Chapter 7

"What do you think?"I nudge Nathan, who is sitting next to me in the back booth of the pizza place Felix recommended. I point toward a table of women sitting a few yards away. "Are they staring because they're hockey fans and they recognize you, or are they staring because there are five of you and one of me, and they think this is an episode of The Bachelorette?"

"The what?" Nathan asks.

"You've never heard of The Bachelorette?" Dumbo asks from across the table. "Twenty guys all vying for the same woman?"

Nathan's eyes widen. "That sounds horrible."

The look of utter horror crossing his face is so blatant, I have to lift my hand to my mouth to keep from laughing.

Dumbo shrugs. "Makes for good TV though. She dates them all at once, slowly eliminating the ones she isn't interested in."

"So, like, you actually watch it?" Tucker asks. "I know what it is because I don't live under a rock like some people we know"—he tilts his head in a sideways nod toward Nathan—"but I don't watch it."

"So what if I do? I'm not ashamed." Dumbo takes another slice of pizza from the center of the table. "I've learned a lot about dating from that show."

"Like what?" Nathan asks around a mouthful of salad. "How to date multiple people at once? You could just ask Van for advice about that."

"I heard that," Van says from Nathan's other side. "And I don't deserve it. I might date a lot, but I follow the rules."

The rest of the guys don't respond to this comment at all, which makes me think Van is talking about something specific—actual rules—and not some vague sense of right and wrong.

"What rules?" I ask. "Like, personal ones you have for yourself?"

The guys exchange looks, almost like they're debating how much they want to tell me. Finally, Alec nods and leans forward, propping his elbows on the table. His dark brown eyes are serious, his presence commanding, and I suddenly understand why he makes such a good team captain.

"The rules are an Appies thing," he says. "Sort of our unofficial code of conduct."

This totally tracks with what Parker told me about Nathan wanting to show Dominik how to be an Appie, but I'm curious to hear more from the guys themselves.

"What are they?" I ask. "Can you tell me?"

Alec nods at Van, like he's giving him permission to elaborate.

"Clearly, the ones pertaining to dating are the most relevant for me," Van says, motioning up and down his body like his person is more than enough evidence as to why, "since I'm so much better at it than the rest of the team."

Alec rolls his eyes, but honestly, I can't help but smile. I'm not sure how Van manages to be both full of himself and utterly and completely charming at the same time, but he's adorable, and he's totally pulling it off.

"Just tell her the rules, man," Nathan grumbles from beside me.

"Number one. We always respect women," Van says. "All women. Whether we're dating them or not. Being Appies means we're role models, not just athletes. We take that seriously."

All the guys at the table nod along as Van speaks, and my heart swells the tiniest bit.

"For me," Van continues, "that means I'm always up-front about what I'm looking for, and I don't date multiple women at once."

"Okay. I like these rules. What else?" I ask.

"Your teammates are your brothers," Alec says. "Even the ones you don't like."

Tucker coughs into his hand, the cough sounding an awful lot like the name Dominik, and his teammates laugh.

"No fights off the ice," Nathan says.

"And no unnecessary fights on the ice," Alec adds in his captain voice, leveling Nathan with a look.

Nathan looks down at his plate, clearly fighting a smile.

"Bruiser doesn't start the fights," Tucker says. "He just ends them."

"Yeah, he does," Van says, clapping Nathan on the back.

"Right. Parker told me that was your nickname," I say.

Nathan looks over at me.

"You're an enforcer."

"I just don't like it when people mess with my people." The loyalty in Nathan's voice is clear and unwavering, and I wonder if other teams in the league have this kind of kinship. It's not a wonder Nathan was willing to sign a contract to play only for the Appies.

I look at the rest of the guys, suddenly curious. "Hey, how many of you have AHL-only contracts with the Appies? Could any of you get called up to play with the Hurricanes?"

Tucker raises his hand. "I could. But I'm up for renegotiation next year. We'll see what the Appies offer me."

"I could too," Van says. "But I'm with Tucker. The Appies don't really feel minor league anymore. It's weird to hope to just keep playing here, but I think a lot of us feel that way."

"I'd be fine retiring as an Appie," Alec says with a smirk. "You fools would never win without me, anyway."

"Like we didn't win without you when you threw out your shoulder last season?" Nathan asks.

Alec scowls. "You'll respect your captain, son."

They all start to laugh, and I feel a new sense of appreciation for what these men mean to each other. They really do seem like brothers.

"So, Summer," Van says, shifting the conversation to me. "Tell me. Do you have any sisters?" He lifts his eyebrows suggestively, giving me a wide grin.

"Seriously? All this talk about honor and integrity and being an Appie, and now you're looking to hit on my sisters?"

"So you do have some," he says.

I ignore the fact that Van seems interested in learning about my sisters when he's never shown any interest in me. Not that I want to date Van. I don't. But seriously? We're just going to leapfrog over me as a possibility altogether?

I fold my arms across my chest. "As long as you're wearing that smirk, I'm not saying a word."

Van wipes a hand down his face and schools his expression. "Just making conversation."

I roll my eyes, but I reach for my phone anyway and pull up a picture of Lucy and me at Audrey's wedding. We're both in bridesmaids' dresses with our hair up, making it almost impossible to tell us apart.

"I have two sisters," I say. "Audrey, the oldest, is married." I hand him my phone. "And this is my twin, Lucy."

"Whoa," Van says. "You're identical?"

Alec leans over and looks at the photo. "I can't tell who is who." He passes it to Tucker and Dumbo, who both look before Nathan holds out his hand, asking for the phone.

"Let me see," he says, and Tucker hands it over.

A skitter of nerves dances over my skin as Nathan studies the image. I don't know why, but it means more for Nathan to see a beautiful picture of me than it does for any of the other guys. And it is a beautiful picture. I don't always feel that way, but we were all glowing at Audrey's wedding. You can see how happy we were in every single photo.

Nathan looks for a long moment before returning my phone. "That's a nice picture," he says, his voice low, and the compliment warms me from the inside out.

"Yeah, but which one am I?" I ask.

He immediately taps on the left side of the screen. "That's you."

I lift my eyes to meet his. He's right, but he didn't even hesitate.

How could he tell?

He must see the question in my expression because he shrugs. "Something about your eyes."

I want to push for more. Lucy and I have the same eyes—we basically have the same everything—so what was it that Nathan saw? What made him so sure?

"So, let's talk about Lucy," Dumbo says around a bite of pizza, and I force my gaze away from Nathan to answer him. "Is she single?"

I narrow my gaze. "Y'all are giving me a complex. We're identical twins, but you only want to know if Lucy is single? Should I assume I have a terrible personality and that's why you aren't asking about me?"

The tips of Dumbo's ears turn bright red, and his eyes widen. "Oh, uh—" His gaze shifts to Nathan for the briefest second before returning to me. "It's just…you work for the team. That makes you off-limits."

Off-limits? "Um, pretty sure Parker told me there aren't any rules against dating the players."

The last thing I want to do is give Dumbo the impression I'm into him, but this is the second time in five minutes that one of them has asked about Lucy without any curiosity about my own eligibility. And now they've branded me completely off-limits?

"Right. Not like, official, on-the-books rules," Dumbo says, but I can tell he's equivocating. "It's more just one of the Appies rules. That the guys have."

Huh. Still not tracking. "Didn't Parker work for the team before she started dating Logan?"

Dumbo clears his throat, looking around at his teammates like he's hoping for help. He's really squirming now, but he's the one who started this conversation, so I feel zero regret for pushing him.

"Right, well…she knew Logan before," he finally says. "So, that was different."

"Totally different," Alec adds. "Logan got a pass because they were friends before she started working for the team."

Okay, there is definitely something they aren't saying.

"Well, I guess I'm glad to finally know the rules," I deadpan. "My plan was to just go down the roster until I'd dated you all. So much for that."

An awkward silence falls over the table as the guys look at each other, exchanging worried looks.

"Y'all. I'm kidding," I quickly say. "That was sarcasm."

A few of them chuckle, and Nathan breathes out an audible breath, almost like he'd been holding it.

"It's good that you're kidding," Alec says, his tone light. "You really don't want to date a hockey player."

"No? Why is that?"

"Because our schedule is crap." Nathan is the one who answers, and in contrast to the rest of the mostly lighthearted conversation, his tone is deadly serious. "We're traveling all the time, basically living on the road. No girlfriend deserves that. No wife, either."

There's an undercurrent of tension in Nathan's words that makes me think this might be personal for him. Maybe he had a relationship that ended badly?

"People do it all the time, man," Van says. "Not that I'm throwing my name in the relationship ring. But look at Felix and Logan. And now Eli."

"Don't worry," Tucker says. "We'd never recommend you for that."

Van responds by throwing a napkin at Tucker's head.

Nathan takes a long drink of his water, then sets the glass down on the table with a heavy thud. "For every example you give me, I'll give you two that didn't work out. Guys who cheated, slept around, wives who did the same thing while their husbands were gone. Even for the Appies, who I'll admit behave a lot better than a lot of players out there, kids are still left alone. I know people try, but the odds aren't good. It's not worth the risk."

"Annnd thank you for so expertly demonstrating why you're the grumpiest guy on the team," Alec says, diffusing at least some of the tension Nathan brought to the conversation.

Everyone chuckles, including Nathan, and we move on, but I'm having a harder time letting this go. Something clearly hurt Nathan to give him such strong opinions, and I can't decide if I want to hug him and offer comfort or scold him for being so doom-and-gloom.

"So, what, you just don't date, then?" I ask him, leaning close enough that the rest of the guys, who are locked in an argument over pizza toppings, can't hear us. "That feels so sad."

Nathan shrugs. "I date. Just not seriously. I play hockey. I can't do both."

His words feel so final. So matter-of-fact. Like this is his reality and nothing is going to change it.

I lean back in my chair, surprised by how much this disappoints me. I mean, yes, I admitted to Lucy that I have a crush, but it's only a crush. This shouldn't be a big deal.

But also, is Nathan truly serious? Will he just not date at all until he retires? I don't know when that typically happens for hockey players, but I'm guessing it's not until they're in their thirties or forties. Surely he doesn't want to be alone until then.

Though, there's a lot of ground between alone and in a relationship. Maybe he's just really good at keeping things casual…and casual is enough for him?

The thought makes me frown. I don't like the idea of Nathan dating anyone, but I definitely don't like the idea of him hooking up with random women.

Across the restaurant, the table of women laugh loudly. When I glance over, they're still staring at our table, and my gut tightens.

"Hey, Summer?" Tucker asks. "Want to hear something funny?"

I sit up in my chair and smile, happy for the distraction. "Always."

Tucker grins. "Ask Dumbo what his real name is."

I think back to the player roster I studied and memorized last week. Dumbo's last name is Cavendish, but I'm pretty sure his player bio doesn't list his name as anything but Dumbo.

"Okay," I say, taking the bait. "Dumbo, what's your real name?"

Dumbo stands up, folds his arm across his waist, and bows forward like he's addressing the British monarch. "Prescott Lawrence Cavendish, the third, at your service."

Alec, Van, and Tucker all lift their hands in unison, like they're tipping their hats in formal greeting.

"His dad holds an actual title in Britain," Nathan says, his voice low and close to my ear. His breath sends a shiver across my skin, and for a moment, I forget about my disappointment regarding his no-dating policy. "He's a baron," Nathan continues. "Or maybe a lord?"

"Why doesn't he have an accent?" I whisper back.

Nathan shrugs. "He grew up here. But when he's talking to his family on the phone, you can definitely hear traces of one."

"Wow," I say to Dumbo, ignoring the tingling sensation still tiptoeing up my neck. "And we call you Dumbo because…?"

Dumbo stands up straight and pushes his blond hair away from his face, then wiggles his ears up and down.

"Oh my gosh," I say as I start to laugh. "A man of many talents."

He drops back into his chair, and Tucker wraps an arm around him in a half-chokehold, half-joking bro-hug that makes me roll my eyes.

Dumbo fights him off, shoving him back into his own seat with a laugh. "You'll tell your sister for me?" he says with a wink.

"Seriously?" I say. "You're hopeless."

"Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt," a voice says from behind me, "but do you guys play for the Appies?"

Sure enough, it's one of the women from a few tables over who has been staring through most of our meal.

The guys all look at Alec. Apparently, he functions as team captain off the ice too.

Alec sits up a little taller, his expression shifting as he smiles wide. It's actually kind of miraculous to watch him shift into his public persona. It's not a bad persona at all—he's charming and charismatic. But I definitely prefer the more unguarded version of Alec.

"We sure do," he says, his voice smooth and confident. "Are you a fan?"

"I knew it!" the woman says, her nerves making her voice tremble. "I'm a huge fan. I don't know much about hockey, but I love your TikTok account." She holds up her phone. "Do you think I could get a picture with all of you?"

When the guys nod, I jump out of my seat. "Here. I'll take it for you."

The guys crowd together around the table, and the woman crouches down so she's in the frame next to them.

I snap a few photos, then try to return the phone, but the woman doesn't take it. "Maybe just one more of me and Nathan?"

A few of the guys chuckle and let out a chorus of oohs and ahhs that make the woman blush and Nathan frown, but he gets up anyway, moving in next to the woman. He keeps his hands clasped in front of him, standing like a stone statue next to her while I wrestle an unexpected flash of jealousy into submission. It shouldn't matter—he isn't interested in this woman because he isn't interested in any woman. But I still don't like it.

I can at least take comfort in how miserable Nathan looks. I hesitate to even take the picture because he literally looks furious, like some kind of looming specter of doom. "Do you…want to smile, Nathan?" I ask.

"No, no, don't smile," the woman says. "Just look broody like you do in all the TikToks."

I press my lips together, trying not to laugh as I watch Nathan's jaw clench. Parker did warn him this might happen, but I'd put money on how much he hates it.

Nathan doesn't even sit down after the woman walks back to her friends. He just pulls a couple of twenties out of his wallet and tosses them onto the table. "I'm heading back to the hotel. That should cover my part of the pizza."

"I'll walk back with you," I quickly say, and Nathan's head swivels to me, his expression a combination of both surprise and displeasure.

My gut tightens, his gaze cutting right through me. "Is that…okay?"

He was the one who said he wanted to talk to me in private, so I don"t know why he's acting irritated now. Though—maybe I was wrong about how much he hated posing for the photo and he actually wants to go after the woman.

Did I just inadvertently stifle Nathan's attempt at a casual hookup? The woman looked a little older than us, probably in her late thirties, but who am I to judge? Maybe Nathan likes older women.

The jealousy already pulsing in my gut flares bigger and brighter, but I will it away. A crush—and one I'm beginning to suspect is completely unrequited—is not a reason to feel jealous of a total stranger.

Nathan can do what he wants. What do I care?

He quickly schools his features into something more neutral and less horrified. "Yeah. Of course you can," he says. "No problem."

Alec waves me away when I try to add to the cash Nathan left. "This is more than enough to cover you both," he says, "and you hardly ate anything. Now you can owe Nathan instead of me."

I hardly ate anything because I'm a normal-sized human who doesn't need two dinners every night, but that's a different conversation for a different time.

After I wave goodbye to the guys and Alec gives me a very pointed look that I don't understand, I follow Nathan out of the restaurant and onto the street.

February in Chicago is a lot colder than February in North Carolina, and I tug my coat a little closer around me. Fortunately, it's not a long walk back to the hotel. Though it's going to feel like miles if Nathan is silent the entire way.

"Um, sorry if I messed up your plans back there," I say a little sheepishly.

He looks over. "What plans?"

"I don't know. You seemed irritated that I was coming with you. I thought maybe you wanted to find the woman who asked for a photo."

His frown deepens. "What? No. I don't really…do that. And she reminded me of my mom."

His words make me unreasonably happy, and I have to stop myself from grinning. "I mean, I was also getting the mom vibes, but I didn't want to judge."

Nathan doesn't say anything else, so I keep rambling.

"Though, you have to admit, she totally qualifies as a hot mom."

He gives me a sideways look. "A hot mom?"

"Oh, come on. You know what I mean. They're all over Instagram. They're the ones with perfect wavy hair and adorable children who look like they're constantly modeling for Gap Kids and Christmas presents all wrapped in matching white and gold paper and little lunch bento boxes for their kids, full of fresh fruits and vegetables and toasted quinoa."

Nathan huffs out a laugh. "I'm not on Instagram. And that doesn't sound real."

"It probably isn't," I say. "But the hotness is. These women are gorgeous. That mom back there would totally qualify, so, I'm just saying, I wouldn't fault you if you wanted to…go after her."

His steps slow, then stop as he looks over and studies me, his expression curious, maybe even a little amused. "Do you always say exactly what you're thinking?"

I stop beside him and open my mouth to answer, then close it again. Do I?

"Not usually," I say. "But something about you seems to bring it out in me."

He tilts his head, like he can't quite figure me out, then turns and starts walking again.

I quickly catch up, scurrying forward to match his long stride. When we walk in silence for almost half a block, I wonder if I've been too bold. It was the truth—something about him makes me want to share my thoughts—but that doesn't mean I needed to admit it out loud.

"I don't mind that you're walking with me," Nathan finally says, and a tiny ribbon of happiness unfurls in my chest. "I just didn't want to give the guys the wrong impression."

Oh. Oh. My happiness quickly fizzles. I hate to ask, but I also have to ask. "Impression about what?"

"About us," he answers quickly. "After the Dominik thing, and then when I sat with you on the bus, I think—" He shakes his head and pushes his hands into his coat pockets. "All that stuff about you being off-limits because you work for the team? They made that up. I think they've decided you're off-limits because of me."

Disappointment settles over me, and I force a deep breath, doing my best to squelch it so it doesn't show up in my words.

"Right," I say, my tone a little too cheerful. "And that would be the wrong impression because that's not what's happening," I manage to say.

"Right." Nathan's voice is unwavering. Perfectly resolute. "It's not."

"You were just being nice."

"Demanding Dominik be respectful."

"Which I appreciated."

"And which you deserved."

We reach the hotel, and Nathan opens the door for me, holding it open while I step inside. I brush past him, and it's all I can do not to linger and breathe in a lungful of Nathan-scented air. But that's the last thing I should do, especially now that we've very firmly established there is nothing going on between us.

The trouble is, the more time I spend with him, the more I want there to be something going on. I actually didn't care when Dumbo and Van wrote me off while expressing interest in my sister. The only person I want interested in me is Nathan. Or I would, if he hadn't flat-out said that he doesn't believe in relationships.

We're quiet as we walk toward the elevator, the awkwardness of our conversation making the air tense and weird.

"So, do you still want to talk?" I ask as I push the up button.

Nathan runs a hand across his beard. "Yes, but I've got something I need to do first. Can I meet you upstairs in just a minute?"

The elevator doors open, and I step inside. "Okay. Just knock."

He nods as the doors slide closed, hiding him from view, and I breathe out a long sigh.

Well. At least now I know I can officially kill my crush. Though, I have a feeling this crush won't want to die.