Chapter Five

Chapter Five

In It to Win It

Rock Chick Rewind

Still some time ago, but now even less…

I pulled into the church on a screech of tires, driving like a lunatic because Toni had forgotten her shoes at home, she only trusted me to go get them, and she was due to walk down the aisle to Tony in T-minus five minutes and counting.

I swung into a parking spot that was way too far away from the sanctuary, lamenting the fact I hadn’t changed out of my strappy heels before I went on this mission. I had to run if I was going to get there on time, and I had maid of honor duties to attend to, I didn’t fancy doing them with a sprained ankle and skinned knees.

However, I froze in place after I caught movement in my rearview.

Movement that was Toni, sprinting toward me in her wedding gown, the ruffle at her hip flapping, her veil flying out behind her.

She was even carrying her bouquet.

Quickly, I hit the locks to open the doors as she hit the passenger side.

She threw it open then tossed the bouquet at me.

I caught it.

She folded in, slammed the door, turned to me and screeched, “Drive, bitch, drive!”

“Okay, slow down, take a breath and tell me what’s going on.”

She sucked in air through her nose, let it out like a bull, and said, “Okay, like, this is forever, like…yeah?”

“Yes,” I said calmly. “Ideally, marriage is forever.”

“What if he’s a secret perv?” she asked.

I smiled encouragingly. “You’ve been living with him for four years, Tone. He’s not a secret perv.”

“What if he’s, like, you know, that Arnold Schwarzenegger character in that movie.” She snapped her fingers repeatedly. “What’s that movie?”

“Terminator?”

“No.”

“Predator?”

“No.”

“Conan?”

“No!” she shouted. “The one Jamie Lee Curtis was in, wearing that hot LBD.”

“True Lies?”

She snapped again, but only once, ending it pointing at me. “That one. What if he’s that?”

“A secret agent?”

She nodded. “One that gets me dangling from a helicopter. Girl, you know I’m scared of heights.”

“No, you’re scared of how happy you are right now and that it’s going to end. Sorry to say, honey, it’s going to end.”

She blinked at me.

“Then it’s going to come back. Then it’s going to end. Things are going to get hard. Then they’re going to smooth out. And before you know it, you and Tony are going to be watching your grandchildren open their Christmas presents, knowing you don’t have to cook that big dinner anymore, but you are going to be critical of your daughter-in-law’s ability to do it right, and then you’re off on one of your many retirement cruises for New Years’.”

She turned to face forward, folded double and dropped her head in her hands.

I reached out and rubbed her back.

“What if I fuck it up?” she asked her lap.

I caught sight of Toni’s mom, Vanessa, leaning to peer into the passenger window, backed by Lena, who was wearing the same strapless aubergine number as me, skintight, with a filmy bunch of material in the same color at the left side of our waists that drifted down the center of the skirt in a flirty ruffle.

Toni wasn’t playing with the bridesmaid dresses. They were very pretty and demurely sexy.

Her gown, an ivory, off-the-shoulder column, with more structured ruching to the more nuanced ruffle at her hip, was understated and sophisticated.

And her most important quality when she’d been searching for the perfect dress, she could dance in it.

I shook my head at Miss Vanessa so she wouldn’t spook Toni by opening the door.

She nodded hers, but still looked freaked and didn’t move from the window.

“You’re not going to fuck it up,” I said to Toni, considering the circumstances, dropping the F-bomb when I did my very best not to curse, since my son had superpowered hearing, and he picked up everything anybody laid down, and I didn’t need my kid F-bombing his way through elementary school.

“He loves me so much,” she whispered.

I smiled because he did.

So much.

“Yeah, he does.”

She lifted her head and looked at me.

Her hair was smoothed severely back into a big, intricate bun in the back, the veil now attached to it.

The perfect move, letting her beautiful face do all the work.

“You look gorgeous,” I said quietly. “He’s going to lose it when he sees you.”

“Yeah? He likes my hair full. Should I—?”

I set the bouquet on the parking brake and reached for her hands, holding tight.

“You’re perfect. Every inch, perfect.”

She stared into my eyes.

I bounced our hands, “Let’s do this, okay?”

“You’re a good friend, Malia Clark,” she declared.

“I’m not your friend, honey. I’m your sister.”

Tears filled her eyes.

“No!” I shouted, she jumped, so I calmed myself down. “It’s waterproof, but let’s not take any chances with your makeup.”

“Right, right,” she mumbled.

I nodded to Miss Vanessa.

She pulled open the door.

I grabbed the bouquet, got out, stopped to open the back door, nabbed Toni’s shoes, and after Lena gave me a that bitch is crazy bug-eyed look, which I returned with a just wait until you get married smug-eyedlook (yes, we were sisters, we could communicate like this), we all headed into the church.

* * * *

My heart was awash with love.

Because it was an amazing day where my best friend was marrying a good, decent, hard-working, loving man.

And because my boy was her ring bearer.

He looked adorable in his little tux with his back straight and his shoulders squared, taking his duty of holding that frilly pillow as serious as if he was delivering a promise of forever bliss from a merciful God to the altar.

He was such a cutie.

I was standing in my maid of honor spot, preening (I was a proud momma, I had no regrets) and smiling at him, when I felt something funny tickle the hairs on the back of my neck.

I tore my gaze from Liam, who was staring with hyper alertness at the spot he was supposed to walk to, ignoring the flower girl beside him making a show with her ivory petals (I’d noticed during rehearsals she was very extra), and looked to the last pew at the back of the church.

It was then, my heart stopped beating.

Darius stood there, looking a thousand ways of fine in a dark suit, his gaze riveted to his son.

Oh God.

Oh shizzle.

Oh shizzlesticks times a hundred.

I’d been right, he hadn’t been able to stay away from me. He showed at my house, always when Liam was spending the night with his grandparents or Auntie Lena, so he could spend the night with me.

And I’d been right again, he couldn’t hack it.

He had to see his boy.

I’d told him Toni was getting married and she’d asked Liam to play his part. He’d agreed, because he loved his Aunt Toni, he loved his Uncle Tony, and “I’m gonna look awesome in a tux” (his words).

And Darius hadn’t been able to stay away.

Helpless, I stood at the front, watching the emotions wash over my man’s face. Pride. Love. Desolation. Pain.

My hand tightened on my bouquet as my throat constricted.

His gaze shifted to me, and I forced a swallow.

Because all that was left was the pain.

I ripped my gaze from his to watch our son walk to where he was supposed to stand, in front of Tony’s best man.

I held a hand out to the flower girl, and she took it and stood in front of me.

Then my eyes went back to Darius, to see he was gone. I moved them to the doors of the sanctuary just in time to see him disappear.

But I had no chance to do anything.

Because Toni was next.

And I’d told no lies.

Her very soon-to-be husband lost it when he clapped eyes on the beauty that was his bride.

It was everything.

* * * *

When I got home that night, I knew he was there, and not just because Mom and Dad had left the reception early, taking Liam with them to spend the night at theirs, so I could party with my friend on her big day.

So, after I locked the door behind me, I dropped my clutch on the table in the front hall and headed up the stairs without taking off my shoes, even if my feet were killing me.

The light in my room was on.

And when I hit the door, I saw Darius, still in his suit trousers, but his jacket and tie were gone. He was sitting at the side of the bed.

I went right to him.

He opened his legs, and I stopped between them.

He put his hands to my hips and stared at my stomach.

Then he face planted there.

I put my hands on his head.

“Baby,” I whispered.

“Fucked up.” His voice was muffled by material. “Again.”

“I wouldn’t have been able to stay away either,” I said.

He tipped his head back, and my breath stopped at the expression on his face.

“You did so good,” he said softly. “I’m so proud of you. You did so good, baby. He’s perfect. Perfect.”

I gave him a soft smile. “You had a hand in that.”

He shook his head.

I caught it in my hands. “Stop it. You did.”

“I need to get out of your life.”

No.

Nonononono.

I tried to push him back so I could climb on.

He resisted, and this time he meant it, I knew, because he didn’t budge.

“This was a mistake. You’re better off without me,” he declared.

“Let me be the judge of that.”

“You don’t get it.”

“Then tell me.”

“I’m not a good guy.”

“I think I should be the judge of that too.”

“I’m no father.”

“How do you know? You haven’t tried. But just to say, we want for nothing. You don’t forget birthdays. You don’t—”

“That’s all bullshit,” he clipped. “He took that seriously today.”

I was confused.

“What?”

“Liam. It was important, what he did today. You know why?”

“Because he’s a smart kid, and he soaks things up, and because of that, he understood how important today was to his Aunt Toni.”

“No. Because the only man in his life is his Uncle Tony and he wanted to stand up for him.”

Oh boy.

“Darius—”

“You can’t deny it. It’s true.”

“He’s not the only man in his life. Dad is in his life.” I tried to take the heavy out of our conversation and quipped, “Lena’s revolving door of boyfriends are in his life.”

“Your father is a good man. I looked into him, and Tony’s a good guy.”

Interesting.

I tipped my head to the side. “You looked into him?”

“He’s in your life, Liam’s, so yeah. I looked into him.”

“So he’s not a secret agent?”

Darius’s brows drew together. “What?”

I flipped out a hand. “Toni. She freaked out before the ceremony, worried she was getting into a True Lies situation.”

“Was heading into the church, saw her Julia Roberts impression,” he murmured. “Wondered what that was about.”

“That’s what it was about.”

“She’s a sneaky one, baby. She’s crazier than you. Crazier than even Lena. She just knows how to hide it.”

I started laughing, because I already knew this. He hadn’t seen her version of incognito at his aunt’s bar.

His fingers still at my hips dug in. “This is fucked up, what we’re doing.”

“But it works,” I asserted.

He stared up at me.

“It might not be normal, but it’s what you need,” I stated.

That did it.

He couldn’t have me doing that for him.

I should have known.

He made a move to stand.

I shifted my hands to his shoulders and put all my weight into keeping him where he was.

He gave up pushing, I knew, because he knew I didn’t want him to.

“I’m not asking for that from you,” he growled.

“You don’t have to ask.”

“You’re wasting your life on me.”

“We disagree on that, so much, I’m not discussing it. I know what I’m doing.”

“Malia—”

“Darius, you were right.”

His expression turned guarded. “About what?”

“I didn’t try hard enough to tell you I was pregnant.”

He shook his head. Firmly.

“Don’t buy my shit, babe. I was full of it, lashing out.”

“You were correct in everything you said. I was young and flipped out and feeling a lot of feelings, about me, for you, what happened with your dad.”

He flinched.

Oh yes.

As suspected, he hadn’t worked through the pain of losing his dad.

That was not for now.

I kept at him about what was for now.

“I made the wrong decision. If I couldn’t get to you, I should have told Miss Dorothea. She would have gotten to you.”

“What I made of myself isn’t about what you didn’t tell me.”

“I’m not taking on what you made of yourself, even though I don’t know what that is. I just know you. And I messed up. It’s a mistake I’m not going to make again.”

“We’re never going to be a happy family.”

We’ll see, I did not say.

He saw it anyway, which was why he said, “I’m wrong. Toni isn’t crazier than you. You are definitely the craziest of that crew.”

“Whatever,” I muttered.

Suddenly, he jerked my skirt up and I quelled a smile because I thought I was getting somewhere, especially when he yanked me to straddling his lap.

But we weren’t going where I thought we were going.

I knew that when he said, “This is a dangerous game you’re playin’.”

“I’m not playing a game,” I lied.

I so was.

The long game.

And I was in it to win it.

“I’m warnin’ you, there’s gonna be a time when I’m gonna have to set you aside. For your own good. For Liam’s. And when I do, there won’t be any going back.”

“We’ll see,” I murmured.

“Yeah, we will,” he murmured back, but his fingers belied his words because they went to my zipper. “Trust Toni to put you in sexy bridesmaids’ dresses to make sure you all get laid.”

“Am I getting laid?” I asked.

My zipper came down.

I smiled at him.

His eyes fixed on my mouth as his lips whispered, “Minx.”

“You bet your bottom.”

Those beautiful browns came up to mine. “Bottom?”

“I can’t curse. Liam told his teacher he wasn’t picking up the damned crayons other kids didn’t put away, and I had to go to the school for a chat.”

I worried, since his mood was mercurial anytime I brought up our son, how he’d react to that.

But he chuckled.

So I relaxed.

He also bunched the fabric of my dress at the hips, then up, and boom, it was gone.

He slid his hands up my ribs, watching their progress as they made their way to my lacy, black strapless bra.

I bit my lip, feeling it.

“I don’t wanna fuck you up,” he told my midriff.

“I know what I’m doing.”

I cried out as he jerked me forward while falling back then rolled us so he was on top.

“No you don’t,” he said fiercely. “But I’m goddamned weak, and you’re beautiful, and the only good thing in my life, and I can’t seem to let you go.”

Score one for me.

I made a noise that sounded like a purr.

His pupils immediately dilated.

Okay, now we were getting somewhere.

I slid a hand over his hip and in, cupping his hardness.

He growled.

Definitely gettingsomewhere.

“Am I getting laid, or what?”

Darius let it go and his grin was so wolfish, I felt in my vajayjay.

Then I got laid.