Chapter 77

77

JASON

Over the next couple of days, I watched Zach step into the role of caregiver like he'd been born to do it.

In between trips back and forth to the hospital in Brinkley, we made sure the kids were fed, answered their questions as best we could, and spent each night with them at Sarah's house, Zach and I each taking turns on the couch or the floor. I'd watched him console a crying Lauren, talk Sean through a nightmare, and distract Rusty with card games.

Friday evening, we'd loaded the kids into Zach's SUV and followed the rig to the hospital in Brinkley. After a couple of hours in the waiting room, we'd finally been able to go back and see Sarah, who'd looked exhausted but relieved to see the kids. We only got about fifteen minutes with her, but we promised to return the following day and visit.

Saturday had been more of the same, with Zach and I driving the kids out to the hospital and supporting them at home as best we could. On Sunday morning, Sarah called to say she was being discharged and asked if I could pick her up. The kids had wanted to pile in the minivan and go get her, but we'd talked them out of that, instead encouraging them to plan a low-key welcome home celebration. Zach stayed back at the house with the kids, making homemade cards and signs while I headed to Brinkley to pick Sarah up.

She gave me a small smile when I entered her room, and I immediately noticed her color was much better. Her eyes were brighter and the circles under her eyes had faded. They'd determined her episode had been the result of a combination of exhaustion, stress, dehydration, and an untreated urinary tract infection, none of which was surprising considering how hard she pushed herself to make sure her kids were taken care of. A nurse came in and reviewed her discharge paperwork, instructing her to drink plenty of water and finish all the antibiotics she'd been prescribed, and then we headed out to the truck.

Sarah was quiet as we made our way out of Brinkley and onto the highway that would carry us back to Astaire. Her face was turned away from me as she stared out the window, apparently lost in thought. The last thing I wanted to do was add to her stress all over again, but I thought there were some things we should discuss without the kids present. "The kids are excited to have you home. Lauren was chattering a mile a minute before I left."

She didn't look at me, but when I glanced at her profile, I caught a hint of a smile. "I missed them. There are so many days I long for just a bit of quiet, but I spent most of yesterday wishing for the noise. They're my whole world."

"I know they are. They're good kids and you're a good mom."

"Am I?" Her voice cracked. "I work my ass off to provide for them, and it never feels like enough."

"You're doing your best, right? Working so hard that you landed yourself in the hospital. Not that it matters what the hell anyone else thinks, but no one could look at all you do and argue that you should be doing more."

"I could have let you guys help me. You practically begged me to and I shut you down." Her voice shook, and out of the corner of my eye, I caught the motion of her wiping away tears.

"You were just doing what you thought was right. Even as frustrated as we were, neither of us blamed you for that. Honestly, I think most parents are just out there doing their best. It's not like they give out handbooks about how to do any of it."

"Truth." She was quiet a moment, then said, "You really are just a genuinely nice guy, aren't you?"

"I mean…I try to be." I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks.

"Zach's lucky to have you."

"I'm lucky to have him. He's been amazing with the kids. He didn't even bat an eye when Lauren asked him to put her hair in a ponytail yesterday, and then he let her paint his fingernails last night."

"She was probably in seventh heaven. She's always begging to do our nails."

We crossed into the city limit of Astaire, and I still didn't know what future role we might play in their lives after the way the weekend had unfolded, but I wasn't sure how to bring it up either.

"Thank you for jumping in and taking care of the kids this weekend. And after I shut you guys out. I just…I don't know what would have happened if Sean hadn't called you. I think…" She blew out a breath. "I think maybe it's time I admit that I need some help."

I turned into her neighborhood but pulled over to the curb in front of a random house down the block. I wanted to finish this conversation, and I knew the kids would make a run for the car the moment I pulled into her driveway. I put the truck in Park and turned to look at her. "Do you have something specific in mind?"

"Well, I had plenty of time to give this some thought yesterday, and I think that before we discuss anything else, I need you to know I'm not willing to give Sean up. I think you guys would make excellent parents, and I do want you in his life, but he's my nephew, and he stays with me. Can you and Zach accept that?"

Disappointment sat heavy in my gut, and I knew Zach would likely be upset, but ultimately, this was her decision, and we had to respect it. "I don't want to speak for him, but my guess is he'll be disappointed, just like I am. But that doesn't mean we can't accept it. We just want what's best for him."

"I get that. And believe me, there are days when I doubt everything I'm doing for him and for my own kids as well. But I can't constantly be wondering if you guys are trying to take him. There has to be trust between all of us."

"I agree. And we wouldn't ever want you to doubt our motives. So assuming Zach is on board with dropping the adoption idea, what did you have in mind?"

"Well, I think the easiest thing to start with is letting Sean play soccer. If Zach is still willing to waive his fees and help with transportation, I'd like to let him participate. I don't want him to miss out on the opportunity because I was too stubborn or prideful to allow it."

"That one's an easy yes. I don't even have to ask Zach. I know he'll be on board."

She smiled. "I figured. The rest…well, I'm not great at asking for help, but would you guys be willing to either watch Lauren or help with transportation maybe a couple of days a week? I think there are some clubs Rusty would like to join at school, but he doesn't even ask to participate because he knows I need someone to be home with Lauren, and I just want him to have a normal kid life. I don't want him to be stuck babysitting his sister all the time and never get to do?—"

I put my hand on her knee, stopping the flood of words that had burst forth. "It's a yes. Between Zach and my schedules, I think we can work something out."

"Are you sure? It feels like so much to ask and you guys don't even get anything out of it. I literally have nothing I can pay you back with."

"We get to spend time with some pretty amazing kids and help a friend . We don't need anything in return."

Without warning, she launched herself at me, wrapping her arms around me in a tight squeeze. I hadn't seen her show much physical affection, so it took me by surprise, but I put my arms around her and hugged her back.

"Thank you." The words were muffled, her head turned away from me where it rested on my shoulder. "I've had no one to depend on but myself since I was eighteen years old, and you guys just seem too good to be true."

"If it makes you feel better, spending time with your kids can be like practice for when we adopt our own. So, really, you're the one helping us."

She pulled away, shaking her head, but with a smile. "You're ridiculous."

"You ready to go home and see your kids?"

"Yes, please!"

I put the truck in gear and drove down the block to the house. Four faces peered out at us through the storm door, smiling and waving madly as I pulled into the driveway. We got out of the truck, but she paused a moment, turning back to look at me. "You guys are going to make excellent dads someday."

"You really think so?"

She nodded toward the door where Zach stood behind the kids, one hand on Lauren's shoulder and the other on Sean's, looking completely natural. "What do you think?"

"I think that as long as I have him, there isn't anything we can't do."