Chapter 26

26

ZACH

Dad's New Year's Eve party was in full swing when Jason and Mandy arrived. I'd spoken to more lawyers and business people than I could count, my father insisting I work the room and make small talk like a good host. No matter that this was his party and not mine. But it was easier to go along with it, so Drea and I had moved about the house, floating from person to person as efficiently as the caterers passing plates laden with hors d'oeuvres.

Drea and I stood off to the side, taking a moment to ourselves, comparing notes on some of the guests while we gulped down water. Between the warmth of a full house and all the talking, we were thirsty. The water didn't make a bit of difference, though, when I caught sight of Mandy and Jason coming down the stairs. My mouth went dry at the sight of him dressed in fitted black slacks and a plum-colored button-down, the sleeves rolled up, revealing his muscular forearms. If I had any doubts I could be attracted to a guy, he obliterated them simply by walking into the room.

My eyes trailed him as Jason and Mandy approached, weaving their way through the crowd. Drea leaned in and said something, but I couldn't hear her over the thundering in my ears.

"Hey," he said when he finally stopped in front of me, but when I tried to respond, nothing but a squeak came out.

I hastily took a sip of my water and tried again. "Hey."

Distantly, I heard giggles next to me, but I couldn't take my eyes off him. "Come on. Let's leave these two idiots alone," Drea said, tugging Mandy away.

And then it was just the two of us. We were in the middle of a crowded room, but my focus had shrunk to him alone, as if no one else existed.

"You look…" I cleared my throat. "Good. You look good."

God, that was maybe the lamest thing I'd ever said, second only to "Hey," but I didn't miss the flush creeping up his cheeks.

"Thanks. Mandy picked it out. I was going to wear jeans, but she insisted I had to dress nicer and then went digging through my closet until she found this. I haven't worn these pants in two years, since my Uncle Frank's wedding, and I'm pretty sure they're too tight, but Mandy said they made my a—" He stopped abruptly, the flush exploding to an all-out blush as he rubbed the back of his neck. He was flustered, I realized. Babbling and flustered and…and…adorable.

I smiled. Full and bright, the expression completely taking over my face like an absolute imbecile. Drea had been right. I was an idiot. A total fool for this guy. And I didn't know how I hadn't seen it before, but I was pretty sure that against all odds, he was a fool for me too.

I set my water down on the nearest table and took his hand in mine. "Come on. I need to talk to you."

I tugged him down the hall, away from the noise of the crowd, toward one of the empty spare bedrooms, flipping on the light and closing the door behind us. At the snick of the lock, his eyes darted to mine, but I shook my head, pulling him over to the bed where I sat down. He paused, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed, staring at the bed I was currently sitting on.

I really had brought him in here to talk, but the idea that he thought I might be up to a more nefarious purpose made my dick throb. I'd just barely begun to accept the possibility I was bi and hadn't really thought about what that meant in any sort of tangible way, but just the suggestion that we might do anything requiring a bed had me aching to explore that line of thought.

But not yet. First, I needed to know we were on the same page. I needed to know this wasn't one-sided, that it wasn't somehow all in my head.

"Are you gonna sit?" I asked.

His eyes flashed to mine. "On the bed?"

I chuckled. "Where else?"

His eyes darted around the room, looking desperately for an alternative. Jesus . He'd gone from adorably flustered to skittish and ready to bolt. I stood back up but gave him some space, not wanting to freak him out.

"Hey," I said softly. "Why do you think I brought you in here?"

"You said you wanted to talk."

"Right. And I meant it." I wanted to tease him, to make a lewd joke and ask him why else he thought I might have brought him in here, but he was clearly freaking out, and that was the last thing I wanted. "Do you want to go back out there?"

"No." He dropped his shoulders, visibly forcing himself to relax. "No, we can stay."

"Can we sit?"

He nodded, and I gently pulled him down to the bed but purposefully scooted to one end to give him some space.

"Okay?" I asked.

He nodded, but when I opened my mouth to speak, I suddenly realized I didn't know what to say or how to start the conversation. I wracked my brain, trying to figure out where to begin, and as moments passed, the air in the room became heavier, weighted with nerves, tension, and fear. Finally, disgusted with myself, I took a deep breath and on the exhale said, "I think I'm into you."

He blinked, and for a terrifying moment, I thought I'd made a massive mistake. But on the third blink, his expression changed, a smile slowly lighting up his face. It was like watching the sunrise as it moved up from the curve of his mouth to the brightness of his eyes, and I wondered how it had taken me so long to see just how beautiful he was.

"Seriously?" he asked, his voice full of wonder. I nodded, biting my lip, hoping this meant he felt the same but still needing to hear the words. "I, uh, I think I'm into you too."

"Yeah?" A smile stretched slowly across my face.

He nodded, his expression shy and utterly adorable. He caught his lip between his teeth, and suddenly, he wasn't so adorable anymore. He was sexy as fuck.

"Can I kiss you?" The question burst out of me, and he released his lip, his eyes widening in surprise. "I know you said you're ace, so I don't know how this works for you, and it's totally fine if you say no. I mean, I want you to be comfortable, but…" I trailed off when he scooted closer on the bed. Look who's babbling now.

"Zach?"

"Yeah?"

"Kiss me."

My breath caught, but I leaned forward and my eyes locked with his, only fluttering closed at the last moment as my mouth brushed against his. I savored the feel of his lips pressed against mine, warm and surprisingly smooth. My hand came up to rest on his cheek, my thumb tracing the stubble on his jawline. Used to the delicate features of a woman, the feel of him in my palm, with his angular jaw and five o'clock shadow, was foreign but decidedly hot. And when his hand came up to cup the back of my head at the nape of my neck, the strength in his hold had my cock straining inside my pants.

His lips parted under mine ever so slightly, and I took advantage, dipping my tongue inside, testing the waters. When I felt the tip of his tongue slide tentatively against mine, I groaned, just that tiny contact sending a flurry of butterflies swarming in my gut. The hand on my neck applied more pressure, holding me against him, as he swiped his tongue over mine again, this time more boldly. I parted my lips wider, giving him the freedom to explore, to take the lead, and it occurred to me that while this might be my first kiss with a man, this might be his first kiss ever.

The thought of being his first anything had nerves and a possessive sense of pride flooding my chest. I wasn't sure what had changed for him. What it was about me that he'd felt attracted to when he hadn't ever felt that for anyone else, but I knew it was a gift to be treasured.

The kiss went on and on as tentative brushes gave way to tangled tongues and clashing teeth. Mouths slanted first one way and then the other. Bitten lips. Nips. Nibbles. Tugs. Whimpers.

I'd kissed plenty of girls in the past, but never had I been so consumed by someone's mouth on mine. Even as my dick strained uncomfortably against my fly, I never wanted the kiss to end. I'd never felt anything like it.

The raucous sound of laughter from somewhere beyond the door penetrated my haze. It must have done the same for Jason because he slowly pulled away. My eyes opened as if waking from a dream, but I made no move to remove my hand from his face. Staring into his deep blue eyes— had I never noticed how deep they were?— I looked for some sign of panic or regret as I traced my thumb over his red, swollen lips. The look in his eyes was intense. He seemed to be searching my face for something.

"Was that okay?" I asked when I finally couldn't take the silence between us anymore.

"That was…" His lips curved, his face taking on a look of wonder. "That was amazing."

Thank God.

I felt my own smile lighting my face. "Me too."

We stared at each other for a moment, grinning like idiots. I dropped my hand from his face, taking his hand in mine instead. "How did this happen? I thought you were ace?"

"Christmas morning? When I said something about not everything being black and white?"

"Yeah?"

My eyebrows drew up in confusion. I remembered he'd gotten a weird look on his face when he said he saw the shades of gray between, but I wasn't sure what that had to do with my question.

"It triggered a memory about an article I read about graysexuality, and I did some Googling and…well, I think I'm demi."

"I don't…know what that means."

"It means I have to feel a strong connection with someone before I feel attraction."

"Oh," I said, processing what that meant in relation to us. I definitely felt a strong connection with him. It had been that way almost from the beginning of summer.

"What about you? I thought you were straight?"

"Me too." I chuckled. "I guess maybe I'm bi? I've never been attracted to another guy before."

"But you're attracted to me?"

I wanted to laugh, to make a joke— isn't it obvious after the make-out sesh we just had? —but I paused at the raw vulnerability in his eyes.

I brushed a hand against his cheek. "Yeah, J. I'm very attracted to you."

He leaned into my hand, turning to press a kiss into the center of my palm. It was somehow more intimate than any of the kissing we'd shared moments ago. "Me too. To you, I mean."

A lump formed in my throat. This moment…it felt huge. Simple words. A small declaration. An admission of sorts. And nothing would ever be the same.