Chapter Two

CHAPTER TWO

Parrish

“Ineed to borrow some money,” my brother, Rex, told me. It wasn’t a question. Most of the time, it never was. He was used to getting his way because most people were scared of him, but I wasn’t.

“Fuck off.” I went into my living room and sat on the couch. Rex came in like I knew he would, his friend Les with him.

“Come on, man. You know I’m good for it.”

“If you’re good for it, why do you always need money? And why do you never pay me back?” He made more than I did. Sure, not legally, but he did, yet he was always asking for something, and half the time I ended up giving it to him. How could I not when he had a girlfriend and two young girls he took shit care of?

“Stop being such an asshole. It’s fifty dollars. Becca is on my case, and I need to bring diapers and food home.”

Fuck my life. That got me right there. I couldn’t not give him money if it was for my nieces. What kind of asshole would do that? Still, I should probably take him out to buy the diapers. It wasn’t as if I could trust him.

When I didn’t answer right away, Rex added, “Les will let you suck his dick.”

I’d come out a few years ago, and while I hadn’t had to deal with a lot of homophobia, I did get dumbass shit like that.

“The hell I will!” Les replied.

“Like I would want to. I don’t have to pay for it.” Sure, there might not be a huge, thriving queer population in Clayton, but I did all right. I was able to get mine when I felt like it—mostly in Bedford, which was about thirty minutes away.

That was just Rex being an asshole, though. He tried to say things to get under people’s skin, to exert power over them and make them squirm. It was something I’d been dealing with my whole life. When I was younger, it worked. I hung on Dad’s and Rex’s every word. There was nothing I wanted more than to impress them, even when I knew the shit they were doing wasn’t on the level. I’d done my share of things I regretted in the name of fitting in with them, but that wasn’t the case anymore. Once Riven, my brother’s best friend, went to prison, that had been a wake-up call for me. “I’ll meet you at the store and buy you the food and diapers.”

“Fuck off, Parrish.” When I didn’t move, didn’t change my mind, he added, “Why you being such a bitch?”

Why was he thirty-one and still couldn’t get his shit together? I knew it wasn’t always easy to make ends meet. I struggled with that myself around here. There weren’t a lot of high-paying jobs, even if you went to college, and even less when you hadn’t, like us. But most of Rex’s issues were self-made, or Dad-made. He and Rex were tight, cut from the same cloth, and I’d never been good enough for them. Dad didn’t bother with me anymore.

“That’s my offer. Take it or leave it.”

“Fuck you, man.” Rex and Les stormed out, not even bothering to close the door behind them.

“Jesus.” I rubbed a hand over my face. I didn’t wonder anymore why this was my life because it was all I knew; it was all the people who lived here knew. It had always been bad, but then meth had torn through Southern Oregon, leaving it even worse. Now there was a little bit of everything on the streets.

Plucking my phone off the coffee table, I sent Becca a text asking if she needed groceries and diapers. She tried hard, but being in a relationship with my brother didn’t make life easy on her. When they’d first gotten together, I’d tried to talk her out of it, tried to tell her what a mistake it was, but she hadn’t listened, and now she was two daughters deep and tied to our family.

That wasn’t to say Becca was perfect. She didn’t always make the best decisions either, but she loved her girls and wanted to take care of them.

Becca:Yes. I’m sorry we had to ask. I’ll make sure to pay you back.

Shit. So Rex had been telling the truth. The thing was, it being true didn’t mean that if I’d given him that money, he would have spent it on his family. He was too easily distracted by thoughts of himself.

Me:I’m gonna head to the store. Text me a list of what you need, and don’t worry about the money. You’re family.

Becca:Thank you. I appreciate you so much.

And that right there was exactly why I hadn’t tried to leave Clayton. Bec and the girls needed me. She’d become my best friend, and there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for them.

I locked up and drove to the one and only grocery store in town. Going down the list, I grabbed everything Becca needed, along with some extras I knew they liked. Even though money was tight for me, it was more important that they had what they needed.

There was one person ahead of me, so I scrolled on my phone while waiting for my turn. When there was space, I began putting the groceries on the belt.

Sarah was working the register. She was two years older than me, Rex’s age, but actually had her shit together. She’d married a guy from out of town and had moved back, though I didn’t know why anyone would do that.

“How you doing, Parrish?” she asked when it was my turn.

“Good. How about you?”

She rambled on for a moment, then eyed the diapers. “You’re a good brother.”

I scoffed because I didn’t feel like I was anything special. My nieces shouldn’t suffer because their dad was a jackass.

“Did you hear the news?” When I cocked a brow at her, she continued, “Riven McKenna is back. He got out and moved home with his grandma.”

My gaze shot to hers, pulse pounding in my ears. Of all the things she could have said, that’s what I’d least expected. I didn’t know why. Eventually he had to get out, and it was clearly about that time, but shit…Riven was back? I didn’t think he would have stepped foot in this town again.

“Good for him,” I said, though having Riven back was the last thing I wanted. My brother had this way of controlling people. He did it to Becca, to Les, and he’d done it with Riven too. He and Riven got in a lot of trouble together, both always trying to one-up the other. Riven being back was bad news for Rex. They fed off each other, found trouble together, and unlike with people like Les, Rex always tried to prove himself with Riven, which made him do dumber shit.

I didn’t say much the rest of the time Sarah checked me out. If she noticed I was off or quieter, she didn’t say anything.

I put the bags in the cab of my truck and climbed into the driver’s seat.

Riven was back. Rex’s right-hand man and my sexual awakening. I’d hated him back then for being close to my dad and Rex, for them pulling him into the fold and trusting him with shit they didn’t do with me, but a part of me had wanted him too, wanted to believe there was more to Riven despite appearances, but that was my dick thinking for me. I went from idolizing him, to wanting to know what his mouth felt like on mine, to hating him because he was no better than Rex.

He’d killed a man, for Christ’s sake.

My truck rumbled to life, and I drove directly to Becca and Rex’s. They lived a little outside of town, where trees separated the houses down long driveways. Having neighbors too close was likely to get you into trouble.

Rex’s car wasn’t there, of course, him and Les out doing whatever the hell it was they did, probably already forgetting about his kids’ needs.

I loaded my arms with bags so I didn’t have to make more than one trip. The front door was open, just the screen door closed. The sound of cartoons drifted from inside.

“I’m here,” I called out, wondering why they had the door open. It was June and hot already.

“Uncle Parrish!” Lainey came running and opened the door for me. She was five, and Sophie was a little over two.

“Hey, kiddo.” She wrapped her little arms around me, even though I couldn’t hug her back with all the bags in my arms. “Where’s your mama?”

“Right here,” Bec answered, sticking her head around the corner from the kitchen. Her auburn hair was messy, in a knot on top of her head, and she looked tired, with dark circles beneath her eyes.

“I’m gonna talk to your mama for a minute. Why don’t you go hang out with Sophie? I’ll come see you guys in a few.”

“Okay!” Lainey replied with a bright smile I never wanted to see her lose.

Becca grabbed some of the bags out of my arms, and we went into the kitchen and set them on the counter. “Diapers are still in the truck. I’ll go back for those before I leave.”

“Thank you again, Parrish. It’s embarrassing that we always need your help like this. I don’t know what we would do without you.”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed. I’m embarrassed my brother is such a fuckup.” She started to put the groceries away, and I tried to figure out how to tell her Riven was back. Not only was him and Rex spending time together a worry, but she’d been in love with him. She’d confessed it to me when she’d been drunk one night—hated herself for cheating on him with Rex, but she said she’d felt Riven pulling away. It wasn’t an excuse, and cheating wasn’t okay, but Bec was a product of her environment, just like the rest of us. She grew up with a mom who didn’t believe in herself, who thought her worth lay in having a man, and poor Bec was the same.

“Do you know where Rex is?” she asked.

“No. He left with Les right before I texted you.”

“I think he’s cheating on me.” She didn’t look my way.

“Shit. I’m sorry. You deserve better.”

“Do I, though?” Bec countered. “What the fuck do I do to give us a better life? I can’t hold down a job. You have to buy us food. I cheated on Riven with Rex. I’m just as big a piece of shit as Rex is.”

“You deserve better,” I reiterated, and then knowing this was the best opening I’d get, I said, “he’s back. Riven is back.”

She stopped, her back to me, without moving. “Riv?”

“Yeah.”

Becca whipped around. “How do you know? Did you see him? Does Rex know?”

“Sarah told me just now. I haven’t seen him, and I have no idea if Rex knows.”

“Oh God.” Her eyes darted toward the living room. We were speaking softly so the girls wouldn’t hear us, but still. “He’s gonna hate me. I dropped him the second he got locked up. And Lainey…he’ll know I cheated…”

“He’s trouble, Bec. It don’t matter if he hates you or not. You need to stay away from him, and so does Rex. You guys have two little girls to think about.”

“I know. I wouldn’t… I don’t want… It’s complicated.”

I sighed. Why did everything have to be such a mess all the time? Why couldn’t it ever be easy? “I know, but that was a long time ago. You don’t know him anymore. And even if you did leave my shithead brother—which I’ll one hundred percent help you do when you’re ready—Riven McKenna isn’t a better option. He killed someone.”

“He said he didn’t mean to.”

“Yeah, well, how many things does Rex say he’s sorry he did or that he didn’t mean to do? That doesn’t change the outcome.”

“I know. I just didn’t expect to hear that.”

“Come here.” I gave her a hug, hating this life for her, for those two kids in the next room. Becca had an aunt in Washington State, and I wished she would get in contact with her. Becca wouldn’t because she was stubborn. They’d had a falling out because Becca’s mom was a real piece of work and hadn’t liked it when her sister tried to help her. That had bled into Becca, thinking the aunt was judgmental, and maybe she was, but Bec would never know if she didn’t try.

She hugged me back, before Lainey came running into the kitchen. “You gonna come play with us now?”

Becca pulled back. “Go. I’ll take care of this in here, and then I’ll come and color with you guys.”

I nodded, knowing she needed time alone.

I played with Lainey and Sophie, and about half an hour later Becca joined us, and then the four of us played Barbies before I helped Bec cook dinner.

When I left at eight, Lainey hugged me, and I kissed Sophie’s chubby cheeks, wishing like hell for a better life for them.