46. Pallas

Jun settled me on our bed, the soft surface trying to envelop me. I wished it would swallow me whole. I'd always been so weak. I thought I had come so far and claimed something of myself back, but as soon as I met any resistance, I crumbled.

"Pallas, it's alright, I'm here." Jun gently held my hands.

"But you won't always be."

"What—""What—"

"Do you remember when I was first teaching you about your magic? We were in the gardens, and you were singing so beautifully that a flock of birds came to join us, all singing in harmony with you. You smiled so brightly. Even though the night before…" I wouldn't say it. "But still you glowed, your soul beautiful and true. You smiled at me and laughed as the birds landed in my hair. Even though I was worthless."

Jungave me a very concerned look like I was mad. "Pallas, you're not—"

"I knew then that you were precious. ThatI need to get you out of that place. I knew it in the very depths of my heart. But still, I stood by and did nothing.

"You saved me. You helped Tori free me."

"No, don't you see? It was you who saved me."

Hegave me a quizzical look but moved closer, laying his hand on my own. It was a gentle encouragement to go on.

"I'm weak. No, don't say anything. I know it's true. For five hundred years, I did nothing. I saw others suffer and did nothing. I saw myself suffer and did nothing. My own pain. It was never enough to make me strong, only enough to break me. But then I met you, and I knew… I knew what I had to do. I'm sorry it took me so long to help you. I could have prevented so much of your pain if I hadn't been such a coward."

Tearswere streaming down my face again. Everything that happened to him, I could have stopped. I was pathetic, worthless, and weak.

Awarm thumb rubbed across my cheeks, wiping the tears away. I looked up from my lap to see Jun's beautiful slate-colored eyes shimmering with his own tears.

"I love you, Pallas. AndI forgive you." That broke something inside me. The walls of ice I'd kept up for centuries cracked and melted, flowing out of me as I sobbed and wheezed. Tears and snot pooled on the shoulder of Jun's fine robes as I pressed my face to him.

"It was me. I made that collar. It was my fault, all my fault."

Hegave me that beautiful, soft smile. "Pallas, I knew you made it. Who else possibly could have? I still love you."

"Don't, please don't. Please hate me. I can't stand it."

Hishand stroked over my hair softly. "Never. I think you do that enough for the both of us. But you don't have to. It's time to forgive yourself."

Icontinued to sob into his shoulder. "Why?"

Hisgrip on me tightened. "I saw you claw yourself out of his grasp. It was small at first. You would kiss me so he wouldn't. You moved your body in between mine and his. I saw how he hurt you for it. ButI saw you grow bolder. We didn't really know each other then, Pallas, but you did that for me. Not all heroics are grand battles and gestures."

Jun'sface grew hard. "I remember the night that I knew..." His hands shook, but he went on. "Hadeon had me performing for his court. Everyone was there, laughing, drinking, and carrying on as if nothing was wrong. As if I and dozens of others weren't enslaved right in front of them."

Hepaused, swallowing hard. "You stood near him, looking like you were part of it all. But your eyes... your eyes were on me the whole time. When he commanded another song, one that I hated, one that always drove me deeper into the darkness, I almost broke down." Jun"s voice dropped to a whisper. "But then, I saw you step forward slightly. It was almost imperceptible to anyone who wasn't watching. ButI was. I always was. You caught his arm and whispered something in his ear. I don't know what you said, but he laughed, that cold, hollow laugh. And then, he changed his mind. Just like that. He chose a different song."

"I remember, I told him that the guests would enjoy something livelier, something to lift their spirits. He didn't care about their spirits, of course, but he cared about his image, about appearing magnanimous and benevolent."

Junnodded slowly, his eyes glistening. "It was a small thing, so you might say it was nothing. But to me, it was everything. You were protecting me, even at the cost of his wrath."

"I had to," I whispered, my voice breaking. "I couldn't stand seeing you in pain, being used like... like I was."

Juncupped my face gently in his hands, his thumbs wiping away the tears that spilled down my cheeks. "And that's when I knew, Pallas. Despite everything, in the midst of that darkness, you were my light. I don"t hate you." His voice was steady and sincere. "I could never. You are one of the bravest people I know. But he knew it, too. That's why he collared me, you know. It was as much to control me as it was to control you."

"So, I failed you again. I couldn't even protect you. I only made it worse."

"None of this was your fault, Pallas. You were trapped just like I was."

"I love you, Jun." I hadn't said those words to anyone except Hadeon since I was a youngling; with him they had become twisted, a plea from me, and ownership from him. But when I said them to Jun, they felt true again.

Henuzzled his face against mine. "I love you too, Pallas." It was true love, but not like in the stories. I didn't want him. We had never been lovers by choice. I don't think he desired that with anyone. But that didn't make it any less valuable, any less strong.

Wecuddled, foreheads pressed together until a soft knock came at the door.

"MayI come in?" Tori sounded the most hesitant I had ever heard her.

"That depends. Are you here to convince me that Abraxas is a good man?"

Sheshook her head. "No, because I won't convince you of that. ButI can promise you that will never happen again." I gave a huff but waved my hand, and she closed the door behind her.

"I'm sorry. You are my guest here, and what Abraxas did was inexcusable."

"Shouldn't he be apologizing to me, then?"

Shenodded. "Yes, but I wasn't sure if you were ready for that." Maybe this princess was starting to understand me.

"Well, I am." I stood swiftly, surprising both her and Jun. "I'm done being a coward."

Shelooked at where my hand was still entwined with Jun's. A smile lit her face. "I'm happy to hear it."