Chapter 35

"Ithink I bought too much," Maura said when she walked out the door of Lanakai. It was one of her favorite finds in the Kailua area. The Hawaiian made soaps and lotions were some of her favorite things. "But I really don't care."

"That's the spirit," Jillian said with a laugh. "You worry too much as it is."

She sighed. "I feel a lecture coming on."

"Naw, not from me. In fact, there is no way I am going to say that you haven't learned to stop worrying about things. You're in a hot relationship with two men."

An older woman gave them a look and Maura could feel her face heat up. She wasn't ashamed, but she wasn't going to go shouting it out on the street. "You are so bad."

Jillian looked behind them as the older woman muttered to herself and walked down the street. "Hey, these things go on. She's probably jealous that she hasn't had as much fun as you. If I didn't have your brother cleaning my clock every night, I would be too."

Maura closed her eyes for a second. Jillian had always been willing to share. It had just taken a weird turn when she became involved with Conner. "Jillian, I told you that while I am beyond happy that the two of you are married, please quit sharing things like that."

"You're like one of my few girlfriends. That's what we're supposed to do, right?" She pointed to a little coffee shop. "Why don't we grab a drink and gossip?"

"Sounds good."

They were served pretty quickly, and soon they found themselves sitting at the table on the street. The trades were soft, with just enough to keep her cool.

"God, I love it here."

Jillian smiled and took a sip of her coffee. "You live in Miami."

"Yes, and you know it's different. There is a vibe…a feeling when I am here. Something that just grabs hold of me. I can't live here, but every time I come, I feel centered."

"And that's why I live here. Plus, an ocean between me and the rest of the crazies in my family is good." She set her coffee down and settled a stern look on Maura. "Okay, so tell me, is everything going okay?"

"Yeah."

"No problems?"

"Lord, no. They...well, lord, it's hard to explain but there is something about the two of them that is so sweet."

"Sweet?"

"Yeah. They are sort of yin and yang."

Jillian chuckled. "Sweet. Special Forces dudes are sweet."

"Well, not entirely sweet or they would be boring. Rory is an amazing Dom. Some of the stuff..." She stopped and cleared her throat. "Let's just say that the man is close to being a god."

"Have y'all talked about what will happen when you get home?"

She shook her head. "No, not sure exactly what is going to happen. And for once I am going to ignore my inner voice. I am going to live in the moment. I would like it to go on, but...for right now this is what I am going to do." She took a sip of her raspberry tea and knew the best way to divert Jillian's attention. "So, how's the book going?"

Jillian huffed. "Okay, I guess. I wish this one was as easy as the last one, but, well, every book is different."

As Jillian went into depth about her problems with the book, Maura felt something stir on the back of her neck. The fine hairs sizzled and she got the feeling someone was watching her again. It wasn't odd being with Jillian and being seen. She was a striking woman and with her tattoos she did gain a lot of attention. But for some reason...this felt different. It was wrong.

She casually looked around to see if someone was watching them. She saw no one.

"Then, your brother was being a butthead and said that he didn't want me going to the Big Island."

"Wait, what are you talking about?"

"I want to go learn how to ride a horse on the Big Island."

"Let me guess. Eli St. John has something to do with this."

"He invited us over for a visit and Conner went all stupid Dom on me and said no. Wait, you know him?"

"I met him last night. I met him when I came over here before, but I didn't remember. Anyway, he talked to me, the guys freaked and Zeke—of all people- came over and acted like an ass. Then, well, Rory…well, let's not go into that."

Jillian studied her for a second. When she said nothing, Maura asked, "What?"

Then, slowly, her lips curved and that one hundred watt smile brightened her face. "Nothing. Just…well, I think there may be more to this trio than you think."

Maura shrugged. "I don't want to think about it."

Because when she did it made her so sad to think that she only had a few days left with the guys. Things had been so wonderful that morning, having breakfast. It had been as if they had been doing it for years.

"Maura," Jillian said. She looked at her oldest friend and had to blink rapidly against the tears. "Do they know?"

"Zeke knows I love him. I've never hidden it."

"What about Rory?"

This time when she blinked, the tears fell. "I'm not sure."

"Oh, honey, don't cry. Being in love should make you happy."

"It does, when I'm with them." She pulled in a breath and closed her eyes. She could not be seen on the street in Kailua Town crying like some fifteen-year-old. When she opened her eyes, she had her emotions somewhat under control. "When we're together it's great, but then I don't think about what will happen when we return to Miami."

"Does Zeke know about your feelings?"

"Which ones?"

The gentle smile she gave her took her back to her first horrible week of college, being the underaged geek and tormented more than she had been in high school. Jillian had been the calm in the storm of pain.

"Well, first, does Zeke know you love Rory?"

She shrugged. "I haven't even decided for sure if I love him."

Jillian chuckled. "Oh, honey you do. I just never thought you would because he seems kind of abrasive."

"He is, but there are a lot of things in his past, and, well…he's a sweetheart."

"Rory McAllister? The man you just left. The one who knows how to kill people with his bare hands? Hell, both of them do, but Zeke hides it better."

"I know," she sighed and smiled. "Rory made me French toast."

Jillian studied her for a moment before saying, "I want you to think about saying what you want from them."

"I don't want to cause problems here and seriously, I'm not sure I could do this long term. There is so much emotion there…I'm overwhelmed."

Jillian reached across the table and gripped Maura's hands in hers. "You deserve whatever it is you want. Don't ever settle for less because you think you haven't earned it."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't think I know just how exhausted you were when you got here? You've been trying to keep everything going and it isn't for you. You have to tell Conner no every now and then, and you need to tell the guys what you want."

"I don't know what I want," she said.

"When you figure out what you want you demand it from them. If they aren't men enough to give it to you, tell them to fuck each other and you go find someone who is. Because honey, you deserve to be happy."

She opened her mouth, but Jillian stopped her. "No, don't tell me you're happy. I know you are. Hell, I don't think I have ever seen you laugh as much as you have in the small amount of time I've seen you while you've been here."

"So, why can't you just let it be?"

"I will. I just want you to remember that if this doesn't continue when you return to the mainland, then the problem isn't you, it's them. Remember that."

"Okay."

"Now, I need chocolate because this book has been a pain in the ass."

"That's sounds fabulous."

But as she followed Jillian to the store, Maura wondered if she would ever have the nerve to ask the guys for what she wanted, or if she would be left alone again?

She shoved those thoughts aside and concentrated on buying some chocolate because if there was one thing she knew, it was that chocolate would make her feel a little better…even if it was only for a little while.