Chapter Twenty-Six

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Parrish

“Ouch! Motherfucker!” The hammer clattered to the ground as Riven shook his hand. He kicked the tool across the floor of the house, giving me his back as he walked away.

For what was likely the hundredth time over the past week, I frowned when it came to something he did. I couldn’t explain exactly what it was, but he’d been on edge since we’d gone bowling. I thought the evening was perfect, and from what I could tell, he had too, but when I’d woken up the next morning, he was distracted and distant.

Wayne looked in my direction, and I shook off his concern before following Riven.

“You okay?” I asked when we were outside and standing beneath a tree.

“Yep,” was all he said before lighting a cigarette. That was something else that was different. He’d been smoking like a chimney lately.

“Is that all I’m going to get?”

“I hit my finger with a hammer, and I’m fine. I don’t know what else you expect me to say.”

I sighed. This had been the extent of our conversation for days. Riven was always a man of few words, but not like this. “Did I do something wrong? Is this about Friday night? Was it too much?”

He dropped his head back, showing me his neck, and I watched as he swallowed a lump there. “Shit. No. It’s not you. I just have stuff on my mind.”

“Like what?” I stepped closer.

“Nothing.”

“You can’t have it both ways. You can’t have both nothing and stuff on your mind.”

“It’s not you,” he reiterated. “Sometimes I feel like you’re the only reason I’m hanging on.”

Hearing that made the best kind of warmth flood through me, knowing that I was giving Riven something he needed. “Hey, we’re okay. You’re okay.” I went to him, wrapped my arms around him, and kissed his sweaty neck. “Nothing has happened. My family is leaving us alone. Let’s not dwell on the negative until there’s a specific threat chasing us down. We’ll enjoy the downtime until we don’t have a choice.”

He stiffened at the mention of them, which made me want to fucking kill my dad and Rex. He was worried about what they would do, we both were, but Riven wore his stress like his skin.

“As long as we stick together, we’ll be fine.”

Riven nodded, then pulled away. “You should go back in there. I’ll finish this cigarette and meet you.”

“How’s your finger?” I reached for his hand, but he shook off my concern.

“It’s nothing. Really.” But it felt like he was talking about more than his finger. And it didn’t feel like nothing.

“Is he all right? Did something happen?” Wayne asked when I got back inside.

I didn’t know if he was all right, but I wasn’t telling Wayne that. “It’s all good.”

But something in the back of my mind was telling me it wasn’t good at all.

*

I woke upin the middle of the night to find that Riven wasn’t in bed with me. That wasn’t abnormal because of his insomnia, but the heaviness in my chest was different.

I got out of bed, went to the door, and pulled it open, expecting to see Riven sitting there chain-smoking again. “Riv?” I called softly. When he didn’t respond, I went out onto the concrete and looked around. “Riven?” Only the sound of the woods greeted me, which increased the heavy thump of my heart.

My gaze found Betsy’s house, quiet and dark. Somehow, I knew he wasn’t there, like I would have felt him if he were.

I rushed back inside, tugged on a pair of shorts and my shoes, then ran toward the woods. “Riven!” I called out again, trying to silence all the what-if stories racing through my head. What if he was hurt? What if he was with my family? What in the hell would possess Riven to sneak out in the middle of the night? Whatever it was, it couldn’t be good.

I used the flashlight on my phone, wishing I had a brighter one, feet crunching the leaves while I called his name over and over and over again. Each step I took, each time I said his name, my heart sank deeper, the tightness in my limbs intensifying. Logically, I knew I had been looking for him for maybe five minutes, but it felt like a lifetime, like each second I lived a hundred lives.

“Riven!” broke free from my mouth again, in an almost strangled cry, when I saw a light coming toward me.

“Parrish?” My name sounded like a question, like he couldn’t figure out what I was doing out there, when he was the one who’d disappeared without a word.

“What the fuck are you doing out here in the middle of the night? Jesus, I was worried sick,” I snapped, anger overtaking my worry.

“I went for a walk. It’s not a big deal.” He started toward the house as if this was completely normal.

“You went for a walk in the woods at two in the morning? And you didn’t bother to tell me or seem to understand why that would scare the shit out of me if I woke up?”

“I didn’t mean to worry you, but as you can see, I’m fine. You’re making a big deal out of nothing.” He took a step, and when I didn’t follow, he said, “Let’s go.”

“Oh, now you want to be home? Maybe I want to go for a walk too.” I couldn’t decide if I was blowing this out of proportion or not. The walk was one thing, but it was his attitude about it all that pissed me off.

“Let’s go home, Parrish.”

I pushed past him, back toward the house. Neither of us said a word, my anger seething beneath the surface with each step we took. The second we made it to the clearing around Betsy’s property, I turned on him. “What is your problem lately?”

“It’s late. I don’t want to do this tonight.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t want to take a hike through the woods in the middle of the night either.”

“No one asked you to do that!” he shouted. “Maybe I just needed to take a fucking breath without you up my ass all the time.”

His words felt like a punch to the gut. “Yeah, you wouldn’t want someone to give a shit about you, right? It’s a whole lot easier to wallow in the past that way.” I hated myself for the words the moment they cleared my mouth. I wanted nothing more than to take them back, to go back in time and not have said them. “Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I know you’ve been through a lot and—”

“I think you should go.” Riven went toward his apartment.

“Riven. I’m sorry. That was a low blow. I just… Something’s going on with you. I can feel it.” Feel him pulling away from me.

He tugged his cap off and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m not used to this, having someone there all the time, having to tell them when I can’t sleep and want to go for a walk. I need some space to breathe. We’re together twenty-four seven.”

I swear his words crushed my heart, like a booted foot was on it, grinding it into the dirt. “Riv…you want me to go?”

“I don’t… I can’t…” He paced in front of the house, agitation rolling off him. “I want you. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my whole fucking life. I just gotta sort through some things.”

I couldn’t pretend the words didn’t hurt, that they weren’t the complete opposite of what I would have said. “We’re supposed to be in this together. You’re holding back, and I don’t understand why.”

Without another word, I went into the apartment. Riven didn’t follow me as I dressed the rest of the way and grabbed a bag of my things.

He was outside smoking when I left, didn’t say a word when I stopped to look at him. With a sigh, I got into my truck and drove away.