Chapter 50

50

JASON

"Okay, so sounds like you've got all the decorations taken care of, and Mom's taking care of the food. I'm going to pick up the keg at noon, and I'll have coolers with seltzers, pop, and bottled water." Drea and I were just finishing lunch at Arlo's, Astaire's only bar and grill, while finalizing the details for Mandy's baby shower. She was due next month.

Drea snorted out a laugh. "Only in Astaire do you have a keg at a baby shower."

I shrugged but did so with a smile. "Mandy wanted a couples shower. I guarantee some of these dudes are going to want to drink."

"Not just the dudes," she tossed back with a smirk.

"Fair point." I leaned back in the booth, wiping my mouth with a napkin and pushing my plate away. "I'm stuffed. Anything else we need to go over before this thing goes down tomorrow?"

She reached out and grabbed my right hand, making a show of inspecting it. "How about we talk about your thoughts on my brother coming back to town."

"Drea…"

"I heard you gave him a shiner."

I yanked my hand back and glared at her. "News travels fast in this town."

"Duh. It's Astaire. What else are we gonna do? Now, let's see…" She made a show of pretending to think real hard. "I heard Rafi was actually the one who started the fight and you accidentally hit Zach trying to stop it. I heard Zach accidentally spilled beer on you, and you retaliated." She ticked each ridiculous scenario off on her fingers. "But my favorite is that he threw the first punch when he found out you and I were dating."

I choked on the water I'd just taken a sip of. "What? You and me? Is that a thing people think is happening?"

She laughed. "Seriously? How could you not know this? That rumor has been around for years ."

I supposed I shouldn't be surprised. Drea had come out as bisexual her senior year of high school, but the queer population of Astaire, particularly queer girls, was nearly nonexistent, so most people forgot she liked girls just as much, if not more than, guys. And we did spend a fair amount of time together when our schedules allowed. We'd shared a bond for a long time. In some ways, I was closer to her than I was to Mandy. But there'd never been any sort of spark between us. She was my soul sister.

"I hope you set the record straight on that."

She shrugged. "Eh. I didn't commit one way or the other."

"Drea…" My tone was exasperated.

"What? Like being connected to me would be so bad?"

I reached out and grabbed her hand. "Of course not, but?—"

"Look. I didn't think you wanted me to tell people the truth. So I don't confirm or deny. Let them think whatever they want."

"I don't care if people know the truth. I ended up spilling the whole sad story to a bunch of folks after I punched him, anyway. I'm surprised that's not the version that made it back to you."

"Really? You came out?"

"I mean, I guess? I wasn't really trying to be in the closet. I just never had a reason to tell anyone I was gay or bi or whatever I am since I haven't felt attracted to anyone since Zach."

Her eyes softened into something that looked suspiciously close to pity.

"Don't look at me like that, Drea. You, of all people, should know I don't need your pity."

We were old maids in a town like Astaire, where most people got married in their early twenties. She knew what it was like to watch everyone around you marry and have kids while you were sitting on the sidelines.

"It's not pity. You just have so much love to give. I hate that you haven't found anyone to give it to besides my dumbass brother."

"It's whatever. I can't help who I'm attracted to. Or not attracted to, as it seems to be most of the time. It just is what it is."

She sighed. "I know. I just want you to be happy."

"I'm not un happy. I have friends." I squeezed her hand for emphasis. "A job that's fulfilling. I have a good life."

"Do you think…? You know what? Never mind."

"What? What were you going to say?"

"Don't be mad. I just…I was wondering if you thought you and Zach might ever be…?"

I pulled my hand from her grasp and leaned back in the booth. "Did he put you up to?—"

"No," she rushed out. "No. In fact, I told him I was staying out of it. Told him I'd kick his ass if he hurt you, actually. I shouldn't have brought it up. Just forget it."

The image of Drea telling Zach she'd kick his ass diffused some of my ire. I had no doubt she'd done exactly that. "You, more than anyone else, know how bad he hurt me. I don't know if there's a path forward after that. He's tried to apologize a couple of times this week, but his ‘I'm sorries' have fallen flat. And every time I see him, I get so angry . I'm not an angry person. I've never been that guy who fights with his fists, but every time I see him, I find myself wanting to blow."

I could feel it now, the anger simmering just below the surface at the mention of him. It was such a foreign feeling for me. I didn't know what to do with it.

"When's the last time you saw your therapist?'

"I don't know." I thought back. "A couple of weeks, I think. Pretty sure I have an appointment next week."

"Perfect timing."

She was right. I don't know why I hadn't thought about talking to my therapist about all of this.

At that moment, our server stopped by and dropped off the check, swapping it out for some of our finished plates. I set out my credit card as Drea checked her watch. "I probably better get going. I've got someone coming in to interview in an hour."

"Interview?"

"With the baby coming, Mandy's decided to give up her dance classes this year. She said she might come back and teach at some point in the future, but I have a feeling once that baby comes, she's going to be hopelessly devoted, so we're hiring a new instructor."

"Makes sense." I waved her off. "You go ahead and go. I've got this. It's my turn to pay anyway."

"Thanks." She stood, pulling her purse over her shoulder, then leaned forward and kissed my cheek. "You know I love you, right? Regardless of whatever happens with my idiot brother, you're just as important to me. That's not going to change just because he's back."

I hadn't realized I needed to hear that until this very moment. "Thanks, Drea. Love you too."

She smiled, and with a quick, "See you tomorrow," she was off.

The weather for Mandy's shower was perfect, allowing folks to hang out inside and outside the house. It felt more like a cookout than a baby shower, which was fine by me. I was happy to support my sister, but I wouldn't have known what to do with guessing games and tiny finger foods.

Drea and Mom arrived at my house two hours before the start of the party and promptly kicked me out of my living room so they could rearrange the furniture and transform the house from a bachelor pad to something more appropriate for hosting guests. I'd rolled my eyes but complied with their wishes, not really understanding what they were talking about. I mean, I kept the house neat and tidy. I wasn't sure what more they wanted.

When I came home from picking up the keg and several bags of ice, I realized how wrong I'd been. Not only had they rearranged the furniture to create more room for socializing, but they'd warmed up the space with an area rug, curtains, and framed photographs of my family, friends, and other special moments throughout my life.

Several were specifically of Mandy and her husband, Jeremy. Mandy would take those with her after the party, but the rest were for me to keep. Apparently, Mom and Drea had been dying to get their hands on the space since I'd moved in and this had been their excuse. I was touched, nonetheless.

While they finished decorating the inside, I set up the backyard, filling coolers with beverages and ice, cleaning the grill, and putting out additional chairs and yard games.

I heard the slam of a car door and made my way back through the house to see who had arrived. Mandy and Jeremy walked in the door, and at first sight of the decorations, Mandy promptly burst into tears. Jeremy immediately went into overprotective husband and future dad mode, rubbing her back and offering reassurances. Mandy had chosen a pretty great guy to marry.

Not long after that, other guests arrived and the party was in full swing. I spent most of my time at the grill, serving up hamburgers and hot dogs while guests moved between the inside and outside, visiting and laughing.

"Can I help with anything?" I turned to find Sammy's brother, Jimmy, standing just behind me, holding a seltzer. He and Mandy had a class project together their junior year, and Mandy adopted him as her friend.

"Hey, Jimmy. I think I've got everything under control. Thanks though." I flipped the last couple of burgers and reached for the cheese slices. "How's your summer break?"

"It's good. This last year was rough. Kids were challenging. I don't think I've done much more than sleep and read since school got out."

"Sounds perfect to me."

He grinned. "It doesn't suck."

Rafi and his wife, Elise, approached with their two-month-old sleeping in Rafi's arms. "Hey, Jason. Jimmy. Where's Sammy and Will?"

"Sammy has an art show in Kansas City this weekend, so of course Will went with him." Jimmy rolled his eyes playfully.

"Those two are practically joined at the hip," Rafi said.

"It's good to see. They deserve to be happy," I said, and I meant it. Despite the circumstances of their breakup and everything that had happened in between, I was glad they'd found a way back to each other.

"I wasn't sure you'd be thrilled with that situation," Rafi said.

"What? Why?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I always wondered if you kinda had a thing for Will."

I snorted a laugh. "Nope. Never. He's always felt more like a brother to me."

"So, just Zach then?"

"Rafi…" Elise elbowed her husband.

"Ow. I was just asking."

"Zach? Isn't that Drea's brother?" Jimmy asked.

"What about my brother?" Drea joined the group with a beer in hand.

"Zach and Jason had a fling the winter after they graduated," Rafi supplied helpfully.

I groaned as I began pulling hot dogs off the grill. The burgers needed another moment for the cheese to melt. "It wasn't a fling. It was…" I grappled with what exactly to call it. Reducing what we had, or at least what I'd thought we had, down to a fling didn't sit well.

"They spent the summer and fall falling for each other without even realizing what was happening. By the time they figured it out, Zach was already at college. They kissed on New Year's Eve, but when Mandy and I got into that accident sophomore year, things got hot and heavy. Then my asshole brother ghosted him."

I turned, setting the plate of hot dogs aside. "Thanks for that delightful summary, Drea."

"Welcome." Her eyes twinkled as she sipped her beer.

I shook my head, then turned my back on them and began pulling burgers off the grill and onto a platter.

"So, are you, like, gay?"

"Rafi! You don't just ask a person that!" Elise scolded him.

"What? What'd I do?"

"Coming out can be a vulnerable thing for a lot of people. It's up to them if and when they choose to come out," Jimmy offered, not unkindly.

"Oh. Sorry, man. I didn't mean anything by it."

"We're good. I mean, Jimmy's not wrong, but for me, it's not necessarily something I was trying to hide. I just didn't really have a reason to share. And to answer your question, I'm demi."

"Here, let me run those in." Drea set her beer on a nearby table, grabbed the platters of burgers and hot dogs, and headed inside.

"What's demi?" Rafi asked.

"Demisexual. It just means I have to form an emotional connection with someone before I feel sexual attraction. And since the only person I've ever experienced that with is Zach, I don't know for sure whether I'm gay or bi or pan or whatever. The demi label always mattered more to me than the rest."

"Cool. Cool. So then, like, happy Pride! You too, Jimmy!" Rafi's face lit up, so pleased he'd remembered it was Pride month. Bless him. He had a good heart.

I chuckled, exchanging a glance with Jimmy. "Thanks, man."

Drea rejoined our group, picking up her beer and taking another sip. Ready for a change of subject, I asked, "How'd that interview go yesterday?"

"Oh, it was great! He's still in the process of moving back to Nebraska, so he won't start until August. I'm still debating, but I think he's going to do some of our choreography for the competition team."

"You guys hiring?" Jimmy asked.

"Mandy's not coming back to teach this fall, so we need to hire a new instructor. It was kind of amazing timing, really, because Thomas reached out to me to see if we had any openings. He's moving back to the area to take care of his grandmother."

Jimmy stood up straighter, focus suddenly very intent on Drea. "Did you say Thomas? What was his last name?"

"Sullivan. Why?"

"He's just someone I knew a long time ago." Jimmy sipped his seltzer, but I didn't miss the slight shake of his hand as he tilted the can to his lips.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Totally fine." He drained the last of his seltzer. "I'm just gonna go use the restroom. Anyone want anything from inside?"

We all waved him off and watched as he walked away.

"I wonder what that was about," Drea said as soon as he was out of earshot.

"Me too. There definitely seems to be more to that story." I turned toward Rafi. "Do you know anything about it?"

Rafi's dad had taken Sammy and Jimmy under his wing when their mom had abandoned them. Julio Salgado had given Sammy a job and rented them an apartment dirt cheap. Jimmy had still been in high school at the time and the Salgados had become something of surrogates for the boys. I knew they were still pretty close.

Julio shrugged. "I don't remember ever hearing that name."

"Do you think it's okay that I hired Thomas? I don't want to upset Jimmy."

"I think that's probably a conversation for you to have with Jimmy privately. You know he doesn't share much about his personal stuff."

"You're right. We should probably talk about something else," Drea said.

The baby in Rafi's arms chose that moment to let out a loud squawk and Rafi and Elise immediately sprang into action, heading into the house to do whatever it is you did with crying babies. "Should we grab some food before it's gone?" I said to Drea.

"Good plan."