Chapter 67

67

ZACH

I awoke with a start, sweaty and shaking and blinking in the darkness. I tried to sit up, but there was a weight across my chest and I nearly panicked until I realized it was Jason's arm, warm and sturdy, holding me, not restraining me. Without even knowing it, he was keeping me from flying apart.

The tears started then. It felt like that emotional comedown after an emergency, when you've gone into the zone and done what you needed to do, but after it's all over, you fall apart. I was lying in bed, staring into the darkness, with the man I'd never stopped loving wrapped around me, and I was falling the fuck apart.

I tried to keep the tears quiet, but Jason woke anyway, immediately alert and concerned. "Honey, what's wrong? Did you have another dream?"

I nodded, hoping he could see it in the dark because my words were trapped in my throat.

"I'm going to get you a glass of water."

He started to pull away, but I latched onto his arm.

"No," I choked out. "Stay."

"Shh," he crooned, settling back down next to me. He wiped away my tears, but they just kept coming. I couldn't figure out how to make them stop.

"I have an idea. I'm going to sit up with my back against the headboard. I want you to sit between my legs and rest your back against my chest. Then I will wrap my arms around you, nice and snug, okay?"

I nodded, and we shifted positions as he'd suggested. He wrapped his arms around me, adding his legs over my thighs as well, and pulled the blankets over both of us, anchoring me to him. We hadn't worn clothes to bed, so the skin-to-skin contact, combined with the weight of his limbs wrapped around me and the warmth of the blankets, made me feel like I was wrapped in a cocoon of safety. A place where bad dreams would never, ever become my reality.

As the tears subsided and my thoughts coalesced into something less fragmented, I realized Jason was taking deep, measured breaths, and I'd subconsciously matched them. I took one more breath and let it out, then went completely still, feeling like I'd run a marathon.

"Better?" he asked, sensing the worst had passed.

"Yes. Thank you." I sniffled, wiping my eyes with my hand.

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really. There's not much to tell anyway. It was the same dream I always have."

"The car accident?"

"Yeah. It always starts with Mom, but this time, the other faces were you and Sean."

I couldn't see him, but I could envision his forehead creasing with worry. "Sean? Is that new?"

"Yep. The kid isn't even old enough to drive, so that's a fun addition."

He placed a kiss near my ear and then rested his chin on top of my head. "He's becoming important to you."

"He is. And I'm worried about him."

"I know. Did you find out any more info about therapy options for him?"

"Yeah, a couple. I just haven't figured out how to bring it up with Sarah. I know it will be another point of stress for her."

"She needs to know though. She'll want to know. And we can help out with driving him to appointments and stuff."

God, he was so sweet. I'd shoved my way into this family's life, and he never questioned it. He'd simply supported me and them in whatever way he could. For roughly the millionth time, I marveled at how lucky I was to have him.

"I'll try to bring it up when I talk to her tomorrow. I need to touch base about our plans for the fair on Saturday." I'd felt bad that I'd invited the kids without talking to him first, but like everything else, he'd taken it in stride, saying he thought it sounded like fun.

Jason moved his arms, running his hands up and down my shoulders. "How are you feeling about your appointment on Tuesday?"

I snorted. "I was kind of dreading it, but after that dream, I'm thinking it can't come soon enough. I want some peace."

"I took the day off. I want to be there to support you."

I twisted around so I could look at him. "You didn't have to do that. I can go by myself."

"Do you want to go by yourself?"

What I wanted was to feel strong enough to handle it on my own. But the reality was that I wasn't sure I could. I hated how weak it made me feel, but the truth was, I did want him there. I shook my head.

"Then I'll go. I can drive you and sit in the waiting room. Or I can wait in the car if you'd rather. Wherever you want me, that's where I'll be."

I leaned up and kissed him. "Thank you."

"Of course. Do you think you can sleep?"

"Yeah, I usually don't have the dream twice in one night."

We slid under the covers, rolling onto our sides with my back against his front. He pulled me in close, as he always did, and locked safe in his arms, I slid right back into sleep.