Reeves being a veteran gave him an elevated status.

"Let's not bore the princess with our talks of war." Father gestured forward. "We can go through to the dining room now."

I led the way, not sure who I was supposed to sit by, but Father announced Reeves was getting the head of the table opposite of him, which put Reeves next to Ruenella. There was only one chair left, right between Reeves and King Aswell. I lowered myself, not sure where I was supposed to fix my gaze. How did I get into this mess?

Contrary to the recent modest meals of soup, or poultry from one of our farms, tonight's meal was a feast set to impress. The finest china, the heirloom set with gold overlay that my grandmother had been gifted from a foreign emperor on her wedding, was set out. Long white candlesticks in gold holders lined the middle of the table. Huge platters of shrimp, and roasted lamb with fresh rosemary sprigs as garnish sat in the center. It had been months since we had dined like this, and even though everything looked amazing, I somehow lost my appetite even more.

As soon as I set my linen napkin on my lap, I could feel someone's heated gaze on me. I didn't have to look to know it was Father. We hadn't spoken about my plans tonight, but I was sure Mother had told him. It was obvious all the fuss with the dress and the feast had been planned to be a celebratory one for my engagement.

Funny how my heart could feel so heavy on the eve of what should be such a joyous event. My gaze floated to King Aswell. Once again, he was impeccably dressed, in a long black velvet coat, with red piping. I could see how women would find him attractive, especially since he took such care of his looks. Although I found his hook nose slightly less jarring now and had mostly gotten used to seeing him, I felt nothing when I looked at him.

Okay, that was a lie.

I felt dread.

I wished more than anything that I could force myself to feel something positive. Even curiosity, or friendship, would be better than this. It would make everything much easier, but it was not there. Not even a spark. I can't recall one laugh we shared or even a genuine smile I had in his presence. I didn't think I was asking for too much to want to marry someone who made me look forward to our life. Someone who I loved more than anything. Someone who loves me for . . . me. Tears budded in the back of my eyes when my mind recalled Reeves practically begging me to wait to get married. Those were his words. I agreed with him then. I agreed with him even more now. I wanted to marry someone who loved me, not my royal position, but I was out of time.

"Tell me, Reeves," Father's commanding voice broke my thoughts. "How is the farmstead coming along?"

Reeves sat tall, as if he'd been waiting days to give a report to my dad. Something about it was endearing. It was clear he was thrilled with his land, and nobody had to ask me how I felt about those fields. They were the prettiest in the entire kingdom. Now that I knew I was leaving, I was grateful they had been sold to Reeves. They were too special for Father. They deserved someone who would love them as I did.

"It's been an honor to step into this landscape and pick up traditions." Reeves paused and cleared his throat, looking rather nervous. "I appreciate very much that you selected me to be the one to have this privilege."

Father stabbed a piece of his lamb and held it on his fork as if it helped to make his point. "That piece of land is the best of the best. I'm sure Erralee will miss it." He popped the meat into his mouth and chewed while peering at me. I involuntarily coughed, feeling something stuck in my throat even though I hadn't eaten anything. It clearly was the lump of betrayal Father just lodged deeper in there. I never assumed it had been an accident he sold my favorite field. It hadn't dawned on me until now, that perhaps he could have asked me about how I felt first. He didn't care about my opinion. Had he known all along when he sold that field that I was next? Covering my throat with my hand, I swallowed, mustering up saliva to move the lump. When that didn't work, I grabbed my glass of water, and took several large gulps.

Reeves side-eyed me, as he appeared to be the only one at the table to notice I was visibly struggling. As I set down my nearly empty glass, Reeves replied to Father, "It was a surprise the first couple of days to find a princess napping in my field." His eyes hovered over me, pinning me in place. My heart beat as if it were going to knock down the walls of my chest. That was all before he tacked on, "She might be the best part."

"What's this I hear?" King Aswell cut in, his eyes locking on me with a murky smile. "Do you sleep outside?"

It wasn't a big deal. I wasn't embarrassed. Anyone who knew me understood that's what I did, but the warning glare I got from Father told me to downplay it. "Um, well, when it's nice out. Like on summer days, I enjoy the sun. Sometimes I have accidentally fallen asleep . . ."

"Interesting." King Aswell's tone was curt. Not rude, but something about it made me feel juvenile. I don't know what hobbies he expected me to have, but I couldn't help but like what I liked. I lowered my gaze to my plate and pushed my lamb around with my fork. Even though this was the most impressive meal we'd had in months, I was now thoroughly disgusted with the food.

King Aswell's presence cast a shadow on my mood. For a man trying to marry me, he sure didn't make any effort to lift me up, or banter. It's like he thought he didn't need to court me or impress me. I supposed he can have that attitude since he"s a king, but I was saddened. I wanted the kind of love that was in fairytales. The one people spoke about that made their hearts race. I seriously struggled to make eye contact with this man.

"I can't blame her," Reeves politely interjected. "It's one of the most beautiful spots. She has excellent taste." Reeves was smiling ear to ear. I"m sure he was smitten to be having dinner at the castle. I was happy he was here. After everything he'd been through for this country, he deserved a nice meal. It was oddly striking how he"d been through all this suffering on the actual front lines of war, and he wore the biggest smile in a room full of royals.

Well, maybe not the biggest. Ruenella was beaming brighter than a July sun as she batted her lashes at Reeves. She didn't have a single renegade hair. She must have spent all afternoon preparing for this dinner. She always was more into the pomp and pageantry than I was. Eager to get eyes off of me, I brought her into the conversation. "Ruenella, how was your day?"

"It was lovely." Her rouged cheeks turned ever pinker. "My trainer was here this morning for Pilates. Then I had brunch in my room while I curled up in bed with a book, and it was so captivating, I had to read the whole thing."

"Is that so?" King Aswell's head tilted, his eyes latching on Ruenella. "Anything we need to know about?"

"Unless you like historical romance." She raised both shoulders into a polite shrug. "I'm guessing you'd pass."

Father cleared his throat, directing his gaze back on Reeves. "What crops are you planning for next spring?"

"I'm going to do the usuals: wheat, sugar beets, and potatoes." His eyes moved over mine. "I had planned on planting sunflowers in Erralee's field, but that was before I found out what a great nap spot that was. I might have to leave it for her."

"Interesting," Father mused as he wiped his mouth with his napkin. We all waited while he finished swallowing and set his napkin in his lap to hear the rest of this thought. "We've never had sunflowers on any of our farms. I'd be curious to see how they fare."

"I'll let you know," Reeves replied with his gaze on Father. He was stirring his food with his fork in a random pattern. He obviously did not even know he was doing it as it appeared to be a nervous fidget. He managed to push off most of his vegetables onto the heirloom tablecloth. I covered my mouth, suppressing a giggle.

I'd spent so many dinners with all the most impressive people who had perfect table manners. Never had I witnessed something so improper in front of my father. Yet, it was so endearing, and refreshing to see someone who was not fake. Reeves was himself. A real person, just being who he was. I only gained more respect for him when he further explained his goals to Father, "To be honest," he said. "I'd love to add safflowers. I'd like to eventually acquire the field on the other side of the road for those." He tilted his head toward Father. "Just to throw that out there . . . if you're ever interested in selling that land, I have a plan for it."

"And tell me this." Father smacked his lips as he shoveled more duck into his mouth. He'd cleared so much meat on that plate, you'd think he hadn't eaten in months. "What's special about that field?"

"Erralee's field has shadows in the evening from the large buttes." He paused, clearing his throat, as he adjusted his posture to get even taller. "They are lovely, but it does not make for the best sun, except in the morning . . . while Erralee naps." He shot me a teasing grin, but quickly replanted his focus back on Father. "Safflowers need harvesting in full sun, or they get sticky, and you risk plugging up your machinery. I can imagine the harvest of them in Erralee's field would take days as we'd only have an hour or two each morning." Reeves chuckled in a reminiscent manner. "I've learned the hard way not to risk it. But the north fields are full sun and hold water well."

I zoned out on the farm stuff, as I focused on watching Father's lips tighten while he listened. I could not read him well, but he appeared to be soaking up Reeves' plans. However, he remained silent on what his plans were for that plot of land or even the rest of his farms, which frankly left me unsettled. Would we even have food to eat? I had been unaware, until recently how badly we were bleeding resources, because Father had hidden it. I wasn't a political type, but I wondered what happened when an entire dynasty went bankrupt. I honestly had no clue. Would another country control us? The thoughts added to the budding pressure I already held in my chest. I spent the rest of the meal not comprehending a word as I tried to pep talk myself into thinking everything would be okay.

I had the power to fix this before we lost everything.

The sudden clanging of dishes brought me back to reality. Servants had returned to the room, clearing our plates. Everyone but Mother had stood up, loitering near the table with drinks in their hands. They were obviously headed to the Grand Hall. Mother was intently staring at me. I checked my dress to ensure it hadn't gotten spilled on. The dress was in perfect condition without even one wrinkle. I lowered my brow, and whispered, "What is it?"

Her forehead scrunched in an unbecoming way before she leaned in close. "I thought you had decided last night. Everyone has been walking on eggshells all day to see if you follow through. I find it ridiculous you have kept King Aswell waiting like this. What could possibly be more important than this!"

My eye twitched, as if begging me to turbo blink in disbelief. I never asked for a leadership role in this family, and the weight of pressure was becoming unbearable. All I wanted was to believe that I was entering into a marriage where I would be loved. I hadn't received any such hint that this marriage was anything more than a peace treaty. Was it too much to want to wait for my own true love? I guess it is when you are me . . . I gritted my teeth and spoke through them. "I intend to follow through, Mother. I spent the day saying goodbye to friends in town. I didn't know what I'd be forced into once I entered this engagement." Even though it was against my nature, I added in a sarcastic tone. "Forgive me for needing one day to live my life."

"I don't need to remind you that King Aswell is not a fool," she hissed. "If anything, you are his charity case. He's doing us a great favor, and please don't ruin this."

My face blanched, and my insides iced over. Mother had never spoken to me like this before. The desperation in her voice distressed me. I scooted my chair back in one swift push and stood as I steeled my jaw. "I'll take care of it tonight." Then I turned on my heel and left, tears budding in my eyes.

As I scurried off, I pretended not to hear Mother's instructions for me. "Do freshen up. And put some lipstick on . . ."