Chapter 31

Riley

"Okay, this is getting harder and not easier," I say, turning to the side and gazing at the mirror.

Emma and Sam step away from their own mirrors and walk over to mine. We've been dress shopping for two hours now and I still can't make up my mind about what dress to wear. I went to prom last year with a group of friends, but it felt different. When I chose the purple dress I wore, it was more about fun. This time it's about making sure I bring Reign Thorn to his knees.

"I like the red one," Sam replies and points to the dress I previously tried.

Emma points to the black one. "You looked stunning in that one too. I see the problem."

I laugh and side hug each one of my girls before taking a seat on the chair. "I think I'm over this for today. I need a coffee and a break from looking at colors."

"Did Reign give you any ideas about what he wanted? I thought for sure with the way he is, he'd already have it planned." Sam smirks and I give her my middle finger.

"He's over the top in all things except my dress color apparently." I shrug. "It would be more helpful if he was."

Emma sits next to me, in her pastel pink chiffon dress. "It's good to make your own choices too."

I glance at her and chuckle. "Are you talking about college again?" Emma's cheeks tinge pink and I feel a little bad. "I'm okay and happy with my decision, Em. Don't worry about me. And if you are, you could always apply there as well."

Emma huffs and her eyes fill with concern. "I'm just worried that you're going to follow him and what if something bad happens and he turns back into a jerk."

"That could happen anywhere." I shrug my shoulders and try not to sound affected. I love my friends and this decision wasn't easy for me to make.

"As long as you are happy and not just following him because he's demanding it like the All Saints' thing," Sam adds, her voice wavering. She takes my hand in hers and sits across from us.

I don't want to lie to them, but the truth feels so hard to say. "I didn't really have a dream school. Reign has lots of ideas and I know I want to be with him."

"We aren't bashing Reign or you." Emma squeezes my arm. "Just like Sam said, we hope it is your choice too."

"I was surprised when you told us you were following him," Sam adds gently. "Only because things are newer with you guys. The whole being not enemies anymore anyways. He looks at you differently though, so I think it's real."

My throat clogs with emotion and all the worries I had previously pushed down start to rise. "It is. For me anyways. I love him. I think if I didn't go, I'd always wonder what if. I'd rather take the challenge than let it slip through my fingers. Plus, you guys, I just want him."

They nod, and it doesn't feel judgey. More that they are just worried. If it was one of them, I'd feel the same way. Sam and Emma have been with me through everything and they know my ups and downs with Reign. I didn't feel like I needed their approval until this moment, but now hearing their worries, I'm freaked again. I don't think I made the wrong choice. I just hope I didn't miss any other options.

I brought the dress I decided on back to my dad's house, wanting to keep it out of Reign's reach until prom. We have a few more months to go and so many more things are going to be happening between now and then. My schedule is about to get busy with our conference games coming up and the state tournament right after that. Just the idea of being on tv playing hockey is weird for me. Both the boys and girls' All Saints Academy teams have been ranked high in state rankings, earning us each a spot. I never doubted Reign's ability to get there as usual. I never expected to be a Saint and playing in their conference this year is going to be interesting.

"What's on your mind, kid?" my dad asks, sitting across from me at the table. He brought pizza home for us for dinner since I told him I'd be in the area.

"Just the state championship games," I tell him, keeping my voice light. "The future in general, I guess."

He glances up at me and nods slowly before taking a drink of non-alcoholic beer. "I can't believe your senior year is already almost over. You've made too many big changes on me this year, can you give your old man a break soon?"

I laugh and shake my head. "Someone has to keep you on your toes."

He grabs another slice of the pizza. "I am proud of you, Riley, I hope you know that. I know it wasn't easy without your mom and I probably wasn't always the most sound with advice. I just think you grew up great. I'm proud that I get to call you my daughter."

"Do you think I'm making the right choice now too?" I can't help but ask. My dad's eyes search mine and he sighs.

"Reign Thorn is a pain in the ass, but he means well. I truly think he wants the best for you, whether you're a couple or not. He was going to help you get to ASA this year even if you didn't give him another chance. He promised me that."

"I'll be farther away from you in Michigan," I point out, my eyes falling to my lap. I hope he can't read the worry in my eyes.

"You will be. Good thing someone invented cars, buses, and airplanes. Don't worry about me, kid. Just be happy." He shrugs. "And if it's ever too much, you can always have your old room again."

"You're not going to be one of those parents who turns it into something else the minute I leave?" I joke with him and we laugh together.

I feel lighter after talking with my dad. It isn't surprising to me anymore that he took Reign's side about Michigan or the future. Just like All Saints Academy. When they both share the same points, I lose track of what I'm arguing.

By the time I get back to my dorm though, I can feel the pizza I ate starting to rise up my throat. Panic sets in, and I have to sit on the floor in my room and breathe through it. Everyone's opinions, their worried faces, the curiosity of my decision spin and twirl in my mind. I know I made the right choice, but what if? What if it doesn't work out? What if I don't make the team in Michigan and all the planning is for nothing. And if that happens, do I still have any investment besides Reign in Michigan? I haven't really looked at any of their educational programs or majors. I don't need Reign to tell me what to do, but now I'm worried that he'll think I'm not able to make choices and bulldoze over me. What if that makes him fall out of love with me?

All the "what ifs" run in my mind, spiraling my panic attack even more. My stomach clenches and I don't think I can breathe. I just want to be enough. For him. For college. For a future that I can be proud of.

I'm proud of you, kid.

My dad's words from earlier jumble in my brain with all my other worries. I knew I budged too soon before. I should have found a way to explain more to Reign about why I need to do this. I said I wouldn't but will I ever truly know for sure. Without thinking, I grab the applications from the drawer in my desk and place a stamp on each before running out of my dorm and down the walkway to the mailbox. Before I can breathe, or turn my brain off, or even think of Reign, I slip them in the box. I hear them clatter to the bottom with the other mail, knowing there is no way to get them back. It's done.

My chest feels hollow on my way back up to my room. I feel like I broke a promise or tarnished Reign's trust in me. Blood rushes in my veins, the adrenaline finally coming to an end. My heart thumps painfully, knowing I made a mistake, and not being able to fix it. I just…I have to know. And I feel like such a failure because of it.