11. Tori

TheLeviathan had considerately left the ship remarkably intact. It was flawless except for a few broken boards and ominously empty living quarters still scattered with the soldiers' personal effects. Avlyn quickly took the helm and began shouting words at Jun, Pallas, and myself. Some of them I even understood.

"Pallas has an excuse, but you two grew up on an island. How do you not know how to sail?" Avlyn questioned us as they bustled around the ship, tying knots and moving the sails.

"We grew up as royalty. I had people to sail for me." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"That is the most spoiled princessy thing I have ever heard you say. AlthoughI remember our journey to Xyr, so maybe I can figure out why you never enjoyed sailing." Avlyn huffed a laugh.

Evenjust the jostling of the ship as we prepared to sail had my stomach lurching. I kept near the railing.

Pallaskept glancing at the dark water below; the color was drained from her face.

"It's not coming back. You can relax," I tried to reassure her.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because it told me."

Pallasand Jun exchanged a glance at that. "I thought Tori didn't have any magic?" My brother directed the question at Pallas.

"She doesn't."

"I'm standing right here, thank you very much. What would you know about my magic?"

Hereyes returned to that dead stare; the color washed out of them. "Hadeon wanted Jun's and your powers. Twins are always born with more magic, or at least they were. He thought maybe your powers just hadn't emerged yet and went to great lengths to get it out of you."

Iremembered my dance with Hadeon and Luxos stabbing Kaleos in that derelict temple. "So, he figured abusing me would awaken it?"

"That's what happened to him." I didn't like what her words implied. They hung in the air a few more moments before she continued, "So, he thought it would work on you as well. But it didn't, so he assumed you were powerless. But you obviously aren't." She looked me up and down.

Juncame over to me and held my hand. "Do you have magic, Tori?"

Myeyes were locked on Pallas. "You've sided with us. But you must trust us as well. You obviously know Hadeon well, maybe better than anyone. What are you to him?"

Shedidn't move. That dead gaze I'd seen in Xyr locked into her eyes.

"HaveI sided with you? Or am I just doing my best to survive? You stole me away from my life, Princess. I owe you nothing."

Igritted my teeth. Why was she being so difficult? She already helped us once, and I didn't have time for her waffling. "Well, if you are so keen on being my enemy, perhaps I'll treat you like one." I grabbed her upper arm, pulling her away from the railing. Her eyes snapped to mine and lost that dull shade. I saw it again, that fierce hunter's look. Good. I shoved her so she crashed into the railing; she flailed to not fall over.

"Tori, stop." Jun's voice cracked, but I didn't stop.

Ipulled vicious and hungry power from the ocean beneath our boat. I let it fill me until my body practically vibrated with it. "Does this look like no power to you, Pallas?" I stalked closer, and her eyes grew wide.

Isaw deep below the fear that she was a cornered and beaten animal that had been subjected to repeated abuse. But deep down, she remained a predator. I wanted her to fight.

So, she did, but not in the way I expected. "You're just like him."

Immediately, my power fled. And like the predator she was, she saw my hesitation and weakness and struck.

"Use your power to control me, Princess. Chain me, imprison me, but don't for one moment pretend you aren't just like them, like every fae who has ever wielded power for their own selfish gains."

Junwas whimpering, looking between us. "Pallas, Tori, please don't—"

"I don't want to control you, Pallas."

"Then you must accept that I will not help you."

Iwanted to rip her stupid, beautiful hair out of her head. I felt rage swirling within my gut like flames, eager to engulf her in them. ButJun was practically vibrating with fear, and I couldn't bear it one moment more. I spun around and walked as far away from Pallas as I could on that small ship.

Mist was allI could see in any direction. It shrouded everything, making our path forward indiscernible. But somehow, Avlyn continued to guide the boat. Rocks would rise out of the sea, but they had already altered the course long before we could see them.

Iclung to the railing, letting the frozen spray from below drench me. It seemed to help calm the fire that danced through my veins. I looked out at the ocean below, tried to find my breath and calm my racing heart. The sun was fading into the horizon like the sea was swallowing it whole. I stared into its fading red light, that deep crimson glow. As it finally disappeared beneath the waves, I thought I saw a flash of green light, vivid and otherworldly, and my heart squeezed tight. I tried to call to Abraxas' flames again, but my mind was still reeling. My chest ached, and I gave up.

Darknessfell on the ship, and I finally turned away from the railing. Pallas was nowhere to be seen.

Avlynstood at the helm of the ship. I offered to take over, but they claimed they wanted to make it to Xyr in one piece, so they responded with a "no, thank you."

"We aren't too far now, Princess. I can stay awake tonight; tomorrow, we should be back home. You get some rest."

Rest, that sounded like a good idea. It seemed calm, but sleep was beyond my grasp. I lay on the deck of the ship, looking up at the starry sky through the riggings, when Jun came and lay down next to me.

"I guess we both can't sleep, huh?"

"I've done enough sleeping for a lifetime." His response was so humorless it broke my heart. I thought of those deep shadows I had seen. I wanted to rid him of them, to rip them out. ButI knew that wasn't possible.

Ilifted his arm and laid my head on his chest, as we had done countless times before. But it didn't feel the same as it once did, and I doubted it ever would again. AsI lay my head down, I felt him flinch as my touch sparked fear.

Imoved to lie beside him, close but not touching. We were silent for a few moments when I felt his pinky intertwine with mine.

Despiteliving together for two hundred years, in just a few months, so much had changed between us. I listened to his heartbeat and felt the squeeze of his finger. For the moment, that was enough.

"Who is she to you, Jun?"

Iwanted to wait, wanted to let him heal slowly and come to me in his own time, but it had become very apparent just how crucial Pallas' knowledge would be.

Iturned to watch his short bangs flutter in the sea breeze. Jun's lips pressed together, and I waited until it felt like the minutes had stretched on for the lifetime of our world.

"She… she was the one who was there for me."

Myheart broke again. It should have been me, but I hadn't been there. PerhapsJun would one day forgive me for that, but I don't know if I could forgive myself.

"I failed you. I should have protected you and kept us together at any cost. ButI swear on the old gods, I won't let that happen again."

Despitethe heaviness of the day, I thought I saw a small twinkle of starlight in his eyes. "You know, oaths like that mean something different now that I know you've got an old god at your side."

Thattightness in my chest grew stronger. I didn't have him. I knew I needed to leave to save him, but it still felt like I was leaving a part of myself behind. A single tear rolled down my cheek, and the silence stretched between Jun and me again. It was so unnatural; I wasn't sure what I hated more.

Thestars twinkled overhead, and the great milky river stretched over the black dome of the sky, gleaming on the moonless night. It was called Maiak in the old language, which meant FinalCrossing, for all souls had to travel the river of stars to pass from our world to whatever lay beyond.

"I read somewhere that the stars grew lonely in their eternity, so they created dragons to share the sky with. They gathered up the ashes of a dying star, and from that, the first dragons were born." I didn't want Jun to stop talking, so I said nothing. "Even though they were killed only a few centuries before we were born, they never seemed real to me. Just another story, something ridiculous the elders believed. I never dreamed I'd see one; I never dreamed a lot of things..."

Hetrailed off, and I could feel the deep sadness in his heart right along with my own. Jun wasn't a fighter. He had always been a creator. Creating amazing art and moving music to bring beauty into the world.

Wewere two different people, but I had no doubt the gods had designed us to complement each other. I couldn't stand that I had been designed to protect him and wasn't there when he needed it most.

"I don't know what the future holds, Jun. ButI promise you this, and not on any god, but on my soul, we will face it together. I can't promise you any more than that, but I will stay by your side, no matter what."

Hemoved just a slight bit closer to me. "I never blamed you for not being there, Tori. I always knew you would come for me. SometimesI just wish…"

Igave his pinky the slightest squeeze for courage. He sighed. "I just wish that I didn't need you. ThatI could have saved myself. You've always been so strong and fearless. I wish I could be like that."

I'dnever heard him voice anything like this, that he wished to be like me. How many nights had I cried myself to sleep as a youngling, wishing I could have been like him? Graceful, beloved, kind, and soft. Not hardened and brutal. Not cast aside for not fitting the mold I was destined for. How trapped we had both been.

"I'm not fearless, Jun. I'm afraid all the time."

"But still, you fight on." He didn't meet my gaze.

"Can't think too hard if you don't stop moving," I quipped. He didn't laugh.

"Tori, what I went through, those few months, it nearly killed me. Pallas has been with him for nearly five hundred years. Try to be gentle with her."

Ithought about that beast I had seen within her, caged and beaten. Scared and hurting in a way that I couldn't truly understand. ButI also thought about her standing at Hadeon's side. She was stone-faced, unyielding as he had collared Jun and hurt him.

"She doesn't look like a victim to me."

"I bet many people would have said the same about you," he remarked. I had nothing to say to that. "I never stood up against father for you, and yet you loved me."

"That's different."

"Is it?" Again, I had nothing to say. "I trust her, Tori. You can trust her, too." At that, Jun rolled on his side, pressing his forehead against my shoulder. It was the lightest touch, but it was enough. The ship bobbed on the waves and lulled me closer to sleep.

"Do you love her, Jun?" He was already asleep. I kissed the top of his head gently and let the ship's rocking finish its job.