Chapter 15: Dean

15

DEAN

S itting out on the bluff, legs dangling over the edge, I sweep a handful of pebbles over the side, watching them tumble down the sheer drop into the churning river below. The sun is beginning to rise over the distant hills, bathing my land in pale yellows, and turning the floating fluff from the cottonwoods into dancing orbs of light.

I lean back on my hands and turn my face up to the sun, letting its weak rays caress my skin. It’s quiet and peaceful out here, a stark contrast to the riot of emotions inside me. Today is going to be a long day. I’m going to need all the chill and zen I can muster. It’s not something that comes naturally to me.

And it definitely wasn’t coming to me last night as the feeling of holding Jamie in my arms stirred a longing deep within me that I’m not so sure I want to resist. A woman is the last thing I need in my life right now. The pack is the only thing I should be focused on. That, and getting through the games without killing someone.

“You’re ruining my alone time,” I whisper as a pair of slim legs enter the periphery of my vision, before dropping down to join mine hanging over the cliff.

“Pretend I’m not here then.” Maggie leans closer and rests her head on my shoulder.

“I’m a wolf. That’s not going to work.” I relax a little. My stepmum’s quietly reassuring presence has always helped keep me on an even keel. We sit here, saying nothing, just basking in the golden glow of the morning sun, and each other’s company.

“Maya was here earlier,” Maggie says quietly, and I nod. “She seems happy. Being mated has eased her pain.”

I close my eyes, knowing Maggie would love to see me with someone. She thinks it will help me move on. But I don’t think sharing my darkest secrets with someone else is going to magically erase those wounds.

Maya doesn’t remember our Mum as well as I do, being younger when she died, but she knows she missed out on having her in her life. The flattened grass beside where I sit, and the faint trace of her scent lingering tells me she stayed for a while too. Thinking. Wondering what could have been done to prevent her death.

But the answer is nothing. At least not by us.

Whether my father pushed her off the cliff or she jumped of her own accord, Graham Reynolds killed her. He did it. Death by a thousand cuts is still murder. Her spirit was dead long before her last breath on this day, twenty years ago.

With a sad sigh, I toss the small posy of white lilies over the edge, watching them get swept away first by the gentle breeze, and then by the current as they land on the water below.

“Were you ever tempted to find a way out? When things were bad?” I ask. I shouldn’t, it’s not a fair question, but I’ve always wondered.

Maggie sighs and hesitates. “I wish I could say it never crossed my mind, but I had it easier than your mum. Your father was horrible to me, but as you got older, and started to become more of a threat, he wasn’t focusing all his frustrations on me.”

He was spreading the love at that point, physically attacking us all. I’m glad that might have saved Maggie’s life, but it’s also a dark and disturbing thing to wrap your head around.

“I’d go with you if you ever wanted to visit them, Maggie. Your old pack.”

We’ve had this conversation countless times. She must have family and friends she left behind when she moved here with my father, but she never speaks of them. I know she was widowed, but there must be others. As dad’s second chance mate, and luna of this pack, she had no choice but to come here with him. Now that he’s gone, she could return to that life, start over, but she’s steadfastly kept herself hidden here.

She shakes her head sadly. “They think I’m dead, and it’s easier that way. And the old version of me did die, I suppose. No point in turning their world upside down again by coming back from the grave.” Maggie squeezes my shoulder and leans on me for balance as she stands up. “Come on. You’ve places to go, and people to see.”

Maggie’s body creaks as she straightens, and I feel a pang of remorse at all the injuries I couldn’t prevent. I move at an easy pace, allowing her to walk alongside me, even with her slight limp slowing her down.

“Once this is over, you should take some time off,” I suggest. I worry that she does too much, helping as a healer, and minding everyone in the pack. She deserves a break, but selfishly, I also love when she’s here, fussing over us. She’s one of the only people who understands.

“You sound just like Jax. He’s in the clinic all the time. He won’t let me do anything for myself anymore. You’d swear I was decrepit. I’m not that old you know!”

I laugh at her indignation. She’s so offended by his helpfulness.

“Good. If he stops helping, you tell me, and I’ll have a word.” My brother’s a good kid. I’m glad he’s spending all his spare time hanging out in the clinic instead of hiding in his room. His wolf is unpredictable, but he’s not going to learn how to control him by locking him away.

Maggie hooks her arm through mine and pats my forearm gently. “You’ve done good, kid. You can stop feeling responsible for everyone else’s well-being now and focus on your own happiness.”

Another tiny thread of tension inside me eases. As the pack healer, Maggie has a good handle on how everyone’s doing. And she wouldn’t lie to me. The pack is doing well.

Even though I know overthrowing my father was the right thing to do, sometimes I doubt myself. The final straw was coming home from training to find Maya, battered and barely alive, and Jax beaten black and blue trying to protect her. That was the night I decided to end our father’s miserable life.

When I saw Maya so badly hurt, I knew that the next time something set him off, he was going to kill someone. It was only a matter of time. When I was away at alpha training, my siblings were easy targets, and no match for a raging alpha with a hard-on for inflicting pain. Things were escalating, his grip on reality deteriorating.

And Jax… well his wolf was never the same again.

So, in one way, it was an easy decision. Not so easy to live with, though. But such is the life of an alpha. That was the first lesson I learned after inheriting the alpha title that day, and something a lot of the wannabe’s sleeping on my territory can’t possibly comprehend. Doing the right thing and the easy thing are rarely the same.

“I saw the changes you had Beckett make to the course for today.” Maggie’s amused tone interrupts the dark direction of my thoughts. “Are you trying to eliminate every competitor on the first day?”

She knows me well.

“I’m saving everyone some time, and if it happens to mean that I have less wolves wandering around my pack by midnight tonight… Well, that’s just a happy coincidence.”

Maggie scoffs. “I see right through you, Dean. It’s not twenty wolves you’re looking to get rid of, it’s one in particular. And she might be the very one you should be keeping around.”

Jamie. Looking down at her with my best stoic impression, I feign ignorance. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Maggie shakes her head. “Fine. Be an idiot. But just so you know, if you were to court a certain beautiful, she-wolf, maybe one you took for a turn on the dance floor last night, the pack would be happy for you. And anyone who isn’t? Well, they’ll get over it.”

Stopping abruptly, I turn to face her. “There is no courting. It was just a dance.” Damn wolves, so fucking nosy. Of course someone went running to tell Maggie. “She’s just another contestant, albeit an annoying, nosy one who I’d like out of my hair as soon as possible.”

I can sense how hard Maggie’s fighting not to roll her eyes. Instead, she settles for giving me a condescending pat on the arm and resuming her walk.

“I caught her snooping around the packhouse,” I blurt out, needing to distract myself from the warm fuzzy feeling I get just thinking how good it felt to have her in my arms.

Instead of looking outraged on my behalf, Maggie merely laughs at my irritation. “What does it matter? You don’t even live there.”

“That’s not the point.” I snap sulkily. “She’s up to something.”

“Good thing you don’t care about her then, or you’d be really annoyed.” I ignore the way Maggie smiles when I scowl at her. “Especially since you’ll have to watch the competition descend into chaos because you’ve made it impossible to get through.”

Shit. I did do that.

“It’s not impossible, it’s just Impossible to get through alone .”

Because no alpha is an island, and they’re going to learn that firsthand today. Without family and friends to support you, this job will chew you up and spit you out.

“Go. Shift and run back. I’m going to stroll back and enjoy the walk. You have potential future alphas to torture.” Maggie waves me away and lifts her gaze to the sun pointedly.

I do need to get back, and fast, so I can explain the event rules before they set off into the course. Not to see Jamie before the race begins.

Our new intrepid participants are about to learn the importance of teamwork. The hard way.