4. Chapter Four

Ididn't hear from Heath until late the next day, although I had felt him wandering my territory all day, heading to the school, then going on errands. Whatever meetings he had in Dallas were being handled by Landon, who had left my territory before dawn.

Aimlessly wandering around most of the day, I waited to see what would happen, my mind consumed by the situation with Carey. Dirk and Oliver had quickly caught onto the tone of the day and left me alone for the most part, except when Dirk told me he heard what happened with Carey from Landon. I wasn't surprised. Those two told each other everything now. Landon even took Dirk house hunting with him.

I was trying to wash dishes when Heath directed his wandering toward me.

"Jacky," he said softly as he walked into my home. I dropped the rag I was holding as he meandered into my kitchen.

"How much trouble is she in?"

"Five-day suspension. They also asked me never to send you to pick her up again. You caused a bit of a scene." He looked at his shoes as he leaned on my counter five feet from me. I didn't know what expression he was hiding, and his emotions were a secret to me. His Talent—a scent manipulation to hide his emotional currents—was useful for him but a pain for me and everyone else who ever met him. Not every werewolf or werecat had a Talent, but it was always possible. It was a quirk of the curse that created us and spread through our bites. Some people were just lucky.

"They were rude. I didn't have the patience for it."

"Neither did Carey," he muttered as he looked at what I was doing. Slowly, he closed the distance between us and started helping me with the dishes. "I'm used to a lot of arguments from young kids in the pack. Normally, it's as simple as losing their temper. They just weren't in the mood for it that day. Werewolves need to be tough, and they get a temper thanks to that need—the ability to flip a switch and go from a normal day to a violent one. Most are always trying to gain rank and need to defend their positions. This is just who we are. We fight to prove dominance and power. Most of the time with a werewolf teen, it sounds as if they're just like the bullies. Someone tested their position in the school's hierarchy, and they needed to prove they were the top of the food chain."

"Where are you going with this?" I asked lightly, wondering why I needed an education in werewolf teenagers.

"Carey's argument made her sound like you, not one of the werewolves she grew up with," he said with a wry smile. "She sounded like you at her age, telling me all about how she needed to make sure bad people couldn't be bad to her or the people she loves."

"I didn't coach her," I said quickly. "I promise—"

"I didn't think you did," he said with a small smile as he looked up from the dishes. His scent started to take on his emotions, and I took a deep breath. He was amused, annoyed, and tired. There was also an undercurrent of pain, a deeply emotional one, like a wound no one could put a band-aid on, but his surface emotions were good. "I'm sorry I snapped at you last night. Every time one of these things happens, I have to consider I might lose my daughter the way so many other werewolves have lost their human children. It's a fine line to walk. It's fear and anger and…" He sighed, shaking his head. "I can't lose her, Jacky."

"I…I tried to tell her I could see where she was coming from, but there would still be consequences. These things have consequences."

It was a difficult situation, and it wasn't until this happened, I realized how difficult it could be. I needed Carey in my life and wanted to do right by her. She grounded me, brought me back to normal, and gave me something easy and mortal to attach onto in the same way my siblings attached to their human staff, the way Niko attached to Dirk. The way Hasan raised children. Her father was my lover, my boyfriend, my ally. We had so many things tying us together, but I was not Carey's mother.

"From what she told me, you said all the right things better than I could. She'll be grounded until the suspension is over. This isn't a vacation for her. That includes no visiting you on Monday." He backed away from the sink and let me finish up the last plate before loading it in the dishwasher. "I really am sorry about last night. I had all day to get frustrated, then you were there, saying all the things I had once tried to say. All the things I wanted to say again, but I can't live in the fantasy that this is a fixable situation. It's only a survivable one."

"Why wouldn't they let Carey skip grades?" I asked as I closed the dishwasher and got it running. "She could graduate at sixteen. I've seen the stuff you have her tutors teaching her."

"I'm going to take it to the school board," Heath said with a sigh. "I'm also going to ask CPS and the BSA if I can do one of those hybrid programs with her, where they do online most days and go into school twice a week to interact with other students and teachers. I just need to find a program like that…"

"There's probably one in Dallas if there's not one locally."

Heath groaned. "And there's the problem with the plan—Dallas."

"How was the trip yesterday?" I was grateful for the chance to change the conversation for just a moment.

"I was greeted by Ranger. Apparently, Tywin has decided Ranger is the go-between. I was only there on business, so there wasn't too much trouble." Heath looked out my window. "The pack is…they've lost a couple of clients to my private business. I can't make guesses. They're still healthy, but they've lost some of the power I had built for them. Some of Tywin's early mistakes are still being fixed, I think. Some of my mistakes are still being fixed. I can't go back and fix them myself because that would involve taking the pack back. I don't want that right now."

Right now. But you will want it again one day.

I didn't show how much those words scared me. Was there an expiration date on us and everything we had in my territory? Maybe there was, and I just never realized it?

"Well, you all made the decisions you wanted to make," I said, aiming for diplomacy. "They let you walk away when they could have asked you to clean up the mess a little more. You could have sent Landon and Carey to a new home and finished up, making sure the transition was smoother. They let you go."

I won't.

"There were some hard feelings. My oldest son was a part of the coup against me and Tywin." He finally shrugged. "They'll figure it out, and they can't stop Carey from getting an education. If I have to drive her to Dallas twice a week, it will give me the chance to be a little more hands-on with my businesses again if I stay in the city those couple days a week, then drive her home. That's if we can't find a closer option and if the BSA even says it's okay."

"Did the pack ever try this?" I asked.

"The logistics didn't work out, and I never revisited it. I was hoping Carey, being human, might find school here easier without a bunch of werewolves around. I was hoping they would ignore me and Landon because we don't go to many of the functions."

"Why didn't it work out with the pack?" I didn't need to know what logistics he was talking about, but listening to him talk was one of my favorite hobbies.

"Parents working, there were too many kids. A healthy pack always has about ten to thirty children for the two to three hundred adults. We would have had to start our own school since we didn't believe in separating the pack kids. If they went to public school, they went together. If they went to a hybrid plan, they would all have to do it together, and not every family wanted to give up an income so a parent could stay home and teach. It's understandable. Some people really love their jobs and the money it affords them. I'm one of those people. No one was hurting in the pack. They all could have afforded it, but it wasn't fair. In the end, it just wasn't fair to anyone to ask some to give up their passions to play teacher. Would it have saved us the trouble of bullies? Who knows? The pack kids would have still had to go to some sort of school a few days a week. It might have curbed the issue, but…"

"It wouldn't have stopped it. Let me guess…it was going to be the human spouses who had to drop their lives," I said, crossing my arms. "Especially the women."

Heath smiled as he nodded. "I knew you would understand."

"It's pretty typical. Do pack numbers include the humans?"

"Normally? No. The Dallas pack is currently two hundred and twenty-three strong in werewolves. The human numbers aren't publicized. We don't want to expose that vulnerability to those around us."

I watched something in his face shift as a thought occurred to him. His scent changed into something more robust and deeper. His eyes trailed over me, and lust entered the space between us. He reached out and gently touched my hip before curling those fingers into a tight grip. I stepped closer to him as he backed into the counter.

"Now, back to last night. I am truly sorry for lashing out with you. I think it's time I grovel and ask for forgiveness. You shouldn't be talked to like that. I shouldn't talk to you or anyone like that."

"Forgiven," I said, smelling the truth of his words. "We can skip the groveling. It'll just make me uncomfortable."

"My groveling won't," he whispered as his lips grazed mine. "I regretted the words as soon as I walked out the door." Leaning down to kiss my neck, one of his hands went up my back and neck to tangle in my hair.

"Yeah?" I was a little breathless.

"Mm-hm, but I had to deal with the school before I could properly control my temper. I didn't want to come back to you when I didn't have this resolved."

"It's fine. It's not an easy situation," I said as his other arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me even closer. "You're doing a pretty good job at groveling."

His masculine chuckle against my neck sent a wave of shivers through me and heat through all the best places.

"I have the rest of the day off," he murmured. "Carey can stay home alone for a few hours. I can keep groveling if you need me to."

"I don't need to go into Kick Shot. I like groveling Heath."

"Mmm, I knew you would." He turned and pushed me against the counter. His mouth lowered onto mine, and I was lost in him. Then with the speed I was used to from him, he lifted me up and put me on the counter.

"Hey, boss—"

Heath's growl made Dirk stop in the doorway.

"Yeah, I'll go," he said quickly, and my human quasi-nephew fled from the house.

"Heath." I grabbed his shirt and made him look at me. "Really?"

"Reflex," he said, clearing his throat. "I'll go apologize."

"Yeah, I should find out what he needed," I agreed. I didn't need it, but Heath helped me off the counter, and we both spent a moment fixing our hair and shirts, trying to collect ourselves. I left first, finding Dirk in the security building with his feet up on his desk.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Oh, it's nothing," he said quickly, his feet dropping as he saw me. "You can go back to what you were doing."

"Dirk."

"I was hoping to ask to head out early. I want to head into Dallas for the day."

"And hang out with Landon?" Heath asked over my shoulder. "Tell him to take you to—"

I elbowed him, and he laughed, rubbing the spot.

"Go ahead," I said with a smile, then moved Heath and myself out of his way. Dirk moved quickly, grabbing everything he needed, then locked up the security building and gave me a mocking salute.

"Thanks, Jacky. We'll get in touch if anything happens, and I'll come in early tomorrow to deal with any admin I missed today."

"I know. There's not much admin, but okay," I said, crossing my arms as Dirk ran off to hang out with his best friend. Once he was out of sight, I looked at Heath. "I don't know if he knows about Landon. You know, your son is totally crushing on him."

"I don't know either," Heath admitted. "It worries me. I don't want to see Landon hurt."

"I don't think Dirk would purposefully hurt him," I said, defending Dirk instinctively. "I think he's too much like Niko, actually." I had learned a lot about my siblings over the summer.

I had gone back for two weeks to see them when Zuri introduced her son to everyone. Even Subira came to the island that was Hasan's territory. It was the first time I had seen all the werecats of our family in one place.

"Niko is insanely private about his romantic life. I think Dirk picked up on that as the way to be. He was raised around people who could smell it on him if he wasn't careful, which makes him a bit like Landon—careful not to think certain things or let his mind wander, so he never loses that sense of control over that part of his life."

"Ah…" Heath nodded. "It's a mental discipline you and I know a thing or two about."

"Yup." It was hard not to let the mind wander when I had been surrounded by my siblings, all of them talking or refusing to talk about their sex lives I had obviously been dragged into. Luckily, I was good at evading questions, and I tried never to mention Heath on my trip. When I did, it was always in relation to Carey or because someone else brought him up.

I was living a double life.

Everyone in my territory is, it seems.

"Everyone in your territory is what?" Heath asked.

"Oh, I didn't realize I said that out loud. Everyone is living a double life here. You can't tell any of the werewolves we're in a relationship, and I can't tell my family. Landon has been too terrifying and powerful when he's really a softie who has a crush on a boy. Carey has to try to be human, but none of her role models are. Dirk and I both live under the pressures of our family, but here, we're just us."

"Not double lives. The lives we want to live but can't," he countered. "Landon has never felt safe enough in a pack to have a relationship, to allow himself to feel for someone else. I tried my best, but he's watched the human world closely. It wasn't ready, either, and he refused to love quietly, in secret. It's nearly impossible for a werewolf, anyway. As for me…"

"As for you?" I was curious how I played into his idea.

"I've always wanted to be with a woman who would challenge me and complement me, not submit to me but also not dominate. Something outside of that structure entirely. I wanted something…impossible to obtain with another werewolf. Possible as a human, but I'm not human anymore."

"And you found that with me?" I chuckled, thinking about the dynamics of our relationship. "I guess you did."

"I know I did," he murmured, leaning in to kiss my cheek. "I like that you stood up for Carey last night. I was angry, but I'm glad you stuck up for her." He leaned in closer. "For the first time in my life, I think I finally have an equal who isn't just…" He groaned and pulled away from me. "We'll drop it."

"You can tell me what's on your mind, even if it's about your previous wives." I wanted to know every angle of this man. He'd heard enough about me and my family and my troubles, but he had been around for two hundred and fifty years, and I was still only scratching the surface.

"It's not about my previous wives." He ran a hand through his hair. "It's about living in the Alpha box. Every female who wanted to be with me really only wanted the status—either they slept with the Alpha, or they were the Alpha's mate. They didn't want to have ideas of how to fix things in the pack. They wanted the position, not the conversation, the dialogue of a relationship. As an Alpha, to find someone who would have been my equal, someone I could talk to, I would have had to look at other Alphas. You've seen the North American Werewolf Council. Did you see any particularly interesting women there?" He gave me a wry smile.

"No, it seems like it's a boy's club." I tried to remember if there were any female werewolves on the day I killed Price, but none came to mind.

"Yeah. While there are female Alphas, they're pretty rare. They still run up against a lot of sexism and people telling them they can't go too far or push too hard. There are none on the North American Council, although there's one in Europe. Price was replaced with a female Alpha, but she hasn't gotten his seat on the council. If they don't replace me or him, they're going to start running low on numbers. Wagner probably loves it. He's always looking for an edge. More eyes on him and everything he does, more prestige, more respect from Callahan and Corissa."

"I don't know which one Wagner is," I admitted guiltily. I had seen the entire council, should know all their names, but I had no idea who Wagner was or even what pack he ran.

"He's the Alpha of Phoenix, Arizona," Heath explained. "If you ever want to hear some interesting stories about some of the more obscure supernatural species, he's the one you should ask. A lot of strange things live in that desert he calls home. He does a lot for the werewolf community and can be ruthless about it, which makes him ruthless with everyone who might get in his way." Heath started to shake his head. "Actually, don't try to ask him. He's not pro-werecat. There are a lot of old werewolves out that way who weren't in the war and don't have as much prejudice, but don't test them, either." Heath stopped and turned a look on me. "You are very good at getting me off-topic."

"I am." I smiled widely. "There's so much I still don't know, and I like listening to you talk."

"Well, back on topic," he said with a toothy grin. "I wasn't expecting to find everything I wanted in a partner and more when I moved here. I never expected it from you, but I'm happy I found it. I'm happy Carey found someone she can lean on when she needs it, and I can't offer it. So, you say we're living double lives, but I think…" He took my hand. "I think you've accidentally given us all a place to live more authentically."

"You're good at saying a lot of very sweet things," I said as he kissed my hand.

"I've had over two hundred years to practice," he reminded me. "What's going through my head is definitely not sweet. Spicy might be a better description."

"I like spicy, too," I said mischievously. I used his hand on mine to pull him back to my house.