Chapter Twenty-Nine

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Riven

Iwas early, though I’d known I would be when I left. I just couldn’t sit around Clayton anymore, slowly going out of my mind. If I’d stayed, I wouldn’t have been able to keep myself from going to Parrish. I’d spent my whole fucking life never feeling truly connected to anyone or anything until I had him, and the thought of losing that was like a slow death, one where I was awake and oriented and knew I was dying.

What kept me going was knowing that if I didn’t do this, they would find a way to frame Parrish for it—if not this, then something else. If there was one thing I cared about, it was being the kind of man who protected what was his, and Parrish was mine.

I parked off to the side of the old, abandoned road, in the middle of nowhere, waiting until the last minute before I had to go in to that meeting and buy a shit ton of heroin. My fingers drummed against the steering wheel as I looked at the warehouse in the distance. It was clearly shut down, part of the building falling apart, the windows boarded up.

Prison wasn’t the only possibility when I got out of my truck. There was a chance that wasn’t what this was about at all, and I wouldn’t walk out alive. I knew that, and in some ways I’d made peace with it. I didn’t much care about myself, but all I could think was, what would happen to Parrish and Grandma if I was dead? If I got caught, this time I would take Rex, Frank, and Bill down with me, but ending up dead was another story.

What about Parrish? You told him you were done with this shit. That you wanted a normal life, and you do.

I shook off those thoughts. I did want a normal life, but what we wanted and what we got weren’t always the same thing.

I looked at the burner phone, not letting myself pick up my real one, knowing if I did, I would call Parrish. If I talked to him, I wouldn’t have the balls to do this because…fuck, I wanted to be with him. He made me want more. Made me look forward to my life, even if it wasn’t a real special one, but I’d get to spend it with him, and that’s what would make it spectacular.

One minute ticked by, then two and three, followed by thirty and sixty. I sat there for what felt like hours, with a weight in my gut and Parrish’s name on my tongue, my heart beating just for him.

He made me feel like I was something, like I could be more, and though I hadn’t admitted it out loud, or hell, even to myself, part of me had started to believe him. If someone like Parrish could love me, maybe I wasn’t completely bad.

You’re falling into the same trap as before, the one Parrish has mostly found a way out of.

I was, wasn’t I? Planning to walk in there to buy a bunch of heroin, with no way to protect myself and knowing whoever was inside would be strapped. Giving them money I didn’t know how the Hunts had even obtained. Knowing what the consequences could be. How was this different from going to prison for Rex like I did before? Taking the fall, protecting them. Because if this didn’t work out and I was the only one who suffered, how could I be the man Grandma needed me to be or the man Parrish deserved from behind bars? Or six feet under? Was I telling myself that I was doing this to protect them, but really, in a fucked-up way, I was still doing it for Rex and Frank?

I thought about the way Parrish smiled at me, the way he treated me like I was something and made me believe it too. The feel of his lips pressed against mine, this man who remembered I liked camping and who slept under the stars with me and took me on dates fucking bowling.

I grinned.

I wanted that.

I wanted to protect it.

I wanted to protect him, but I also wanted to protect us.

And I didn’t want to be responsible for putting heroin into an already crumbling community. I didn’t want to add that to the meth and fentanyl already taking away so many lives.

I didn’t want to be Rex and Frank’s errand boy anymore.

I wanted to be around for the people who loved me.

I shoved the truck door open, stumbling out, inhaling fresh air into my lungs like this was the first time I had been able to breathe since Frank, Rex, Les, and Bill had shown up at my house that night.

What had I been thinking?

Maybe I could call Tom. Maybe there was a way he could help. I hadn’t done anything wrong yet. The idea of being a narc made my gut twist, but not as much as the alternative. Trusting wasn’t something I came by easily, and I wasn’t even sure I trusted Tom, but he was the best chance I had.

Reaching into the truck, I grabbed for my cell when I heard the footstep behind me, when the sound of a gun cocking echoed through my head.

“You were gonna pussy out, weren’t you?” Rex said.

I closed my eyes, knowing this was it. This was really what they wanted, wasn’t it? There was no deal, and if there was, I’d somehow end up a casualty of that—ex-con dead in a drug deal gone wrong. My grandma would think I’d gotten into dirty shit again. To others, I would just be another criminal getting what I deserved.

“Frank sent you to do his dirty work?” I asked, turning around. His pupils were wide, making me wonder if he was high.

“Nah, I volunteered for this shit. You know I never really liked you much, right? You were just easy—easy to get to do what we wanted, so fucking needy for attention.”

He kept the handgun trained on me, hate in his sneer, which I couldn’t wrap my head around. There was a time when he’d been my best friend. Was that all a lie, or had the world just turned him into an even uglier person?

“What I don’t get,” Rex went on, “is why everyone loves you so goddamned much. My dad, he used to like you. Considered you a son. Used to call me a fuckup and tell me you got shit done better. He’s awake to those lies now, but I know Bec still wants you, she’s just too scared to actually walk away from me.”

“Maybe if you treated her better, were a good father to your kids, you—”

“Fuck you, Riven! I’m the one in control now. Not you. Not Dad. Not Becca or Parrish or anyone else. Me!” He spit when he spoke, some of it dribbling down his chin. “We get to kill two birds with one stone today. Dad gets the drugs, I get to kill you, everyone is happy—well, except my little brother. This is gonna break his heart. It’ll be fun.”

“You leave Parrish the hell alone,” I warned, my voice cold.

“Or what? You’ll be dead. There’s nothing you can do about it. Jesus, Riven, what happened to you? You used to have a backbone. How long were you sitting in this truck, afraid to take care of business? I told Dad you wouldn’t go through with it. Where were you gonna go? Who were you gonna call?”

“That doesn’t matter, does it?” I said, holding my hands where he could see them. “I don’t care what you do to me, Rex, but don’t hurt them. If you ever gave a shit about me at all, leave Parrish and Grandma alone. Just let them live…let Becca go too. Parrish will take care of her and the kids. Let them get out of this shitty life we didn’t have a chance to escape from.”

“Fuck you. I can take care of my own girlfriend and kids. I don’t need Parrish to do shit for me!”

“It’s not for you. It’s for them. Can’t you see that?”

A flash of movement caught in my periphery. Before I had the chance to say anything or do anything about it, Parrish was running out from the woods, his body crashing into Rex’s, the two of them tumbling to the ground.

My heart lurched into my throat, or hell, maybe it had exploded in my chest. How in the fuck had he known where to find us? What was he doing here?

The world muted, dulled around me, except for the two of them, the time going too fast and too slow at the same time.

The curses.

The fighting for the gun.

The deafening sound of the shot echoing around us.

My legs giving out.

Parrish?

No, my heart hadn’t exploded before because now it was breaking into a million pieces.

Parrish?

Blood mixing with the dirt, Parrish on top of Rex.

No. No, no, no, no.

“Parrish?” I managed to grit out as I crawled to him, rolling him off Rex, hoping, praying.

Red bloomed all over his white T-shirt. “Baby? Parrish.” Tears blurred my vision, visceral pain shooting off like a lightning storm inside me. I lifted his shirt, frantically checking him for wounds, just as the sound of Rex choking on blood met my ears.

“It’s not me… I’m not hit… I shot him… The gun just went off. I didn’t mean to shoot him. I just didn’t want him to hurt you.”

For me. He had done this for me.

Parrish had shot his own brother to protect me.

This was worth my going to prison before—and again. Sacrificing myself for him. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. We can tell them I did it. Maybe we can get him help.” That wouldn’t stop Parrish from having to live with this, but I damn sure wasn’t letting him get into any trouble for it.

I went to stand to go for my phone, but Parrish grabbed my arm, not letting me move. Rex was still gurgling on blood beside us, his breathing coming out in short, panting sounds. “He was going to kill you. They set all this in motion to murder you. That was their plan. He would have killed me, or hurt Betsy if he had to. He’s terrible to Becca. Those kids are better off without him.”

We were all better off without him. That’s what Parrish was saying, and I agreed. I didn’t care about Rex. That probably made me a bad man, but I’d always thought I was a bad man anyway. What I did care about was Parrish. “I don’t want this for you. I tried to protect you from our lives, and now you’re here because of me. Because of my stupid fucking decision.”

Parrish didn’t take his eyes off me when Rex choked again, making a deeper gurgling noise, spitting and choking on blood. He’d been shot in the stomach. He was dying. He would likely die regardless of what we did.

“You tried to take all my burdens as a kid. You took the burden of being a thief so I didn’t have to. You tried to protect me from drugs and all the other shit. I don’t care if he dies, and I like being the one to protect you this time. You’ve risked so much, Riv…risked yourself for me, for Rex, for Betsy, risked yourself today, going down for it all—hell, you even risked your heart when you fell in love with me. This time we risk the fall together.”

He was right. Neither of us was perfect. Some wouldn’t even call us good men, but we loved each other well. We were perfect together, and we would figure it out together. For the first time in my life, I didn’t want to be alone. Yes, I would do what I had to do to protect him. I wouldn’t let him go down for this, but our lives were better without Rex in it. Becca’s life was. Those girls’ lives were, so I couldn’t let Parrish feel guilty for what happened today. Neither of us should.

“This isn’t your fault. I’m so fucking sorry I messed up. I wasn’t going to do it. I need you to know I—”

“Shh. I don’t care, Riv. I know who you are inside, and I love you for being that man.”

“I love you too.”

Rex took what would be his last breath and went still. Maybe there should have been more remorse—maybe we were wrong for that—but I couldn’t find any for Rex inside me. Parrish? Yes. The girls? In some ways yes too because they wouldn’t have a father, but Rex would have never been the man they deserved.

Parrish gave me a small nod, and we stood up and walked away.

I took the money from the truck, set it beside Rex, right in the blood, which would spread all over it.

When I got back to Parrish, I took his mouth, tasting sweat on his skin, and his fear, and love on his tongue. Today was devastating. We would never forget it. But we would always have each other to lean on, to hold us up. We would keep each other safe. “How…”

“Becca told me where you were headed, and then I got a call from Betsy. She realized that since the two of you are on the same cell plan, she could track your location. The drugs are in Smithfield. That’s where Dad and Uncle Bill are. Becca called the cops on them. She’s been recording their phone calls.” Parrish finished telling me everything he knew. Damn. Becca was on our side. She was fighting for a better life for herself and her kids. “Hopefully they go down for the drugs.”

I nodded, not having a whole lot of faith in the system, but praying to be wrong.

I didn’t know what would happen next. Maybe they wouldn’t believe our story, but whatever happened, I knew we would face it together.