Chapter 41

In the ten days since they returned from Hawaii, Maura had yet to talk about the attack. It worried Zeke on so many different levels. Worse, she was barely talking to anyone. She was talking at them, but not to them. And she had cut off Rory and him. Rory was off licking his wounds being an ass and Zeke was left to try and piece it all together.

His phone buzzed and he rolled his eyes when he saw the 808 area code.

"Yes, Conner?"

"Wrong, this is Jillian."

"Oh, sorry, Jillian. How are things going there?"

"Well, living with a grizzly has been so much fun the last few days. How's our girl?"

"Our?"

"I guess I should say your, but she never mentions you when I call. In fact, she never talks at all."

"That's the problem. She's not talking to anyone."

There was a pause. "That's not good with most people but it is a disaster with Maura." She sighed. "Maybe we should make a trip."

That bothered him. Conner was barely talking to him except about business and to check up on Maura. Other than that, they weren't talking at all.

"I don't know if that would help or shut her down more."

"Hmm, that's true. Have you talked to her about the attack?"

"Yes. Well, I tried. She refuses to accept that this might have anything to do with the Columbians and the Petersen trial."

"And Conner said they can't find anything on that. Even Jennifer can't get an answer from anyone. It's odd how that has all shut down."

"So, the last time we talked about it was two days ago and now she refuses to discuss it."

That was the nicest way of saying it. She had screamed at them. He didn't know how to deal with that. She didn't do things like that, and she didn't just walk away and ignore people she cared about.

"Have you and Rory looked into anything else. I know the mule I live with isn't ready to do that, but have you guys found anything?"

"No, because nothing else makes sense. Rory and I have a past, but our past transgressions are mostly dead and the rest are in prison."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. The guys we put away got life sentences."

She waited a beat. "So, how are you doing?"

The concern in her voice touched him. He didn't know her that well, but what little contact he'd had with her had told Zeke that she was a caring woman. She let everyone think that she was a ball breaker but when she cared about someone, she was very giving.

"I'm doing okay."

"Oh, it doesn't sound like it. I take it that Rory and Maura have stuck you in the middle."

He chuckled. "That's not hard to figure out with those two. They have a do or die kind of attitude."

"So, tell Auntie Jillian all about it."

"Nothing much to tell. We got back to Miami, Maura shut us off, and Rory shut down. That's where I am right now. I think she might need some counseling."

"I have to agree with you there. And she has a therapist she can call."

"Maura has a therapist?" He was stunned. She had never mentioned it to him. He had been pretty damned close to her the last few years and she never mentioned it.

"Oh, I thought you know. She keeps up with the therapist she had after the accident."

"Since I didn't know about the therapist to begin with, I guess I would have no idea if she was talking to him."

"Her. And don't get your feelings hurt, Zeke. She doesn't tell a lot of people."

"Including those she's apparently just fucking for fun."

The silence on the other side of the phone had him closing his eyes. Dammit, he didn't mean to yell at her. Jillian wasn't the person he was mad at. Hell, he didn't know who he was mad at.

"Oh, sweetie, don't be so hurt by it. She's so private and it has more to do with impressing you than keeping you out."

He opened his eyes and looked out of the apartment window. Usually the view of the Atlantic would calm him, soothe him. But, today, there was nothing. The two people he loved in the world were starting to come apart.

"What do you mean?"

"Maura has always tried to pretend that nothing is ever wrong. I have no idea why. Conner said one time that it wasn't this bad until his folks died. Then, she became overly worried about perception."

"She spent a week with..."

Jillian laughed. "Yeah, but that's different. Sex is healthy and she understands that. If she admits she has a therapist though, she thinks it shows her weakness."

"For being human?"

"Yeah. I don't know what their parents were like, but you've worked with Conner. Is there anyone with a more disgusting work ethic?"

"You?"

"Pfft. Not me. He had strep a few weeks back and was trying to go into work. That's just insane. Me, I know when to take a break. The Dillon's...they don't. They're kind of freaks about it. And one of the things is that they can never admit they are weak. Talking to someone about nightmares or the fact you think someone is following you--"

"What do you mean?"

"Maura said she felt as if someone was following her. She's had that feeling the last few days."

"She said the same thing in Hawaii."

"You all are following her, right?"

"We've been taking her to and from work."

"That's good."

"So, I shouldn't worry?"

"No, you should. You love her and she is shutting down. But it might be that she needs a few more days to deal with it. The most important thing you can do is be there when she falls."

He heard the door crash open and closed his eyes. Rory was home and Zeke wasn't in the mood for him.

"I've got to go."

"Remember, Zeke, take care of yourself. Those two are a lot of work."

"Thanks, Jillian."

He turned his phone off just as Rory sauntered into the bedroom.

He was a fucking mess. He had been out riding on the bike. He hadn't shaved today, but for Zeke that made him even sexier. Being so fucking drunk he could barely stand up sort of took the sexiness out of it though.

"Hey, lover," he slurred.

"So, you've decided to drink again."

"I can do what I want."

He looked at him and his heart wept. Rory avoided alcohol and drugs. He hated it for the most part. Except when things went bad. He was hurting, thinking he'd been rejected by Maura. For a man whose mother committed suicide leaving him with his bastard father, rejection and abandonment issues were always there ready to fuck things up.

Rory pulled his shirt off and threw it on the floor behind him.

"And apparently, that means being disgusting."

"It's just a shirt on the floor." Then he burped. Zeke would have laughed if he didn't know just how much Rory hated this. He wasn't someone who willingly would get drunk.

"So, you've decided to become an alcoholic?"

Zeke said, crossing his arms over his chest. He was trying his best not to reach out for him. Zeke knew that he would just reject him, and that would hurt too much.

"I'm not an alcoholic."

"You're on your way. Three nights, three drunken nights, Rory. That's an alcoholic."

"I am not an alcoholic. I'm just blowing off some steam."

Hearing those words tore away any patience Zeke had.

"Isn't that the phrase your father used all the time?"

"Watch it, Zeke."

He ignored the warning.

"Tell me, did he say that before or after he beat you?"

"I said to fucking watch your fucking mouth."

But he didn't care. He couldn't see Rory do this to him. He had a lot of other issues but drinking had been one thing he had never engaged in. He hated the loss of control, and he didn't trust himself.

"So, you've just decided to drink yourself to death like your father."

He jumped up from the bed and grabbed his shirt. "I don't have to stay here for this."

He pulled the shirt on.

"No, run just like your father. A coward unable to accept the fact that he was a bastard. Jesus, I can understand why your mother did it."

Rory turned and faced him, anger lighting his face but Zeke was past being nice.

"What the fucking hell do you mean by that?"

"Your father was a drunkard coward, petty criminal who couldn't keep it in his pants. Not unlike you, but at least he married your mother so apparently he had some decency in him. Can you imagine the embarrassment she felt being married to him? A drunk. A man who couldn't keep a job. Then, raising a son in his spitting image, some fucker who couldn't even make it through school. Jesus, no wonder she committed suicide."

He was so gone in his diatribe he didn't see the punch coming in time to avoid it. He had enough time to move a bit and Rory's first connected to his jaw.

They tumbled down onto the ground, cursing and screaming at each other. He got a good hit into Rory's nose, but he felt a few jabs to his ribs. Rory was drunk and not able to fight that well. It only took him a few moments to pin his hands down and dominate him.

They were both breathing heavily. On any other day, this would be sexy. Now, he wanted to throw up.

"Get a hold of yourself."

The dangerous look he was leveling at Zeke didn't deter him. He straddled him then took him by the shoulders and shook him.

"You can't do this. I can't watch you do it."

Something he said must have hit Rory. The anger on his face slowly dissolved.

"Oh, babe, I'm sorry."

He blinked. "What?"

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?"

"Yes." He studied him. "What?"

"I mean this is momentous. Rory McAllister just said he was sorry. This is close to admitting you were wrong."

Rory toppled Zeke over and switched positions, clasping his hands above his head.

"You're such a bleeding smart ass."

He chuckled then sighed as Rory kissed him. It was the first real physical contact he'd had since they'd returned. They had slept in the same bed every night, but not once had they reached out for each other. He reveled in the kiss.

Rory kissed his way down Zeke's body, grasping his shirt and tearing it open. Buttons flew everywhere, but Zeke ignored it. All that mattered was Rory's mouth on his skin and the way his tongue slid against him as he moved down his body. He pulled Zeke's pants off and took his cock in his hand and then into his mouth. Zeke spread his hands into his hair. He knew this wasn't the answer, but right now, he needed the connection, the primal instinct of connecting with one of his mates.

He thrust up into Rory's mouth, over and over again. Finally, Rory pulled back and tore at his own jeans. Zeke sat up and grabbed the waistband and yanked the buttons lose. Rory's cock thrust out into Zeke's greedy hands. He pumped him, fast and furious. The edge he'd been feeling, the need to connect drove him. It was frantic and overwhelming.

Rory groaned and pulled back, turning around, he straddled Zeke's head upside down. Zeke took Rory's cock into his mouth willingly. Rory groaned and did the same to Zeke. Both of them were so close it didn't take but a few strokes and they were both coming, their ecstasy overtaking both of them as they gave themselves over to the joy of their primal connection.

* * *

Later,they lay in bed and Rory sighed. He hurt Zeke in so many ways over the years, he couldn't really fault his lover for what he said.

"Love, it's okay. I...deserve it."

Zee shook his head. "No, no one deserves that."

"I do a little. I just...I hate seeing her that way."

Zee studied him for a second, then said, "Love sometimes hurts."

"I didn't say I loved her."

"Jesus, there is no one here but us. Admit it."

"I...okay, I sort of love her."

Zee chuckled. "I guess we can take that for now."

He settled his head on Rory's chest and snuggled closer. "So what do we do?"

"We can't do anything right now. She's in pain and she's hurt. Yelling at Maura will not work."

"You yelled at me and it worked."

"You're an asshole, she's not."

Rory couldn't argue with that. "So we just wait?"

"She needs some time."

"How much?"

Zee looked up at him a small smile playing over his lips. "Not sure, but we have to be there when she figures it out."

"What if she doesn't figure it out?"

"Then we yell at her."

Rory smiled. "That, I can do."

"You have to understand that Maura was not raised to confront and that is part of her personality. Well, she does confront, but not in the way other people do. She thinks things through, then goes for what she wants. She doesn't do much without thinking it through."

"And so we wait."

"For a little while."

The phone rang and Rory saw the number. "Shit, probably Conner."

Zee picked it up. "Hey, Conner. Yeah. I was busy, that's why I didn't answer my phone. What? Oh, so...the threat is over?"

"Okay."

He hung up.

"Well that was short and I am assuming not so sweet."

Zee clicked the phone off. "Yeah. Well, apparently Conner found out that Petersen's been taken into witness protection."

"He found that out?"

"Officially, he seems to have been killed in an accident, but Conner still has a few connections. He's turned state's evidence. They got some little nobody to turn on the big guy. We're no longer in danger. So, that's that."

"You think he called Maura?"

"Yeah. Probably before us."

"You should call her still."

He glanced at Rory. "Why don't you?"

"She needs you more."

He frowned. "That's an asinine thing to say. She needs both of us. She's being stubborn, which is nothing new. As Jillian pointed out, she hates anyone to know that she is weak."

Rory said nothing to that, just stared up at the ceiling.

"I talked to her before you got home."

"Maura?"

"No, Jillian. Apparently, Maura's been seeing a shrink."

Rory glanced at him, then back up at the ceiling. "She is?"

"Yeah, I didn't know. She talks to her all the time, apparently."

Another beat of silence.

"She hides things from a lot of people, Rory, not just you."

"She's not hiding. She's just not there, Zee. I don't know how to deal with that."

It hurt to say the words—worse than the gunshot wound he took in the chest a few years earlier.

"You have to give her space, but I guess we should call her."

Neither of them moved.

"You do it, Rory."

He glanced at Zee. "Why me?"

"Because, she will expect me to. If you call, it might surprise her a little."

He got up out of bed and searched for his jeans. He hit the contact icon for Maura and waited for her to answer.

"Hey, Rory."

"I guess you talked to your brother."

She sighed. "Yes, but then I never thought it was all that important. Petersen wasn't involved."

He wanted to argue but he didn't. She retreated completely when he confronted her.

"So, I guess we don't need the detail anymore," she said.

Something told him he should just do it, to ease her mind, but with Maura, Zee had told him being up front and truthful went a longer way than any pretty words.

"Yeah, I guess not. You still have that kick ass security system."

She said nothing.

"Maura--"

"Look, I have some work here to do."

"Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Sure," she said and hung up. He turned off his phone and looked at Zee. "She's not happy."

"You got to see Maura at her best, but I've told you, love, life isn't about just being happy. You have to make it through those tough times to appreciate the good times."

"And when do the good times come back?" Rory asked. The moment he said the words, he wanted to call them back. Even with Zee he hated showing his vulnerability—especially when it came to Maura.

Zee held out his hand and waited for Rory to take it and join him back in bed. He pulled him close and Rory settled his head against Zee's shoulder.

"I'm not sure, love, but I hope not long," Zee said.

Rory just prayed Zee's wishes became reality. He wasn't sure just how much he take.

"I love you, Zee."

"I love you too."

But now the love seemed incomplete…as if something was missing. Something was—or he should say someone. They needed Maura, because Rory wasn't sure how long Zee and he would last without her.