Chapter 6

Chapter

Six

ORION

I was slightly relieved that the only witness to my potential humiliation was going to be Danyal and his small team who had been working on the serum. I had been terrified at the idea that our next step was fucking with DNA, so I supposed it was my own fault I was walking into the situation blind.

Danyal seemed to sense my apprehension when I first arrived, though, so instead of having me strip down and submit to pokes and prods and tests, he brought over a chair and sat across from me with his hands loosely hanging between his spread thighs. "Do you have any questions?"

"About a thousand," I admitted, rubbing the back of my neck. I felt too hot and too cold, and the walls seemed closer than they had been when I first got to the lab. "I doubt you've got answers to them though."

He smiled at me, but it was tense, and I knew most of this was because the life on the line right now was Zane's. "If you want to ask them, I can do my best to tell you what I know."

Letting out a puff of air, my gaze darted toward the door that was left open a crack. "He hated this, you know. Zane," I said.

Danyal nodded, his lips in a firm, straight line. "I know. I know he did. And he's going to be furious when he gets back and finds out that you of all people volunteered."

I wasn't sure what he meant by those last words, but it wasn't the time to ask. "If I had another choice," I said, but I stopped because no doubt, Danyal had heard this from every single Wolf on the Council. "Just…I need to know what the chances are that this is really going to work."

"I've tested it on six Betas," Danyal told me very quietly. "I was hoping to have more time to see if there were any potential long-term effects. In fact, I told the General I didn't agree with the timing at all, but he reminded me that it was this or let my brother go. And it might make me a monster, but I'm willing to sacrifice anything to bring him home."

I couldn't help my wince, my heart aching because I knew Kor wouldn't have used emotional manipulation on Danyal lightly, but I also knew it wasn't a lie. "I'm willing to accept whatever happens if it means bringing him back."

"I'm not really sure what to say to that," Danyal admitted, something a little tender, and maybe afraid, in his voice.

"Don't say anything," I told him. "It is what it is. Just…tell me how bad this is going to get."

"I wish I knew," he admitted. "I can tell you that it likely won't kill you, just like it didn't kill Misha—though he'd been under a gradual treatment for months. I can tell you it's going to hurt, and I can tell you that the test subjects were able to revert completely back to Beta form without any lingering change."

"Why didn't Misha?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Several reasons, I think," Danyal said and shrugged, leaning back in his chair. "I don't think his father was trying to make his change temporary, and that has been my primary focus since starting this experiment. I also think it's because he's human. Our bodies are designed to take on different forms. We're naturally shifters—human to wolf, if you want to ignore the technicalities of our species. It's…well, physics, to put it simply. I don't really have time to go into the intricate details. But that isn't a guarantee that my changes worked. The longer you're taking it, the more hold it might take on you."

"So, I might end up…" I didn't finish my sentence, because the idea of not being a Beta was so foreign, I wasn't sure how the hell to feel at potentially losing my status. I had never believed Omegas were less worthy, or strong, or capable, but I was who I was. Wolves my age didn't change. In our entire recorded history, it had never happened.

"It may be total, it may be partial. It may be nothing at all," Danyal offered, spreading his hands. "The serum might work exactly as I designed it, and you'll become the very picture of an Omega while retaining everything about your Beta training."

"The others? How long did they last on the serum?"

"They were on three doses. It was all I was willing to risk at the time," Danyal said from behind a sigh. "You'll need to take one dose every twelve hours, which means by the time you get to DC, you'll have already started four."

"Will I," I hesitated for a brief second, "go into a heat?"

Danyal's eyebrows rose. "I want to say no, because you're a male Wolf and even with Omega hormones, it would be rare. Misha was different because his biology was different. But… it is a possibility."

I bit my lip and tried not to think about it. Any Wolf who wasn't an Omega would be a hell-bound liar if they said they didn't wonder what heat was like. To be taken over by need, want—desperate to be filled and knotted. I had gotten off to heat porn more than I was ever willing to confess to anyone, and while most Betas were only ever willing to admit to wanting a knot of their own, I had wanted to be filled by one.

I shook my head, then rolled my shoulders back and gave him a nod. "It doesn't matter what happens. We don't have another choice, and I'm not wasting another two weeks trying to find a work-around. The longer he's gone…"

I didn't need to finish my sentence, and I saw the pang of grief on Danyal's face. "Okay. Then I have some forms for you to sign and a gown for you to change into. After that, I'm going to take a few vials of blood, and then we can begin."

I shuddered, but I rose when he did, and moved toward the sterile little bed and waited for it all to be over.

It didn't take long to get the initial tests out of the way, and none of it was particularly unfamiliar to me. Danyal was clinical and quick, but my anxiety started to increase the moment he wheeled in a tray, and I saw the unobtrusive little vial sitting in the corner next to a syringe.

He must have heard my heart start to thud in my chest, because he quickly laid his hand on my arm and met my gaze. "You can still say no."

I could, and I was thinking about it, but saying no meant trusting this to someone else. Saying no meant leaving Zane out there until the gods only knew when. Saying no was signing his death warrant, and the very thought of that made me feel like I was ripping out my own guts.

"I can't promise I won't be petrified, but I don't want you to stop," I told him.

He held my gaze another few moments, then he backed up a few steps and put on a pair of gloves. I closed my eyes, breathing heavy through my nose as I heard him unwrap the needle. There was the sharp tang of antiseptic after that, and then a cold swipe over my thigh as his other hand held up the gown.

"It needs to go in the muscle," he said, stroking his thumb firmly over my skin. "It'll be easy enough for you to do yourself once you're on the road, but you need to make sure you set an alarm, because you cannot miss a dose."

It just added another layer of risk to getting caught, but it was one I was willing to take. "How long until we know if it worked?"

"Minutes," he said.

I finally opened my eyes and met his, which looked worried, though his hands were steady as he held the needle over my leg. "And then what?"

"And then you're going to feel weak, and your skin is going to burn like you have a fever."

I couldn't help a hoarse laugh. "I've never had a fever."

His mouth softened into a grin, and he shook his head. "Perks of being a Beta. It'll feel like you're cooking from the inside out, and your stomach is going to cramp. It should last about fifteen minutes."

"Every time?" I couldn't help but ask. If I had to do that in the middle of a mission, I couldn't afford to be taken out.

"I don't think so. The other Betas experienced shorter recovery times with each dose, but again, we never got past three. I like to think your body will adjust as time goes on to the point you won't feel it at all, but I can't be sure." He licked his lips, then opened his mouth like he was going to say something more, but decided against it. With a breath, he pinched my thigh gently between his fingers, and I braced myself.

The initial stick didn't hurt, and neither did the serum going in. He pressed a small cotton pad down to stop any bleeding, and I held my breath. A minute passed and then two. Then three.

At the five-minute mark, I pushed up on my elbows and stared at Danyal. "I don't think…" Pain gripped me by the throat, and all I could manage was a weak cry. My arms collapsed, and my head hit the thin pillow beneath me. I wanted to thrash, to fight it, but my limbs refused to cooperate.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, where rational thought existed, I was laughing. Danyal said it felt like I was burning alive—but it was so much worse than that. I was convinced it was going to end me. I wasn't going to survive. This was hell, and I was going to burn for eternity.

And then, almost like a switch flipped, it was over.

My breathing was hitched in my chest, and my eyes were hot, but the pain was gone like it had never been. Only the tremors in my fingers showed that I had just been through the worst agony of my life.

"What the fuck?" I gasped.

Danyal winced. "The second treatment is going to be easier."

I attempted to sit, but my arms were still weak and refused to support my weight. "How much easier? I'm not going to be able to do jack shit if it takes me down like this every time."

Danyal wasn't looking at me, instead marking something down on my little chart. "All of the previous Betas noticed a significant reduction in pain and length of time before they were back on their feet. I don't know what will happen after three doses, but I have enough evidence to pose the theory that after several rounds of the serum, you won't notice much."

I hoped to the gods he was right, otherwise we were all screwed.

Lifting my hand, I managed to drag it down my face, and I flexed my fingers. It felt like someone had drained every ounce of strength out of me. "Am I going to feel like this the entire time?"

"You should regain your strength shortly," Danyal said, setting the chart aside. He rested one hand on my cheek, then used his thumb to pull my lower eyelid down. He hummed softly, then checked the other one. "You won't be at your full Beta power, but you'll be naturally stronger than an average Omega. And you'll retain all of your training."

Which was why it had to be a Beta. I dragged my tongue over my bottom lip, then pushed him back and forced myself to sit up. I was feeling somewhat better, though a stiff breeze could have knocked me over, but it was something.

"Am I," I started, then touched the edge of my eye. "Are they…?"

"They are."

My heart stuttered, and for a moment, I couldn't breathe. Omega eyes. I had Omega eyes. Fear gripped me in ways I hadn't expected. "I…"

Danyal touched the back of my hand, his fingers warm and soft. "If it's too much, we can stop," he said, his voice a low rumble.

It took me a moment to find my tongue, but the answer was waiting for me when I did. "No. It's… I just wasn't expecting it to feel like this."

"I don't think anyone could have prepared for it. Maybe a younger Beta," he added with a shrug, his lips turned up in a grin.

A younger Beta—because that was the way most of us began and most of us ended. The few who gained Alpha eyes already knew long before the change that it was coming. The color was almost a formality. But even when Kor and I had matched each other in basic training, I had never assumed I would present as anything other than myself: a blue-eyed soldier happy to serve those on either side of me.

"I'd like to see them," I said after a beat.

Danyal nodded and stepped back so I could ease off the bed. My legs trembled, struggling to hold my weight as I shuffled toward the little door that led to the bathroom, and I couldn't help but wonder if the others felt like this. Or did it not faze them at all, knowing they would only look like this for a moment?

I winced when Danyal turned the light on, and it took me a second to find my courage to glance in the mirror. When I did, I was more startled to find my face hadn't changed at all—apart from the soft orange flash in my eyes beneath my brows. I was still as large as ever, my beard slightly more than a five o'clock shadow. I reached up and ran the tips of my fingers over my brows, blinking before touching my chin.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Danyal asked, leaning on the door behind me.

I stared at him through the mirror, then shook my head. "Do you honestly think I'll pass?"

"You're muscular, but you're not particularly tall," he mused, and he was right. I had maybe an inch on him, if that. He leaned a little closer, sniffed, then eased back with a small smile. "Your scent is changing. I think by the time you reach DC, you'd be able to pass a genetic scan without an issue."

I knew it was a triumph for him, but I wasn't sure what it meant for me. I ran my fingers down the front of my throat and felt a shiver—an almost ache to submit, though I couldn't sense an Alpha anywhere near us. It would only get worse, I knew. If I ran into any other Wolves, I would have to fight these new instincts.

"What now?" I asked, turning away from the strange, orange gaze.

Danyal gave me a once over, then walked backward into the room as I headed back for the bed. My clothes were waiting, and I was damn-near desperate to get out of this fucking gown. "I want to do some strength and reflex assessments."

I groaned, humiliated by what might happen, but I knew Danyal needed this. Not just for his research, but to prepare me for what I might face once I left the city. With a deep breath, I reached for my shirt, then turned to him. "Alright. As long as I can change, I'm ready to do whatever you need."

We made it to the physical therapy floor, which was completely empty, but I knew that wasn't likely to remain that way once we started bringing our people home. Kor had ordered an entire wing be dedicated to recovery for the injured Wolves, though I didn't think any of us knew what we were in store for. Zane would be the second Wolf ever rescued from the labs, and I could only imagine what they had put him through.

If we were lucky, I'd get to him before any permanent damage set in, but I didn't think they were going take their time with him the way they'd done with Kor. We were all operating on theory, and it felt like navigating a room full of broken glass, blindfolded, with our hands tied behind our backs.

"Where do you want me?" I asked, turning in a half circle. There were mats on the floor, a boxing dummy by the window, and a couple of parallel bars.

Danyal hummed in thought. "Let me turn the dummy on, and I want to measure the strength of your punches. After that, I want to test your shift."

My brows rose, but I gave him a short nod before toeing off my shoes and stepping onto the edge of the mat. "Anything else?"

"I'd like to test your responses in wolf form when I bring in an Alpha and Beta."

A sudden wave of humiliation rippled through me, and I turned away, though I could hear Danyal sucking in a breath to say something. I held up my hand, my head shaking. "Don't."

He took a step closer, but said nothing.

After a second, I could breathe again, but I couldn't bring myself to look over at him. I knew that testing how powerful the change had been was necessary. And having some Omega instincts would only strengthen my cover as I masqueraded as an Omega. But it felt too close to debasing myself in front of Wolves and soldiers who likely ranked below me, and I wasn't sure I could handle it.

"Orion," Danyal said softly.

I turned my head and forced myself to look at him. "I'm uncomfortable with this," I admitted, knowing there wasn't any point in lying to him. "I don't know if I can handle feeling like I need to submit."

Danyal let out a small puff of air, his gaze roaming the room, then he stalked off and returned with two chairs. It was a relief to sit for a moment, even if it was a little too close to him than I wanted to be. But his presence was still grounding.

"Would it help if I told you what it was like for me?" he asked. "Every Omega reacts differently. A lot of us aren't as natural at submitting as others, and I can at least offer you some idea of how it feels."

I let out a slow breath, then nodded. "We can give it a shot. I don't know how much good it'll do."

He let out the smallest laugh. "Well, maybe it'll help to tell you that regardless of how submissive some Omegas are, none of us feel the need to fall to our knees and bear our necks the moment an Alpha enters the room."

I flushed at the ridiculous stereotype that even our own people had fallen victim to. But he was right—it had crossed my mind in spite of never having seen an Omega behave like that. Not even in the first waves of a heat. "I figured," I finally told him.

He folded his hands together between his knees and leaned a little closer to me. "I might be different because I was raised between two Alpha kids. And you know Zane wasn't much of a caretaker, but Talia always has been. She was very maternal, and I think that sort of helped hone my desire to help people. But I've never had a problem standing up to an Alpha when one started posturing."

I licked my lips. "Has your heat ever been triggered by one?"

Danyal bit his lip, and there was something in his gaze—something like pain—but he quickly shoved that away. "As far as we know, that only occurs when there's a bond match between an Alpha and an Omega. And almost never with total strangers."

That was shit we had all learned in our biology class, but something in his voice told me he knew from experience. I desperately wanted to ask, but it wasn't my place.

"So, what can I expect, then?" I said, feeling like I was out at sea without help of rescue.

Danyal leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, his brow furrowed in thought. "I suppose it's like…the feeling of wanting to go with the flow in order to keep the peace. It's soothing, in a way, to let someone else make the decisions. But it never, ever erases common sense."

It made sense to me—it lined up with everything I had ever seen in an Omega. But it was still wrong. It didn't fit inside my skin.

Taking a deep breath, I rolled my shoulders back, then rose from the chair and centered my balance. "I think I'm ready," I told him.

He gave me an appraising look, then gestured at the dummy. "If you're sure…then let's begin."

By the time I got back to the room. All I wanted was my bed in my little apartment with a bottle of scotch and a few days to forget the bullshit that lay ahead of me, but I wasn't allowed to leave.

The session with the dummy, then running on a treadmill while he measured my heart was bad enough. And once the other Wolves came in, I was ready to call it a day. I was grateful that they were both vaguely unfamiliar to me. The Alpha was a woman named Sasha who had been an envoy between us and one of the other resistance camps. She approached the situation with an almost clinical attitude, following Danyal's orders to give me commands.

And Danyal had been right. My body wanted to obey, because it felt better than telling her to go fuck herself when she told me to take a seat in the chair and refrain from talking for ten minutes. But there was nothing in me that prevented me from opening my mouth, or from standing up. I wasn't afraid of her, it just felt good to listen.

The Beta was one that had been working on the road crew the week before. We'd met once or twice, though I didn't remember his name. Danyal introduced him but by then, my exhaustion was enough to knock me down. We went a single round on the mat, and I managed to deflect his punches, but I couldn't land a hit on him, and I wondered if I had somehow failed.

"You did fine," Danyal said, easing me into the chair after the other Wolves left. "Your strength is diminished, but your reflexes are exactly the same. And…" he hesitated, making eye contact with his eyes flashing orange that now matched mine, "it wasn't as terrifying as you thought it would be, was it?"

No. It was frustrating at the very worst, and I could handle that. "I really just want to lie down," I told him. I wasn't in the mood to bear my soul, and he was kind enough to accept that and escort me back to my little bed.

The second injection came just after my dinner, and it was a miracle I didn't sick up the hospital food all over the floor. Danyal had been right about one thing—it was slightly less painful and a lot quicker than the first dose. But I wasn't convinced it was going to ease up with enough time for me to make it to the city.

My only saving grace was that my doses were early in the morning and then at night, which meant during the day—while I was attempting to infiltrate ComTech—I could focus on that and nothing else. And when it was time for me to escape, I wouldn't need to pass as an Omega anymore.

That thought soothed my frayed nerves as I rested, my arm slung over my eyes, and I didn't move again until I sensed my Alpha walking into the building.

Kor showed once things had calmed down, appearing in the doorway with his hand on Misha's shoulder, looking more tense than I felt. I sat up slightly and met Misha's gaze, but I was grateful he didn't try and make small talk because I was in no mood. He leaned in and grazed a kiss along Kor's jaw, then left him there as I shuffled to the end of the bed.

"There's a chair about five steps to your right," I told him. He swept his arm to the side, finding it after a second, then he sat with his hands hanging between his knees.

"I hate this," he said. I felt his guilt and grief pulsing in the bond, and being as exhausted as I was, it started to overwhelm me.

"Please, don't," I begged him. I dropped down to my feet and met him in front of the chair as he stood up and reached for me. Our heads knocked together as his claws pricked my skin, and he took in a deep breath of my scent.

"That's new," he muttered.

I flushed. "Yeah well…perks of this fucked up drug."

"Orion," he breathed out, but I squeezed him tight, cutting off whatever else he wanted to say.

"You know we don't have another choice," I reminded him. "It was this or nothing."

"That's not true," he growled, and I tightened my grip on his arm. "I have a fucking city full of Betas, and if even a quarter of those are willing to take on this mission…"

"You and I both know we can't trust them. Not right now. We're not going to play roulette with the people we're trying to save—and right now the name at the top of that list is Zane's. I have all the information I need, and I might not be at full strength, but I know how to take care of myself. I've been trained for shit like this my entire life." I eased back a little, and his chin rose, though he kept his eyes closed.

"If I lose you…" His words echoed the ones he'd spoken after the shift.

I wanted to promise him he wouldn't, just like I had desperately wanted to promise Danyal that I would bring Zane back safe and alive. But I cared about them too much to risk it being a lie. "You know I'll do everything in my power to bring us both home."

Kor took in a breath, then nodded before letting me go. My skin stung as it healed from where his claws had torn at me, but the pain was grounding. "I want to go over everything before you head out. How's the…treatment going?" He hesitated on the word, almost like he was afraid of it, and I didn't blame him. After everything the humans had done to him and his mate, I couldn't imagine how this was making him feel.

"It's hell," I admitted, easing back onto the bed as he dropped into the chair. "It feels like my insides are being ripped apart and set on fire, but Danyal thinks it'll get bearable by the time I reach DC."

Kor's brows furrowed, and his eyes opened, though they were pointed nowhere near me. "How sure is he?"

"As sure as he can be with this shit that hasn't been properly tested," I told him, not hiding my frustration or resignation that I was the lab rat.

Kor's jaw tightened, and he gave me a stiff nod, because it was the one thing he and I had nearly come to blows over. I still couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that he'd agreed to this project at all—considering how close he'd come to losing Misha thanks to his father's fucked-up experiments. But at the moment, I was grateful we had something.

"I've spoken to Nadya and arranged for you to cross the border into Canada the moment you have him," Kor said. "She's got a plant at the border check point to get you both over, and then a place to hole up in until we can get a team up there to get you home."

I stiffened instantly. The most I knew about Nadya was that she was an Omega spy and that Kor trusted her for some reason. I'd also seen the way her name made Zane flinch, which set my hackles rising. "I'm not sure about her…"

"Please don't," he said quietly. "Not now. We've come too far to start doubting her."

I swallowed thickly, the reality of the situation hitting me hard. "Fine. But what if Zane's not in any condition to cross the border?"

Kor lifted his chin and fixed me with his endlessly black gaze. "Then you figure out how to get him there. There are too many human cities for you to cross between DC and here. The moment you've got him, you'll get a matter of hours—maybe a day before they're hot on your ass."

"He's gonna be chipped," I warned him.

Kor laughed. "I have no fucking doubt. Especially since they failed to track me. But it'll be easy to find and remove once you get him out. Nadya said she'll walk you through it."

It was only slightly terrifying that I was putting my fate, and the fate of Zane, into an unknown. Was she actually on our side, or was she going to use this opportunity to take another high-powered, well-trained member of our rebellion and deliver me into human hands? I was afraid that by asking, Kor would think I was second guessing his judgment, and I wasn't prepared for another one of those fights.

"You got a file for me to read over before I meet with her?" I asked.

"I'll give you everything I've got before you head out, but you know why she hasn't been able to send everything over the network," Kor said. He rose, taking shuffling steps toward me with his hand out until he found the bed, then he gripped my wrist and sent pulsing emotion through the bond. Fear, pride, gratitude, hopelessness. It was everything I was feeling, magnified by the fact that he couldn't strap on a weapon and just go get our people back.

Even if he hadn't been blinded, the humans had him by the throat and were forcing him to play dirty.

"Look, if I don't come back," I started, and I felt the prickle of his claws against my skin. I shuffled closer to him, grabbing him around the back of his neck, and I pressed our foreheads together. "If I don't come back," I said again, "I need you to promise me you will find a way to get Zane."

"I'm going to burn every single one of their cities to the ground if they lay a finger on you. Do you understand that?" he growled.

I nodded, letting him feel it against his forehead.

We said nothing more. I had no one else besides him that I could call family. Not anymore. The war had robbed me of my parents, my pack, my future. If I wanted a hope of building something—anything—I had to succeed. And even if I didn't, I had to know that the resistance wouldn't give up so other Wolves could.