Chapter 24

Chapter

Twenty-Four

ORION

Z ane was dead to the world a few hours after we got home, so I crept over to the main house when I saw Cameron in the kitchen window, puttering around. I could hear Talia and the baby's heartbeats, steady in their sleep, so I knocked gently on the back door, then let myself in.

"Mind if I grab a beer?" I asked.

His mouth spread into a grin, and he gestured to the fridge. "Help yourself. I don't have anything fancy. It's been difficult enough to get the cheap shit stocked, but it does the trick."

I laughed quietly as I crossed the room and pulled one out, then looked over my shoulder at him. "You want?"

"Gods yes," he said.

I chuckled again, popping the top, then handed his over just as Loki came barreling into the room, and smashed himself into my legs. He was a total puppy the moment his harness was off, his big German Shephard ears perked up, his tongue lolling out from between his jaws. I gave him a scritch before stepping back as Cameron snapped his fingers.

"Outside," he commanded. When Loki dove out the dog door, Cameron turned his gaze back to me. "Want to stargaze?"

"Sounds better than sitting inside," I confessed. I followed him out the door and down the little path to a couple of chaises, and we each took one. It felt good to stretch out, in spite of the fact that I'd spent the last several hours lying on my back. But my skin was just now losing the unbearable itch of healing, and I could let myself relax.

"What's the sky like?" he asked.

I glanced up and saw a few puffs of grey clouds in the distance, but the moon was high and close to full. "Well, it's not going to rain, if that's what you're asking."

He laughed, then took a drink, as the moment was punctuated by the rapid squeak of Loki's toy. "And what about you? How's everything healing up?"

"Nearly there," I told him. I rubbed at my eye and tried not to think about their color—or what the hell that could possibly mean. I'd managed a shower once all of my scabs had flaked away, and when it was over, I stared at myself until Zane had come into the bathroom and kissed me calm.

Now though, without his touch, I was starting to feel panicked all over.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I let out a short breath, then set my beer down and sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of the chaise. "I lost the serum back at ComTech," I told him, keeping my voice low enough, only he could hear me. "It was in my car in the parking garage, and when Nadya lit the place up, I had to abandon it. I figured that was fine—I wasn't planning on taking it once I was out of DC."

"Right," he said quietly.

"Danyal wasn't really sure what was going to happen once I stopped taking it, though." I rubbed at the back of my neck, my gaze fixed on my bare feet as I dug my toes through the grass. "I assumed after a few missed doses, shit would get back to normal."

"But it didn't," he murmured.

I shook my head. "I, uh." I swallowed thickly. "I went into heat."

At that, Cameron sat up and turned his face toward me. "Oh shit."

I let out a slightly bitter laugh and shrugged. "Yeah. Which, I'm sure you don't think that's a big deal."

I expected him to laugh with me, but instead, he leaned closer toward me. "Orion, I have always been an Omega. I barely remember the first time I went into heat. And now I know what to expect. We have a routine. I definitely think it's a big fucking deal that a Beta went into one." He licked his lips. "What happened?"

I fell back against the chaise again and covered my face with my hands. "It sent Zane into a rut. He wasn't really with it yet. He was kind of…all instinct."

"Did he…against your will?" Cameron asked tightly.

I sat up again and shook my head hard. "No. Gods…no, it wasn't like that. I'm…" I laughed, a little embarrassed still in spite of the fact that Zane and I hadn't bothered to hide what we were to each other. "I've always wanted him. I felt like I was taking advantage, but…"

"But he's been head over heels in love with you for at least two years?" Cameron offered with a small grin.

"Fuck off," I breathed, then chuckled. "But yeah, something like that. Anyway, after the heat, my eyes started to change back to blue, but there were these moments where flecks of orange would glow around my pupils. After the blast, I had the doctors check my hormone levels, and I still have uh…signs of Omega."

"I see," he said quietly.

My gaze turned back up to the stars. "The bomb got me in the face pretty good, and when my eyes started to heal, Zane noticed that the orange was stronger. Streaks of it."

"Permanently," Cameron said.

I nodded, then remembered to speak. "I think so, yeah. And I feel like the world's biggest asshole because I keep thinking, if Danyal was here, he'd know what to do. But he's been taken by those bastards, and it feels selfish to want him home for that."

"I know damn well you want him home because he's Zane's brother, and because you care about him," Cameron corrected. "But you're also allowed to feel this way. You participated in something experimental—with no goddamn data—in order to save the man you love. And you couldn't begin to know what the consequences would be."

"Do you think it makes me a freak that I don't hate it?" I asked him after a beat.

I felt a pulse of surprise in the air between us, and he cocked his head to the side. "Being an Omega?"

"Being this. Whatever the fuck I am now," I told him. "I feel like myself, but…also, I don't. I just don't have the words to explain it."

"I don't think it makes you a freak," he said. "People think I'm one because I don't sit around wishing I wasn't blind all the time. That my self-acceptance is more than just being okay with the hand I was dealt."

I grinned at him. "Fair."

"People are terrified of what they don't understand. And you might have to deal with that in the future, once people see you."

And it wasn't like I hadn't thought about that, but having him say it so blatant made my stomach twist again. It was easier, knowing I'd be with Zane—bonded to him, loving him for the rest of my life—but it was a heavy burden to bear.

"It'll be okay though," Cameron said after a while. He leaned back in his own chair and kicked his feet up as Loki came bounding over and settled next to him on the ground. He drifted his fingers through the dog's fur, then let out a contented sigh. "And soon enough you and I will be family, and if that's what all of this has led to, I'm going to consider it a gift."

And well, I hadn't thought of it that way, but hearing him say it that way made me realize I had gained so damn much more than I had lost.

It was deep in the night when Zane's stirring dragged me from my fractured sleep. It started with a quiet growl, wordless sounds from deep in his chest. His body went stiff, and it didn't take me long to realize he was having a nightmare—though it seemed like such a sorry, useless word for what it was.

Terror was more like it—trapped in memories of being stripped of his sense of self, tortured, forced to attack our kind. I knew he still saw blood on his hands every time he looked at them, and no matter how many people told him—over and over—that it wasn't his fault, he'd never fully believe them.

And it wouldn't be long before the rest of the world knew, and he'd be forced to stand against accusations of monstrosity.

A deep ache formed in the pit of my gut because I couldn't save him from that fate. I couldn't stand between him and those who were desperate to believe we were only a single step away from being little more than mindless animals. Even if it hadn't lasted, he was proof that we could turn feral, and it wouldn't matter then what life stood before us.

In that state, we would take it.

When his growling turned into whimpers, I rolled over and gently dragged my fingertips over his pulse. It was so rapid, it would have killed an ordinary human, and even in him, it was pushing him to his limits. A thin sheen of sweat formed on his brow, and he thrashed a little harder as I increased the pressure of my touch.

"You're safe," I told him. "You're safe. I'm here."

If we had bonded, I would have been able to feel him slipping sooner, and I would have been able to reach for him there instead of drawing him back to consciousness. I had never regretted waiting more than I did right then as his lips pulled back, and his fangs descended.

He took me by absolute surprise when his eyes opened, and he was on me. He pinned me to the bed, his claws sinking into my neck, his nose pressed to mine. He was breathing rapidly, growling now in the back of his throat. One move, and he could rip me to shreds, and there would be no time for me to heal.

I didn't move. I didn't breathe. I simply met his gaze until I was sure he was aware of me, and then I turned my head to the side.

When he pulled his claws back, I felt blood trickling down my skin, and then he gave a distressed whimper deep in his chest. When he tensed, ready to throw himself away from me, I reached up and curled my fingers into his shirt.

"Don't," I whispered.

He stiffened and closed one hand around my wrist. When he looked at me again, he was there—he was my Alpha. The love of my life. "Orion, I…"

"You were having a nightmare," I murmured.

He shook his head, so I reached up with my other hand and grabbed the back of his neck, dragging him down until our noses were pressed together.

"Don't pull away," I whispered against his lips.

"I hurt you."

I turned my neck again, letting him drag fingers over the sticky spot. "It's already healed. And it's worth it if it means I got you out of that place."

He started shaking after a second—not a new occurrence, though each nightmare where he woke with his hand around my throat seemed to affect him more and more. There had only been a few in the cabin, but I had a feeling now that we were home, they were going to get worse.

It was the way of things. It had been like that in war. We stayed together because we needed to in order to survive, and then when we were home—when we were safe—the trauma and pain crept in like a ghost, possessing us until we were no longer ourselves.

I wasn't going to let him slip, but I'd been through it myself enough times to know that there wasn't much I could do except be there for him as he worked through it.

"I'm so tired of waking up with your blood under my nails," he whispered.

I shifted to the side, easing him back down, then I wrapped my leg around his and held him as close as I could manage. "It's not my favorite thing to wake up to. I can think of at least a dozen more interesting parts of your body pressing into mine than your claws."

He snorted, but there was no amusement in the sound. "You're not as funny as you think you are."

"Mm. Some would beg to differ." I grinned at him in the dark, then nipped at his jaw. I knew that stirred something primal in him, teasing his wolf. But it was more than that. It was obvious that Zane hadn't been able to shake that animal side of him—the way it hovered much closer to the surface than most of us. And I know he was humiliated by it, but every time I engaged it, he relaxed a little more.

I was desperate for him to know that whatever shape he took, when all was said and done, I was going to love him more than I had ever loved anyone before.

"Can I ask you something," he said after a beat.

I kissed his shoulder. "Anything."

"Do you ever miss it? Being…ignorant?" he said, hesitating like he was searching for the right word. "When we were heading into war, and you were engaged, believing you were going to come back and have a family some day and settle down. Raise the next generation of soldiers."

I shook my head, thinking of my ex. It had been almost an engagement of convenience. I had known her most of her life, and it just seemed the thing to do. And the look in her eyes when she scoffed at me and left for the capital, it should have hurt. It should have gutted me. But the only thing that had been wounded was my pride.

I had never loved her, and she had never loved me.

We had been acting the part, and the ending of the war had forced us to come to terms with the fact that everything was changing. And neither of us were ready for it.

"It wasn't a life I wanted. When she left, I was relieved," I told him. "I didn't really think I'd ever find someone who loved me the way I wanted to be loved, but I knew I didn't want to settle."

"And now?" he pressed.

He was fishing, and I was willing to let myself be caught. I pushed up on my arm, hovering over him, and I used my free hand to trace a touch over his features. He relaxed into it, his lips parting, then opening as I pushed my finger over his hot, wet tongue. He sucked me down—a promise of what he'd give, if I just asked for it, and my cock twitched in my boxers.

"And now, I'm head over heels for the most gorgeous Alpha I have ever seen. One that loves me even though I'm a…"

"Don't," he said, echoing the word the same way I'd said it to him. He pulled my hand away, then gently eased me onto my back before swinging one leg over me and pressing his groin to mine. He was just as hard—his cock gently throbbing as it rubbed through the fabric along the cut of my hip. "You're nothing short of perfect."

I closed my eyes and felt something rising between us—a sort of hot, aching desire. It had echoes of the heat, and when his nostrils flared, I realized he could smell it.

"Do you think you'll ever go into heat again?" he murmured. His hand drifted down my middle, grazing my stomach, then curling around where my cock was straining my boxers.

I pushed into his hand, letting myself take the pleasure for a moment. "I don't know. I don't think so," I admitted. I opened my eyes to look at him again. "I'm sorry if…"

"No," he interrupted again. "I don't need a heat to be with you—to bond with you, to knot you, to know you're mine."

I shuddered beneath him, then lifted my head to meet him halfway for the messy, desperate kiss. His tongue fucked into my mouth the way his cock would do in my ass later, and my only real regret was not having slick to make the moment more convenient.

It didn't really matter though. He reached over into the nightstand and pulled out the small bottle we'd purchased before settling into Talia and Cameron's place. When he popped the cap, I spread my legs, and he pushed one of my knees toward my chest before dipping his head down and taking a taste.

I bit the side of my fist to keep from howling, but it was a damn near thing as his tongue pushed all the way inside. His hand cupped my balls, rolling them gently in his palm, then he curled it around my cock and began to stroke as he sat up and pressed two fingers inside me.

"I'm going to knot you," he said. "I feel it. I can't…I can't stop it."

"I want it," I told him. It was going to hurt, it would threaten to split me in half, but I didn't care. I needed to be full of him. "More. Stretch me more."

He added more lube, and a third finger, and then his fourth. I was thrashing against the bed when his thumb slipped inside, and I swore I couldn't take more before he dribbled more lube and slipped his hand in.

My eyes popped open, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. I had only ever been this full on his knot—and never this aware. The heat had gripped me by the throat, and now I could feel every single inch of his body inside me.

I needed everything.

"Please," I begged, the word garbled and broken, but he seemed to understand.

Gently pulling his hand away, he swiped it on the bed before coating his cock and pressing the head inside. There was no resistance this time, and I wasn't sure if it was the last vestiges of the Omega in me accommodating my Alpha, or his skill at stretching me wide, but it didn't matter.

What mattered was the moment was perfect. What mattered was that I could feel him—not just inside my body, but inside my soul. I blinked, and in the dark, I could see the faint glowing bond wrapping around us once more. It was weak, flickering in and out, but I was desperate to keep it this time.

"Please," I murmured as he began to thrust. I could feel the base of his dick swelling, pushing against me. "Zane, I need you."

"I'm right here," he said. He pressed a palm to my cheek, and I met his gaze.

"No," I told him. I turned my head and bared my neck to him. "Don't you see it?"

He was silent for a long time, but I felt the pressure inside me increase as he grew. His arms began to shake, and the bigger he got, the more locked inside me. He grazed my prostate with his next thrust, and pleasure shot through my limbs so intense, I saw stars.

"I see it," he finally said, breathless. "Orion. Orion, are you…"

"I'm sure," I told him. My words trembled in my mouth, and I felt like I was going to die if I didn't feel his fangs sinking into me. My cock throbbed, and I clenched around him. "I need you."

He understood this time. One hand gripped my hip, his thrusts becoming shallow, hard, hitting my prostate as his belly grazed my dick. The friction was unbearable, and I felt my balls tighten as his hot breath ghosted over my neck.

He let out a quiet grunt, and then his knot popped in. Pain and pleasure ripped at me as I lost my breath, and then—before I exploded—his fangs broke the skin.

For a moment, I swore I left my body. It felt like I had become light, and air, and sound. I was formless, waves of pleasure rippling through the room, and then I slammed back into myself. The awareness was almost painful, stretched around his knot, watching blood dribble down his chin as he pulled away.

Our eyes locked, then he leaned in and licked over the wound until I felt my skin start to knit back together. This time it would scar. This time, it would leave something behind that only death could take from us.

"You're mine." I echoed his words against his ear.

He turned my head and claimed me with a kiss, and I tasted salt and blood on his tongue. It was perfect. It was everything we were meant to be.