22. Woody

22

WOODY

“You sure you’re gonna be okay if I check on Stevie for a few minutes?” Rowdy asked, looking worried.

“Of course. Take your time. I ain’t goin’ nowhere,” I answered, trying for something approximating a genuine smile.

He hesitated, then held up his phone. “Text me if you need me.”

“Will do.”

When he shut the hospital room door behind him, I let out a pent-up breath.

Thank God for some fucking solitude.

I loved my cousin to death and appreciated that he hadn’t wanted to leave my side, but I couldn’t hardly breathe with his sad eyes on me. Listening to his fading footsteps, I rubbed my bare wrists as a few more tears fell.

The EMTs cut off everything I wore, including my mom’s bracelets. I’d cried— hard —when Rowdy told me that the bracelets had been thrown away. In truth, I was both devastated and relieved to have them off my wrists, and I didn’t know how to process that.

Of course, that meant my favorite broke-in jeans and my ThunderCats T-shirt, both of which I’d had since high school, were gone, too. They weren’t important in the grand scheme of things, but damn if it didn’t feel like I’d lost a bit of my armor.

God, this has been one hell of a day.

I looked down at my arms, which had dozens of bee stings, and wondered what the hell my face must look like. Working with honeybees, I never minded getting stung. It was part of the job. Unpleasant, sure, but not the worst thing ever. I could not recommend, however, getting stung a couple hundred times by an angry swarm of killer bees. Zero out of ten, did not recommend. Fuck those bees.

But I’d do it again and again to save Stevie.

Everything hurt so badly that it even hurt to cry. More tears fell, though, as I thought about how close I came to watching that little girl die.

No matter what Rowdy said, this had all been my fault. That tire for sure was one hundred percent my fault. I’d had a blowout on my Mule a few months ago and changed out the tire in the field. I’d normally never leave a tire on the land like that, but one of those damned Dalls had been ripping up my fence again, and I’d gotten distracted.

Rowdy had always nagged me about the work I did with those animals. “You are doing too much, Woody. It’s not unreasonable to ask for help.”

What I could never fully explain to him was that, while my publishing contracts did pretty well, and I’d been able to get a lot of support in the form of grants and various conservancy programs, it was incredibly expensive to run a sanctuary, especially since I’d refused to sell off the game for hunting. I only ever sold the animals to my buddy Kit, who owned a very successful dude ranch down by Canyon Lake.

The truth of the matter was, I’d have to start selling breeding services and consultation time to afford another full-time employee. I wasn’t about to judge people’s hunting habits, but I didn’t want to be a part of that. Maybe I was an sentimental asshole, but I couldn’t raise a baby to maturity and then sell off the animal to be hunted by some rich fuck. Never did sit right with me.

Regardless of my reasons, I couldn’t avoid the truth. Trying to do it all on my own had endangered both Stevie and Emery on multiple occasions. There was no way for me to work hard enough to get it all done.

And admitting that to myself hurt almost as bad as the rest of it.

The doctors called me a hero, but that was just because the venom hit me harder than most on account of I was so skinny. If this’d happened to Emery, all he’d have needed was some aspirin and a day in bed.

Thinking about Emery sent a fresh wave of sadness through my chest. I’d really tried so hard not to feel anything for him, but the bastard made it impossible. How could he fuck me like he owned me, then be so gentle with me after?

As if my thoughts had summoned him, the door cracked open, and Emery’s head appeared.

“Hey, Rowdy said now was a good time to come visit you. You awake?”

I wiped my eyes, readying myself for whatever he needed to say. “I am.”

He walked into the room, his step light on the linoleum floor.

“Jesus, Woody,” he said, reaching out to touch my face.

“Don’t,” I said, pulling away. “It hurts to be touched.”

In more ways than one.

“Of course, sweetheart,” he said, immediately retracting his hand. “I can’t wait to kiss you and hug you for what you did, but we’ll have plenty of time for that later.”

I shook my head and looked away, unable to maintain eye contact with the man whose daughter I almost killed.

“Hey, now. Don’t be sad.” Emery pulled a chair up next to me and sat down. “Stevie’s all right. And now Mom has the doctors writing a prescription for ice cream.”

I chuckled, but it was a dry thing.

“Rowdy told me what you did. You were passing out while ordering him around, which is so like you.”

“Yeah,” I said, bitterness on my tongue. “Endangering your daughter has become a bit of a habit.”

“No, I was trying to say that you took care of her like you always do. Complaining that I wasn’t using the proper safety measures with the ladder but moving the beehives. Warning me about taking in strays while rescuing a stray off the side of the road. Telling my mom that I wasn’t being safe enough but letting me fuck you against a tree. Admit it. You’re secretly a good guy.”

I shook off his words, hating that he was trying to make me feel better in the middle of all of this. “I’ll be okay, Emery. You can go back to Stevie. I’m sure you’d rather spend time with her.”

“She’s with her grandma and Rowdy, sweetheart. She’s fine.”

God, why was he being so kind?

I have to stop this.

“Emery, what are we doing here?”

He scooted closer. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes, today was dramatic, but seriously, what are we doing? I know we fucked a few times, but you’re acting like my boyfriend, and I need you to fucking stop.”

He frowned. “I wasn’t acting like anything. I’m a grateful father who knows exactly how much you sacrificed to protect her. And we’ve done a hell of a lot more than fuck a few times. What about all the things we’ve talked about? Why are you acting like this?”

I shook my head, then cursed at the spinning sensation. “I’m not acting like anything. You’ve been a good rebound, and I really appreciate it, and I am super grateful that Stevie is going to recover—truly—but this whole bedside thing you’ve got going on is just too much for me, okay? I don’t know why you’re all over me like this.”

Emery opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and slid back in his chair. I knew how he thought, though. Making excuses for my behavior, not owning up to the truth.

I needed to kill those excuses dead.

“Seriously, what do I hafta say to get you to stop suffocating me?” Hurt flashed across his face, but not enough to make him go, so I doubled down. “Jesus, Em. Stop clinging. Just give me some fuckin’ room to breathe.”

After a stunned moment, he stood. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he murmured, “Okay, then. Message received.”

He ducked his head and left, his exit so quiet I wondered if I’d imagined his presence.

I let out a sigh of relief, grateful he wasn’t going to argue with me. I mean, that was the clean getaway I’d wanted, right?

Someone cleared their throat, and I looked up to find Rowdy staring down at me, disappointment and hurt marking his features. He turned to look at the door for a beat, then spun on me.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Woody? Why would you say that to him?” Before I could answer, he held up his hand. “And don’t even try to pretend you’re not in love with that man.”

I rubbed my chest, feeling for all the world like I’d been shot.

“Shut the fuck up, Rowdy.”

“Yeah, I’m not Emery. You can curse me all you want, but I see right through you, motherfucker.”

“Whatever. I broke up with Shane less than three months ago. Why the fuck would I have anything to do with a guy who has a kid? It’s stupid. I was stupid. And look at what happened because of my stupidity. It’s better to end it before somebody dies.”

Rowdy’s side-eye always was lethal. “The number of bullshit statements you just stacked, one right on top of the other, is impressive.”

“It’s not bullshit. It’s the truth.”

“No, it’s not.” He held up his hand, cutting off any protest. “First of all, you didn’t break up with Shane. He broke up with you. Actually, he didn’t even do the courtesy of breaking up with you. He just left, and didn’t even bother to leave an email or a text or a fucking sticky note. He abandoned you and fucked off to live with some sugar daddy.”

“Shut up, Rowdy.”

“I’m not even close to done, asshole.” Rowdy took a deep breath, like he was gearing up for what he had to say next. “Think about it, Woody. If that dickwad had a guy already waiting for him, that situationship didn’t just fall out of the sky. He’d been planning that shit.” Rowdy came up and tapped my forehead, ignoring my pain like the overinvolved asshole he was. “Remember how every time he came back from Austin, he looked like he’d just spent a week in the sun? I’d bet my next paycheck that new man of his is some rich fuck who lives on Lake Travis.”

He started pacing, clearly not done with me.

“And another thing—today was just an accident,” he said, gesturing dramatically. “And that’s all that you can say about it.”

“No, it was preventable. I left that tire there.”

He stopped to glare down at me. “Like an abandoned tire on a rural property is somehow new and unheard of.”

“Don’t make excuses for me, Rowdy. I can’t even fucking do my job because it’s too much. I took on too much, and she almost died and it’s eating me alive, and I was stupid to think I could help these animals out.”

“The only thing stupid is the lies you’re telling yourself. Those animals adore you. Look at how Bandit is doing. He was literally running with the boks the other day. And that’s because you did everything the vet told you to do. You took him in for the amputation, you did all the follow-up care, and you provided him a safe place to recover. That’s not nothing, Woody. That’s not stupid.”

“You know what I mean. I’m in over my head, and Stevie almost died because of it.”

He shook his head, annoyed. “Yet another lie. You had her wrapped up and got her out of there before you even realized she’d had a reaction. I’ll remind you that you protected her with your body and got her into the house. You weren’t even aware of how sick you were and you were giving out instructions like a goddamn drill sergeant. She wasn’t gonna die, because you had been paying attention. I don’t know if I’d have even remembered the EpiPens if you hadn’t reminded me. You stayed in control even as you were losing consciousness.”

“What about with Tim? We were just lucky that he was young enough and somehow wasn’t too aggressive. He could’ve hurt her.”

“What about the fact that you saved her father’s life after his fool ass was trying to paint an entire house by himself? What about that?”

“I could only get to him in time because you helped.”

“And don’t think I haven’t noticed how you ignored what I said about you being in love with that man.”

“I’m not in love with him,” I said automatically, the words like acid on my tongue.

“Sure, I believe you.” Rowdy put his hand on his hip, a move that reminded me of Stevie. “You’ve been smiling for days, Woody. Limping like an over-fucked bottom and smiling for days . Why can’t you let yourself be happy?”

“Because I don’t trust it!” I shouted, painful tears flooding my eyes again. “How can I trust anything ever again? And what would somebody like Emery see in me anyway? He has everything together. He’s rich, but he’s kind. He could’ve chosen a much easier path, but he wanted something good for his daughter. How the hell do I fit in to any of that? And how long do you think it’ll be before he figures it out? It’s better if we end it now.”

“My apologies, then,” he said, grabbing the chair and sitting next to me with a huff. “I didn’t realize that you were, in fact, a fucking idiot.”

“Get the fuck out of here.”

Just as I turned to repeat myself, a nurse stuck his head in the room. “We okay in here?”

“Yes,” Rowdy said, cutting me off. “My apologies—my cousin is being a stubborn asshole.”

Before I could defend myself, the nurse, whose muscles stretched the limits of his scrubs, answered, “That’s fine, hun, but this is a hospital. If you could chastise him at a lower decibel so as not to wake up the sweet old lady next door, I’d appreciate it.”

“You got it, Nurse McHottie.” Rowdy followed this with a flirtatious up-down.

The nurse raised his brow, then left the room. Rowdy turned and stuck his tongue out at me.

I made a wretching sound and was somewhat relieved when he laughed at me. “Just go.”

He shook his head. “Sorry, bud. We’re family, and I’m not gonna let you sit in a fucking hospital room all by yourself. Not. Happening.”

“What if I tell my nurse that you’re bad for my recovery?”

“Then I’ll offer Nurse McHottie a blowjob.”

I rolled my eyes but didn’t push him away when he grabbed my hand. Instead, I swallowed down a sob.

“I just don’t trust it, Rowdy.”

“That’s okay, Woody.” He took a deep breath as he looked over my distorted features. “I won’t push, but I ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

My chest hitched, and I squeezed his hand. “We’ll see how long that lasts.”

He threw me a bird, and for some fool reason that was what broke the dam. Closing my eyes against the tears, I pulled our clasped hands up to my heart and took a few deep breaths, grateful that I could. A few more tears slipped out, but Rowdy didn’t say a word. He just sat there, letting me hold his hand until I fell asleep.