Chapter 9: Sunday: Hiding out

What the heck was I doing?

Shaking my head in disbelief at myself, I paced the bedroom, running my hands through my hair, trying desperately to get my thoughts under control. I had been hiding out in my flat in the city since yesterday after I retreated here to stop myself from doing something stupid and claiming Sonia the way I longed to, so I’d done the only thing I could and ran away.

This was becoming a bloody habit and not one I was proud of. I was a grown man, for fuck’s sake. Yet here I was, hiding away from my beautiful little cousin. Again. It was stupid, I knew that, but I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t be trusted around Sonia; that much was clear. I rubbed my forehead and scrunched my eyes against the headache that was threatening to add to my troubles.

After spending the night tossing and turning while my mind replayed every last detail of our evening together, my hard-on had been a constant source of pain. Between that and my lack of sleep, I was bloody knackered when I finally dragged myself out of bed in the morning.

A long cold shower had done nothing to alleviate things, so I’d decided to head outside for a run to try to clear my head and exhaust my body enough for my libido to quieten down and let me get some rest. I’d only been passing through the kitchen when I’d stumbled on the source of my problems. I’d decided to take a different route around the Estate for a change, and that was the nearest exit. Big mistake!

The unexpected sight of Sonia sitting there looking adorable in her pyjamas with her hair tied back had thrown me. The star of my very adult fantasies sitting there in the flesh, licking tiramisu, my favourite dessert, off a spoon, had nearly been my undoing. Then, when she teased me in such a decadent way, I’d almost come on the spot.

Even though I knew I should have left the minute I saw her, I hadn’t been able to drag my eyes away from the sight of her sucking that bloody spoon. I hadn’t been able to think straight. She had drawn me to her like a fly to honey. Her moans of pleasure had shot straight to my cock. The mere sight of her sent my libido into overdrive. I had no control when I was around that woman. It was like being a bloody teenager all over again.

Stupidly I had been unable to resist removing a spot of cream from her lip with my finger, and when she had grabbed it and stuck it in her mouth, sucking on it like she had the spoon, oh dear god, I stopped breathing. I’d needed to taste her. If Nonna hadn’t interrupted, I would have succumbed to temptation and tasted that tiramisu off her luscious lips.

Thankfully, Nonna had come in and brought me back to my senses. I hadn’t been able to get away quickly enough after that.

It was hard to believe how close I had come to giving into my baser urges and kissing Sonia. I had always prided myself on my level of control, but one second in Sonia’s company, and I had none. Absolutely none. If she had been anyone else, I would have been elated at her obvious interest in me and would have dragged her straight off to bed. But she wasn’t. She was Sonia, and she was out of bounds. Our mutual attraction would only lead to trouble. I huffed in frustration. I needed to stay away from her.

Not that staying away from her helped much. I had been holed up in my flat for the last few hours, desperately trying to get my mind on the installation of the bathroom I needed to do, but thoughts of sexy Sonia kept distracting me. I couldn’t get the woman out of my mind and wasn’t getting any bloody work done, but at least I couldn’t do anything foolish, either. I supposed I should be thankful for small mercies.

Sighing heavily, I checked my watch, then headed down to the kitchen and poured myself a shot of vodka. I didn’t have much in the flat, but I’d brought the alcohol with me before I left the Estate, knowing I would likely need it. I tossed the measure back, feeling the burn in my throat and looked longingly at the bottle. I desperately wanted to pour another, but instead, I screwed the lid firmly back on and placed the bottle on the counter. I had to go out but it would be there when I got back. I had a feeling I would be downing a few more shots when I did.

I planned on staying here tonight and tomorrow, too. I couldn’t avoid Sonia forever, and our family would wonder what was going on with me if I stayed away from the Estate for more than a few days, but at least for now, I could put some distance between us. The more, the better. The rest of the time, I would keep myself as busy as possible with Bratva business and whatever else I could—anything to ensure I wasn’t left alone again with Sonia.

Grabbing my jacket and keys, I headed for the door. I had to pick Ash and Miki up; we had some business to attend to. After that, I would drop them off at home and then return here for the night. Tomorrow, I had more Bratva stuff to do with Ash, and then in the evening, we had the honour of attending the dinner at Tribeca with the delightful Mrs Peacock. Wonderful! I frowned. I was not looking forward to that, but at least it was another excuse to steer clear of the Estate and avoid my Little Miss Trouble. I laughed at myself for calling her that.

Ash was enamoured by the pretty waitress from the Glitz event and had taken to calling her Little Miss Hot Mess. He hadn’t managed to get her name or number that night and was desperate to locate her. I shook my head. What a pair we were. He was plagued by dreams of a woman he knew nothing about and couldn’t find, and I was plagued by dreams of a woman I knew everything about and couldn’t have. At least he might be able to find her, and there was unlikely to be anything to stop him from pursuing her when he did. I could never have Sonia. Damn, that was so depressing!

Sighing in frustration, I started the engine.

There were so many reasons why Sonia and I weren’t possible, and I really wished there was a way I could change that. However, there wasn’t, and that made me so bloody angry. The sexual tension I’d been living with for so long now had ramped up since Sonia had returned and certainly wasn’t helping me maintain my usual even temper.

Maybe if I got laid, it would help? I could call up one of the women I occasionally hooked up with. I had a few female friends with benefits who would be only too eager to help me release some of this pent-up frustration. No sooner than I had that thought, I dismissed it. I hadn’t been with anyone since my libido had woken up to my Little Miss trouble, and now she was home, I was even more obsessed with her. I couldn’t imagine ever being with anyone else.

My cock throbbed angrily, obviously unhappy with my thoughts. Tough! I would stay away from her. I wouldn’t let anything happen between us, and when I let her go, and she eventually found someone else, maybe then I could force myself to move on. Maybe. In the meantime, I would just have to suck it up and deal with the situation as best I could.

I ground my teeth, feeling depressed, frustrated, and in a foul mood. I hoped nobody pissed me off today because I didn’t like their chances of survival if they did.