Chapter Nine

Teagan

I HID IN the bathroom for as long as I could, washing my face and doing my best to clean up my running mascara. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and slid it out to see a text from Cash. I rolled my eyes as I read it.

Cash: Come to my Dad's office. I promise it'll be quick.

Me: Suck my dick.

Cash: After.

Me: No.

Cash: Five minutes.

I scowled at my phone as I thought about all the ways I might murder him. But then he texted again, and I let out a quiet groan of frustration.

Cash: Please.

I took a deep breath and debated blowing him off, but the fact I was the nosiest bitch on the planet won out, so I squared my shoulders and headed that way. Pushing open the door, Cash went from head in his hands to standing in seconds, his expression guarded.

"Five minutes," I said.

"Take a seat," he said.

I sat in the seat across from the one he'd just left. "Four minutes."

He rolled his eyes and sat down again. "First, I want to apologize."

"For what?"

"For being shitty about you becoming a mechanic. If you want to be a mechanic, I know you'd be an amazing one."

"I'm highly aware of that, Cash. That's not what you should be apologizing for, and I'm pretty sure you know that." I crossed my arms. "What I don't know is why you felt the need to go low. And go low to me. The person you claim to love."

He sighed. "Yeah."

"Three minutes."

"I'm scared I'm gonna lose you."

"Yeah, well, you keep going the way you've been going, and you will."

He shook his head. "Not like that."

"Two minutes, forty seconds."

"Has Daisy ever told you about Chelsea?"

"Who's Chelsea?"

"She was my high school girlfriend."

I bristled, jealously rearing its ugly head. "I don't really want to know about any of your exes, Cash."

"Baby, this is important."

"No, Daisy has never mentioned any of your exes." I narrowed my eyes. "Two minutes."

"Well, she wasn't an ex," he said. "She was a class ahead of me in high school, way the fuck out of my league, and she went off to North Carolina on a full ride for volleyball. I was going to meet her there the following year."

"You went to college?"

"No."

I frowned. "Wait, I'm confused."

"Chelsea had gotten a partial scholarship to Harvard for volleyball but took the full ride to North Carolina because it was one that we both knew I could get into. My grades weren't nearly as good as hers, but math and science have always been my thing and my parents could afford pretty much anywhere, so we landed on North Carolina."

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming. I did not want to hear about Cash and the love of his life.

"One minute, Cash."

He met my eyes. "I didn't end up going to North Carolina, Teagan, because while Chelsea was there during her freshman year, she went out with a few girls, and was raped."

I gasped. "What?"

Cash nodded. "It was off-campus, the guy was from a different university. He drugged her, and took video of the whole thing."

"Oh my god." I burst into tears. "When did this all happen?"

"A little over ten years ago. I had just turned eighteen, graduated high school two months before. She was nineteen and about to start her sophomore year at university. It was a mess. But she was strong. Jesus, she was so strong. She decided it wasn't going to break her, and she decided to come home. OHSU took her on, it was her second choice school, after Harvard, after all, and it meant I could be there to protect her. We had it planned. What we didn't realize, was the obsession this asshole had for her. He followed her. Stalked her for weeks. Waited until she was alone. Then he killed her." He shook his head. "Her dad was late picking her up by ten minutes. Ten fucking minutes. He died of a heart attack two months later."

I burst into tears. "Oh my god, Cash. I'm so sorry."

"One moment in time. One night when I had to work. Her parents and I had a tag team deal." He dragged his hands down his face. "But I have always felt like I should have been there. I couldn't protect her. Couldn't stop it from happening. I should have. I should have taken the night off. Should have known."

"How?" I asked. "How could you have known? You were practically a kid."

"Yeah, that's what everyone says." He ran his hands over his thighs. "I just feel like I could have done more."

"You can't do that, Cash. You can't do the coulda, shoulda, woulda. It'll drive you crazy."

"It did drive me crazy, Teagan. I attacked a kid—"

"You're not talking about Eric, are you?"

"You know about that?" he hissed.

"Of course I know about that," I said. "Daisy and I talk about everything. Well, except you and me. And believe me, it has killed me to keep that from her. Yes, I know about the dickhead who fucked her for cred, and no I have never told anyone about what you and Archer did, nor will I. As far as I'm concerned, you should have castrated him as well."

"I should have controlled my rage," he said.

"Or you stopped him from turning into another guy who raped another Chelsea." I shrugged. "Just a thought."

"Fuck. I have never looked at it that way."

"Maybe you should. Daisy and I have always seen you as no less than a hero. But just forget I said that. You don't need a bigger head." He gave me a sideways smile and I bit my lip. "What happened to the guy who killed Chelsea?"

"Life in prison, until he was shanked a year in by another inmate. No video, no one saw anything, so there was no one to pin it on." He shrugged. "Fine by me, and fine by Chelsea's mom. He can burn in hell."

"Definitely," I agreed. "Why didn't you go to college? Later, maybe?"

"I just couldn't function. I felt guilty, I was pissed, sad, all the colors of the fuckin' emotional rainbow. Focusing on medicine was not going to happen."

I gasped. "You were going to be a doctor?"

"That was the plan." He closed his eyes for a second. "Chelsea was slumming it for me, but we were in love, so we figured we owned the world. We'd finish out our prerequisites and then I'd sort out medical school after that. OHSU was a great compromise because Mom wanted me close."

"No wonder you had a visceral reaction to me giving up law school."

He cocked his head. "What do you mean?"

"Let me ask you a question and you can correct me if I'm wrong, okay?"

He nodded.

"Do you think I might be throwing my life away if I do something in the Trades, rather than practicing law"—I shrugged—"I don't know, maybe because you feel like being a mechanic is ‘less-than' what you originally had in mind?"

"You're better than that."

"Better than what?" I challenged.

"Better than this," he said, waving a hand up his body. "Better than some asshole who comes home with grease in his hair and under his nails. Better than someone who deals with men who have no idea how to speak to a woman who deserves better."

"Wow," I breathed out. "That's how you see yourself?"

"It's not how I want to see you."

I frowned. "Are you seriously saying that if I choose to become a mechanic, you'll see me as some sort of lowly grease monkey?"

"Of course not, but I hate the thought of you being surrounded by them."

"Cash, I'm surrounded by them now. Our dads are officers in an MC."

"It's not the same."

"Actually, it's worse," I pointed out. "No one here has a filter, including me."

"Baby, no one here'll fuck with you because they know your dad'll remove their spleen."

I smirked. "No one fucks with me because they know I'll remove their spleen."

"There is that," he conceded.

"Do you really see yourself as some has-been loser who should have gone to med school but ‘settled' for being a mechanic?"

He stared at me for a few seconds before shaking his head. "No. I love what I do."

"And if I choose to go that route, will you think less of me?"

"I could never, baby. You're pretty close to perfect."

"Okay, let's not go overboard."

He raised an eyebrow. "You're out of my league and you know it. Everyone knows it. Hatch made it clear—"

"Jesus, what did Hatch say?" I demanded.

"He told me to apologize and beg your forgiveness. Then he said you're better than I deserve, and I knew it. And that's when he said I needed to talk to your dad, which I do if this is something you want."

"Cash," I breathed out. "None of that's true. Well, talking to my dad probably is, but I'm not better than you deserve. You're kind of amazing when you don't take the weight of the world on your shoulders. I mean, come on, buddy, the Vietnam War wasn't your fault, too, was it?"

He let out a quiet grunt.

"Maybe there really is something to girls falling for men just like their dads," I grumbled.

Cash leaned forward, running his hands up my thighs, his face tortured. "I love you, Teagan. More than I've ever loved anyone, and that scares me to my core."

"I get that." I gripped his chin. "But you need to figure out if you love me enough to get over that fear because even though I know for a fact I'm not better than you, I do know my worth and I won't be subjected to the shit you've been pulling lately."

He settled his cheek on my lap. "I know your worth too, Turtle."

I stroked his hair. "God you're an idiot."

"I know."

"But you're my idiot."

"All the way."

"I'm really sorry about Chelsea, honey," I said.

He sat up and met my eyes. "Thanks, baby."

"Are you going to pull your head out of your ass?"

"Yeah, if you're with me, I'm gonna pull my head outta my ass."

"I love you, Cash. So much so that I've cried more than I'd like to admit this week. And you know how much I hate crying."

"Yeah, Dad mentioned it." He dropped his forehead to mine. "I'm sorry I've been an ass."

"Forgiven."

"I'll talk to Mack after church this week."

"Okay."

He stood, pulling me up with him, and wrapping his arms around me. "Fuck, I love you."

"You better, because I'm a catch."

He chuckled. "Oh, I'm aware."

I pulled away and smiled up at him. "I'll go out first."

"Okay, baby."

I pulled open the door, just in time to see Hatch walking out of the bathroom. "Hey there, Mister President."

He turned with a big grin. "Hey, sweetheart."

"Can you come in here, please?" I asked, with a saccharin edge to my voice.

"Teagan," Cash warned.

Hatch raised an eyebrow as he headed my way, slipping past me into the office and I closed the door with a thwap.

"Okay, so you're pissed," he observed.

"What's this about you telling Cash that he's not worthy?" I demanded. "What fucking right do you have spouting bullshit like that—"

"Teagan!" Cash growled.

I raised my hand. "Give me a minute, honey, I have a spleen to remove."

Hatch crossed his arms and grinned, while Cash dragged his hands through his hair with a groan.

I jabbed a finger toward Cash. "That man right there is the most loyal, awesome human on the planet, and he is my ride or die, so if you ever tell him I'm better than him again, I will slap you upside the head, do you get me?"

"Jesus, woman, you cannot talk to the prez like that," Cash said.

"Well, if he kept his stupid nose out of my business, I wouldn't have to."

Hatch bust out laughing and took a bow. "My work here is done."

"Your work? What is that supposed to mean?" I hissed.

"Well, for the first time in weeks, Mr. Mopey here has had something resembling a smile on his face and you're ready to lay claim to him in front of me, god, and everyone. So, yeah, I'd say, I stuck my stupid nose exactly where it was needed."

"Has anyone ever told you you're impossible?" I bit out.

"Been married to the same woman for thirty years and given there's three-hundred-sixty-five days in a year, I reckon I've heard it approximately eleven-thousand times."

I settled my hands on my hips. "Okay, if you're so smart, do you really think my dad's going to be pissed about me and Cash?"

"There's only one way to find out and I'd recommend you tell him sooner than later. The guys around here are worse than the celebrity housewives when it comes to gossip."

"I'm gonna do it after church on Wednesday when it's quieter," Cash said.

Hatch nodded. "I can get behind that. I'll have your back, too, kid. Your dad know?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you got two behind you."

"I'll be there," I said.

"You won't," Cash and Hatch said in stereo.

"Why not? No girls allowed is so stupid."

"You can use that time to talk to your mom," Hatch suggested.

"And Daisy," Cash said.

"Oh, shit. Daisy," I breathed out. "Maybe we shouldn't do this right now."

"I'm gonna give you a few," Hatch said. "You let me know what you decide."

Hatch walked out and I faced Cash.

"If you want to wait, we'll wait, but I really think we should tell your dad."

I bit my lip. "I don't know. Can I take a beat and think about it?"

"Yeah, of course."

I slid my arms around his waist. "Thank you."

He leaned down and kissed me. "Now, go grab whatever dessert's left before Buzz eats it all. Save me some."

"Okay."

He smacked my butt as I headed out of the office and back into the great room. He didn't follow for several minutes, and I started to panic a little until I saw him amble his way toward me, his expression neutral, like it always was.

I dropped my head and smiled, then controlled my own expression and started to load my plate with a few of Maisie's desserts.