Chapter 45

Maura looked out over the water and sighed. She was smart enough to understand what she was doing to herself. Dr. Obenhaus had explained it a long time ago. Throwing herself into work avoided the issues and she got sicker by the day. But, thankfully, Dr. Obenhaus also understood that she needed time to get through it.

"Why do you think there is someone watching you, Maura?" Dr. Obenhaus asked, her calm patient voice soothing Maura.

"I don't know. It's a sense I have. I felt it again when I went to work. I thought it was because of the detail that Zeke and Rory put on me."

"So, you knew they were there and dismissed your worries."

Not really, she thought. If only she would have gotten sleep the last few days. As it was, she'd only gotten snatches of sleep since she returned from Hawaii. She avoided the pain pills the doctor there had given her.

"Maura?"

"They didn't know I knew, though."

"So, you kept it from them. Why?"

"I don't know."

"You know."

"Power."

"Yes, I am sure a lot of that has to do with the attack. It's okay as long as at some point you come back out of that shell you always build."

The bad thing about having a therapist who had known her so long was that Dr. Obenhaus knew exactly what she did wrong. But, then, it was one of the reasons she went to her.

"Are we going to talk about the men?"

"Men?"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. You think I don't know you are involved with these men?" she asked, her voice a little lighter.

"Did Conner talk to you?"

"No, but then I would never discuss you with him. Once you turned eighteen I told you that I wouldn't tell him things. I didn't tell him much when you were younger. So, these men."

"Yeah. Hmm, well, it was just a bit of fun."

"Oh, Maura, don't worry about upsetting me. I know about going against people's wishes."

She accepted that. Dr. Obenhaus was a lesbian who had been living openly for years in Georgia.

"It's just...I can't deal with it right now."

"You love them."

"Yes. But that's not always enough."

"I agree. Just make sure you take the time to figure out if it is enough for you."

"Okay."

"So, are they good looking?"

She laughed. "Yeah, and Irish and bisexual."

"Good for you. Now, make sure to check in with me, but don't use me as a crutch. You need to talk to the people in your life, Maura."

"I will."

They hung up and she stared out over the traffic again. She didn't hear the knock at the door until the door squeaked open.

She turned and saw Zeke and Rory standing just inside the door.

"Did you need something?"

"We just wanted to check on you," Rory said surprising her.

Damn, they looked good. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into their arms and seek some kind of acceptance and love, but she couldn't. They thought she was crazy. They hadn't said it out loud but they got the same tone in their voices that Conner did. They thought she had lost her mind about the attacker.

"I'm fine."

They said nothing.

"Is that all?"

Zeke walked closer. "Maybe you should go home and get some sleep this afternoon."

She looked up from her computer screen. "What?"

"Love, you look worn out."

She frowned. "Way to make me feel good, Zeke."

"No, seriously, how much sleep have you gotten?"

She glanced at Rory who was watching her closely as if worried she would break down in tears.

"Not much. I have insomnia most of the time when I return from Hawaii."

Which was kind of true. Okay, not really, but she figured she wouldn't go to hell for a lie. Considering the things she'd done in Hawaii with these two, God would probably be more upset with that than her little white lie.

"Still, you look really tired. Why not at least work from home? It might do a little good to get out of the office."

She looked from one to the other and hurt. The pain in her chest was worse than when she'd been attacked. Going home wasn't what she thought she would do today, but maybe a break from seeing the two men she loved but who apparently didn't love her, might be a good thing.

"Okay."

She started shutting down things.

"Maura," Rory said, his voice annoyed.

She didn't look up from her work. "What?"

"Look at me. At us."

She forced herself to do it. "What?"

"You can talk to us."

She didn't know what was behind that comment, but she couldn't deal with them. Not now. She was raw. She knew what she had agreed to when they had been on vacation, but she had fooled herself while they had been there.

"What do you want me to talk to you about?" she asked wondering if they really knew just how much this was hurting her. They had each other. She had no one.

She had walked around the desk but Rory stepped in front of her.

"Don't make me order you to answer questions."

She gave him what she hoped was a condescending look. "Don't try that with me, Rory. I don't play games out of the bedroom and you know that."

"I seemed to remember a little incident in the kitchen…and one that started in the car."

The memory of that was like a jab to the heart. She had thought they were moving on to something more than just a fling. But the guys had proven her wrong. Trust in your partners was needed for a real relationship and they and proven that they didn't believe in her.

"I'm not in the mood for this."

He opened his mouth but Zeke interrupted them.

"I think you need to get some rest, love."

She tore her attention away from Rory to look at Zeke. The pity she saw there hurt more than losing them both. Of course she had never really had them, had she?

"Yes, I do." She picked up her brief case. "I'll have my cell, but I might just take a nap first."

She hurried out of the room.

* * *

Zeke letthe door shut with a silent snick and said nothing. He was still pissed. He was also worried. The fact that Maura had left without argument wasn't like her at all.

"What's up?" Rory asked.

"She's not acting right."

"She's tired. And I think she's still embarrassed about yesterday."

"No, you know her, she wouldn't go home without a fight before."

"Those two are crazy buggers."

"Those two?"

"Her brother and her. It makes you wonder what their Da was like."

He brushed that thought away. "Anyway, it's odd. Really odd."

"Do you think we should set another trail on her again?"

Zeke shook his head as his personal assistant beeped in.

"Sorry to bother you, Zeke, but there's an Inspector Forrest on the phone. He says he needs to talk to you ASAP."

He picked up the phone. "Jerry, I haven't heard from you in months."

"And I wish it was under better circumstances. I just found out myself or I would have called you earlier."

"What's up?" he asked dread inching down his spine.

"O'Connell escaped from Germany a month ago."

"What?"

Rory was looking at him now. Worry etched his features.

"I didn't find out about it until twenty minutes ago, but apparently, he paid off a few guards, who ended up dead in the end. The bastard was always cold. He escaped but we weren't told here at Scotland Yard. Hell, I'm not sure I'm supposed to call you, but the truth of the matter is MI-6 always fucks these things up. I know that bastard was hot to kill you and McAllister. By the by, have you talked to him?"

"He's here now."

"Good. If I were you, I would make sure that you take extra precautions."

"Sure, sure. Thanks for the call."

"No problem, you know I owe you."

He hung up and tried to get his brain wrapped around the news. O'Connell had been an IRA bomb specialist, one who went mercenary several years ago and had worked with anyone with the cash. He and his brother had been good, until Rory and Zeke had found them, killed his brother and caught up with O'Connell to arrest him. Germany had called dibs on him though for a bombing in Munich that killed twenty people. Still, he blamed Rory and him for his brother's death and for being in prison.

He had vowed to kill them both.

"Zee, what the fuck is going on?"

"O'Connell, he escaped."

"Just now?"

"No. A month ago."

He saw the recognition on Rory's face. It was O'Connell all along.

"Maura," Rory said and turned and ran out of the room. Zeke followed.

"Call her. I need to call my mother and stepda."

Jennifer stepped out of her office. "Call Conner, tell him "O'Connell". Then you lock this place the fuck down."

He got a hold of his mother and was assured everything was fine by the time they were heading toward his car.

"Okay, ma. I've got some other calls to make."

Rory started up the car with a grim expression. "Maura's not answering her phone."

"Dammit, you drive, I'll call."

Her phone rang and rang. No answer.

"She's ignoring us. Hopefully."

"Hopefully?"

"Yes. The alternative is she is separated from her phone. That never happens."

If it did, they both knew it meant trouble.

Rory sped through a red light. There were a lot of honking horns but both of them ignored that. All that mattered was getting to Maura and making sure she was okay.

* * *

Maura's headwas pounding by the time she got home. She was so damned tired she might force herself to take the stupid pills the doctor gave her for pain. But that seemed so weak.

She didn't seem to give a damn.

The men in her life were treating her as if she were going insane.

It was too bad she couldn't just curl up in a ball and sleep for three weeks. She knew the signs of depression. Dr. Obenhaus had helped her through all of that before, but one thing the doctor had taught her was sometimes…just sometimes…you needed to escape from the world you were in.

Life wasn't supposed to hurt this much, was it?

She sighed. Sitting in her hot car feeling sorry for herself wasn't going to make anything better. After grabbing her briefcase, she slipped out of her car and shut the door. After reaching the front door, she punched in her security code, but when she stepped into the foyer, she knew something was wrong immediately. She stepped back, but stopped when she saw a man step from around the corner in her house.

It was the bastard who had attacked her in Hawaii.

"So nice to see you again, Ms. Dillon."

Before she could react, he rushed forward. She turned but it was too late. She felt the shock to her left shoulder and it jolted through her body. Then, she fell, hitting her head on the pavement. Pain exploded and then her world went to black.