Chapter Thirty-Eight

Adrik

I was concerned about Sephie and the Wonder Twins. They’d been very quiet both on the way back to the penthouse and since we’d been back. Sephie refused to show me what they’d all seen. Stephen, to his credit, seemed to be handling it better than those three.

Sephie managed to learn a new trick—she shut me out completely. I could barely feel her, and I couldn’t see anything in her head. I couldn’t even talk to her.

“Okay, I won’t look. I promise. Just please stop whatever it is you’re doing to shut me out,” I said to her as we were all in the kitchen. She still wouldn’t look at me, but she at least let me feel what she was feeling again.

“How did you do that, princess? You’ve never been able to turn everything else off before,” Ivan asked.

“She doesn’t want you knowing what we saw,” Andrei said. Even he looked incredibly troubled. Misha hadn’t said a word in over an hour either. It was likely a record for him.

“I’m not being a shit. You don’t need to see any of it. Trust me,” she said. She looked at Andrei, asking, “What was your idea at the hotel again? We need help getting rid of this. I’m not gonna be able to handle this for very long and you two aren’t either.”

I could feel her anxiety slowly increasing, but I could also feel all of her emotions were just completely out of control. She was fighting hard to keep it as contained as possible, but this was not a battle she would be able to keep up for very long. I pulled her to me, surprised to feel her body shaking. I looked at Andrei, hoping he had a solution for this.

“Please tell me you figured out a solution. We just got rid of the shaking and now it’s back,” I said, my hands rubbing her back lightly, trying to help keep her calm.

Andrei glanced at Viktor, then to Stephen. “I think Viktor is here to help us as much as he is to help other people. If we’re going to be a witness to all the atrocities in the world, we’re going to need help. I think Stephen can help us get rid of it, Viktor can help us heal from it and make sure we’re not vulnerable. I think Stephen gets the worst of it out of all of us, especially if we dump everything on him to get rid of, so I think Viktor needs to concentrate on him first.”

“How did you help Misha get rid of his anger, Stephen? What do you do with it if you don’t send it back to the person?” Ivan asked.

Stephen laughed quietly. “It’s a bit of a process, but I think I can get faster at it. You might think I’m crazy if I explain it in detail.”

“Try us,” I said.

He looked at me, somewhat skeptically, but started to explain. “Emotions are just energy, right? Some of the time, when we struggle with emotions, it’s because they’re stuck in our body. This is why acupuncture works so well, especially for Sephie. It opens all the channels so her emotions can flow freely. It’s what helped her master her control. If your emotions are flowing, you’re feeling them the way you should be feeling them. They’re meant to come and go, not stay. We’re all so used to being stuck, whether it’s in anger, sadness, trauma, whatever, that we feel Sephie and we’re suddenly overwhelmed because her emotions are doing what ours should be. Once again, she’s showing us what we should be doing, instead of what we are doing. She lets her emotions flow through her like water. Just like any body of water, you want to keep it moving. When it stagnates, that’s where the issues come in. When I took Misha’s anger, it wasn’t as much about removing the anger altogether. It was more about removing what was blocking it so it could flow through him once more.” He paused, looking at all of us like he was unsure if he should continue. He inhaled deeply, deciding to continue. “There’s a little more to this level up than any of us realized. I’m not sure if it’s ever going to work with anyone else outside this room, but I just had to touch Misha to figure out why he was struggling with his anger toward Giana. Remove that, everything flows again.”

Sephie, who had her head leaned against my chest, stood up and turned toward Stephen. “Misha saw the younger version of himself that was quick to judge people in Giana and it irritated him.” She immediately looked at Misha, apologizing. “Sometimes I can’t control my mouth.”

He grinned at her. “It’s okay, gazelle. You’re 100 percent right. Stephen didn’t even have to tell me anything when it happened. Whatever he did, I had the sudden realization that’s what it was about all along. I also realized I’m not like that anymore, so I could stop being mad at myself for it. Mostly not like that anymore,” he said, cutting his eyes at all of us, then looking at the floor. We could still easily see his mischievous grin on his face.

“So then, how would Stephen help you with this though? It’s not the same, I don’t think,” Ivan asked.

“I think I have a theory on that one too. And I think Andrei is correct in that this is where Viktor comes in for all of us. Because of the subject matter that none of us were expecting today, you three instinctively tried to protect yourselves and Sephie tried to protect everyone since we’re all connected to her. Essentially, you shut yourselves down to try and feel safe. It’s completely understandable and it’s a completely normal response. I lived that way for years, to be quite honest. I think you’re still shut down, still trying to protect yourselves, which is why you feel like shit and why Sephie doesn’t want us to feel her and doesn’t want anyone in her head right now. The dam needs to be broken, if you will. Then Viktor can repair what was damaged today. I also think before we do this again, you three need a tune-up from him before we go. I think that’ll help next time,” Stephen said.

“What about you though? Did you see everything we gave you today?” Sephie asked.

“I did. I see it each time, but I also think I can recognize that it’s not mine. It might be easier for me since I’m already concentrating on sending everything back to the person. I don’t get stuck like you three have. I think that’s where the problem lies,” Stephen said.

“I think Viktor should fix you anyway,” Sephie said. “You’re not going to be everyone’s dumping ground.”

Viktor, who had been quiet until this point, finally spoke up. “I think Stephen and Andrei are both right. If you’re going to be seeing the worst side of humanity all the time, you’re going to need help. Just like it doesn’t make sense that Stephen would break half the world’s population, I don’t think it makes sense for me to go around fixing half the world’s population either. I don’t like people that much. I think you guys are there for the heavy lifting. I’m there to make sure you’re in top shape to do the heavy lifting.”

Sephie and Stephen looked at each other, then both looked at Viktor. “You still have your own issues that you need Stephen’s help with too. If you help us, he helps you,” Sephie said sternly. She was starting to feel grumpy the longer she carried around whatever it was she got from Battista’s associate today.

Thankfully, Viktor didn’t protest.

“Good. Let’s do this now then. I’m not happy that she feels like she wants to shut me out. Someone make that go away before I get angry,” I said, pulling her against me once more.

Stephen stood in front of me and Sephie. I could feel she was still unsure about letting him help her. She wouldn’t look at him for a few moments. Finally, he said, “I promise it won’t affect me, Seph. I think Viktor can help me get rid of it, in the off chance that it does.”

“Let him try, love. Anything is better than what you’re feeling right now. We all know this isn’t you. We would all like you to come back,” I said.

She finally turned toward Stephen. “What do you need me to do?” she asked.

“Nothing. Just give me your hands. I’ll do the rest,” he said.

She timidly held her hands in front of her for him to take. He smiled at her. “Promise it won’t hurt,” he said, as he took her hands in his.

It didn’t look like anything was happening, but we could all feel what she was feeling. As soon as Stephen grabbed her hands, I could feel the intense pressure. She’d never struggled so much to control her emotions, but Stephen was right. It was because she was trying to contain them, not control them. In trying to prevent them from flowing through her to us, she stopped everything and that was more than any one person should ever try to contain. I could see the small smile on Stephen’s face as he found what he was looking for. Gradually, the pressure decreased, like a pressure release valve being slowly opened.

We could feel her emotions come at us like a tidal wave. One right after the other hit us, wave after wave, crashing into us. But as soon as the emotions hit us, they were gone. What was left was the normal connection I had with her. I could feel everything she was feeling like normal. Stephen said something to her, but I was too busy trying to look in her head to hear it.

“You’re not shutting me out anymore,” I said to her, almost giddy that I could talk to her again. I could hear her laughing in her head, but she looked like she was talking to Stephen and watching him move to Andrei. “Don’t ever do that again,” I said, probably more seriously than I meant to, given her reaction.

She turned toward me, her eyes black, and told me, “I will do it again if it means protecting you from seeing what I had to witness today. There are things in life that no one should ever have to see.” She crossed her arms across her chest, her anger preventing her from coming any closer to me. I wasn’t quite sure, but I could almost swear that even her demon was angry with me at the moment. Something felt different.

Ivan chuckled, having witnessed our silent exchange. He could feel Sephie’s anger and knew I’d likely said something to bring it out. “Stephen fixed her. She’s all spicy and shit again,” Ivan said.

Misha clapped his hands, rubbing his palms together. “Extra-spicy Sephie is my favorite!”

I finally gave in and pulled her to me, whether she wanted me to or not. I didn’t like being cut off from her. As soon as my arms were around her, she silently said, “I hated cutting you off as much as you hated being cut off, but you still didn’t need to feel any of that. Or worse, see it. We’re going to need a warning from Battista next time.”

I could feel a wave of sadness from her. She still had her arms crossed in front of her, so I unfolded them and put her arms around my waist so I could hold her closer. I felt her body start to relax the longer she was in my arms. “ I love you, Sephie.” She sighed, holding me tighter, hiding her face in my chest as I watched Stephen help Misha and Andrei the same way he helped her.

After Stephen was done with Misha, it was Viktor’s turn. Misha asked, “Can you fix all of us at one time? Is there like a limit on how much you can do at once?”

“I don’t think there’s a limit. It’s not really me doing it anyway. Kostya does it. He just uses me when he does,” Viktor said.

“Does it zap you when he uses you though?” Misha asked.

“Not the same way, I don’t think. It doesn’t last nearly as long. I might be tired for twenty minutes, then I feel fine,” he said.

“How do I sign up for that,” Misha said under his breath.

“Can Kostya fix you again after Stephen helps you?” Andrei asked. “Is there a limit to how many times a person can be fixed? I’m looking at you, Misha,” he said, trying not to laugh.

“As far as I know, there’s not a limit. Your aura is a part of you. It’s an extension of your energy field. As long as you’re alive, your aura will be there and will be repairable to some extent. I think you can reach a point where it’s past the point of saving. Like, I’m sure I would’ve been useless for that guy today,” Viktor said.

“Do you want to see what Andrei saw? His aura was almost non-existent,” Sephie said. Viktor hesitated. She turned toward him, moving slightly away from me. “Andrei only sees auras. It’s Ivan who sees demons. I haven’t shown Andrei what Ivan saw yet. You won’t see anything you don’t want to see,” she said. “He can show you, even. Misha can help him, the same way he helped me.”

Viktor was more agreeable to Andrei showing him than Sephie. He really was terrified of our demons. Andrei, however, was much more skeptical that he could show Viktor what he sees than Sephie was.

She laughed quietly at him. “You can show him, Bubba. It’s the same as with everyone else, it just takes a little longer. You need to concentrate a little harder. Do you want a snack first?” she asked, grinning at him.

“I hate you,” Andrei said, walking to Viktor. He couldn’t hide his smile as he walked past her.

“Not me. I love you,” Misha said, wrapping his arms around her and picking her up quickly before joining Andrei and Viktor. Misha was needed for Sephie to show Viktor before, so it was very likely he was also going to be needed for Andrei.

Andrei tried for a few minutes but couldn’t get it through to Viktor. Misha grabbed his hand, giving him the extra boost he needed. It was almost immediate, once Misha helped, that Viktor saw what Andrei could see that afternoon. While they were sharing it with Viktor, Sephie motioned for Stephen to come to her. She grabbed his hand, showing him the same thing that Viktor was seeing. She shared it with me and Ivan at the same time she showed Stephen. There was barely anything to look at. What faint outline we could see was dim and greyish in color, with very dark spots scattered throughout.

“Yeah, someone like him is going to get no benefit from me,” Viktor said. He looked at Sephie like he was slightly unsure. “Honestly, I’m not sure how much I can help you, Sephie. I don’t know how it works with your demon.”

I immediately felt her irritation. I knew it wasn’t her irritation this time. I knew it was her demon. As odd as it seemed to say, we were beginning to be able to tell the difference.

“Does he know that Kostya fixed you once already, love?” I asked her.

“No. And I’m not going to tell him,” she said grumpily. I had to cough to keep from laughing out loud at her response.

“I think you should still try. I think Andrei’s and Stephen’s theory of you being here to help us as much as anyone else makes sense. It wouldn’t be reasonable for you to be here and not be able to help the three of us,” I said. He could tell by my tone that there was going to be no arguing with me.

Viktor simply nodded once, then walked over to Sephie. It was irritating to my demon that Viktor had seemingly rejected it, but it was irritating to me that he seemed like he was still struggling to be around her and that he seemed like he preferred to be disconnected from the rest of us. I wasn’t sure how to handle it from him.

We all watched as he placed his hand on her shoulder. In much the same way as it happened when Misha first showed him his gift, we watched a little white light come down from somewhere above us and land in his hand. He touched Sephie once more, lighting her up. The one hole that we could see when Viktor first touched her filled itself in, making her shine brighter than before.

I could feel her relief as he was helping her. She finally felt calm again. Really, truly calm. Ivan caught my eye while we watched. “Did his reluctance piss you off as much as it did me?” he asked.

“Don’t ask stupid questions.”

“Thought so. Stephen needs to help him get over his aversion to our demons or it’s going to get ugly and I’m not sure it’s going to be us that starts it.”

“I could not agree more. He’s next after he fixes Andrei and Misha. I’ll hold him down if I have to.”

Once Viktor was done with Sephie, she came back to me while he moved on to help Misha and Andrei. Her heart-stopping smile was once again across her face, making the room a little brighter and the rest of us lighter for seeing it.

She looked at me, squinting her eyes as she tucked herself into my side. She glanced over at Ivan as well, analyzing him for a moment.

“Why are you two pissed off?” she asked both of us.

“Viktor’s reluctance to help you,” Ivan said.

“We’re going to make sure that he lets Stephen help him before he leaves tonight. He’s going to have to get over his aversion to us sooner or later,” I said.

“Or it’s not going to be pretty, is it?” she asked.

“Not one bit,” Ivan said.

Sephie was quiet for a moment. She caught Stephen’s eye, motioning him over to us while Viktor was working on the Wonder Twins.

“I have an idea,” she said to us, then she said the same thing out loud to Stephen. She let us watch as she put our conversation into pictures, sending it to Stephen as she held his hand. He understood immediately.

“I just need to touch him to do it,” Stephen said quietly. “I do think he’s scared of you three especially, so maybe let me try to talk him into it. We all noticed his reluctance to help you. It wasn’t just you three.”

As Viktor finished with Misha and Andrei, they both looked much lighter, just as Sephie did. Everything was returning to normal after our afternoon with Battista. Everyone was back to calm as well. The only emotion we could feel other than the peaceful calm was from me and Ivan and our irritation with Viktor.

Stephen looked at Viktor, asking, “Are you ready for your turn now, Viktor?” Viktor hesitated, which made both Ivan and me struggle to restrain ourselves.

“You two either look at the floor or keep your eyes closed. That’s not going to help him,” Sephie told us very firmly. “I can feel your frustration. I understand it, but it’s not helping right now.”

We both exhaled, trying to keep ourselves calm. Andrei and Misha picked up on something going on, feeling our frustration through Sephie. They both joined in with Stephen, trying to help convince Viktor.

“Viktor, you know you’ve been uncomfortable around Sephie since her eyes started going dark. Don’t think we all haven’t noticed you avoiding her,” Andrei said.

“We also know it’s not her that makes you uncomfortable. Why wouldn’t you want help to feel comfortable around her again?” Misha asked.

“You let Kostya help you with your overwhelming sadness, but this fear that you have because of your time in Syria is going to become just as overwhelming to you if you don’t address it. Trust me, man. I know what it’s like to live with more trauma than you can carry. The slightest thing becomes completely overwhelming. Let me help you feel better,” Stephen said. As he was talking, he was slowly taking steps toward Viktor. As he said the last sentence, he casually reached out and touched Viktor’s arm.

It was all he needed to start the process.

“That little shit,” Sephie said to me and Ivan. She was clearly impressed that he’d managed to sneak it in.

Ivan was laughing in his head. “I should’ve known he’d do this. Stephen’s stealth is unparalleled. Can’t believe I doubted him.”

Andrei caught Sephie’s eye from across the room. He was clearly enjoying the fact that Stephen had managed to sneak it in as well. The two of them had a silent conversation. Afterward, she shared it with us.

“Bubba says he’s glad Stephen did this. He didn’t think Viktor was going to let him. He might’ve snooped while Viktor was helping Misha earlier. He said the aversion to us was even bigger than any of us knew. I’m wondering if this is going to piss him off now,” Sephie said. She glanced up at me, revealing her swirling eyes. The white was clearly mixed in with the other colors. She was starting to worry.

When Stephen was done, Viktor looked better for a moment.

Before the anger came out.

“WHAT THE FUCK, MAN! You don’t do that to someone unless they’re willing,” he all but screamed at Stephen.

It immediately sent me and Ivan into offense mode. We both took steps toward Viktor. My anger was quickly rising. I’m sure Ivan’s was too. Sephie caught both of us before we could move any closer to Viktor. One hand on my chest, one hand on Ivan’s chest.

“WAIT. Before you two do something that will damage this relationship further than it already is,” she said. We could hear the urgency in her voice. We could also feel her starting to panic, which didn’t help either of us calm down. She looked up at both of us; her eyes were black, but we could see the white swirling behind it.

We could also clearly see the tears threatening to fall.

I backed off. Ivan did too, once he saw me move back slightly. Sephie turned toward Viktor, but she was looking at the floor for a moment. I knew she was trying to get her eyes to change back. When she looked up at him, we were all hit with a wave of her sadness. This was tearing her up inside.

“Viktor, would you have let Stephen help you if he didn’t sneak up on you?” she asked. He didn’t answer her at first. He looked like he was too angry to answer her. “You don’t have to answer. I know you weren’t going to.” She paused for a moment, trying to keep herself together, but we could all feel the turmoil she was in. She was finally letting herself really feel the pain of him avoiding her, the pain of him rejecting us, his discomfort at being around us. “You’re allowed to feel however you want to feel about us now that you know everything, Viktor. I won’t stop you. I won’t even judge you. I understand it’s a lot to deal with. What hurts me, though, is that you would rather hold on to the pain you’ve been carrying around for years than to get help with it so you can feel good again. You’re choosing pain over us. And it’s not even that I’m hurt that you would choose pain over me, because I’ve been in your life for a very short amount of time. But the fact that you would choose pain over these five men who’ve been through so much with you is a little much for me to bear.”

She didn’t wait for him to respond to her. She turned and walked back to the bedroom, closing the door behind her. We could all feel her fall apart as soon as she was alone. I knew Viktor wasn’t as connected to her as the rest of us, but I found myself wishing he was at this moment so he could feel the pain she was in over this.

“Go to her. We’ll sort this out,” Ivan said. “ Do whatever you need to do to make her happy again. I don’t know how long I can stand her feeling like this without killing him.”