Chapter 15

The leather of Pip's new lead doesn't cut into my hands as easily as the rope did, and as I sit down in the dining room opposite my brother, I find myself missing the course fibres and the way they could ground me even when faced with impossible situations.

"I'm glad you came," Bastian says, looking genuinely relieved.

"I wasn't aware I had a choice," I respond, picking up the goblet I assume contains blood. I take one sniff of it and then drink. It has the same sweet taste as last night and it goes down easily, far more than I would wish it to. I put the goblet down and make eye contact with my brother.

He sighs. "I know you're angry with me."

"I'm many things," I respond coolly.

"I'm sorry."

I stare at him for a moment, trying to make sense of the apology in light of everything else. "You're sorry?"

"For keeping you in the dark about all of this. I realise now that I should have been more honest with you about what was happening."

"I'm still not entirely sure I understand all of it," I admit.

"What do you want to know?"

"What exactly did you promise Lord Fallmartin?"

Silence hangs between us, and for one moment, I don't think he's going to tell me anything.

"We should eat," he says. "The food is better than any we've ever had."

"I don't care about the food, Bash."

He sighs. "Please, Bea. I did everything I could to make sure you didn't end up dead this morning, don't let it be for nothing."

I nod and look at the spread in front of me. I don't think we've ever had this much food to choose from when it's just been the two of us. I reach out for a slice of bread and put it on my plate while considering what to have next.

"One of Lord Fallmartin's guards approached me a few months ago," Bastian explains as he helps himself to an apple and starts slicing it open. "At first, they insisted that it was only me who was invited up to the castle, but when I learned it would mean that you'd die if I left you, I demanded to speak to Lord Fallmartin."

I raise an eyebrow. "And that worked?" I tear off a piece of bread and hold it out under the table for Pip. She takes it eagerly and finds a spot to lie down with her prize.

He shrugs. "Pretty much. From what he said, he was in need of an heir and here I was, willing to do everything. A daughter isn't so bad either. There's plenty you can do to advance the House."

"Marriage?" There's a bitterness in my voice that I can't keep out. But after several people have mentioned that to me, there's no denying it.

"No," Bastian responds a little too quickly for my liking.

I raise an eyebrow, not entirely certain I believe him. "Then what?"

"Just your cooperation for being part of House Rothorne. That you'd let Lord Fallmartin and I guide you where necessary."

"Sounds a bit like you sold me out so you could be Lord Fallmartin's heir," I say.

Frustration is evident in the set of his jaw. "You have to see it from my point of view. My options were to agree, or for you to die. I didn't want that. Surely you can understand? Wouldn't you have made the same choice in my place?"

I soften a little inside and end up nodding. "Yes, I can understand."

Relief crashes over him. "Thank you. I know I should have told you before, but I couldn't really work out how to. And then I was being given all of these instructions on what we were supposed to do and how we were supposed to behave by Lord Fallmartin's men, and I didn't really know what to do with it all. I didn't mean to hurt you, Bea."

"I believe you," I say. "But what about the woman?"

"What woman?" There's genuine confusion on his face.

I tighten my hand around Pip's lead, but she's too busy chewing on her piece of bread to notice. "The woman you killed last night."

"Oh." His expression is hard to read. He's either ashamed of himself, or ashamed that I'm even asking him the question in the first place. "I had to do that. It was part of the instructions I was given. If anyone sees me as weak, my position as heir becomes untenable and I could die."

"I see." I don't. There are some lines I wouldn't cross in order to stay alive, and that's one of them, but Bastian seems to think differently. And I suppose I can't really blame him. The alternative to all of this is that we'd both be dead this morning. I guess the only difference between what I'm doing, and what Bastian has done, is that someone has ended up dead because of his determination.

"Don't hate me, Bea. Please?" The expression on his face makes it hard to resist.

"I don't hate you," I promise. "But please don't lose yourself. You're not a killer, don't let that change."

"I'm not planning on changing," he responds quickly.

"Good. Then we can put yesterday behind us." It's a lie, but I don't think he can tell that. As much as I want to be able to move on and pretend yesterday didn't happen, I'm not foolish enough to think it's actually going to be possible. There are some things that can't be erased once they've been seen, and what he did last night is one of them.

But I also can't hold that against him forever. I don't condone death, but what's done is done. All I can do now is hope that my trust in my brother isn't misplaced and he won't do anything like that again.

I'm finally able to focus on my breakfast and top the bread with something that looks a bit like the goat cheese one of the farmers sells. I've never had it, but always wanted to try it. I guess now that's a possibility.

I bite into the bread and almost close my eyes at the explosion of flavours. This is so much better than anything I've ever eaten before. And I'm going to make the most of it before something inevitably tears it all away.

Pip pushes her head against my leg, asking me for more food. Despite knowing I shouldn't, I take a piece of ham and feed her it.

"You're not going to be able to do that at dinner tonight," Bastian warns me.

"What's happening tonight?" I ask, tearing off another piece for Pip.

"Family dinner," he says. "To properly welcome us into the House. You'll get to meet Bella's husband."

"Bella has a husband?"

He nods. "Some lord of a minor House. He's not particularly important."

The statement raises several questions, including why Bella was with us last night instead of with her husband, and the fact she's plotting to try and marry Marcus. Perhaps it's something to do with vampire politics that I'm clueless about. Though Eliza did mention a library, perhaps some of the answers I seek might lie there. "Is there anything I'm required for before dinner?" I ask.

Bastian shrugs. "Not as far as I know."

"Then I think I'll go find the library."

"Ah, good. You can't get into much trouble there," he says.

"Mmm." I don't want to agree, because I feel like that would be a lie. I intend to find information in the library that can keep me alive, and hopefully out of this mess of Bastian's making.