Chapter 4

Chapter

Four

F ed and clothed, Fen unfolded from the pallet he’d been on for days and stood, his legs as shaky as a newborn foal’s. He took a deep breath, then took a step, his shoulder aching, but not badly.

And he stumbled.

Rory caught him, laughing with him. “Whoops. You okay?”

“Yes. Just adjusting to two legs instead of four.” Fen chuckled. “It’s been a while.”

“Do you want to hold onto me? I can help.” Rory’s face was right there.

“I’ll lean if you don’t mind. So do you have a cabin like this one?”

“It’s nice. Comfortable. I love it.”

“It’s very… I like this village. It seems like a mix of old and new, and everyone has a place.” Fen really appreciated that.

“Yes. It’s a huge family. A great huge family.” Rory smiled at him like he knew a secret. “So I live on the other side of the gardens. I like it there because you get to see the flowers in the springtime, and there’s plenty of places for the kids to play when I’m babysitting.”

“Do you care for the cubs often?” Fen could see that. It made sense. Rory was a nurturer.

“I’ll do whatever the pack needs, really. I think my official job is trading. I take things down to my brother’s house, trade them for other things that the pack needs, get the best deal for them. But I love the kids.” Rory shrugged and shook his head. “I don’t mind cooking. Don’t mind chopping wood. Whatever it takes to make this whole thing work, you know? We’re kind of a family, like I said.”

Fen thought that maybe Rory missed his brothers a little bit. “Do you get to go see your brothers often?”

“About once a month, less in the wintertime than in the summer. Pretty much once a month.” There was a happy warmth in Rory’s face, and it pleased Fen to see.

“Are they far?”

“Forty-five minutes in good weather, a couple hours in bad. These days, I have a setup with the sled where I can go down anytime, no matter what the snow levels are.”

He didn’t like the idea of his mate going somewhere in bad weather alone, brother or not.

“Do your brothers ever come here?”

They finally were at the gardens, and he was grateful when Rory stopped at the bench and let him sit.

He loved that Rory never even asked if he was all right, he just knew Fen needed to sit.

“They don’t come often, but they do come.” Rory sat with him, legs crossed at the ankle. “It’s beautiful out here, isn’t it? You see that cabin over there? The one with the red roof, that’s mine.”

It was a big home. Obviously loved with rose bushes planted all around the outside, obviously trying to catch hold and thrive.

He panted, trying to catch his breath. “It’s very pretty.” More than he’d ever seen, really. He and his family had lived in a one- room cabin. They’d spent a lot of time shifted to wolf form, living largely outside. Just to save space.

“I love it. It’s the first house that I’ve ever had on my own. We built it and it’s perfect. It’s not huge or anything, but it’s got three bedrooms. It’s got a bathroom with a tub. The kitchen is sweet, and it has an amazing stone fireplace.” Rory sounded so proud, as if this was what he’d always craved. “I’m still decorating, so it’s a little bare, but I did get curtains, and the weavers made me the most beautiful rugs—they’re all the colors of the rainbow. My brothers brought me furniture too, so we don’t have to sit on the floor. Come on in.”

The front porch had a painted bench on it with fabric cushions. Next to it sat a little table to put your drink on. It was so domestic and normal and—incredibly unlike anything that Fen had ever really known. For a moment, he didn’t even want to go in. His heart was pounding, and he was more than a little dizzy. It felt as if this was a trap.

“Fen, are you okay?” Rory held the door open, watching him.

“Fine.”

“Do you need some help getting up the last step?” Rory came toward him, and he backed away, almost losing his balance, the blood rushing in his ears.

“No! No, I’m fine!” He didn’t want Rory to touch him.

Rory frowned for a second, then the expression eased. “We could stay out here, if you want. I don’t mind. It’s a beautiful day.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind? I just want to enjoy the sunshine.” And to calm down. He knew it wasn’t reasonable. He knew that, but it didn’t change his body’s reaction.

Rory nodded. “Sure, sure.” He cleared his throat. “Do you want a drink? I have some goat’s milk in the cooler. I have water. I can make you tea or coffee. Either one. I can bring it out, and you can just have a sit.”

“Umm, tea sounds great. I would love some tea.”

“All right, we’ll have a sit. There are blankets in the little press right there, if you want one. If you get chilly, because you know, fall.” Rory disappeared into the house, leaving the door open.

And Fen went to sit, opening the little box outside, grabbing a warm, plaid blanket to put over his lap. The bench was steady, comfortable, and he was already beginning to relax.

From here, he could watch the pack, see how people moved, flowed from task to task.

The kids were running and playing outside the mostly spent garden. Hiding in the grasses. Gathering up nuts and berries and leftover stalks. Stones. It was sweet.

There were wolves sweeping and knitting, cleaning out the community garden for the winter and chatting, all while watching the cubs.

He took another breath, then another. It was ridiculous, because Rory would never hurt him, but—But he just had no idea what to do.

“Here’s your tea.” Rory’s voice was so soft and gentle, stroking over his soul like a balm. “It’s all right, don’t stress it.”

“What?” Had it shown? Had he hurt his mate’s feelings? He didn’t want that. Not at all.

“You’ve had a lot of changes really, really fast. You’ve been hurt. You don’t know me from Job. It’s all right to be nervous.” Rory paused, lips pursing. “I mean, I don’t know you either. You could eat me.”

Fen stared at Rory for a second, utterly shocked. Then that weird tension popped like a pin in a balloon, the chuckles bubbling out of him.

Rory’s smile just grew, and Fen was reminded of the Cheshire Cat. “Uh-huh. Big teeth. Chomp.”

“Sweetheart, if I was going to eat you, don’t you think I would have done it when I was a wolf and hurting? Hungry.”

“Maybe you hadn’t thought of it yet. Maybe you were just so overtaken by my beauty…”

Fen looked Rory over. He was beautiful—shaggy and redheaded. Not tall and lean, but short and stocky, strong, with a ready smile, and the brightest, greenest eyes. His mate was stunning. “Okay, maybe that was it.”

“I know, right? I am gorgeous .” Rory pointed to the bench. “Can I come and sit? There’s room for two, but I don’t want to crowd you.”

“You belong here next to me.” Fen wanted to be clear about that part.

“All right.” Rory came and sat, and Fen finally took his tea. He half expected them to be in precious china teacups, but no. The mugs were heavy, thick pottery, painted in wild colors. They made him smile. “I like your pottery.”

“Me too. I’m way less likely to break it. I can be a little bit like a bull in a china shop.”

“You? Never!” He wasn’t even being sarcastic. Rory seemed somehow delicate to him, in the oddest way.

“Oh please. Me. Always.” Rory’s laugh rang out. “I want the children to be able to come in—fuzzy or not—and not worry about knocking things over or accidents or toothmarks.”

“That’s perfectly reasonable.” Fen took another deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For losing it like that.”

“Instinct. No one wants to be caught in a new place alone. I understand.”

“Yes. I—Times have been hard a lot recently.” He trusted Rory, he did. But his wolf brain said danger.

“So, we’ll leave the door open. We’ll breathe and drink tea. We’ll be fine.” As if it was just that simple.

“Okay. Thank you, mate. It’s not you. Never you.” It was being banished. Living hardscrabble. Having the family split, leaving, dying. Getting shot.

“I’m not worried.” Rory chuckled softly. “I’m sorry that you lost your people. Was…did something happen? I mean—” He rolled his eyes at himself. “Of course something happened, and if you don’t want to talk about it, if it’s too much, then you should just not talk about it, right? Not until you’re ready because I don’t want you to feel like you have to talk about things if you don’t want to talk about things—” Rory stopped. “Am I babbling?”

“You might be babbling.” It made him smile, though. How could it not? There was an honest care that Rory just offered him freely.

“Sorry. I don’t mean to run on.”

“I said it’s all right. Can we try to go inside now?” Fen asked. “I’ll tell you all about it, but I’m not ready to share with the whole village.”

“Of course. I’ll go in and leave the door open. You come when you’re comfortable.”

“Thank you.” He sat there for a few more minutes, feeling like a newborn foal. Goddess, he needed to get up off his ass and go see Rory’s house.

He could hear Rory in the house, turning on some music, moving around, and they were normal, easy sounds.

They blended in with the noises that the pups made as they played, the barely audible chatting as the pack went about their business and the birdsong that floated through the air.

He felt himself begin to relax, to breathe into a chest that didn’t feel as tight as it had a few moments ago.

Then he smelled it.

Bread.

He could smell bread and cheese and butter. Rory was making sandwiches. He inhaled deep. Oh, yeah. Rory was making grilled cheese sandwiches.

He loved grilled cheese sandwiches.

Fen made himself move, one foot in front of the other. It wasn’t so hard now to walk across the planks of the porch and peek into the door.

The cabin was open, light and airy, windows letting the sunlight pour in. What he saw was simple but cozy, warm, all wood and well used furniture.

There were pillows and blankets on the sofa, and piles of rugs for pups, for him, for them.

It was a pretty house. And it felt—not okay, not easy—but doable.

Doable to walk into the great big open space and head toward the pass-through of the little kitchen, where Rory was cooking and singing with the radio. Barstools sat at the pass-through, ready to perch on, right there. Not to mention a big glass of milk waited for him.

“Hey, you made it in. Welcome.” That was the warmest smile and so pleased. “I was feeling peaked, so I thought I’d make some sandwiches. I made enough for you. I hope that’s all right.”

“That’s perfect. I love cheese sandwiches.” He breathed deep, the food smells making his belly snarl. He chuckled, and so did Rory. “Sorry.”

“Nope. No apologies. I’m tickled.” Rory winked at him. “That means this doesn’t smell like hell.”

“Nope. It smells amazing. Thank you for letting me come into your home, Rory.” He needed to get that formality out of the way. It was old-school, but it was how he was raised. As an alpha wolf rising in the pack, he’d never taken his status for granted. Ever.

“Of course, you’re welcome here. When you’re ready, I’ll give you the tour. It’s pretty simple, but I really like it. I think it’s nice. Cozy, lots of light. You know, the good things?” Rory shrugged, puttering around the little kitchen with ease. It was lovely to see.

“There are lots of good places to curl up and sleep, watch the moon.” That was one of Fen’s favorite pastimes, curling up in a blanket and watching their Mother Moon shine. It was a blessing.

Rory nodded. “Exactly. That’s why it was designed this way, so that I can stargaze. You can have your sandwich, and then I’ll—Well, I’m sure you’re tired, and I have a little guest bedroom. I didn’t—I thought you’d be comfortable there.” I hoped you could come and be in my bed. I would curl up with you and rest. Hold you. I just don’t want you to be scared.

Such a sweet mate, to be worried about him, but he wasn’t scared. Not of holding Rory.

Perhaps about losing his mate now that he’d found one, sure, but never of holding his Rory. “I would gladly go to your bed with you and save the other room for guests.”

He wanted to be more than a guest.

Rory smiled at him, and the expression just transformed the beautiful face into something that was sheer happiness.

Fen decided then and there to do everything he could to keep that expression on his mate’s face as many times as possible.

“Well, good. My bed’s plenty big enough for the two of us, and I have lots and lots of fuzzy comforters and big pillows. It’s like a little nest.”

And Rory thought he wasn’t a wolf. There was no way.

Two halves of a grilled cheese sandwich were placed in front of him, distracting his attention from his mate to something a bit more immediate and primal. He couldn’t make love to Rory until he was healed. He couldn’t heal if he didn’t eat. This was delicious, so he ate.

Rory scarfed down his sandwich as well, then, once they were done, led them back into a room that was almost totally bed. The blankets and pillows were piled high, and Rory was right. It was a lovely nest for a pair of wolves.

“Come on, let’s snuggle.” Rory took off his shoes and turned on a radio, the tinny sounds of music filling the air and making it even cozier. “Curtains open or shut?”

“Shut? That way it can be dark enough to really nap.” And no curious onlookers could see in.

“I can do that.” The heavy curtains made the room feel cozy and warm, and Rory slipped under the covers and held one side open, welcoming him into this most personal den. “This is gonna be so much more comfortable than the bed in the clinic. This bed is crazy soft, like feathers.”

Fen crawled down into the bed, groaning softly as his bones hit the mattress. Rory didn’t lie. It was like floating on a cloud. The pillows and blankets smelled of his mate, and even better, best of all, Rory was right there, snuggling up close and giving him the contact he so desperately craved.

“This is all right?” Rory asked.

“This is better than all right.” He couldn’t keep his eyes open. “Forgive me, mate. I’m so tired.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not fussed with it. Sleep.”

And sleep he did.